Monday, January 26, 2009

Ulterior Motives

Yes, I had ulterior motives for sendin' him on a booze run.

Little did he know but I had vodka under the cabinet....a hidden reserve.

But we were smokin'.
And we have different ideas about smokin'.

And no it's not weed.
We don't do that.
I would never.
Funny but he admitted to me once that he would!!!
I laughed my ass off....sorta.
I'm still packin' some swing back there.

But for a former officer of the just struck me funny that he would at least try it.
I guess maybe becuz of his strict up bringin' it would be being married to the harlot in the red bra wasn't enough!
His freakin' brother sent a Christmas card the other day to just Roy!!! Nearly 15 frickin' years together and my name isn't on the damn card!!
To me....pot is something that caused a great deal of stress in my parents.
And datin' the drug dealer in high school....well, it just doesn't appeal to me. I can smell it a mile away....never.... will I do it.

Booze....whole other story.....

But the ulterior motives for sendin' that man on a booze run while we smoked.....
We were smokin' pork! God's greatest creation ever!!!
Roy seems to think it needs to reach a certain know all those bad bugs we grew up with that pork carried....trichinosis or some shit.
"It's got to be cooked done!" my granny would tell me.
A few days before we started up the smoker, I said, "I want to have an adult conversation."
He stopped dead in his tracks.
We don't really have adult conversations....their more like bitchin' at each other about life, cats, assholes at the gym, and shoes.
So he was thrown off by that statement. It had worked for him. Remember when we took inventory of the guns??
If you know the rules....things go much smoother.
So while I had his attention, "Honey, I want to smoke some pork how I want to smoke. I wasn't happy with the last batch we did."
I held my breath.
He shrugged his shoulders and went out to get everything ready to smoke MY way.

The day came and I was smokin' that pork, 2 fabulous KC Strips and 2 pieces of salmon. He was busy doin' Roy things....shit that kept him outta my hair.
After 5 hours it was time to check it all....he wouldn't let take it out!!!!
OooooH..... that ain't happenin'!!!
"Honey I need some tequila. BAD!"
He loaded up! Baby needs tequila!!
I pulled that pork outta that smoker and had it in the freezer, french fries and green beans ready to eat before he got back!!!!

Let me tell you that is the best pork country style ribs..... ever!!
That steak was melt in your mouth good.
The salmon....I am very glad he won't eat it!!!

And I got some tequila in my freezer!


Bird said...

ha ha! If that's the kind of smoking you're talking about. . . we smoke chicken around here every other weekend.

Miss Thystle said...

I've never smoked anything. Meat-wise I mean.

Mary Moore said...

I've only smoked a whole pack of cigarettes once, and then proceeded to be very very sick.

I also use liquid smoke...once. Does that count?

♥georgie♥ said...

I LOVE our smoker....I like a dry rub on my pork, not sawyer and I do not see eye on rubs...great now I wanna smoke a big ol piece of pork but we got freezing rain on the way

MizAngie said...

Thanks to you, both of you will end up with itchy buttholes from the pork worms. Ha! I'm like Roy - anytime we had porkchops or any pork it was always either boiled to pieces or cooked into pork leather strips. The thought of those worms just turns my stomach. Blech.

BigAssBelle said...

those little worms . . . we were scared to death of them as i was growing up. now folks tell me they aren't even in the pork anymore. wtf? it's like everything else. it's one way, then the other.

as for smoking pork, i sure wish i could smoke anything. i've always wanted to, can't stick with anything, it seems, for five hours or more.

found you on the okie blog awards. happy :-)