Thursday, December 31, 2009
I didn't mind being stuck there with her. But when he came home, it was just a matter of time before I was ready to go home. Blizzard or not!
After havin' to hear him bitchin' about the newspaper and how I didn't know how to figure out the water faucet in the kitchen, I got dressed to go out in the snow. I thought I could clean off the front step.... score some brownie points...We couldn't open the door.
Which meant I had to find a shovel.
"I don't have a shovel. Bo took it."
I just shook my head.
All of them??
I decided to look in the other garage....he has 2....stuff full of junk.
And yet all of the stuff he has, Bub took all his shovels.
But to open the garage I have to get into my granny's van for the garage door opener.
The keys to it are in her purse.
Which is in my car.
Which frozen shut.
You ask why is her purse in my car?
It was the safest place on the whole property that my StupidCousins and her children couldn't get into....I try to protect G&G as best I can though they just give it all away to her anyway.
So I can't shovel the snow off the front step.
I decided to wait a couple of hours.....and listen to him bitch about the newspaper.
My sister called, "I'm comin' to get you!"
I got my shit together!
But I made the mistake of askin' Granny if I could use her coat.
"Where's your coat?" Grandpa asked... Like I would take her coat and never return it!!
"It's locked in my car."
"Well, I think it's sat there long enough in the sun that you could get it open."
Really You Think.
I was pissed!!
Look back at that photo.....the side with the sun on it, has a snow drift half way up the door....just like his front frickin' door!!
The side with the ice all over it was not in the sun.
I was pissed!
"Oh Really! You just watch!" I threw on his coat, his boots and stomped out there and tried to open the passenger door.... it didn't open.
And I stomped back in the house. "See! Frozen!!"
"You should have tried the Driver's door!"Like I'm stupid!!
I'm tryin' really hard not to scream but to maintain a level voice with him.
"The driver's door has snow up against it just like your front door. I can not get into my car and get my coat out."
My sister picked me up and took me to my mother's house. The roads were bad!! I didn't care. I didn't want to be with HIM another minute!
I called Roy.
"Come and Get Me!!"
He said, "You knew it was gonna be that way. Tough it out."
"I will not! YOU COME AND GET ME! IF I HAVE TO WALK HOME I WILL!"
He couldn't get out of the driveway right that second so I did spent the night with my mother.
The day after Christmas he trudge thru the snow and ice to drive 75miles, it took him 3hours...it normally takes me an hour to do it....to pick me up at my mom's.
So while I'm at Mom's, Granny calls my sister, "Where's my purse? I need Grandpa's inhaler."
OH Fuck And Shit!!!!
"Granny, it's not in there. When I went thru your purse, I didn't see it."
Thank God For RubyJune!!!
"Sister, where's Granny's purse?"
OH FUCK AND SHIT!!!
"It's in my car."
Ain't nobody gettin' in that car!!
Granny said, "why did she put it in her car?"
RubyJune said, "StupidCousin!"
RubyJune said to me, she could hear Grandpa in the background bitchin' about it all and he was pissed!!
"Tell her, he has Inhaler in on the shelf with the rest of his meds. I saw one there."
"Oh No that's not the one."
RubyJune just hung up.
There nothing we can do....we can't get in the car.
And she knew there wasn't an inhaler in that purse.
I fretted about it all day. I just could not have any fun knowin' he was gonna lay into me when I went back over there. I just can't deal with him. I refuse to do it!
When my brother left, I gave him my keys so he could try to get in my car and get the purse out.
Gave Granny the purse.
The inhaler wasn't in it.
It was on the shelf in the kitchen.
I hope he sat there fumin' all day long and all he had to do was go look in the kitchen like I said.
If I sat at home and was snowed in with Roy, I would have wanted to be with Granny if she was going to be alone.
I had to go.
I will never do that again.
And they can't make me!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
But when I go home and go thru the photo albums, it all comes back up to the front.
Granny and Grandpa are my daddy's people. I'm not all that close to my mom's family. I grew up in my granny and grandpa's house. When my mother left us to go live an alternative lifestyle, Daddy had custody of us kids, but we lived with Granny and Grandpa becuz of Daddy's work schedule.
When I was born, I was the first grandchild for G&G....I was also the first born Great Granddaughter to my grandpa's mom. She lived about 300 yards from us and played a big part in my raisin'....big! HUGE!
Well, becuz I was the first, I HUNG THE MOON!
I was a little princess.
I had my daddy wrapped around my little finger....and did until he died.
I have that magazine he was readin'. I'm a hoarder.
And I had my grandpa in my hip pocket.
I saw that in the photos I found.
There was one of Daddy, Grandpa, and me workin' on the bull dozer.....I love that one!!
It all came undone when my stupid cousin was born when I was 31/2 years old. My grandpa slipped out of my pocket and he literally pushed me aside for my stupid cousin!
NO more Pepsi, no more ice cream with tooty fruity, Her fat ass was in my place.
I was totally ignored by him. I can remember sittin' behind the cars in the driveway hopin' to get backed over becuz I wanted to die.... AT 4!!
Let me make this VERY clear, there is nothing wrong with StupidCousin mentally....I just hate her.
I know you're not supposed to hate people but you can hang a $5 dollar words on it like loathe, disdain, and contempt but it all boils down to I HATE HER!
As a kid, I hated her with every fiber of my being.
And it's all Grandpa's fault.
His favoritism knew no bounds when it came to StupidCousin. He was unfair in his treatment of the rest of HIS grandchildren... we didn't exist except as an annoyance to my stupid cousin. If we did anything that caused her to cry we were punished.
The only 2 times he spanked me was over her.
I was older than her.
I shouldn't have to go to bed first.
He was being unfair.
But at age 6 I didn't have enough stroke to make him see it my way. Off came the belt and I was whipped and then sent to bed with that stupid cousin smilin' the whole time.
That didn't sit well with Granny. She could see that he was being unfair with me. And she got in the middle of him. That was the last time he ever spanked me. But the damage was done. StupidCousin, knew how to work him.
As we grew up, she was worse. I didn't have do much to get in trouble and have him verbally beat me. Daddy stepped up. Those two went round and round many times over Grandpa's treatment of the rest of his grand kids.
He took our toys from us to give to her.
She was allowed to ride our horse, bikes, and go karts... though she always managed to break something or hurt herself and it was MY fault.
I was the oldest.
I was too stupid to keep her from hurtin' herself.
And then the Twinkie Incident happened, I gave up. I saw right then that no matter what I did, she would always get what she wanted even though she didn't deserve it.
And when he gave her my crochet hook, I was totally heartbroken.
It was a gift from Grandma and I was in the middle of my project. But it didn't matter, she wanted it. He let her take it home with her. I cried to Grandma, his mother, and they had a talk I would have loved to have heard. First chance I got I stole that crochet hook back and I still have it.
Granny, Grandma, and Daddy took up the slack of not havin' Grandpa's approval and the absence of my mother.
That Stupid Cousin grew up to be a total loser.
She's into drugs.
She has no driver's license and he gave her a truck to drive to her job that she doesn't have and more, and he pays her bills.
I have no expectations of gettin' any inheritance that I am due....it will all be given to her.
I can't change how he feels about me. He knows he's fucked it all up with me.
I will never get his approval.
I don't try.
And I don't care anymore.
I am happy with me and my life.
I have removed all the negative people from my life.
And I don't spend a lot of time with him.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Yes, we started back the gym.
We've both been ill and thought best to keep our germs to ourselves....I couldn't make it thru my entire routine. Too much for me!
I walked out.
But now here I am tellin' Roy I wanted to go to the mall.
3 days before Christmas Eve.
Can you imagine the all the people at the mall???
But still I wanted to go.
"I'll buy you lunch." I begged.
Still not thrilled.
"Do I look like someone that wants to go shoppin'?"
Well no...not really but if I had said, I'd buy him a gun or something, he'd be jumpin' for joy!!
"I'm takin' a shower and we're going to town."
And that's what I did, Showered.
And some where between shampoopin' my hair and soapin' my legs the world took a spin...not in a good way.
I stepped out of the shower tryin' to re-gain my balance and glanced up at Roy. He was slouched on his couch, legs sprawled out, with his thrown back like he had taken a spin in his own world. "Babe, I'm just not feelin' it. I don't want to go to town."
"I'm not goin' alone." He smiled. "It's that time of year where people are not so nice with their holiday cheer and they steal and carjack."
I had just talked myself outta going.
"YOU will take me some time soon. So you'd better get to feelin' it!"
"Why do you want to go?"
"I just do."
"But you don't feel any better than I do. Why??"
"I have a coupon!!"
He had the energy to laugh at me!!
Okay, I'm only moderating comments for just a bit.
Bare with me.
There's a method to my madness.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
I mean really!
If I had a job, wouldn't I call in sick??
So as I sat there with the doctor tellin' her all my symptoms of my cold.
I don't know.
It's like poop.
I don't look at that either!!
Though I do know the color codes. I have had children.
Yellow and small chunks...cold and infection.
Green and large chunks....possible flu or pneumonia
Brown and has pieces of lung mixed in....time to consult the mortician!
This Am, after a coughin' spell, I felt compelled to look at what came up....ICK!!!
"Honey!! It's Brown!!! But keep in mind I just ate a chocolate Zinger!!!"
He just laughed me.
"We'll not call an ambulance yet."
Friday, December 18, 2009
My very best friend...I adore her.
I'd give her a kidney!
And she gave me bronchitis!!
I was propped up on the couch...tryin' to suppress a cough.
"Honey, I feel so shitty! Do you think I should cancel my doctor's appointment?"
He had the nerve to laugh at me.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Roy was like, "Why would they do that?"
I mean really!
First off, we have thieves that live in the neighborhood.
They stole my yard furniture off my front porch!!
Annnnnd, Roy's Rocks!!
And Secondly, let's not forget the poachers!!
If they'll steal a deer ... They'll take a package that someone sent me for Christmas stuck in the barbed wire!!
Oh and in the mailbox is a notice that there's a package at the post office.
They could have kept them together!!
We're not talkin' about a Post Office that deals with millions of people here. The Post Office it's self has 500 PO Boxes for rental!!
The school...maybe 1000 kids??
It is soooo hard??
And do you know what notice slip was for....the package crammed in the fence!!!
What a waste of my time!!
ANYWAY... Roy said, "Who's it from?"
"It's from a friend in Arkansas. I'm part of a gift swap, like last year. Remember when I got a gift from Oregon?"
I'm VERY lucky he remembers the Cruise!
"I'll open it later. Go bring in the groceries."
"You need a knife to open it."
"Okay. I hafta pee. Go get the groceries."
From the bathroom, I heard rippin' noises, "Honey! What are you doing??"
"Nothing! It popped Open!!"
Sure it did.
You had your chance my blogger friends....you shoulda sign up!
This the cool stuff I received from Southern Drama Mama.
Stuff to make puddin' and seasons to make dip....which I think I'll use one of them for a spread.
And Christmas bulb, note pad, a spoon and a caramel brownie mix.
Thank you so very much.
See in the corner....Manny's feet.
He's a wee bit jealous of my new slippers.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
And I think that first is thinking up an evil plot!
Well shit! that was suppose to be published like say the twentyfreakin'3rd!!!
So gather 'round my pretties, and let AuntieNadine tell you a vital piece of advice...Never, Ever, Blog Heavily Medicated.
Or Drunk Blog either.
I'm just sayin'.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Standard Cruise Stuff Happened....but for one lone thing....
My biggest fear in life is that I'll drown, so I don't swim.
That fear doesn't keep me from gettin' on a cruise ship.
Or going to the beach.
Or ownin' a swimmin' pool for that matter.
What it does keep me from doing, is snorkelin'.
So when I was lookin' over shore excursions I wanted to go to see the sting rays. I get to be in the water and enjoy Grand Cayman....and Roy can snorkel.
"Honey, Is that okay with you?"
He said no.
"Well do you want to parasail with me? Becuz it's one or the other."
Like he really had a choice.
The excursion says it would be in knee-deep water, with dog gentle sting rays.
So we loaded up and off we went with our underwater camera and sunscreen to play amongst the sting rays.
Roy looked over the top of the boats to where all the other boats had dropped anchor and said the water was chest on him!!
I'm in over my head...literally!!
When we actually dropped anchor and others had gotten in the water is wasn't as deep as first thought. I could manage....ON MY TIPPY TOES!
So as I worked my way out to the shallow water the waves pushed me around like a fishin' bobber. I was bumpin' into strangers as I bobbed back and forth.
Then I began to notice that there were things bumpin' into me!!!
I squealed, "ewah! ewah!"
A sting ray would swim by and graze my legs.
The others on the excursion thought that was funny and laughed at me.
HA HA! ICK!!!
When I was about stomach deep I had a small sting ray graze my shins.
"ewah! ewah! ewah!"
And then a 2nd small one bumped me a bit higher.
"Ewah!! EEWWah!!! EWAH!!!
I noticed as a opened my eyes that a 3rd one .....huge one....It looked to be 15 feet wide...more like 4 foot across was headed my way and bumped me.
I thought that thing is gonna knock me down and all 3 would cover me and NO ONE WILL EVER SEE ME!!!!
That was all she wrote!!!
I let out the alarm!!!
I screeched "HONEY!!!!!" in that voice that he hates!
That voice that I yell across HellMart at him.
My knight in shining armour....The love of my life...The one that carries me around on a pink satin goose down pillow so that my feet do not touch the ground where mere mortals tread....stood there!!
Blendin' in with the others that had turned to watch me drown and wondered who was HONEY?!!
The tour operator told me to come to the group....that whole safety in numbers thing.
Later after I had gotten used to the ICKy feel....we kissed and made up.
Me and the littlest sting ray....not me and Roy!!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
"Honey, I can drive and you can sleep."
He grinned great big, "and I'll wake up in Tyler, Texas!"
He knows me all too well.
Monday, November 23, 2009
But someone shot something just outside of my property!!!
At zero Dark thirty!!
I kid you not!
6Am, I sittin' here going thru my email and heard a gun shot that sounded like it was in my front yard!! Like an idiot I go to the front door and LOOK OUT!
If Roy were here HE would have KILLED ME!!
So I shut the door and went upstairs....in total darkness.
Which is dangerous too.
Not just the trip UP but the WALK ACROSS THE ROOM.
There's a lotta shit up there!
I made it thru the first room and the second room doesn't have a clear path so I was almost on my hands and knees feelin' my way thru the room in the dark....pitch black people.
And some one shot something outside my property!!!
IN THE FREAKIN' DARK!!!!!!!
I made it to the window and peeked out. I couldn't see anything.
But I heard an old rattle-trap truck comin' down the road. I watched for its lights to hit someone on the property across the road... so I could see the poachers.
NOPE! It dropped someone off!!
I watched as best I could the person that was dropped off, cross the pasture....I could see him every little bit, he musta been usin' his cell phone as a light. THAT'S HOW DARK IT WAS.
I totally lost him behind one of my trees. Another truck drove by but I still never saw a thing from its headlights but the rattle-trap truck came back. I heard the sounds of doors shuttin' and tailgates slammin' ....And they were gone!!!
As they drove past the house I couldn't tell what type of truck it was....IT WAS THAT DARK!!!
They Poached their Deer by 6:20!
Is it any wonder why hunters shot each other??? If they are stupid enough to shoot in the dark??
I haven't even had a chance to tell Roy yet. He's doin' his own huntin' ....the right way.
I wonder if there was more than just the two...the driver and the dropoff but also someone in the pasture, the actual shooter, becuz those deer are not lightweight. I can't imagine one person draggin' a 100pounder alone. And it happened way to quickly to gut it and then move it. I have a feelin' there were 3!
I managed to get thru that whole incident without a bruise or stubbed toe.
Or fallin' down the stairs....again.
Or Shot At!!
When I tell Roy about it I'm leavin' out the part about openin' the front door.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Well, the doctor comes in all happy, "Mrs Hightower I have good news! You're Pregnant!!"
What the Hell??!!??
Roy's all excited!!!
The Dr's all excited!!!
So I was all excited!!!! I'm dog-like in that way, get all excited becuz everyone else is....I don't really know why but Woo Hoo!!!
Roy was so excited he wanted to sell the house and move to Texas!!!
Yep Texas! And live like gypsies on the beach.
I've heard it's like Heaven....I guess he wants to raise our baby in Heaven.
Personally I think it's way to hot to be Heaven but rather maybe ....well.
And like a dog, I'm lettin' him lead. If he wants to sell the house and live like gypsies in Texas so be it.
But as we're talkin' to the RealEstateDude, It Hits Me Like A Ton of Bricks!!
I Can't Be Pregnant!!!!
Roy can't impregnant me!!!!
He has a vasectomy!!!!!
And He's Freakin' Happy????
Just before all Hell broke loose....I woke up.
In a Cold Sweat!
And I've had some doozies!!!
Like the time dreamt we were playin' hide and seek....and I've runnin' thru the house to find my hidin' spot and a drop of water or something drips on my face and as I look up to see what it is... my cousin...the one I HATE....is swingin' an axe at my face.
That's Scary Shit!!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Har Hardy Har Har!!
2) From Roy: There was hair in the bathroom sink,
"See, Even your body is rejecting it!"
Kiss My Lily White Ass!!
At least I have hair!!!
3) From my Mom: Left on Facebook...for all the world or at least the people we know.
"You are a blonde! If I had wanted you to be a brunette, I'da made you that way!"
"Mom, I was born a redhead."
"Oh yeah. I forgot."
She's on medication for insanity....I just sure of it.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Oh yeah, right....
First, Thanks for the pep talks, ass kickin', love, advice, and support, and most importantly the graphic images that came to mind as MizAngie told me about her pubic hair.
Love, love, love you gals.
Secondly, Let's do the Christmas Swap. Check Out Becca's Blog for info....You will not regret it.
Thirdly, The Cruise with ThatIdiot was cancelled....woo hoo!!!
There are just some things that should not be tainted for me.
And Cruisin' is one of them.
I didn't start this blog to whine or be a big fat cry baby but shit happens.
I hate that.
One the funniest things said to me recently:
I was in the chair at the beauty salon and my hairdresser said to me, "Honey, You're lookin' a little Amish. Let me shape up brows."
Good thing she couldn't see my crotch!!!
2 weeks...and I sail the Caribbean!!!
Toes in the sand with a drink in my hand....with freshly waxed eyebrows.....what could be better than that?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Not a full fledged take me to the rubber room kind but a cry over a cup falling outta the cabinet and I can't stop kind.
Cry like a baby....big sobs.
And I don't really know why.
It's more like a bunch of shit.
I'm turnin' 45.
I said it.
Forty fuckin' Five.
For those of you that really thought I was perpetually 35...you had to know that was a big fat fib.
I found grey hair.
I feel I'm a fortunate woman that I have gone this long without it...or at least see it.
My car was left in the dust by a much younger faster model....read all the metaphors and analogies you want to read into that. You could be right...but not.
But I wasn't drivin'....that Man was. I told you he didn't drive as aggressive as I do!!
I've busted my ass off at the gym for a complete year to weigh more now. I took pride in the fact that I had done all the sweatin' to decrease my cholesterol from 229 to under 150!! Sure I've toned up but my ass is still a size freakin' 12!!
The day I had my cholesterol checked I also donated blood. I wanted to know what type I was. Back in the 7th grade we did it as a science project but I had since forgotten the results. Except that the teacher told me I had a rare blood and that I might want to donate later in life.
Not only did they take my donation but they performed extra bloodwork. And my cholesterol is 227.
I sweat my fuckin' ass off for 2 fuckin' points!!!
Totally pissed off!!
But the icin' on this shitty cake is my best friend from high school had a heart attack and had to have triple bypass surgery.
That was what tipped me over the edge.
I was up at 4AM one mornin' bawlin'...I got up outta bed so I wouldn't wake up Roy.
I was tryin' go get a cup outta the cabinet with tears streamin' down my face when a cup fell outta the cabinet....sobs.
Oh Shit That will Wake Him Up....Big Sobs!
He'll come in here and gripe at me....Bigger Sobs!
And there he was, "What are you doin' up?"
"I don't know!"
"Why are you cryin'?"
"I don't know!!!"
He took me back to bed and we talked for a couple of hours.
"We'll fix the grey. You look great. She smoked. And when you go in to talk to the doctor about your cholesterol, you might ask about happy pills."
Oh we fixed the grey...I'm officially a brunette.
And for the record, I'm B Positive.
Ironic isn't it!!
And I blew my chance at a great "Church of the Holy Nadine 700th Blog Entry Sermon"....maybe at 800.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
I'd take a photo of it and show you EXACTLY what it is but I'd hafta take it away from Manny.
He has played with it all over the livin' room.
It gets hooked on his paw and he rolls around shakin' his paw.
It gets flipped up in the air and lands a foot away from him, he lays on his side a stretches way out to barely touch it.
He will jump up and run around...watchin' it. It could run off!
He talks to it.
He carries it around in his mouth.
He'll play that way until he loses it under the couch.
Manny loves those things.
When I open up a new jug, I will call him. He comes runnin'!!
I will show him the thingy and he bumps my legs....HE LOVES THOSE THINGYS!!!!
He sometimes watches me get in and out of the fridge hopin' it's milk day.
Roy misplaced his glasses and we decided that he needed to look under the couch....there were 12 of those milk jug thingys under there!!!
And his glasses.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Roy did it behind my back.
We were on our way to the CellPhoneStore when he confessed to his secret.
I was shocked.
The sad thing...he didn't feel any remorse.
"But you don't text. I knew you wouldn't mind if I added textin' to only my phone."
I hate it when he's right.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
And I want you to participate in the Christmas Swap that Becca is organizin'.
We did this last year and it was fun sharin' my Okie Stuff with Angie and Becca shared her Oregon stuff with me.
And the best part was findin' new friends!
So Contact Becca to be a part of the Christmas Swap!
You won't regret it!
Friday, October 30, 2009
It's one of those things that makes think, "What the Hell did I just Agree to??"
It's hunting season here...muzzleloader.
Roy's not havin' such a good time. He lives for this time of year. I live for Cruises and Summer....and booze....and shoes.
It's that neat how all my "live for's" go good together?
I can't fit huntin' into any of that!
Roy has decided that his gun is the reason he's havin' problems....I have to agree. It couldn't possibly be him.
It just totally bummed him out. It's done. He loves that muzzleloader. It looks like something Davy Crockett would carry. It's beautiful....I told him to hang in on the wall for decoration...he rolled his eyes and pouted.
So I told I'd buy him a new one...not this year but for next season.
OH MY GOD!!
You have no idea what wheels I set into motion!!
He was so happy!!
He had to brag. He told all his friends what great wife he has...or at least he said he was gettin' a new gun.
His friend's wife called me.
She was so excited!! Roy's gettin' a gun!!!
"So?" She wasn't thrilled when Roy bought that Colt or the Judge.
"Now my husband wants a new gun!" Shit!
If Roy farts juju's does that mean That Idiot should too???
"My husband said he'd take me on a cruise if I buy him a new gun!" Good. He's makin' a compromise for the first time.
But will he follow thru?
I know that Idiot well enough to know that she'll get the short end of the stick on this like EVERYTHING ELSE!!
Roy told her, "Get the Cruise First. He doesn't need the gun until next year."
Even Roy knows that Idiot won't follow thru!
She called me last night, "My husband says he can't go to Mexico without Roy."
OH HOLY SHIT!!!!
This will be interestin' to see how this unfolds.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I'm a frugal seamstress.
I get the most from my fabric.
That stuffs not cheap!!
I ironed some OSUFabric, laid my pattern out on it to cut, cut it out, pressed it again, sewed a seam, and ironed the seam open....when I noticed PistolPete's Head Was Upside Down!
Shit a Brick!!!
If it had been Longhorns Upside Down, I'da giggled, finished it, and carried it myself....PROUDLY!!
I had to go buy more fabric.
"True! We'd be makin' an emergency road trip to Omaha!"
The finished bags were awesome!!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
1) As I was puttin' out my display, I hesitated over the CasinoVegas bag, turned to my sister and asked if it was too much. The PastorWife which was standin' right there, said, "no it's fine."
"Good. I did have enough sense to leave my nekkedCowboys at home."
This woman standin' at another table whipped her head around in horror!!
I'm thinkin', "Good Lord What Did I Say?"
"Well Half Nekked. I sewin' beads on them, to "Gay" them up a bit."
That...Cracked my mom up.
2) My brother was just standin' there doing nothing. And I was outta DrPepper. So I gave him some money to make a pop run. He said something, a line from a song and my mother and sister burst out sing that song.
I just shook my head. "And you people" as I motioned around at the 3 of them, "THOUGHT I was gonna embarrass you!"
And That ....Cracked up the MaryKayLady!!
3) My mother was talkin' to me about something, when I realized I was lookin' down at her.
I'm the shortest one in the family.
It's a big deal.
And becuz I'm short I know how tall some famous people are, like Bette Milder, she's 5' 2". Dolly Parton is 5' 1" and Linda Hunt is 4' 9".
Linda Hunt is on a show NCIS:LA and she walked into a room of men....she looked to be as tall as a 5 year old!!
"Honey, Do I look that short?" Roy didn't say a word....he just rolled his eyes.
But I continued, "You realized that I do not see myself as being that short and carry myself as if I'm 6' 4", don't you?"
With a giggle and big grin, he said, "YES! I Know!"
I'm 4' 11 3/4".
So here I am lookin' down at my mother....thinkin' "is she shrinkin'??"
Turn to my sister, "RubyJune!"
And I'm never quiet about anything, so everyone turns to see what I want, "Is Mom Shrinkin'?"
You would have thought I slapped my mother's face!!
And that cracked up RubyJune.
Monday, October 26, 2009
I was disappointed.
But I'm about as bullheaded as they come. I was determined to make a go of it. I had to try.
So I sucked it up and bought the "inspirational" fabric, made a few bags in different sizes. I took 17 in all.
I was dolled up....I looked better than the pastor's wife!
I wore the spiked spectators and the hat... was cuter than my sister. Seriously the hat was a hit. The MaryKayLady told me I was stylin'!
I greeted people. I can smooze like nobody's business.
I encouraged them to try them on....and showed them how. The MaryKayLady offered a mirror if needed.
But he was right.
I sold one bag.
He said I would sell two.
I took 4 orders....One for my sister. She wants a blanket. One for my mother. She wants the lunch sack for her makeup. A diaper bag for my ExSisterInlaw/Cousin.
Let me tell you about that. We married twin brothers.
I married EarlLee on Friday. And was her Matron of Honor on Saturday when married EddyJack.
I had EdithAnne in March. Her son was born 6 months later.
I had EudoraMae in February and her daughter was born 6 months later.
She divorced EddyJack long before I kick EarlLee's ass to the curb.
10 years ago she married her high school crush, my cousin.
Why didn't they date??? BillyRay was extremely .....I mean EXTREMELY SHY!! And was afraid to ask her out.
So now she's my cousin. He was so shy, that I had to ask her how they have sex. She blushed, "Very quietly, Silly!"
So I'm not sure what to call her daughter....is she my niece or is she my cousin??? But whatever she is, she ordered a bag.
And once again Roy was right....after all my friends and family have a bag, I'll be done.
It wasn't entirely my fault.
Those ChurchPeople do not do things right.
There was no promotion for the event. It was held on THE WORST DAY....soccer day!! It should have been held in conjunction with the event next week which is their HalloweenThing...duh!
The Church's Own Church Ladies didn't attend!! What's up with that??
But I held my tongue. I was my Granny's Church.
She came by!!
My aunt came by!! I gave her a bag...the one with JesusFish on it.
My people supported me!! My mom stayed with me all day. My sister came back and forth between soccer games.
Even the MaryKayLadies were a bit miffed. At 2, they packed up shop and the rest followed suit. I was on the road home by 2:20!!
Other reasons for my disappointment:
I shared a table with my brother. He did things like he always does things....half ass to nothing. He left.
He just left.
My niece....the one I bribed to come visit it with me while I was in town. The one that I'm the closest to...so I thought.... Came in, saw her bag, told me that any heels over 2 inches are HookerShoes and left.
I don't think she was there 5 minutes. Thank You Very Fuckin' Much!!
But Roy didn't gloat. Nor did he say "I told you so.
It wasn't my fault.
On the way home, I was thinkin' over all the bags that I have made, and thinkin' who I can send them to for Christmas.
And I still have that damn CrossBag!!
Stupid Ass ChurchLadies!!!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
With Good Cause....
Maybelline, why can't you be true?
Oh Maybelline, why can't you be true?
You've started back doing the things you used to do...
Roy and I were comin' back from Tulsa. I was drivin'....which is a rare thing. When we first bought my car, when we went somewhere HE drove.
He thinks he's a better driver. And it's not that he's better.
He just not as a aggressive as me.
And 2, IT'S LIKE TAKIN' A FREAKIN' DRIVIN' TEST!!!
"Let off the gas."
"You're too close."
There were many times I had stopped the car and let him drive.
Or kicked his ass out.
Once I drove back home and locked him out.
But this trip home I was drivin'....Down the turnpike with moderate traffic....
As I was motivatin' over the hill
I saw Maybelline in a coup de ville
A Cadillac a-rollin' on the open road
Nothin' will outrun my V8 Ford
The cadillac doin' 'bout ninety-five
She's bumper to bumber rollin' side by side....
It wasn't a Caddy.
It wasn't a V8Ford.
It was me.
And a '70 Hemi 'Cuda.
My dream cars....'69 Copo Camaro, '63 Corvette, and a '70 Hemi Cuda.
And There IT was....
The Cadillac pulled up to a hundred and four
The Ford got hot and wouldn't do no more
It then got cloudy and it started to rain
I tooted my horn for a passin' lead
The rain water blowin' all under my hood
I knew that was doin' my motor good...
I caught him.
I let him lead and caught a break when we caught up to traffic and I passed him.
We were weavin' in and out of the cars.
Roy was watchin' traffic....coachin'me ....like I needed it.
I didn't it.
This wasn't my first Rodeo....or car race.
When we passed the last car, I slowed.
I let him catch me.
He had the biggest grin on his face.
Muscle Car People Love To Race.
I think he thought he had me.
The motor cooled down, the heat went down
And that's when I heard that highway sound
The Cadillac a-sittin' like a ton of lead
A hundred and ten a half a mile ahead
The Cadillac lookin' like it's sittin' still
And I caught Maybelline at the top of the hill....
I down shifted...And took off like a rocket.
I looked in the rearview just as the black smoke rolled outta that 'Cuda.
He was done.
I have no idea what kinda speed we were doin'.
It was more important to watch traffic.
Maybelline, why can't you be true?
Oh Maybelline, why can't you be true?
You've started back doing the things you used to...
I should be called Maybelline, instead of Nadine.
I heard this song at the gym and instantly thought of the Day I Killed A Barracuda.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I had to bribe her.
"I have something for you."
"well, okay but I can't be there until 11."
"That's fine. I promise not to wear hooker shoes or old lady hats."
"lol, the church will burned down when you turn into the parking lot!"
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, all I did was lay around on the couch.....more than usual.
I tried to play games on Facebook but I just felt like shit.
I watched the OU/Texas game....I think I spent all my energy there.
Although I did donate blood on Saturday am so that could be why I felt punky.
I've never done that before.
Not so bad.
I didn't have my glasses so I couldn't read the paperwork I signed....I hope I didn't sign up for experimental testing.
And becuz I couldn't read anything....seriously, my eyes are as bad as Roy's ears....the tech read me the questions....the yes or no ones....WOW! Those were pretty personal!!
I only answered yes to one question about travelin'....Jamaica.
He said, "where did you go?"
"The Sandals resort."
He smiled, "no, what port?"
Well hell....that was a long time ago.
I stammered a bit until a came up with Montego Bay.
I didn't go to the wrong spot there!
But what's scary is, there is a right spot for whatever there is that gets you kicked off the donation bus!!
Like Roy needed a reason not to get off the cruise ship in Jamaica!!!
So there I was laid out in a really cool recliner doing a grown up thing, when someone that I do not care for, though I have never done anything to him, steps outta the question and anwser booth to do his turn at donating, when he sees me.
He actually turned pale.
And stopped where he stood.
Looked around to see if he could find a recliner chair that didn't face me....though knowin' his wife would be facin' me if he faced away from me.
He hates Roy.
And that disdain carries over to me.
And the feeling is mutual.
And his wife....I couldn't tell if she turned pale or not...she wears 16 layers of makeup!
I think she's had work done.
I know her boobs are fake. Some one THAT old can't lay on her back and keep her real boobs THAT straight up in the air!!
Not even with a good push up bra on!!!
But you know that woman thats had too much plastic surgery and she looks like a cat???
She has that look about her too.
Roy said, "Well if you can't be a ShowPony, You just have to make one."
On an unhumorous note:
The HappyBaby has the flu.
And as we all know if someone has the flu right now, it's more than like H1N1.
Send Happy Vibes.
Friday, October 16, 2009
I'm proud of it.
I love it when things turn out well.
I showed it to Roy.
"See, crosses. Inspirational."
I thought it great!!
"What the hell are you talkin' about?"
"You made it."
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
He's in the livin' room.
I'm in the bathtub.
"What was the name of that purse that Carrie gave that girl?"
This is why I love him.
A) He watches chick flicks.
B) He knows the names of the characters.
C) He remembers the little things.
"It was Louis Vuitton. Why?"
"I found it in this magazine."
D) He looks thru Vogue.
E) He knows Houndstooth prints from Plaid.
"Hey Babe, Have you seen this Ralph Lauren Top? I like it."
F) He's got style and taste.
He's come along way.
Next I'm going to teach about Burberry and Prada.
I didn't want him to miss one word.
"Honey, I don't know about your beard and how it grows back in but my beard gets caught in my panties."
He actually turned pink!!
"My beard. While I'm on the elliptical thingy, my beard's stubble gets caught in my panties. It's itchy. That ever happen to you?"
Still blushin', "No."
"Now you'll have something to think about at the gym besides that NewWoman's nipples."
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
One slept with my boyfriend....And I think she might have had a fling my exhub EarlLee too. He'll take that to his grave.
One made fun of my boyfriend...I figured she was just jealous.
One is the big sister of a girl that my baby sister beat the Holy Shit out of... BigSister stood up and yelled, "RubyJune! Stop hitting Deana right now!!"
I stood up from my seat in the back of the bus...where the CoolKids sat...and said, "Go Get Her Ruby!"
RubyJune went back to wailin' on Deana.
BigSister sat down and turned to me, "I'm sure Gina had it coming."
But I've befriended them.
Water under the bridge....I can only hope that the photos they post are old ones and they are fat.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I emailed my sister for some info and added:
"And who's gonna babysit me??
This is your church and if you don't want me to embarrass you in any way, someone should be with me to reign me in, don't you think??
You can work in shifts if you need, but someone should be with me."
I'm just bein' truthful here.
Remember the last time I was at her Church??? Click Here.
She emailed me back, and answered my questions. Then added, "Oh and yes keep your mouth shut."
This should be fun.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
My daughter thought it was funny.
She thought I should write a book.
High Five for me!
My sister, though, "The world is not ready for the book she could write."
And again, there's that confidence in my abilities.
Why are these people so skeptical??
Always, "Calm Down!"
"People are looking!"
"Do not touch that!"
"Here! Let me do that!"
"Do not speed!"
And let's not forget..."Drive Carefully."
My granny said, "You're told that a lot. Aren't you?"
It's not like I have raised my skirt in public....well...yeah....that one time....okay maybe twice.
But I've never wrecked a car.
I've only been given one speedin' ticket....it was before Roy.
I don't have to use sharp knives...or screwdrivers...or hammers....or any tool for that matter.
Or build fires.
And So I'm a little high strung...I'm fun.
You know if I wrote a book I think I would name it "Oh Lord!" becuz that's what my sister would say many... many times if she ever read this blog.
Or "And He rolled his eyes."
Roy had the nerve to tell me the other day that he doesn't roll his eyes as much I think he does.
What the Hell?
He rolls his eyes I swear at least 13 times a day at me.
"Honey, do I look as short as Linda Hunt?" He didn't dare answer that one.
"Honey, feel my bicep! I think its bigger today." And he smirked.
"Honey, let's do the segway thingy in Cozumel!" And he giggled "You? On a segway?"
"Honey, Do you wanna have wild monkey sex?" And added Duh!
"Honey, Are you hungry?" And added Duh!
"Honey, look the cat just did something so cute." He just ignored me after that.
Seriously, I don't see what is so wrong with life that he needs to roll his eyes all the freakin' time!
So I've rambled enough and need to make supper.
Thank you for your support.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
I thought about it and I think I can find my fabric I need at HellMart.
"No. I think I can find what I need in SmallTown."
He looks at me with questions written all over his face.
"Why? I thought there was a big push to go to Joplin?"
Yesterday, he told me that after all my friends have a bag then I'll be outta business becuz I want to go to the fabric stores in Joplin.
Confidence is runnin' high.
I had a friend ask me to come to her Church for a thing and bring my bags....it helps her and me.
Roy doesn't have the same feelings.
Oh he approves of all the bags....just not all the gas money that goes into me runnin' all over to find fabric or HAND deliverin'....or the Church thing.
"You'll sell 2 bags. Tops."
I wanted to cry.
But still I have had orders.
And one of them is for crosses.
"Honey, I think I can find the inspirational fabric at Walmart."
He looked at me like "What the fuck?"
"Inspirational. Religious equals inspirational."
There's that confidence again.
Or maybe he just knows me all too well.
"Yes. I know. I'll try not to vomit pea soup on it."
And no HellMart does not have what I want for the Inspirational bag...Hobby Lobby for sure!
Monday, October 05, 2009
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Anyway... the house was cool. I was wearin' an oversized sweatshirt and wool socks....I was comfortable.
Roy was not.
I could hear him crumplin' paper.
I ran to the doorway of the livin' room and with my knife poised to stab, "WHAT THE HELL?????"
He was about to die but he grinned.
"Then put on some clothes but do not make a fire in the stove!!!"
He ignored me.
Later, he came in to tell me, "We took a vote and you were out voted 7 to 1."
"Come see." and lead me into the livin' room where there were 6 cats spread out all around the stove.
"See. 7 to 1."
By12:30 I was sittin' in my shorts and tank top.....dyin'!!!
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Get one of those really soft ones.... NO TOOTH CHIPPIN'!!
Secondly, a gal should have backup.
If you do not have a second stringer, YOU NEED TO GET ONE.
Sure, The Hub is good.
He knows you perfectly.
But Girlfriend, sometimes the pump needs to be primed!!!
Annnnd.....There are those times that your trigger is not tripped.
You know I'm right.
And the BackUp Boyfriend is needed!
Maybe that glass one with nippley things isn't for you.
It's not for me.
I prefer the softer ones....the life-like ones.
One of mine is pink....and one is red.
One fits in my pocket....for travelin'.
The best one plugs into the wall.....we go full throttle!!
It's a great stress reliever that doesn't involve food.
Don't be ashamed.
Go for it.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Or the person just watchin'??
Isn't that pretty???
You can get it at Adam And Eve
"Honey, Look at this."
We were on an emergency run to the sextoystore.
Not our emergency. We just rode along.
I saw this little beauty.
"I thought so. But what about these little thingies? What good are they?"
He looked at me like I was nuts.
A look I'm used to by now.
"It's supposed to give a good sensation."
"I don't think so."
"Yes it does."
"So YOU'VE had one in YOUR Vagina!"
HappyWife had stepped up by then, "I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT!"
So really, just who should pick out the toys???
I'll pick out my own, Thank You very much!!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I could do anything they did.
And I could do it better.
Well I couldn't pee standin' up...but that didn't keep me from tryin'!
I was a ToughChick!!
I grew outta bein' a tomboy.
We all know the guys at the gym ....the WeightLifters. They have a swagger about them. A certain walk...sorta bow-legged with their arms out at their sides... becuz they can't touch their elbows to their waists...or a least it looks that way.
There's only one in my gym.
He's a real flirt.
He's so bow-legged you could drive a MacTruck thru them!!
He's a regular PopEye!!
And then there's the WannaBeeWeightLifters.
They are a lot softer but still have a walk.
Today 2 WannaBeeWeighterLifters came in to workout....one on each side of me.
#1 said, "Do 10 on that machine and I'll do 10 here and then we'll switch."
I didn't look at #2. I just assume he nodded becuz that's what they did.
I did notice that neither changed the actual weight....both did 60 pounds on each machine.
You'd thought they were liftin' 260!!
All that huffin' and puffin' and RESTIN'!!!
While I ripped out 2 reps of 10!! with a 5 count rest in the middle!!!
And then moved to a leg machine and ripped out 3 reps of 15 while the SoftBoys did all that huffin' and puffin' and RESTIN'!!!
And then I stretched.
And then I went to the Captain's Chair and did 10 pull ups....while they finished their 3 REPS!! on 2 machines!!!
Let me simplify....I did 3 machines and 5 reps and stretched....and rested.
They did 2 machines and 3 reps on each machine....60 freakin' pounds.
And then they left...walkin' out with their arms held out from their bodies like PopEye!!!
While I'm doin' my 2nd rep on the Captain's Chair....gigglin' to myself.
I know it doesn't make sense you had to be there......but kicker to all this is...I just did those same machines that they huffed and Puffed and rested on....at 60 pounds.
I did 60 pounds!!!
They Didn't Change The Weights.
I did it.
Yeah Ima ToughChick!
And I don't walk around like PopEye!!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
He was so bummed until all the new women started....especially that one. I'll tell you all about her later.
The Worm Has Turned....Roy hates goin' to the gym. I have to make him go.
I. HAVE. TO. MAKE. HIM!!
It started last spring. The weather was too nice to be at the gym for hours. I hated it. I threatened many times to walk home....which is just a mile.
Hell !I'd just peddled 10miles on a stationary bike!
What's walkin' a mile home?? Right??
So he just kinda works out halfass....and now that the GymHo's gone, he's just there to humor me.
Whoda thunk it???
But I can see a difference.
My clothes fit better. I feel better.
I just don't get on the scale....they lie!
But burnin' out of something is Roy's thing. He will drive it....whatever it is....Playin' pool, playin' video games, whatever it is....he burns out!
Thank Goodness that he burned out of video games before that playcenter and icebox thingy came out!!
The only things he hasn't lost his passion for is hunting, sex, Dr Pepper, and me...I kinda figure in heavily in that whole sex thing.
Anyway, becuz he has burned out at the gym and only does the weight machines halfass, he takes breaks from his "workOut" to come over to me and tell me nonsense....basically stupid shit.
So this one day, Roy was on the other side of the room workin' out on the weight machine. I was workin' out on the elliptical thingy when 2 of the new women came into the gym. They knew each other and exchanged pleasantries.
The conversation between the two turned to the teachers at the local school.
My ears perked up!!
The HappyWife was mentioned!!
But I couldn't hear everything that was said.
I could tell from the conversation, hand, and arm motions that it wasn't good!!!
Well it just so happened it was time for a stupid shit update. Roy was walkin' towards me. And before he could even get one word of his stupid shit out, I grabbed him by his teeshirt!!! I pulled him as close as I could without fallin' off the elliptical and without hittin' him with the ski thingies....he was instantly shocked!!! I've never touched him durin' stupid shit reports!!!
I looked him square in the eye. And thru gritted teeth, "Their talkin' about the HappyWife!"
I pointed with my eyes.
He, being a trained cop, and he didn't want to let on that he was lookin' at the women, he slowly turned his head enough to see them in his peripheral, "Oh."
Still thru gritted teeth, "Go over there and listen in."
So he went....actin' all cool.
And he sat in the most perfectly wrong place!!!
The woman that I couldn't hear....isn't it funny how you can't hear someone talkin' when THEY have Their back to you??? ....he sat as far away from her as possible.
What the Hell????
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I sent a deaf man on a reconnaissance mission!!!!!!!
Later in the truck, "you coulda sat between them!!"
"They woulda stopped talkin' and you know it!"
"Did you hear anything?????"
In his mind he did the right thing.
He wants to change banks....after 15 years with our current one...he wants to change.
"It's the only way I'll get to to see the Gym Ho."
Tough TeeTees, Roy!! Tough TeeTees!!
Friday, September 25, 2009
I worked in the PetCare Industry for 12 years.
It was fun.
It was sad.
Check it out.
Some of my best blogs came from TheClinic.
The Opossum Project is there.
Why I'm called Charlotte....or not.
My all time Favorite....Lump O'Fur.
Oh and I would change my template daily if I could....in fact, I'm going to search for something new right now.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Hooters, Paws and Claws, This is Charlotte.
I'm sorry to inform you that we will be closin' ...FOREVER. (think about that boy from "SandLot" FOR. EEEVER.")
It's been lovely takin' care of your pets....even Winston the Westie that clawed at the run gate 'til he bled. (think about a white dog being pink.)
I will never be able to wash from my memory the time I had to stick my hand up the goat wazoo.
I will miss Dora, the heeler that brought her own sleepin' bag.
And Sparky the Pomeranian that I clipped to look like a lion....he broke free once and that cut saved his family a lot a heart ache as they found him very quickly....how many lion clipped poms do you see runnin' the streets of SmallTown America???
And Dudley the Bulldog, that kissed my leg every time he came in the office.
His owner knew I had a real attachment to him so when it was time to go to DogHeaven, Dudley was taken to THEOTHEROFFICE...just like Dora and just like Sparky. Odd, I was with only one pet that I had taken care of in the 12 years of being Charlotte at the THAT TIME. Thankfully, I was spared that heartache from all the others.
But that's all over.
The HWYDept is comin' thru....and we're lockin' up shop.
That was the GoodBye I shoulda gave folks, But didn't.
That was 2 years ago.
I knew it was comin'.
And knew there was NO WAY ON EARTH I COULD WORK IN THEOTHEROFFICE!!!
I couldn't make it to the end either. I was burnt out.
I received a card in the mail the other day to announce the closin'.
TheBossMan opted not to rebuild.
I'm not sure why it bothers me like it does.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
We were joined by my daughter, EdithAnne and her hubby.
When there was a lull in the conversation...Grandpa dominates the conversations....EdithAnne said, "I was goin' thru my friends on Facebook and the Coolest friend I have is my mom!"
She continued, "That's just so sad."
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"Oh yes. It's in that folder."
He has a folder with all his meds and all his procedures documented that he takes with him to all doctors. He sees several.
So I picked up the folder to check, to ease Granny's mind. I went all thru it and didn't find a receipt.
I knew that wasn't good enough.
He KNOWS he got one.
I handed it to him to ease his mind....he didn't find it.
He handed it to Granny....she went thru it.
And didn't find it.
He shrugs, "I musta lost it when I undressed for the chest x-ray."
He gave me his pocket watch so it didn't fall out.
It wasn't too long after that he was called back by the nurse.
I turned to Granny, "Do you want me to go get a receipt?"
She's from a time when it was VERY important to have THAT RECEIPT!!!
The receptionist had never given him one.
I tucked it in his folder.
When Grandpa came out and sat down....and farted....Granny jumped all over him for not gettin' a receipt.
Forget that he just farted loud enough for the ENTIRE OFFICE TO HEAR...but He Didn't Get The Friggin' Receipt!!!!!
And she's showin' her panties off to who ever might just walk in the office door!!!!!
"Be patient and drive carefully."
Friday, September 18, 2009
I guess I just forgot all about my Grandpa!
When I was a kid, he would sit in his chair with his pants undone watchin' Gunsmoke rippin' farts.
Granny and I would look at each other and giggle. "Oh Fred!"
He'd just shrug.
We were sittin' in the waitin' room when Grandpa comes out after the nurse was through with him. He sits down and farts!
Not those little squirts.
Not one long one either....though....it was a combo of the two.... That left me wonderin' if he'd pooped his pants!!!!
It sounded wet!!!
It was like he was dumpin' his jake brake!!!
Granny and I look at each other and giggled.
He just shrugs.
And when we were back in the exam room after the doctor came in and the nurse did her job, we were released, Grandpa raised up from his chair and ripped off some more!!!
That time I though Granny was gonna whack him with her cane!!
It made me think of a rocket takin' off...."Fire up the Boosters for Fred's Lift Off!!"
He just shrugs.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
My aunt, VioletJean, had twisted one ankle and broke the other while walkin' the dog.
My sister, RubyJune, was sick with the flu.
So I'm the BackUp QuarterBack.
Both, RubyJune and VioletJean, told me to be patient and drive carefully....like I can't do either.
While my grandpa was back with the nurse doin' whatever they do behind those closed doors, Granny and I waited in the lobby. There was one other woman in there with us....Thank Goodness!!!
Granny says to me, "Have you seen my tick bite?"
Yes. I've seen it.
If I don't tell her that I've seen it, she show it to me....again.
She showed it to me 2 days earlier. She just doesn't remember it. It's a shame. She's not as sharp as she used to be.
But then again I have to be concerned about the tick bite. It's about the size of a quarter!! So I ask, "Does it look any better?"
And instantly, she lifts her dress up and shows me the tick bite on her inner thigh.
The other woman just smiles.
Not only is she showin' the whole office her panties but the tick bite is the size of a half dollar!!!
I've told VioletJune about it so she'll keep an eye on it.
Later, when it was just us two in the lobby... And I don't know why... Granny pulls up her dress again!!
OH MY Freakin' GOD!!!
She appeared to be givin' her legs an inspection!!!
"Granny." I said quietly, so the receptionist wouldn't look up.
But she continues the inspection.
So I said it a little louder, "Granny."
"What?" holdin' her dress up.
"You're showin' your panties off."
It didn't register.
"Granny, Put your dress down!"
She gave me a dirty look!!
This from the woman that ALWAYS told me, "Sister! Put your legs down! I can see your panties. Sit like a lady!"
Thursday, September 10, 2009
She'd been to CheerPractice and was told that her youngest would have to quit the squad. The OneInCharge gave a song and dance about insurance liabilities and other moms wantin' their precious baby to do it too....and not every body can do it.
Sooo...The HappyBaby was out!!
She's not a stupid woman and saw thru all the bullshit.
"I want you to come to all the home games and we'll sit behind Hateful-GetOuttaTown-Mom and yell our heads off with the girls."
"I'm in! Do you want me to bring my Asp and PepperSpray?"
"I was thinkin' more along the lines of CoconutRum!"
That's my girl!
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Totally Bad Mix!
So Roy and I went to the local PWeeFootballGame over the weekend.
It's so cute.... Little people in football pads and cheer outfits.
I put on my cute flip flops...they have a heel...2 inches, I guess.
Leopard print....so cute.
And off we went.
I called the HappyWife when we got there so I'd know where to find them. She stood up and waved from the middle of the stands. I walked up the ramp into the bleacher and looked for the steps.
I hate those people that walk thru the crowd becuz they don't walk up the steps!! They fall on me, hit me with their bag or spill pop on me...it never fails!
But what I really hate are those people that SIT IN THE STEPS and block the way!!
So I became one of those people that cut thru and fall on people!!
And with my CrazyCatLadyTote, I'm sure I hit a few people.
Roy was right behind me....apologizin'.
We sat down to watch all the action.
Sure the boys were playin' their little hearts out.
And the girls were cheerin' their little hearts out.
They might as well have sat their lazyasses at home in the recliner for all the interest they put into it.
They have fulfilled their parental obligation...Why bother?
"What's the deal?" I said to the HappyWife. "They aren't cheerin' with the girls and I haven't heard one parent scream at little FauntLaRoy, so what's the point?"
"It's like this all the time." She shrugs.
If my child was on the field...Oh Katy bar the door!! I'd be on my feet and cheerin'!!
I didn't want to embarrass her or her children so I asked if I could yell along with the girls.
"You know I will, Roy and I can really get goin' if you want us to."
She blushed. "I work here!"
I took that as a no.
I took photos of the kids for her. I couldn't get her youngest becuz of a fat girl in front of her. "Honey," I handed the camera to Roy, "Can you get a Pix of her, she standin' behind that fat girl."
And that was the first time I got hit and hushed....by the HappyWife. "Her mother is sittin' in the stands!"
She did that at least 2 dozen times!!
That was when she told me the story of the woman that was sittin' directly in front of me....bad blood between them. Fingers were in faces, Go to Hell was exchanged, and "This Town Ain't big enough for the both of us" was said.
To which I laughed.
"What does she do for a livin' that she thinks she can run you outta town?"
I was thinkin' damn, the DA's wife?
Maybe the Super's Wife?
The Mayor's Wife???
One the local tribe's Chief's Wife???
What power does this woman possibly wield that she could make such threats???
Should I be afraid that she'll turn around and slap a hairlip on me if I accidentally do something stupid???
"She cleans houses. And her husband installs cable."
Oh Good God!!
I was ready to pick a fight.
You don't fuck with my people!
I let it go....So childish...it really is.
The HappyWife said, "Oh Look my son is under the bleachers with his girlfriend." I snatched up my camera and took off to catch him in action....which embarrassed him. TheBoy threw something at me, "Boy! You want me to come down and slap a hairlip on you? I'm just the woman to do it!"
The HappyWife turned red as a beet.
On the way back, down to my seat, I of course, lost my balance and nearly fell down. Strange Men's hand went up every where to catch me.
Damn Heels! And they are so cute!
Roy was all like "Woman! I can't take you anywhere. Stop runnin' around and sit!"
The HappyWife was laughin' her ass off. At least she wasn't blushin'.
So I sat scolded in the seat listenin' to the girls cheer and caught on to what they were sayin' and when they said "Woo!"
I went "Woo!" with my can of pop catchin' on the handles of my CrazyCatLadyTote.
I knew I didn't want to spill on the HappyWife.
I knew I didn't want to spill on Roy.
And I damn sure didn't wanna spill on the Hateful-GetOuttaTown-Woman in front of me!!
So I spilled it in my CrazyCatLadyTote!!
"Woman! Have you been drinkin' all day?" Roy yells.
"I haven't had one drink today!"
The HappyWife turned six shades of red, "Good thing that didn't go down HER back."
The last thing I need is a hairlip!!
When the game was over, I took off my shoes, told Roy to get in front of me to catch me when I fall.
And he did.
Bleacher seats are just too far apart for someone with short legs and a bad ankle.
I had fun.
I doubt I'll get invited to go again.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
I have no idea where she gets it!!
I, clearly, still have all mine!!
I thought it over and I'm gonna suck it up.
And no, I'm not bi-polar....I was tested....so no.
And take my own advice.... if I can dish it out, I should be able to eat it.
I hate not having a feed...how do my peeps know when I update???
So I'm gonna open it back up.
I deleted all the posts that caused problems...well the one that lead the searches here. My posts will still cause headaches and hard feelin's. They'll get over it.
I'll feel bad for awhile but I've done it before and weathered the storms....far worse storms than people actually knowin' what I thought.
Some people will learn to deal with it and move on....they're the ones that called me apillpoppin'alcoholic!!
I deleted personal photos....even cat photos...well some.
Would you like to know what lead me to this decision??
I ran a search...I highly recommend that you do that!!
Use all your Internet personalities!!!
I kid you not!!!
The one that tipped the scales was VelvetTush!!
Do you know how many people have used MY creation???
At first I was like.... pissed.
Can you not come up with your own name or ID?
I wish I had the money that NCAA has to jack those people up for copyright infringement!!
I Made That UP!!!
And then I was like... flattered!
Way Cool! In fact...it came up with "Way cool Nicknames"... no votes...but still.
Wouldn't that be such an awesome Stripper name...if only I was 20.
These people think that what I created was so cool that they too want to be a VelvetTush...A Follower of the Church of the Holy Nadine!!!!
I have groupies!!!!
Sure it's a 40 yr old male but doesn't THAT make it even better....he could be a tranny!!!
Sure he has no clue to what I look like so he can be dressed up like me like those that dress like Cher or Dorothy... but still.
And some Asian girls...which I find more strange than the 40yr old male...But still.
So Fuck it....
Throw Caution To The Wind.
I'm suckin' it up.... Be Loud and Be Proud!!
Yea, I feel better.
That's all that matters....becuz it's all about me.