Sunday, November 30, 2008

That Was Cryptic!

And I'm sorry for that.

I have told many people to use their blogs as a way to get their sorrow out or vent frustrations....so I will heed my own advice.
It helps to know that you are not alone.

Hold on...we have to go 'round the barn....

Saturday started out normal. It was opening day of Deer Season with rifles...Roy was headin' to the woods.
I took the time to catch up on my blog...post scheduled blogs for Thanksgiving...and catch up on my readin'.
Then I had errands...which was to run the MerryWidow all over Joplin.
The MightyHunter called me to say he had "harvested" his buck....there was a lot of calls back and forth about what to do with it...or rather how to have it butchered.
The MerryWidow and I had stopped for lunch.

And then the world stopped.

I envision a wild red headed woman runnin' 'round in my head workin' all the knobs, levers, buttons, and switches in my head that keeps me a workin' functionin' person...not so much a normal functionin' person....just functionin'.
She's the one that keeps my shit together.

And there is a MasterSwitch in my brain that that wild red headed woman works....the main switch....She has it flipped on most of the time.
But when the world stops...I think...she has flipped it off...becuz I don't process things like normal people.

Not Ever. Not Once.

I went to the buffet for food and when I returned to the table, the MerryWidow said my phone had been ringin'....no biggie! I thought it was Roy.
But No.
It was my sister.
For some odd reason I didn't want to call her back...the MasterSwitch in my brain was on so I called her back.
She answered her phone.
And said 3 words.
I only caught one of them...."Died"....But the MasterSwitch was flipped off.
My mind was blank.
Why was she callin' to tell me about her husband's grandmother??
We had talked about her recently....she had fallen and broken her hip. She's old but that doesn't cause death.
2 words came outta my mouth...."How Sad."

The MasterSwitch had been flipped back on....becuz my sister continued talkin'....she may have been talkin' the whole time but I was stunned and didn't know what she was sayin'...but she continued to talk to me.
And I focused on what she said.

"And EdithAnne is devastated!"

The MasterSwitch in my brain was switchin' on and off like a strobe light!
It hit me like a mule kick in the stomach.
I wanted to throw up.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to run.
I was cold.
I was hot.
I felt like someone had grabbed my by the ankles and whipped me around and slammed me on the ground.

My 4 month old granddaughter had died.

I needed Roy.
I called him and only left a message.
I yelled at a couple of people before I left the restaurant.
I kept tellin' them "We have to go. NOW!!" But that wasn't sinkin' in with those people.
I wanted to be with my daughter....she needed her momma!

The MerryWidow knows the history between Roy, me and the Girls. She doesn't understand compassion and forgiveness, she doesn't understand my need to be with my daughter.
So when Roy finally called me back, and I told him the news and to "stop whatever you're doin' and be ready to go when I get there!" She was flabberghasted that he just said, " kay."
I hope she never calls me again.

Once I got home...I let Roy take over.
I was so out of it.
My emotions ranged from anguish to anger to compassion to confusion.
I had no idea what I was doing. I'm very lucky, I got home in one piece.
I had an hour and half car ride to work up my strength....to be the rock for my daughter.
I had to see her...make sure she had her momma.

I don't think there is anything more heartbreakin' than an infant's funeral.
And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Thank you for your understanding....and being there.
For all the comforting thoughts and prayers....they are very much appreciated.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Can We Talk???

That's just say, You live in a small town.
You own a business.
That business relies on the public to survive.

Do you really think you should act like a SnobbyBitch to that Public??

There's this woman...SnobbyBitch....at the gym. She never speaks to me or Roy.
She never smiles.
We have frequented her business.
But she never says one word to us outside that business.

What's up with that??

When I was an employee of Hooters, Paws, and Claws, I was smiles and giggles to all the people that I happened to run into outside of the walls of the office.
I might try to avoid them but once I was caught I was all smiles, giggles and shit.
When I was a cop's wife I had to act....and we'll use that term lightly.....act like an adult. I was to be an example....a good one.....and a pillar of the community.
Yes...he actually said those words.
And that I was to stop flippin' people off.

So If I Owned a Small Business in these Hard Times.....do you think I would go to the gym and be a SnobbyBitch????

I understand being all wrapped up in your workout but come on!
Even I've warmed up to SmellyMan. Though I wave the perfume samples from the Vogue in his direction.
You know, he's started shavin' and I noticed the other day he's had a haircut!!




Have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Drive Safely... if you have to drive....and do not flip people off!!


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I wrote all that above on Saturday to be posted today.
Then....things went wrong.
But I don't want to change it.
I don't feel like it.

I'm gonna take a break.
Don't leave me.
I just can't do this right now.
I'm fine.
Roy's fine.

I just need a bit of time.

Hugs and Air Kisses.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

What Is My Jelly??

And how come you can't handle it??

My niece sent me a CD with all sorts of butt songs on it. So I loaded it up on my Mp3 and there's this one song....I don't know if it's TCL or SaltNPeppa....no wait....Beyonce' is singin'...so it's Destiny's Child.....Which brings up another question?
Who's Destiny?

But anyway, that woman makin' all those barks and squeaks in the song....the jelly song....hell I can do that!!
Sign me up a record contract!
I can't carry a tune in bucket.
And I might not know what my jelly is....but I can bark and sqeak!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Catchin ...WTF???????

The latest installment of the BeeHiveLadies Drama is up.

Do you know that there is a certain key on my keyboard that cause my blog to post unfinished???

I wish I knew which one it was so I would stop fuckin' touchin' it!!!!!!!!


And now that I'm totally ticked off at the world over it....I'll just leave you with well wishes for the weekend.

I'm bakin' tomorrow.

So if you don't hear from me ever again....I burnt the house down.

Hugs and Air Kisses!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

For Emergency Use Only....

A while back Roy was up on top of the house fiddlin' with the antenna, and noticed that the chimney had a crack in it. He now had something else to worry about.
Tryin' to "harvest" a deer....The LandOwner put such restrictions on him he hasn't killed anything but time....He worries about that.
Frettin' over the recent break-in's in the area....everyone that drives by "looks" like someone that will kick in our back door and rob us blind. Like I want those thievin' neighbors to take anymore of my lawn furniture....Roy just rolled his eyes!!! He's more worried about those damn guns!

But now, there's a crack in the chimney....which could lead to a house fire.
So he told me the procedure in case there was a house fire.
Which is to get the hell out!!!!
Maybe grab my purse on the way out.
But don't make any great effort for it.
Just get the hell out!!!
"But Honey! We have six cats!"
"Oh God! No! Just get out!!"
Now seriously! Has he forgotten who he's married to???
Does he really expect me to leave those babies in there???!!??
No Fuckin' Way!!
I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try.
I'll be standin' out in the pasture covered in soot and cat scratches but every last one is comin' outta this house!!
We have a tornado plan and it involves me collectin' as many as I can find and gettin' in the closet in the center of the house....until he builds that storm shelter....then when the storms come up we'll start gatherin' them up to take them to the hidey hole.
Even my ex-hubby knew that!!
A big tornado came thru our small town and took out the most of the school....you have not lived until you've seen a big orange school bus that you rode everyday to school in the top of an oak tree....the tears will fall!
That big storm came up while I was at work and he was at home with girls....the sirens sounded he gathered everyone up and headed to the cellar....and one of the girls held my dog!

Roy needs to get a grip!


Which led to this....
I have a brand spankin' new and shiny modern chimney!!
And he can go back to worrin' about deer and thieves.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Buy The Pies??

Oh No!
I'm gonna bake them damn pies!!

I might just burn the house down!!

That would be a good thing!!
Trust me!!
That way THOSE PEOPLE WILL HAVE GUILT!

One of these days, I'm gonna take the time to tell you all about the goin's on with the BeeHiveLadies...But it's still unfoldin'.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Holiday Blues...

The blues have set into my soul....and I don't see that I'll be gettin' over it anytime soon.
Thanksgiving is comin' up and we're takin' our 3 ring circus to OKC for 2 days...if the weather is good.
I'm hopin' we have a ice storm.
Roy's mom, QueenVictoria, has requested that I bake pies.
Me.
Bake.
Pies.
She's old and has forgotten about the Pecan Soup.
Go ahead read about it....you'll see!
But Roy?? He knows better!!

But that's not the biggest problem that I have.
Oh no.
Roy has told his mom his worries about his stock portfolio.
And of course the first words outta her mouth is, "Can't Nadine go back to work?"
He didn't tell me this right off....he had to think about it.
Think about how to tell his wife about the conversation without hurtin' her feelin's and keep her from killin' him or his mother.
Tact would be needed.
So what he said was, "If my mother says anything to you about gettin' a job, tell her 'Roy doesn't want me to' and leave it at that."
He went on to say, "I'm happy with the way things are."

Good, huh?
He's learnin'.

We need a code word.
We have a code word for sex.
But we need one for "I've had enough of these people! Take me home!"
Roy suggested "10-47" which means Armed and Dangerous.
He and I tend to talk in TenCodes but I could never come up that one!
So he suggested "Blue 42".
Not one I shout in the dining room. He told me to use that one when we first got together as I was a rather quiet lover. It's funny how a man's ego rides on the noises that his partner makes during sex. My ex-husband was a shy man and wild, unbridled sex was uncalled for....a bad habit I had to get rid of for Roy's ego.
So yellin' "Blue 42" at the dinner table during Thanksgivin' would draw way too much attention!

I suggested "Scooter called and said we left the oven on."
We tease each other all the time about callin' home and gettin' the cat to do somethin' we needed done. That would fit perfectly!

Do you have the blues too??
Do you have codewords??

And apparently sleepin' arrangements vary from couple to couple....just as favorite movies or political opinions.
None are wrong.
Just different.
Something that we do to cope, to live happily, and to get a good night's sleep.

Thanks for all the response.
And to the newbies.... Welcome to my dumbass Okie life!!

Number 500!! Blog 500!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Some Days I Wonder....

Roy was soakin' in the tub, watchin' TV, and yells at me, "I think we should try that new restuarant in Tulsa. Lost Caboose!"
Really?
He's not one to drive to Tulsa just to eat, must less try a new place.
And What is he talkin' about Lost Caboose??

"Honey, where is that? There used to be a diner in an old train on 11th. Is that it?"

And then it hit me!!

The ad on TV was for Los Cabos.
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Mz Thystle is having a fabulous prize giveaway.....go!!
Tell I sent you!!
Be a sport and play along!!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

And Roy Said....

"I have a project. You will help. And we will get along."

Normally, I get yelled at...which then he gets yelled at...which really ticks him off and I'm sent to the house. But If the Rules are established goin' in....I'm good.

And we did his project without bloodshed!!
Takin' inventory of the gun cabinet...one would think that would easy....the last time....total trainwreck!!

This time 'round...no biggy!
I must be growin' up.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Roy's Dreams...

Something we don't get to delve into....very often.

One morin' we were sharin' our dreams with each other. Mine was wild and hot sex with each other....normally wild sex dream are not with Roy. I have a great sex life so I rarely dream about that....so I'm not sure what my dreams are about....which is normal!!

So he shared his with me.

We were drivin' into a strange town....I was drivin'.
And of course in his dream I ran a stop sign and wrecked!
No one was injured, but instantly, EVERYONE hated us!!
We were put in jail.
We were unable to do anything to try to get out.
No matter what we did we were trapped!!

"Uh. Honey, That's not a dream. That's our life!"

He grimaced. "I know!"



For the record, I have never wrecked....that it was my fault.

Or been in the jail....cell.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

And While We're Talkin' About Sleeping Together...

Do your parents or grandparents sleep together??

Don't laugh!
Think about it....not sexually...but literally....sleepin'.

Along life's journey, I was given great pearls of wisdom.
Words to live by....I'll share some with you.

From my grandpa I learned to sit still and observe...I would learn a whole lot more about life.
He also told me that Children should speak when spoken to....I was a shy quiet child.

I got over that.

When I was born I had 8 grandmothers and 3 grandpas....meanin' there were 3 full couples but only 1 that slept together. I thought it was perfectly normal that once you got old, you got your own bed.
Something that I had looked forward to, becuz for as long as I can remember....which is about 4....I shared a bed with someone.

How far back can you remember??
I don't remember my mother wreckin' when I was 6 months old. That was back in the days when you just laid the baby in the seat.....Momma went in the ditch and I went into the floorboard justa squawlin'...so I'm told.
I remember makin' gingerbread cookies with her.
I remember her talkin' to her mother on the phone and passin' out and my grandmother screamin' at her thru the phone ....my mother had problems with seizures.
I remember sittin' in the floor cryin' as my grandmother came haulin' ass thru the door to help my momma.
I remember plannin' for my baby sister....that turned out to be a boy. I was 3 1/2! I was traumatized!!
That was when I learned you don't always get what you want....no matter who your daddy is! And my daddy, hung the moon!

When my Granny got chicks in the mail and 3 were dead. It upset me greatly. That was when I learned about death....though I didn't apply it to dogs or people. That, I would learn later the hard way.

I learned from a very early age that it was okay to be nekked.
But I was very confused that Granny and Gramps didn't run around their house nekked...so I asked why.
I learned several things from that!
Modesty....That a lady should always wear underwear....from my Granny.
Power...That my Granny had a lot of stroke over what went on our home....becuz the nekkedness came to an end!
And most importantly, That I shouldn't tell my Granny everything....that's what my Momma said!

So the question of why some of my grandparents didn't sleep in the same room, I kept to myself. I just observed.
Over the years I have come up with different theories.
Whether it be that one snored, a method birth control, or they got too big to sleep in the same bed, or if there was an actual martial problem that caused a split in the sleepin' arrangments...I just didn't know.

Once my Granny, she's my Daddy's momma....I'm very close to her.....she asked me about my momma's parents....If they slept in the same bed.
They did not.
She just smiled....like she knew a secret.

By the way, ice cream and Pepsi....go along way.
And Granny won every time!

So did your parents or grandparents sleep in the bed??

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Sleeping Habits...

Did you pick up on that wake up time??
1 freackin' 30!!!!

It's a problem I've had for years. I think it has lots to do with hormones.
And not the good ones that are fun....those ragin' teenage hormones that got me pregnant!
But the evil, nasty, and mean ones. The ones that drive SuperMoodyBitch!!
The ones that make me feel like I'm packin' around 50pound boobs!!
I got googled for that once.
Who would want that??
My sleepin' habits or lack of sleep is most certainly connected to my menstrual cycle. The closer I get to the magic date the less I sleep. It doesn't matter if I take a sleepin' aid or not....it just doesn't happen.
And I'm not comfortable at all. Everything hurts!
My hips, boobs, and even my hair hurts!

Add to that I am and always have been a light sleeper.
Sometimes the fan will blow my hair just the wrong way. That causes my brain to start thinking. "I have hair there!"
"Am I gonna hafta shave there too!?"
Once I wake up...I'm up! For hours!

And then to put the cherry on the top of my misery...Roy fidgets.
For years I put up with it....overlooked it becuz he's just awesome!
I worship the ground he walks upon.....and then he woke me up one night fidgetin'.
It's so bad that I counted one night how many times he moved. And compared to how many times I did.....it was like 35 to 1!!
And after I lost count of his movements at about 115, I had to say something.
"Honey." In a pleasant voice, "Would count how many times I move?"
He was real quiet.

"Honey, compare that number to the amount of times you move."
And he's real sharp. He didn't move another muscle!

That was 5 years ago.

But the other night, He musta had a lapse in sanity.
I'm not sure what happened but I woke up at 1 freakin' 30.
It wasn't long after that he started movin' his feet....not just a slide but a thump.
Every 3 seconds.
Thump!
Thump!
And then the rollin' started....he had his back to me.
Then he had his knees towards me.
And his back again.

He didn't know it....but he was sleepin' with SuperMoodyBitch!!

When he flipped the covers back at about 3am to get outta bed that was all she wrote.

SuperMoodyBitch flipped the covers back on her side and hit the floor before Roy.
He didn't say one word.
He backed up against the wall and hoped that SuperMoodyBitch didn't see him.
I think he was holdin' his breath, hopin' and prayin' that he would live thru whatever was about to happen!
Instead of rippin' him to shreds she went to pee.
He made a break for it....to live and fight another day....And sleep on the couch or watch TV or take a bath. I don't know, He just wasn't fidgetin' in my bed anymore!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The Chimney, Tizzys, And Home Repair...

Roy found a crack in the chimney. And instead repairin' the crack, he tore out the bricks....all the way down....thru the attic....the second story....to the living room!
He did this while I was gone.

It's best.

The first time....was when he ripped down the sheet rock .....and didn't use any sorta dust cover to cover my couch...or TV.
And he met me in the driveway....with a huge blushin' grin and he groveled with apologies!!!
The was 3 inches of dirt on my couch!!!

It was 2 years before I had insulation and sheet rock back up!
The 2nd time was when he ripped out the kitchen floor....remember....I fell thru it and well....he had to fix it.
And now this....Chimney thing. He covered stuff this time.

There was a Tizzy before we went to gym....I have been awake since 1 frickin' 30 and I was cranky!!!
There was a Tizzy when we went to Subway...I was tired of his belly achin'.
There was a Tizzy at Sutherlands....that I was not involved in....those are fun to watch.
There was a Tizzy at Lowes....I don't even know who started it!
No Tizzy at Hobby Lobby....he stayed in the pickup.
There was NO Tizzy at Home Depot.....But the clerk that helped us....was so hot!!!

Damn!!! Totally a Peyton Manning in a Home Depot vest!!!

At Atwood's....there was jubilation and an 'I told you so' becuz I was right....he finally saw it!!!
Stop for some Salad at the Olive Garden....to help his dispostion....it was that or I was gonna whup him with a 2x4!!

A return trip to Sutherland's becuz he thought he liked their product better and he wasn't gonna take any lip from that snippy clerk!!
I handled her. She didn't buck me.

But upon closer inspection without hostility he saw that what they had was crap....we don't do crap.
Another trip to Lowe's and $800 later we had what he wanted to fix my chimney.

It's supposed to rain.


Oh I Remember Now!!!

I have this friend.....and I'll use the word "friend" loosely!
I introduced her to the internet 5 years ago.
I felt sorry for her. Her hubby had done her dirty.
She was a mess.
I thought she would use the internet to keep in touch with me and meet people. After I had made so many friends I really encouraged to do it.
She didn't want to meet strangers thru the "net". The whole idea of talkin' to a total stranger that she couldn't see just really freaked her shit out!!

She didn't try to keep in contact with me....I get an email once about every 8 months.
She is still a mess....strung out on prescription pills.
She has met strangers online...none that she's actually physically met. When I do hear from her she tells me wild tales of online sex and offers of houses and motorcycles from strange couples.
I equate her online beaus as the Carnies of CyberSpace! They are felons and they will not send her any pix of themselves....though she has sent nasty pix of herself!!! To Frickin' Them!!!!

She will not talk to me when I'm online.
She talks to total strangers.
What's up with that???
She will not answer me when I "woo hoo" her to chat....And I think that's rude.
If I had a penis...she'd be all over me!!
She is currently sittin' on her PC beggin' for some one to chat with her.....I'll be damned if I do that!!!
I emailed her the other day to turn her on to Facebook....she needs to meet better people. She never answered it....to say Okay or no I don't want to do that.....anything would be better than freakin' nothing!!!!
That's just friggin' rude!!!!!
And why I didn't remember that was what I wanted to blog about yesterday was becuz I was answerin' my emails!!!!!!

Oh! Oh!!! OOOOOH!!!!!
And all this time I felt sorry for her becuz her husband had dumped for another woman.....she was still bangin' him so that he cheated on his current wife!!!
How twisted is that!!!

Monday, November 03, 2008

Blog Clog....

You know when I sat down here I had oodles of things running thru my brain but now.....nothing.
I have formed some the BEST BLOGS in the middle of the night. Sit down here.....nothing!
While walkin' on the treadmill....the thoughts just flow. As I sit here with my fingers on the keys...nothing!

And I think it will help to keep typing!!!

I'll be back when "Prepared."

And one last thing...Be Sure to Vote!!!