Friday, October 31, 2008

If You Weren't Certain.....

My Daughter sent me this.....And she said, "Don't let this happen to you!"

As if you didn't know what you were dealin' with!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Sooooo Creepy.....


Matronly Teacher Type Person.....I doubt she wears a red bra and thongs!!
But what's really scary...it looks like my mother.
eeeeecckkkk!!!!
Yearbook Yourself and email it to me.
Happy Halloween!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Me And My Opossums....

Roy said to tip toe to the back door and peek out. And this is what was out there.
I'm so happy.

He has white tipped ears.

The two I raised 4 years ago had white tipped ears. The other opossums that showed up to eat cat food had huge white faces with solid black ears. This one may be related to mine.


I'm a proud momma!!
The whole story...click here.



Friday, October 24, 2008

Shoe Shopping....

With Roy...it's like havin' Wisdom Teeth Pulled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF NOVOCAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While huntin', his feet get cold....like brick of ice!
He didn't know about Wool Socks!
He was in the Marine Corps and he didn't know about Wool Socks.
"Duh!!! Vietnam!!!", He said.
I've been married to him for like...... Ever!!!!!
And he didn't know about Wool Socks!!!!
I bought him wool socks!!!
Becuz I'm a good wife!!!!!!!!
But before I buy him the socks....he tried on boots.....something like 5 pair of boots.
Do you have any idea what it's like sittin' in Academy....a store that sells deer urine....while your husband tries on boots???
5 Pair???????
Sheer torture!!!
I think I'd rather take it up the ass than go boot shoppin' with him!!
Okay.... not.
Not with all the Tequila I can consume would I take it up the ass.
Not even dead.
But Boot Shoppin'.....a close second!!!!!!!
As I walked out the door with HIS NEW BOOTS....made in China......He tells the clerk, "We only came in here for a $20 pair."
I spent $288.12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found a pair of KennethCole Boots......at TJMaxx.....made in Italy....of the softest leather....ever.....that I DID NOT BUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Merry Frickin' Christmas....Again!!!!!
PS: The comment section took a break yesterday....it should work today.
PPS: Maybe not!!!!!!
Hugs and have a great weekend!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Tomatoes, Peppers, and Basil...

That's all I have left!
And the weather is turnin' colder! I have been threatened with freezin' temps!!
I was hopin' to have them until November but the weather rules the garden.
The tomatoes are romas and they are the best, most durable tomato. The beefsteak are only good the first growth. If the rain is good, I might get more. The romas are constant for me. Roy puts them in the ground with mushroom compost and I add a basil plant. I think they grow better...bigger.


Roy doesn't get the basil plant...."Just go with it."
It smells so good to pick them. And I have it for Italian Salsa! I will add it instead of cilantro...so good!!
This time of year, pickin' tomatoes.... it's like huntin' Easter eggs!!
90% of the tomatoes in that box were picked up off the ground!
Sweet bell peppers...in cages.

The Pepper plants have had the hardest life this year. I bought 6 plants. Roy planted them. About 1 week later, something ate them all to the ground.


I was headed to town to buy some more when Roy said to go look in the garden. There they were startin' to regrow!! I was so thankful. I have the hardest time with peppers becuz they are never marked right! The longer into the season you wait to buy, the more the markers in the store gets mixed up.


gypsy peppers...I love these....some are yellow, some are orange and some are red.


Then the hail storm beat the whole garden to the ground but the tomatoes. We put them cages so they had support.
Italian Gourmet....I love these. Not hot at all, sweet like a bell. Roy didn't put this one in a cage so the weight of the peppers keep it on the ground...in the sand!

The hailstorm hit those peppers....wiped out again!!
Roy gave up on the garden all together so I wasn't about to buy more seeds or plants. Just forget it.


But when the peppers started to bloom....They exploded!!!
Garden Salsa....these are hot! A long lasting heat!!

They are loaded with peppers!!! I'm thinkin' about just pullin' the whole plant up and dryin' it out as is.

The hot peppers that I really like is this one....
but I have no idea what the name is? I told Roy to put the marker in the ground with them but they had such a hard time...it was lost!
This pepper is hot but it doesn't last long. It's hard to describe...I can eat it raw but it doesn't burn like jalapenos or cayenne.
It smokes well too. I use this one more for fresh salsa and on sandwiches.....totally fabulous on grilled cheese!! It perks up fat free cheese.
I should save the seeds of those.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I Have Got To This Out.....

Am I the only person on the face of the earth that didn't like the latest Batman movie??
Seriously!!
I bought into all the hype about it.....Not just to see Heath Ledger. I thought he was good.....especially in the nurses outfit....I'm quirky that way.

It's supposed to be good.
Critics love it!!!

But the movie as a whole....I didn't like it.

Do you remember when the Joker threw that woman...I'll never remember her name...the love interest.....out the window and Batman went out the window after her???
Remember that??
Bruce Wayne was throwin' a fundraiser in the penthouse for Harvey Dent???
Well, the Joker crashed the party and threw that woman out the window and Batman went out the window after her.....fallin' many stories to the land on the top of cab....saved from death yet again.
Right.
The whole time that was goin' on....my brain was still in the penthouse....where the Joker was with all the party guest!!!
He's the frickin' Joker!!!
And he was left alone with those people in the penthouse!!!
Come on!!!
He would have been throwin' more people out the window!!!
But no!!
They cut away to another scene....That has nothing to do with the party in the penthouse.
What?? The Joker just said, "Okay men let's bounce up outta here."
He's a psychopath!! That would have been a total massacre!!

I was so hung up on that....I couldn't focus on the rest of the movie.

And breakin' the BatLight.....I'll never watch another one.

Sorry, I've had that rattlin' around in my head for months....I had to get it out.

I feel better.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Let's Talk About Movies...

Last week, we saw "Appaloosa".
I loved it.
Roy too.
And I think to like it you have to like westerns. It's the typical plot of the bad rancher runnin' over a small town and 2 men come to town to clean it up.
I LOVE VIGGO!!!!
And then a woman comes to town. She seems to catch everyone's eye but goes for the biggest stallion in the herd....Renee Zelleweger plays the part well.
And I think I might have to rethink her playin' in the story of life. I stood in the mirror for 10 minutes tryin' real hard to see her....she looked so blotched and puffy. I really had to screw my face up to get that!!

Anyone else see it??
What do you think??

Friday, October 17, 2008

Top 3 Reasons Why I Love The Gym...

3 reason why I hate the gym was just too easy!!
1) I sweat!
2) There are smelly men!
3) I have to shave my legs.....more than usual.


But the Top 3 Reasons Why I Love The Gym....

1) I am shapin' up quite nicely.....but no where near that golden number of 122. Shapin' up nicely, becuz I sweat. Everyone sweats at the gym! It's okay.
Not at all like in Church....where I sweat like the proverbial whore!
That's me.... the harlot in the red bra!

2) There are some hot guys....and they know Roy!!
Cha Ching!!!
But alas....they know the rules...."Wives are left alone. PERIOD."
Though I have met one.....professionally. It stings a bit when I get the "Slow your HappyAss down" Speech from some other cop!
But Damn!!!! Young Squire, is fine!
I don't see how MzAngie does it....workin' with all those men!
I would have to take a cold shower before work.....go home and take another at lunch.
And Katie bar the door....after work...I'd have to spend some quality time with Hitachi....my Japanese Boyfriend!

But me and Roy's friends....we smile at each other from across the room....if only Young Squire would get closer....to smell him.....and I hope I didn't forget to shave legs that day.

And as I'm pedalin' away and day dreamin' about Young Squire in my pool....in his speedo....and he would look fine in it.....listenin' to "Boogie Back To Texas".....Hey! A girl's gotta some sorta swing in her life!!!
I'm mindin' my own business, when I catch a whiff of that smelly old man!!
Oh crap!!
Ben Gay and sweat....sometimes coffee mingled in....so gross!!
SmellyMan... makes think of that SocklessMan that followed me around Walmart!!
Roy says that the smelly old man just wants to talk to me....gross!
SmellyMan apparently doesn't care if I shave my legs or not!
Seriously, he just wants to ask me about something related to the news and politics!
Do I look like I know anything about the news or politics????

I'm polite.
I chat.
Anyway....If it was Young Squire.....oooohhhh Baby!!

3) There are no cute chicks!!
I don't think I need elaborate on that one!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Altercation on Aisle 9!

So I was standin' in the hair color aisle at WalMart when Bad To Bone started playin'.

"Bbbbad, bbbbab to the Bone"....as I dug out my cell phone. That's Roy's ringtone.
"Dude?"
"Where are you?"
"On the Hair Color Aisle."

From somewhere deep in the Lawn and Garden section...and on my phone, "NNNOOOooo!"

And before I could spit out the word, "But!" I could hear him comin'!!
He had managed to dodge several little old ladies and leap over a child to materialize in front of me...to wrestle the box of MzClairol from my hands. He was spittin' out words thru gritted teeth, "I'll! Pay! Extra! Drop the box!!!!!"

Then he proceeded to push me and my cart away from the "danger zone"....mumblin' somethin' about my lack of abilities to bake and there was no way I was puttin' chemicals on my hair!!

Oh, He'll pay alright...He'll pay!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

It's Been Confirmed!!

Roy is fit as a fiddle!

The local tribe had a fitness clinic this last weekend...free flu shots....games for the kids...and free stuff from some of the local groups. I came home with pencils, toys for the cats, and pamphlets on all sorts of things.
I had the opportunity to wear the beer goggles and drive the golf cart....I was first in line!
But I was the only adult in a long line of CHILDREN!!
Roy made me leave.
All the kids cheered.
Brats!!
It's not like I outran them or wrestled them to the ground or anything!

So anyway.....

When I was in line with the old people for my free blood pressure check....Roy felt better that I was in that line....he flirted with the old ladies. One of them has made a date with him to be taught how to use her gun.

My blood pressure was good.....my resting heart rate was too high. I'm like a humming bird.
And that was the only good news for me!
I had my body mass index done. I was very happy to know that I have not shrunk in fact I grew!
I was so happy!!
I finally made it to 5 foot!!! It's I life long dream...to be 5 foot!
And to touch the foot of the Tom Landry statue at Texas Stadium.

Woo Hoo!! 5 foot!!
Let the pigeons fly!!!

And then Roy said, "That's not right! I measured 5' 11" and you know I'm not!"
Gather back up the pigeons.

That scale thingy measurer doodad was not worked properly by the TechChick.
So it makes me wonder about the rest.
Should I really weigh 122??
Keep in mind that I'm 4 foot 11".
And I swear she said I needed to drink 30.5 liters of water!
Roy said, "No, No, no. Do you know how much water that is??"
Numbers do not register with me....I'm glad I quit takin' accountin' classes becuz seriously folks numbers do not make sense. I have that slight dyslexia problem, you know.
He continued, "That's how much water is in your body, you twit!"

Whatever!

But 122???
I haven't been 122 in 20 years!!!
In high school I was so thin, I wore a size 0! And weighed something like 95 pounds.
Remember those ABC AfterSchool Specials? They were neat little shows about drugs, teen pregnancy and eatin' disorders. It was in the same week that the special about anorexia was aired that two boys that I had known since kinnygarden staged an intervention with me in the library. My friend, ThePrincess was with me and cracked up laughin'! "Are you kiddin' me? She eats all of her meal and half of mine at lunch! She's not anorexic!"
Their heart was in the right place.

But that's not the really bad news that I got from the free clinic....my total cholesterol is 229!!
That's bad!!!
I'll have it redone in December when I go in for my yearlies...until then it's oatmeal every morning.

And Roy's was perfect!
He's hit his goal weight.
His blood pressure is good.
His glucose is good.
And his cholesterol is perfect!
Fit as a fiddle!

And he has a date....with a BeeHiveLady!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Road Trip Nightmare.....

So Roy and I went on a road trip. We stopped along the way at a diner for a bite to eat....it was a beautiful area in the middle of Nowhere, USA. When we do a Road Trip it's to Nowhere.
Across the road was a garage that had old rebuilt customized cars out front. One of the was beautiful Orange 34 Ford with a huge chrome motor out front and huge tires in the back.
Why didn't I have my camera with me??
I always have it!!
Not this trip!!
As we were standin' there lookin' at the cars, a guy comes up and gets in the Orange Ford. He starts it up and takes off like a shot! He's cuttin' donuts and havin' a great time! Gravel flyin', smokin' tires and loud motor growlin'!!
Why didn't I have my camera??
Why??
When he was done, he parked the car in a different spot.....hopped out with a huge opossum eatin' shit grin.
That musta been a great feelin'.... To have all that power in your hands.

And then everything went to Hell.

That beautiful car started to roll backwards! Panic was all over his face now. Roy ran to help him stop the car.
There was a deep ravine behind the car. There was no stoppin' it. It just kept rollin'. That beautiful Orange Car didn't stop until it hit the top of a dam at the bottom of the ravine.
We all just stood there lookin' at it.
People scrambled from everywhere.
They had to get it out of there!
The dam opened it up and dashed all our hopes of gettin' that car back in one piece. The Water pushed it and the car went on over the edge and was gone.
The ground started to shake.
It was the weirdest frickin' thing ever. It was all happenin' at once.
I stepped backwards to keep from goin' down the ravine like the car only to step into a deep crack.
I started screaming for Roy!!
I couldn't move my legs!!
He grabbed my arms and pulled me to safety!!


And then I woke up!!

I have been wonderin' all mornin' long, what the hell that was all about????

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Cat's Outta The Bag!!

HappyWife called me to tell me about what happened after we went to the DonkeyTonk. I was worried that she took all kinds of flack for it. Him sittin' across the table from me in a huff, I knew she would!
HappyHusband was miffed that she bullied him in to goin'...It's his place to make decisions... he's an ass!
And then she said, "Roy told him that you didn't like him very much."

HOLY SHIT!!

Now this bothers me to some degree....actually a lot!!
I don't want to offend her or lose her friendship for any reason.
But Holy Shit!!
Roy said it!!
I can't say he's a liar!!
So I fessed up. "No I don't. He acts like a baby about everything."

She just giggled.

Good.

Next up for killin'....Roy!
"Honey, you told HappyHusband that I didn't like him??!"
"Yes I did."
"What....Why??"
"He said, 'Your wife doesn't like me very much does she?' and I told him that you didn't. 'She says I don't like strong women, so it's sorta like that.' "

Oh shit!

So now HappyHusband thinks I don't like him becuz he's a strong man....That's even worse!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Oh How The Mighty Fall!!

UGH!!!

Roy said, "Don't watch that game! You know you'll be disappointed!"

But no, I did.

Congrats, Texas. You played well.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Vlad The Diet Barbarian's Weakness...

"Honey, which arm is the Heart Attack arm?"
He shows a bit of concern.
"It's the left one."
"Oh good! I have a shootin' pain in my right."
He rolls his eyes.

We have had this conversation about every 6 months since 1995. We had these little chats more often since he's dragged my fat ass to the gym.

"Honey, I have pain in my left arm."
He shows a bit of concern.
"Is it a sharp shootin' pain?"
"No. It's more like a achin' throbbin' pain in my elbow."
Sometimes when I have groomed a lot of dogs...it's my wrist!
He rolls his eyes...I rely on him.
He is EMT trained.
"If you didn't loll about like Jabba the Hut you wouldn't have that."

I rolled my eyes.....Jabba!
He'll sing a different tune when I have that gold swimsuit on!!

"Honey, I have a sharp shootin' pain in my left arm and I feel faint."
He goes on point.
I fainted on him once so he's very cautious of the word "faint" when I say it.

He was his fault!

Okay, he had us diet kick once in the past.
He bought all of us bicycles.
And we all had those odd honkin' horns....it was like a flock of sick geese ridin' bikes.
One day he came up with the bright idea of takin' us to the lake....better yet below the dam...which means there is HUGE HILL....HUGE FUCKIN' HILL!!!
Down... I had no problem.
Up...HUGE PROBLEM!!
He said to use the different speeds on my bicycle...what???
I've only ridden a one speed!!
I'm the only speed!!! Though the bike had 5!
So up the hill we went.
The girls hung with me....worried that their momma would not make it.
BUT.....If they're momma made it, they could!
Roy rode way ahead of us.
I pedaled like the Wicked Witch of the East!
And I was worried I wouldn't make it.
I'm not the most physically fit person...EVER!
Heart problems run in my family!

So I make to the top of the hill...Iwill live!!
Woo fuckin' hoo!!

And then it happened.

I went about a quarter of a mile and I stopped dead in my tracks.
"Honey!"
Roy stopped.
Turned.
"What?"
"I can't see."

He musta caught me just before I hit the pavement.

All I remember was some Angel sayin' "Walk this way." and guidin' me towards the light!

I opened my eyes to see a man that had panic on his face becuz his future wife just passed out.
Two little girls that had watched their momma die.
One of their teachers.
2 people from the diner across the road.
And 3 men I have no idea who they were.

The teacher loaded me in her car and took me and the girls home.
Roy rode his bike home....we were 5 miles from home.

We passed the ambulance on the way home. Someone from the diner had called them to come out for the woman that had collapsed on the side of the road.

Totally Roy's fault!! We never went back to the dam.

This whole gym.....fitness center thing.....So far so good.

Roy watches me in the gym.
He doesn't push me.
When I say "I'm done"....I'm done.
When I say "I feel faint"...he stops whatever he's doing and gets ready to catch me.
Once while at WalMart...years ago....He had me on one on these yo-yo diets...I felt faint.
The lights went dark.
I was goin' down.....I thought I was.
Roy wouldn't even chit chat with his FanClub!
He has one....groupies...of a sort.
It's really cool....I wish I could tell you more about it.

But... He knew he had to be ready to catch me.

I am his kryptonite!

So how have I lost 15 pounds??
The gym and a diet of 1500 calories.
And the love of a really great guy.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Catch Up!



Oct 1, Roy went to the woods loaded for bear...well deer anyway.... and it was with his crossbow....shoulder injury.... he uses a crossbow.
He came home empty handed.
And Pissed off.
And has been belly achin' about cows being under his stand.


I've had him to town at least 6 times...he's missed lots of huntin'!! I took pity on him and bought him a smoker.
He's happy.
And I get to eat real food....though I have lost 15 pounds.
10 more would be super...15 would awesome.
Roy has lost thirty frickin' five pounds!

He's been gettin' his black powder gun ready to go and workin' on his boyfriend's gun. I think that season opens in 2 weeks.

OU is Number One in polls for College Football!!
And they are Number One at being Number One....so cool.
They keep stats for every thing.
OU's first big challenge is this weekend...Texas at the CottonBowl for the Red River ShootOut. They changed the name of that to Rivalry...but I just can't say Red River Rivalry.
It comes out Red River Rye-ver-ree...whatever!

Have a great weekend all!

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Donkey Tonks, DumbAss's, And A Little White Dress...

Roy and I were invited to a dinner party Friday night. I gotta call and an invite from PartyWife. Roy likes her husband...PartyHubby...not so much her.
It's her birthday and she wanted to get all her friends together for dinner and then afterwards go a bar.
She said, "You can bring a dessert."
Holy Shit!
I don't do desserts.
Ddoes that put me in charge of the friggin' birthday cake??

Oh the pressure!

Roy and I made a booze run to Sam's and there was the cake...in the bakery....I got a blister from lookin' for it....so some blood was lost over the cake.

But that isn't really the heart of this tall tale....

I keep Roy on a "Need to Know" status.
And I tell him in spurts....he has to think things over.
I told him we were goin' to a dinner party....he didn't want to go.
Then I told him it was a birthday party...he was mullin' it over.
Then I told him I was in charge of the cake....he couldn't say no now!!
But I didn't tell him about the after dinner festivities.
I would hold that detail out until the day of the party.
Roy and bars...don't mix.
All those years of being a cop....sorta tarnished him. He was one of those cops that sat outside the bars and threw the drunk's car keys on the roof of the bar. That was much easier than draggin' their asses to jail.

The HappyWife and her hubby was invited also.
He absolutely DID NOT WANT TO GO TO THE BAR.
He didn't want his wife in a bar.
Takin' his wife and me to a tittybar was a good idea?
Roy's reason I could see.
HappyHusband...no.
I could not.

And being the complete and total Jackass that he is...he told Roy!!


So Roy says to me, "What do you know about the dinner party?"
I knew right then I had to tell him the whole thing.
And in my own way.

No Sex Was Used to Get My Way....I reserve that for shoes.

He would do just about anything for HappyWife. He taught her to ride her motorcycle. HappyHusband didn't want her to know so she would hafta ride with him.
I told Roy that HappyHusband was attemptin' to keep his wife from havin' fun. He wants so badly to be her father and tell her what she can and can not do.

And Roy sided with me!!!
Like Duh!!

The dinner party was a success.
The cake was fabulous!
And we all loaded up and went to the bar.
HappyWife laughed and had a great time while her husband sat there with his arms folded across his chest poutin'!
HappyWife said, "You wouldn't be happy if I came in here nekked would you!"

We all laughed and had a great time....How can you not??

PartyWife was tryin' to pull HappyHusband outta his funk by tellin' him his wife has a great ass. And I nodded my head in agreement.
Which made HappyWife blush.
So I took it one step further, "Okay Let's vote. Everyone that thinks HappyWife has a great ass, raise your hands!"
We raised our hands....even Roy.
Which made her blush again!
She realized that he had check it out!
But HappyHusband...didn't raise his hand!


Oh, oh.... the little white dress.....it was sheer with a slip under it and it was EXTREMELY SHORT!!
PartyWife kept tellin' her "Do Not Bend Over!"

It managed to hold our attention most of the night.
It became a game. How long will it take before we get to see her panties?
Honestly, it was super cute being worn by a super cute gal.
Power to her for being able to pull it off. I would never be able to wear it.
I don't tan.
And my legs are never gonna be that long!
I won the game though!
I saw her panties first.
That little slip just didn't do its job.

Moral of the Story: Don't try to be your wife's father. And wear longer dresses!!

Friday, October 03, 2008

When I Am Queen Of The World....


I will pass a law that states that NO ONE....ROY FREAKIN' HIGHTOWER....will set the frickin' alarm to go off at 6AM to go to the flippin' gym!!!

That NO ONE...ME..... Should be force to get up after drinkin' an entire bottle of Red Wine to go workout at 6 friggin' AM!!!!


The night before, he said, "The cork won't go back in! Guess we'll have to drink it!"


Apparently, his half of the bottle didn't give him a huge fuckin' headache!!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Is It Wrong?


I burst into tears...almost every time.
When Roy refers to being 60...in fact tears are on edge now.
I do not want him to be 60.
He won't be for 2 years.
Okay, I'll go away....again.
I'm a mess.