Friday, May 30, 2008

The HarleyBarn...

video

It's so well made....and a "TrapDoor"! For those "little troublin' things"!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Those Thievin' Neighbors!!!

They have struck again!!
First my lawn furniture!!!
And then Here.
Oh Those Thievin' Bastards!!!
Is There No Justice??!!!
We bought this house in the country in 1995. It's on top of a hill. Our front yard slopes and Roy decided to level it in 1999.
You can't really tell just how much from this pix but you will.
To level it up takes a lot of dirt, rocks and hard back breakin' work. We had some rocks. Roy had dug up all the ones in the yard that were a hazzard to the mower....that I...when I mowed...back then I did....would run over. So we had a huge pile of rocks but not enough to build up the front yard.
Roy scoured the ditches for more...it's in the ditch...it's free.
He came home with HUGE rocks ....truck load after truck load.
He slowly raised the yard. I have no idea just how high it is...he's told me but I've forgotten.
We had to buy dirt. LOTS OF DIRT!!
He would park his car out on the "build site" to draw attention from the neighbors...to show off his work.

And as always he did a good job. I have never seen a man work so hard at diggin' rocks.
He had it just where I wanted it. I have a problem with buying dirt...that shits expensive!! Then he decided he wanted to go 3 feet higher. That meant we had to move a tree.
And more rock huntin' and more dirt buyin'!
I had planted flowers in the edge of the rocks and when he went higher he left me enough room to continue to plant flowers and vining plants. He has planted redbud trees across the top of the ridge. It has turned out quite nice.
2001
We are pleased.

2008
The moved tree is growin' strong.
This last spring he was cleaning out the ditches in the West Fence line when he saw a rock pokin' outta the ground. He dug it up and left by the highline pole. It was pretty good sized. He was gonna move it up to the yard but just hasn't done it yet.
A week or so ago I saw two men scourin' the ditches and pickin' up rocks. I watched them for a bit from my car...they never saw me.
How can you miss a Bright Red Car sittin' in the middle of the road?? They were intent in their search for rocks.
I mentioned it to Roy. He wasn't really concerned as they were takin' the rocks from the South Ditch....he didn't need those.
But Those Thievin' Neighbors Took His Rock!!!! It was huge!
And on a steep ditch! But it was his and he wanted it!!
He started to worry about our front yard. Did they take any from there? He went out to look but couldn't tell if they had....he double checked again this am!!
I told Roy we needed to bait them!! Set out one he didn't want and wait....he's still mullin' that over!
Those Thievin' Bastards!!
He didn't like it so well when it happened to him!!
But my lawn furniture....That seems to be okay for them to steal!!
That's his story and he's stickin' to it!!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

First Ride of the Season...


And it may well be the only ride!!

I haven't ridden my motorcycle since I hurt my back in '05. My end of a Mastiff was 75lbs and my back gave out. What's it gonna do with a 300lb bike to muscle around??

Too scary for me to deal with is what!! To be master and commander of my own destiny and crashin' and burnin' becuz I had a twinge in my back....I ride with Roy on the Indian....as a fender bunny.
My bike is on the left with my solo seat...becuz nobody's my bitch!
But it needs some work done....a bracket that holds the muffler on is broken and needs weldin'. Roy says it's a huge ordeal...he had them off 4 times polishing them...he hasn't taken them to the welder. So Saturday when we got the call to go ridin', we loaded up on HIS sportster....not mine...with the big seat!!

The other couple...the husband and wife of the HappyFamily...were ridin' together also. She had a bigger seat than I did to sit on!! She could have ridden her own but Husband/Wife politics of other marriages....not my business. But she shoulda rode her own!
And that's all I'm sayin' about that!
Well...maybe not...I think some men are a bit threatened by women being independent. I know my first hubby was! He escorted me to college and sat with me in the library off campus...OFF CAMPUS!!!! I really needed to be lost in the stacks but he felt stupid and outta place on campus so I sat in the city library!! He could have gotten a job and been outta my hair but NO!

So sidetracked here....
Ridin' Saturday....
So HappyHusband decided he wanted to ride around the lake....it's a 90 mile ride around Grand Lake of the Cherokees....Keep that in mind!
90 miles!!
Roy's Sportster....it's small and has a contoured seat moulded to be sleek. It's meant to be fast.
See No Bitch Bar!!
And very little seat!!
90 Frickin' Miles!!
After the first 30 it's just a little tender....but the next 30....no blood in the lower half of my body!! My butt is numb but somehow feels EVERY FREAKIN' BUMP in the Freakin' Road!!!!And by the time we get home.....there's pain!!
Lots of pain!!!

If I were to die today and there was an autopsy.....Doc Robbins would say, "Grissom, this is worse case of biker bitch abuse I have ever seen! There is evidence of a woman who was forced to ride 90 miles on what appears to be a sparsely covered 2x4 masking as a seat with no bitch bar. What a waste of great ass!"

He would have me positioned on the M.E. table so that my ass would be propped up in the air so when he threw back the sheet to show Gil the damage....he could see it better... Becuz That's where all the bruisin' IS!!!

Not just my ass but the whole business area....totally unusable!!

We were takin' a break at the 60 mile mark and as I stood there stretchin' my hamstrings by bendin' over several times I said to Roy with my head hangin' downward...as he was standin' right there...."You're gonna wish you had got your nookie last night!"
And when I raised back up...he wasn't the only one standin' there!!!
We had drawn a crowd!!

The HappyWife turned BeetRed and covered her face. Some strange man said to Roy, "Man, I think you're in trouble!"

Roy's pretty used to me just blurtin' things out, "Oh you know how women are."


And Another thing...

Have you ever seen those women that ride behind their man lookin' all cool?
Lookin' like they don't have a care in the world...they're on the back of motorcycle.....wind in they're hair??
Laid back on the bitch bar like their on a rollin' lawn chair sunnin' themselves and look at you like, "If you like I'll show you a tit"??
Have you seen those??
That would not be me!

I have to hold on for dear life as Roy likes to showboat.
He likes to drag race threw intersections.
And he is not above goin' over the posted speed limit...way over!
Yes,there is a double standard at work in the Hightower!! He can drive like he has no brain on his motorcycle but I have to slow my happyass down in my car!!

So not only am I ridin' on a sparsely covered 2x4 with no bitch bar but he tries to throw my ass off!!!

If I have to take the mufflers off the Indian myself....they're goin' to the welder!!!! See the difference in the seats??
My bike is the furthest with its bigger seat...then his sportster....and then the Indian.
Let the good times roll...wait....that's the pitch for Kawasaki.
Live To Ride!!
When my ass stops hurtin'!!
One more thing....Check BeeHive!!

Just Waitin' For the Pool Dude!!



The Mighty Has Fallen......


One less headache...It's a locust tree with thorns. It will not be missed!!

Clarifaction: Roy was neglected by his wife.......I had a lazyass husband that I had no respect for.....none what so ever.
And we are all...Roy, me and all my blogger buddies....That DrPhil needs to butt out....I found my soulmate.

Monday, May 26, 2008

DrPhil Ripped Us A New One!!!

One night durin' supper...
"Honey, We were on DrPhil today."
Roy looked up from cuttin' his steak and said,"Splain that one, Lucy."
"Well it would seem that this woman was being neglected by her husband and she started an affair with another man. They fell in love. They both were gettin' divorces and her husband was upset becuz he didn't realize that she was unhappy and was shocked that she wanted a divorce. I mean...Come On! He was neglectin' her how could he know?"
I paused to let that soak in.
"Doesn't that sound really familiar to you?"
He nodded his head, "So how did we fair?"
"DrPhil ripped us a new one! He said we had disrespected our spouses and our marriages even if there wasn't anything left in those marriages. That we had acted irresponsible by starting our relationship before fully ending our first one. That our marriage wouldn't last becuz our relationship was based on selfishness."
Roy just grinned.
DrPhil....You can kiss my lily white ass!!!

14 years and still goin' strong!!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Don't Eat the Daiseys!!!

Well, I think you can...but I'm not sure. I haven't tried them yet!
The other day we were workin' in the yard....we need a tree taken out...for the pool...and that means I have to help.

The man was in a tree and I had to be his spotter....video tape the fall and call 911!! Where's Roy?? Can you see him??

I'm in charge of Trixie and Ralph. If he saw this...rollin' in HIS violets....we'd all be in trouble!!!

The actual "lift that bale and tote that barge"....and tree cuttin' is left to Roy. And it has to be done in such a way that it doesn't fall on that old buildin' or any of the surroundin' fences...not an easy task.
So I just stand back and fetch whatever he may need....and I eat the violets...the actual flower.
...and the honeysuckle nectar
....and clover flowers.....he brought me 2 more 4 leaf ones just yesterday
....and the mints
....and the marigold petals
....and sage flower nectar is actually sweeter than honeysuckle!!
I have lots of herbs and edible grasses and flowers.

And right in the middle of my munchin' on honeysuckles, Roy yells at me to go get somethin'...."Hey!!"
I jumped like had my hand in the cookie jar....I had half a honeysuckle hangin' outta my mouth. "Stop eatin' the flowers and go get me a rope!"
He liked to had a cow when he saw me eatin' the HIS violets!!!
The one I regret puttin' in my mouth was lemon balm....it did something to my lips that lasted 3 days!!!
Like alum....More like pouty lips than puckered!
Not even the spearmint would take it out!!!
I wonder if the tags were switched at the nursery? That happens...one year I had banana peppers instead of bells!!

And DO NOT EAT FENNEL!!! Unless you like licorice!!
Gross, Gross, Nasty, Nasty!!!
Since that bad experience with the fennel and lemon balm or lemon mint or whatever it was....I just chew the flowers or grass and then spit it out.
With Vlad the Diet Barbarian around....I'll munch on the flowers!! There he is!!!!
And after we had to quit becuz of storms... This is all we got done. It's a slow process.
We worked Ralph so hard!!!
And I do not recommend eating Peonies either!!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

4Play....I've Been Tagged!!

The ZooKeeper tagged me...it's a toughy!!
It's deep....I'm so shallow!!!

Hold on Baby Jesus...It's gonna get bumpy!!

What are four jobs you've had?
1. Hardee DriveThru Bitch...I don't care if you didn't get your full order. I didn't sack it! Talk to the hand!
2. Dishwasher at the MustangCafe...in my DaiseyDukes and all! And I bussed tables!! Woo hoo!!
3. Convenience Store Clerk ....that wives hated and husbands looooooved!! Short skirts rock!!
4. VetTech at Critters and Hooters Clinic,..."Yeah, Hello Charlotte, Can you wash my dog?" I have no idea who Charlotte is or how they got that outta what I said!!

What are four ways you know you are living your life's purpose? ....Purpose??
OR What have you accomplished that five years ago looked impossible? ...accomplishments??
I choose "Purposes"
1. I have lots of shoes....I was meant to own shoes.
2. I have lots of purses....And meant to own purses.
3. I have happy children...And it takes every ounce of my being not to meddle in that happiness.
4. Roy is one happy man.....despite his tough talk and grumpiness...it keeps people from meddlin' in our life!!

What are four things you do to take really good care of yourself?
Oh God!!! And I'll try not to lie.
1. Bitchin' about everything....it's get all the negativity out of my system so it doesn't fester.
2. Walking...I made a promise to walk a mile a day....and I figure if I do 3 in one day I can take 3 days off...right???
3. I buy the best smellin' shampoo...Hello Sugar from Bath and Body....it smells like Lemon Sugar Cookies.....becuz I'm all about the hair....smellin' good.
4. Puttin' in a swimmin' pool.....so I can swim for my health.
Okay that was a big fat lie...I just float..... Click Here...it's well worth it!

What are four events that have most formed how you live your life today?
1. The death of my father when he was only 35....my safety net was gone...and I have really needed him.
2. My divorce from EarlLee.....LazyAssBastard.
3. My marriage to Roy.....Best thing ever!!!!
4. The DarkYears.....and we don't talk about that.

What are four things you do to keep your motivation up to work out and eat healthy? Motivation???
OR What are four other careers you considered?
I chose careers.....I don't do motivation!
1. Veterinarian...I got close as a VetTech....I do not want to ever be a Vet!!! Never!! EVER!!
2. CPA....EarlLee took that one and shit all over it and it was ruined...never to be wanted again.
3. Bar Owner....but Roy said I would drink the profits away.....so probably not gonna try that.
4. HouseWife and Mother....did that...not too crazy about either.

Name four people who have been the most influential in motivating you to change your life? I don't do Motivation.
OR What are four things you haven't blogged about but want to?
Geez?? I figured I've done it all.....but....

1. The DarkYears....very few people would understand....so I will never do it.
2. Roy's kids.... we don't see them enough.
3. My grandkids....we don't see them enough either.
4. I have sat here for about 10 minutes tryin' to think of something else...I got up and went to go pee....hopin' something would come to me....I've covered a small amount of politics....TV, Movies, books, music, gas prices, pets, vibrators and sex, football, fashion.....what's left??

What are your top reasons for staying off refined sugar and white flour? What the hell kinda question is that???
OR What are four foods you will NOT eat? I got this one!!
1. Innards....offal....there is a reason you leave that stuff in the trash when the animal is butchered...it tastes like shit!!!
2. Asparagus....that make some nasty smellin' urine!!!
3. Lamb....unless it's the Lamb that the Outback grills up....that is just scrum-T-lious!!!
4. Duck....It has been such a long time since I ate any duck...both wild and tame... that I can't remember what it tastes like but I will not do it!!! Once was enough!!!

List four reasons that you blog.
1. Venting...it's the best way to keep from drivin' Roy crazy!!
2. To tell stories....they are true tales....I have not misspoke. I have never unassed a plane under the cover of sniper fire...yet!!
3. Roy and I have interesting conversations that I need to share with someone...most of my blogs stem from those conversations.
4. To have my memoirs in "Print"....and when they do the movie....Zelleweger is gonna play me...."Nadine Hightower's Diary"...she put on a few pounds to do "Bridget Jones", she'll do it for me!!
Roy will have to be played by SamElliot...or BruceWillis...but Willis will have to buff up!!

And now I'm suppose to tag others but I think it would more fun for you to add who you think should play you in the movie of your life.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Troubles the WigWam Destroyer...Part 2

Let me take you back to 2002.... so Roy has this $2500 shed he stores his motorcycles in.....it's rainin'.....there's a week old kitten under it...and I wanted it!!

Roy stopped followin' the momma cat. He thought maybe he was makin' her nervous....that she would just go get it. He wasn't all together sure it was under the WigWam but odds were good. The momma cat would go over there and look but she wouldn't go under and get it....dumb cat!

By the time I had come home from work, he had been on the kitten hunt for 3 hours. He is dedicated to hunting....whether it be a big buck or a week old kitten...he would wait it out.

But I am not a hunter and I don't work that way!!
It was rainin'...it's cold....it's a baby!!!
I do not have the patience that is needed to hunt....it's a baby.....just get it!

We both were on the ground lookin' under the shed and tryin' to reach it but I'll be damned if it wasn't smack dab in the center....too far for Roy to reach .....there was no way I could reach it. He suggested we use something to push it out.

It's a baby!!! He could have injured it!!!
Push that baby around in the mud! It's brittle...it's a baby!!
I put my foot down on that!

We walked around while he was thinkin' about how to get that kitten....and shut me up.

I argued...bitched my case.....I appealed to his vanity.....I would save the tears as a last resort....but what if it dies?

"It will stink up your building!! And stink up your Bike!!"


He pulled the motorcycles out.....it had stopped rainin'.

He got his circular saw and cut a hole in the floor of his very well built motorcycle shed...he was so proud of that shed!

He reached in and picked up the teeny weiniest....itsy bitsiest....it fit in the palm of your hand....didn't even have it's eyes open.....little kitten.


And he said, "You sure are a lot of Trouble!" I'm not sure if he meant me or the kitten!!
Troubles the WigWam Destroyer....2008.

Monday, May 19, 2008

This Must Be Muckin' Fonday?!?

Becuz I just can't seem to get my brain goin' today....so I got nothin'!

I can bitch about the price of gas.....apparently that doesn't do any good. I put $50 buck in my car the other day.....I never thought I would ever do that. The only good thing about it was the hot clerk! He was sooo cute and took my money with a smile.

I can bitch about my weekend but I got that all outta my system yesterday....all over Roy. It was actually a pretty good weekend but it was the little things that piss me off....all things that are so supposed to be hand made crafts from America were imported from China.
Or This....One man makin' hats wanted $45 for an unattractive hat....but the cutest red leather fringe coat only $20...made in China!!!!!! What the hell is that all about?????
I didn't buy either. It was a matter of principals....that I don't feel like 'splainin'!

I am gonna bitch about that commercial about sendin' my old gold to someone for cash.....what idiot in their right mind would do that???
Can you not see that that is a scam???
But you know what....if you are dumb enough to send your valuables in the mail to someone you don't know for cash and YOU never get the cash....you deserve to be scammed!!!
Take it to the pawn shop.
Sell it in a garage sale.
But do not send it in the mail to someone you don't know!!!!

Vlad the Diet Barbarian is back.....crackin' his whip.
Yesterday, he said, "Either eat the cookies or I'm throwin' them out!"
That bastard....Forced cookies down my throat!!!
"You'll thank me later!" he said.

Do you think he was talkin' about eatin' the cookies or crackin' the whip on my fat ass??


Nope, I got nothin'!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Troubles, The WigWam Destroyer...

Once Upon A Time.....
Roy wanted a motorcycle when he retired. But before he bought a bike he wanted a shed to keep it in. We have talked about building a garage for years but never have bitten the bullet and done it. He dug out a spot for a garage....level a section of the yard...means diggin'!

We looked at sheds at Lowe's and Home Depot, leavin' him unimpressed. "They're shit!" He knew he could build one so much better than that! He quoted me $1500 or less. I gave him the green light!

$2500 later the HarleyBarn was built! "There were some cost over runs!"

So everytime I spend more for purses and shoes than I thought I would, I tell him, "there were cost over runs!" He just grins and shuts up!

I have to admit it is a great building! He did a really good job. He was very proud of the work he did.

The hunt for the motorcycle started and ended with purchase of an Indian so the HarleyBarn was renamed the WigWam. And stayed the WigWam, even when he bought me a Harley....and allowed me to park my bike in there....well, he put it in there and locked it in....and I have no idea where the key is hidden.

It's for the best.

While Roy does Roy things... I do my own thing. I would bring cats home from work and they would stay for about 3 weeks or less and then go live with the neighbors...... They were spayed or neutered so I didn't overpopulate the countryside. But I wanted cats so I brought home an unspayed cat and she became pregnant. She stayed on the backporch most of the time. I knew that her kittens would know this as their home and would not leave like all of the other cats had.

Roy decided he wanted to go to Sturgis...ride our bikes to South Dakota...no small feat!!
I made arrangements for someone to feed the cats and dogs and we loaded up and headed out!
While we were gone, the momma cat had her kittens. We didn't really know where but it was obivious that she had.

One day while I was at work, Roy called to say he saw the momma cat carrying a baby in the backyard.
"Well, go get them and put them on the backporch so that we can handle them and they won't be wild!" He began to follow her around until he had all but one. He knew there was another one. When it started raining, she got nervous and took it back to where she had kept the litter.....UNDER THE WIGWAM!!



Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Hunt for Golf Clubs....

The Life of a Hoarder....
Roy came home yesterday all excited about some game he and boys played with a home-made bat and some golf balls.....so of course he wanted to take his clubs today.
And he looked everywhere he could think they might be....that I suggested.....and he never found them.
They are just some clubs I bought at a garage sale as a joke......he bought a bucket of golf balls...a 5 gallon bucket of balls...... for no good reason so I bought him some old clubs for the hell of it. I have no idea what "number" they are or the difference between a driver or a chippin' wedge. He can tell me until he's blue in the face but I don't get it....or care....the fate of my world doesn't depend on it. He can knock them off the hill into the neighbor's pasture....me... not so much.
I didn't feel good yesterday or I would have helped in the search so I just gave suggestions from the couch.
But today, I feel like a million! I started my search in that building. We call it the fish house....it's flooded......with spring water.... and 6 fish live in it.
What is behind the door?
I now know where all that stuff I don't want in the house is put for safe keeping....And stuff that needs to be burned!! I managed to get myself up in that mess...sorta. I stood on the edge in the doorway. I have been told NOT TO GO IN THERE!!!

The floor of this building is very unstable...it could fall thru at any moment.....for the last 13 years!! It was clean a couple of times and then things get put out there.....but I didn't see golf clubs.
My poppa san chair....Roy hates it! He told me, "I don't want the neighbors to steal it. Or blow away in next storm."
Riiiiiight!
My lamp he tried to rewire....granted there was nothing wrong with it before he "attempted" to rewire it.
All the cat litter boxes that have served a good job but are too small....and need to be thrown away.
All kinds of empty boxes.
All kinds of boxes filled with small bit of junk that I have no idea what the purpose was.
All kinds of coolers....why do we have so many?? We hardly ever use them!
There are 4 bed frames and one complete kitchen table set....one day I'll drag it out and recover it! Bedframes...I don't know.
I just know the golf clubs in there!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Top 3 Reasons To Use Blogger...

There are plenty of reasons to blog here at BlogSpot....and not MSN!!!

PLENTY!!!!!!!



1) You can use your photos so much easier!!


I had such trouble with MSN and tryin' to integrate my own photos into the blog....others did it. But I didn't hold my mouth right or somethin'. Here, it's so simple. That's what I need...step by step instructions!! He's upset with me...can you tell?



2) You can have your comments on any blog entry emailed to yourself!!!!



This I love!!!!!!! How many times have you tripped over a comment on an old blog entry? I felt like I might have hurt someone's feelings becuz I may have snubbed them all becuz the comment was lost. Now you can put your comments on any of my blog entries and I know it!!! I virtually do not have to ever open up my own blog!

Though every once in a while I do...it's so purty!!



3) I can personalize my blogpage!!


And I did....it's so me...it's so purty!!!

And it was so easy!!!!!

No, that's not my heiney!!




So those that still use MSN....come away from the DarkSide. It's so easy.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I Pilfered....

And I'm not sorry about it. I tried to make the most of my last trip home.
I had to go home...it was Mother's Day and I couldn't get out of it!

Roy didn't want to go with me.

And I didn't beg him....as it turned out my mother showed up....and my oldest daughter....which is a good thing to happen but throw Roy into that mix.....Not So Good!!!!!

I tried to time my arrival so I wouldn't be the first one there....and have to set the table....mash the tators....make the salad.....and it didn't work!

I found myself alone and did the only thing I could do....I pilfered!

I went thru my old room....nothing of mine.....just my stupidass cousin's crap! She didn't live there but all her shit is there!! Long story....sum it up....when a person go in and out of jail what's she supposed to do with her shit???
No one wanted to consider my thoughts...burn it!!

On to my brother's room....nothing that I wanted...I have 3 drawers of useless cookin' utensils. Yes there are cookin' utensils in the bedroom....remember my people are hoarders. There was lots of wrapping paper though....I could use that. But it's probably been counted!!

Next Granny's closet...there could be another one of Gramps sweaters that needs to come live in my house....nope....all are his actual size.

One last look around the room....pix of grandmothers....costume jewelery....nothing that appealed.
So I took Kevin.

I had time to get him out to the car and hide him so he wouldn't be seen!!

They'll miss him.

Wouldn't you miss a 5 pound doorstop??
I had a pet rock. He is limestone and named after a boy that I had a crush on in 1977. He was older than me and he lived in another town.....it was not meant to be....but to remember him I named my rock Kevin. He came from my other grandmother's driveway....I had to dig him out. So he's actually been in the family for a long time....she had lived in her house since the 30's! But he has lived in my bedroom since about 1975.
I think just about everyone in the family has stubbed their toes on Kevin.
I have wanted to take him for a long time but I have never been alone to sneak him out.....Gramps would bitch!
And on another note: Yes, the world was black and white at one time....and for sure, the whole state of Kansas!!
I had my youngest daughter convinced of this.
My girls have "The Wizard of Oz" memorized....and acted it out by the time they were 5 and 3.....knew it word for word. So it made sense that Kansas was black and white.....and had flying monkeys. I had to go to Caney, Kansas one day and EudoraMae was with me...she was 5. And she was so excited about going to Kansas to see Dorothy and Toto. We were driving thru town and she was lookin' very hard for Dorothy's house....maybe see Toto runnin' down the street....you never know!
When I saw this buzzard flyin' around over a dead animal on the side of the road.....I will never get the award for "Best Mother"!!
I screamed, "Oh, My!!! There's a flyin' monkey!!!!!"
EudoraMae turned pale and hid in the floorboard....until all threat of monkey's were gone.
And I had her convinced I was not her real mom.....I shoplifted her from KMart.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Tough Questions In Life...

I overheard this conversation while out shoppin' one day.
A mother with her to kids....one boy...7 ....and her daughter...8 or 9 were walkin' thru Walmart in a quickstep....Like mom was in a hurry on her lunch break....but I kept up with her.
One of kids....I'm not sure wish one ...becuz at that age....I can't tell boy voices from girl voices.....asked, "Mom, I thought Brad Pitt and Angelina were married?"
And I'm thinkin' to myself, "This should be good!"
She has the opportunity to tell her children about the right and wrongs of havin' children outta wedlock!
Of celebrity marriages!!
Of bad tabloids stories!!
OH!!! MY!!!! GOD!!!
This is gonna be good!!!!
And at the same time I was thinkin' to myself, "Why did she get to answer the easy one?"
So not fair!!!
I always had to tackle the tough ones!!

My oldest daughter, EdithAnne ..... I think she was 8 at the time.....came to me with her very serious face on and in her "I'm about to break your heart" voice, announced, "Mom. Elvis is alive."
I bit my lip. It's bad motherin' to laugh in the "I'm about to break your heart" face!
Stop laughin'!!!
She was dead serious. She knew I firmly believed that Elvis was dead. She did everything but take my hand and caress it to her cheek....she's the drama queen....and I don't know where she got it from???
I still have all mine!
I knew exactly what she was talkin' about becuz I had seen her lookin' at the magazine at the checkout stand in the local market earlier in the week.
So we sat down and had a "heart to heart" chat. I told her that Elvis didn't live on an island with Marlyn Monroe and JFK or Jimmy Hoffa....then I had to explain who Jimmy Hoffa was. That all those people are indeed dead....even Hoffa. I had to explain that the BatBoy didn't really exist. That those magazines were like adult comics books for entertainment and they just made up the stories.
"You can't always believe everything in the paper as the truth."
But let's not get me started on that lesson!
EdithAnne seemed to accept that as a valid answer.

But this mother gets an easy one!!
Not like the mother that ignored her sons pleas for an answer as to what boy high heels are called....do you know I get googled for that??
Apparently, there are others that are perplexed by boy high heels!
Go figure!!
But this mom, gets to pass on her wisdom to her babies that could change their lives....instill a good moral code. And she said, "They were married in another country and it's not legal here."

And there you have it!
Not the way I would have gone with that. I thought ignorance was a skill that only dads possessed.

Happy Mother's Day!

Friday, May 09, 2008

The Hightower Commandments of Marriage


After a rainy day at the mall, I was pooped out. Roy was not.
"So you want to make out?" Makin' his eye brows go up and down.

What? He has GOT to be kiddin'!!
"No, Honey I have.... literally........a headache."
He didn't press the issue.

The followin' day, we were standin' out in the yard measurin' for the pool and I told him, "Honey, can we have sex later?"

He has alotta projects goin' on....I have to fit myself in when the sun shines!!
And I thought is was a totally valid question??
Geez!!
He giggled and said, "How does that work?"

What?? Does he have a problem???

He continued, "I just want to be clear about this. Yesterday, you didn't want to have a roll in the hay but today, you want to and I have to perform?"

What?? He DOES have a problem!!!

Is it not an unwritten law that men are supposed to jump thru the woman's hoop??

Am I wrong??
Let me run that thru the NadineBrainOMatic'64....

Thou shall not flirt with other men...that is sex.
Thou shall not dance with other men....that is sex.
Thou shall not sit in a cop car....that is sex....click here for the lowdown!
Thou shall not count the number of drinks your wife consumes....and announce that total in front of our friends....That SurlyBastard!!
Thou shall not speed more than 10 over the posted speed limit...hence the phrase, "Slow your HappyAss down!"
Thou shall not repeat the lunatic things your wife says....what is said in the Hightower, stays in the Hightower!
Thou shall not change pet names without clearin' it from the wife...One day, he made the mistake of callin' SuperMoodyBitch a "dirty little whore"....huge mistake!
After she ripped him a new asshole and attempted to pull his head off, he managed to whisper the words, "But 'skanky ass bitch' is still okay?"
She smiled and patted him on his head, "Yes, my love."
Thou shall not allow SuperMoodyBitch to handle guns...EVER!

Yep, There it is...Love Honor and OBEY.......Thou shall always dance to the wife's tune...no matter what!

I knew it.... it's law!!
I know there are more....but those are ones I can remember.
And living by those commandments, we have made it 14 years!!

What are the commandments of your relationship??

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Roll Me In The Clover!!

Roy and I have lived in this area for 13 years. We have large patches of clover.....I looked and looked for a 4 leaf clover since the day we moved in here!!!!


I have no luck what so ever!!!!


Roy finds them like he's pickin' boogers!


All this last Spring I have looked all over the property for one .....just one! I was brushin' back the leaves and there it was!!!

Woo Hoo!!


I was so excited that Roy walked over to see what I was so excited about.


"Look Honey! I finally found one after all these years!" Holding it up for him to see.


He smiled, reached down and picked out a 5 leaf clover!!!!

UGH!!!!


I kid you not!! He had not stood there more than 3 seconds!!!





I Can't Win!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Trippin' on Catnip....

The other day, as I went out the door to make a quick run to the Post Office, Scooter thought he needed to go out and get some CatNip! In the mean time I locked the door....And I didn't want to put him back in....my patience had run out!!

So I caught him and took him with me......to Ride the Rocket!
video
He wasn't thrilled!
Smokin'.... And Baby, I'm not Jokin'!!!
He tried hide under the seat....

He tried to find a way out the back....


He tried open the door himself.....


I have video of him ridin' and me drivin' but it's just too big and I don't have the patience to deal with it!!

Soooo.....
video

And do you know he didn't want to get out of the car???

The Little Shit!!!

Give It A Go!

Let's just see how this works...I'm not a rocket scientist!

I just do what it says...it said click so I clicked....Don't blame me!!





http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=pU9UDLGYMFN59Xa78t9DBeQ&hl=en&pli=1#





By the way....I have kissed a lot of boys in my younger days....and some men as an adult but...all the way Ray....only 7!

Quality not quantity.

I make good use of my time so I have to have $820.50


An Update: Okay....Dawn said it sends you to some YahooShareThingy. So if you want me to send the thing to you via email...email me and I'll send it to ya!!

Friday, May 02, 2008

Outta Sorts...

I haven't been feelin' too swooft....or swift...depends on what part of the country you're in....whatever...I've been lurkin' a lot of sites.

I was tryin' the other day to take of photo of my updo...for the BeeHive Ladies....when I noticed this....
Okay, I bore the shit outta the cat...What am I doin' to others??

Most of yesterday, I laid on the couch under a big yellar cat. Roy called and scared the shit outta both of us!!
I can't figure what all the fuss is about when it comes to exercisin'. I have heard....I don't know first hand....that there is supposed to be endorphins released during exercisin' that make a person feel good. And the person feels so good that they become addicted to exercisin'.
I must be broken or I do not have that endorphin all together.
Or the one that makes me gamble.
Or the one that makes me drink.
When I was in the lovin' care of Dr Jose Cuervo, I felt like a million!! An occasional drink just doesn't cut it!
Or red wine...that is just gross!!
But I wonder what my addiction is?
A friend of mine sent me an email with an attachment "How Much is Your Bail?" where you add up "fine" for all your indiscretions. And as I'm no whiz at puttin' things in my blog like that so I can't share it with you. I'll work on it.
Anyway, she sent it to me without her score....she does that to see mine first. It backfired on her once and she's not "revealed" first since.
As teens, I was the "wild one" and she was more prude. As life would have it, she went one way in her life and I went another so we lost touch for about 15 years. And thanks to the internet, we found each other and we are still passin' notes back and forth like in high school. So the subject came up about what our "number" was....you know the "number".....the number of people you have had sexual encounters with....that number!
I told her that she should go first ...her thinkin' my number would be off the chart........I would not give up my TrashyHoCrown&Sash freely. I had earned it.
And so she told me her number.....I was floored!!!!
Let's just say, she got over that prudeness!!
I handed her my Crown&Sash...I was not worthy!
So she sends me this email and attachment......I scored over $800!! The highest of the 4 women that answered it!!
I want my TrashyHoCrown&Sash back!!
I wonder if my addiction is sexual in nature??
Have a great weekend....I'm goin' back to the couch!