Thursday, January 31, 2008

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

3 Favorite Blonde Movies

1) Clueless: An updated version of Emma....which is a super movie....Emma with Gwyneth. Clueless is just mindless dribble...."Rollin' with my Homies"

"Try driving on the right side of the road.......You try driving in Platform heels!"


" My plastic surgeon doesn't want me to do anything that has balls flying at my nose."


Sums up my whole life!
As If!!


2) Legally Blonde: I love it!!! Reese Witherspoon...she's so perky!!


"You're Breaking up with Me? What? Am I too blonde? My boobs are too big?"


I started puttin' pink in my wardrobe after that movie came out. Up to that point it was mostly black.



3) Bridget Jones Diary: She blonde with a way of gettin' into odd situations....hhhmmmm....

She looks so cute in her bunny suit!!
Just as I do!!


Honorable mention: Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion

"Tucson Here we come! Wooooo!"

Michelle is usin' one of those things that we used to play with to tell our fortunes....like paper toys could do that....I'm not livin' Florida on the beach with Scott Baio!

But anyway, She is seekin' the power of the paper to see who she will sleep with at the Reunion!!

Is that how people see a reunion ....to a make love connection.... or rather.... do that one person you wish you had???

Do you have THAT ONE person in mind??

In High School, my friend and I were doin' a project in AgClass with the Kinneygardeners and we were makin' "ribbons". While we were at it, we made a special one for a classmate. He was so cute. I had known him since 3rd grade and we all had had a crush on him at some point over the years....I had a cat named after him.

The "ribbon" we made him was called "The Big Rooster Award". That way he could wear it proudly as he walked down the hallways as he did his other great attribute.....he was very well endowed!!

None of us girls had actually seen it but what we could see .....it was well worth the "Award".

Later in life...after high school...My friend ran into him at a club in Tulsa and he was hittin' on her and she turned him down!!


"What?!!? Why??!!"
"It was Waynie! He's like a brother. I just couldn't do it!"
In the 6th grade she was singin' a different tune!!


Another friend had a similar encounter....and actually had him on her couch....and she didn't either!!

"It's Waynie!!"


OH COME ON!!!! TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!!!!!


He stopped by the store I worked and gave me a card....to come see him work....and I didn't!
He was a stripper.....even hotter than in school!!
But I had just gotten into a serious grown up relationship with Roy.
Roy comes first.....way above the team!

We will never know about "The Big Rooster"....first hand! He's stuff was buff!

So there you have it.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

This Is One of Those "Holy Shit" Moments!!

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do
I have a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise, you'll listen to me.....

So listen up!

In preppin' for the trip to Hawaii, I thought....I try not to think...it's my downfall. But I thought I would do something about my "whiteness".
I have blindin' white legs.
It's the middle of winter, I'm supposed to be pale....right?
I'm a card carryin' Cherokee that missed the boat when good skin tone was handed out. The bucket loads of Irish blood shines thru....glarin'ly thru!!!
As I don't tan there is no reason to waste my time in a tannin' bed. I learned that fact at 13. Years of bakin' with baby oil all I got was burned and more freckled!!

"She's got Freckles on her buuuuut she pretty." It's a little ditty my cousins' would sing to me.

The only way to cut the glare is to use a bronzer. I have used it before and liked the results.... from a previous blog.....

"A Helpful Tip: If you use a sunless tanner, do not shave your legs the day you apply it! And be sure to use a bodyscrub!!
One of our clients told me I need some sun on my legs....which I do....I am pale. I am a white woman and proud of it....besides I freckle. He suggested that I use a sunless bronzer and called his wife to find out what it is.....Loreal Sublime Bronze....and she told me about the leg shavin' thing.....shave one day and scrub the next day and then apply the bronzer.
She only uses it once a week. I said "thank you" for the tips and decided I would try it.
30 minutes later, she called back! "If you want me to show you how to apply it I will."
What????
I'm No Prude!
But the thought of being in a client's home for HER to rub lotion on my legs was a bit disconcertin'!!!
Just about as much as when the woman at the mall told me I would look good with a Tattoo on my boob...."It would look good right there."....and touch it!!
I don't want to look like an Oompa Loompa but I think I can figure it out!!
The things I get myself into.....Geez!!!"

This time.....no!
I followed the rules of application...legs....thighs....arms....boobs...I never know how much of those things are gonna show..... and went to bed.
The next mornin' I got up wandered to the bathroom.......I don't really ever open my eyes until I wash my face.....which isn't for another 10 minutes.....and when I did...HOLY SHIT!!!!!

The only thing that came to mind was Oompa Loompa!!!!!

I went from glarin' white to fluorescent orange!!!!!
But I don't think you have the full picture in your mind.....only my legs are orange!!!
Every where else is a nice tanned color.....legs....orange!!!!!

"Roy!!!!! Can you tell I did something to my legs?!?!?"

He looked and made a face, "Yes. And don't do it again."

Damn straight!!!

The Up Side to this is, I did it early enough in the week that it will fade by Saturday.

Geez...... the things I get myself into...just boggles the mind!!

So the moral of this Oompa Loompa Moment:

Freckles are good.
And Bronzers are bad!!!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Pink Trumps Ralph!!!

It’s time to pack!!

Roy decided that we needed a new suitcase as the oldest one was fallin’ apart!
Cheap WalMart Crap!!
With the purchase being HIS idea…..this was gonna go very smooth!!
Shopping with him is not always pleasant!
TJMaxx…my new favorite store!!
We stood looking at all the luggage when heavens opened, small angels were flyin’ around singin’ “Halleluiah” as a ray of sunshine shone down THE PERFECT SUITCASE….EVER!!!
I prompted picked it and held it close to my chest.
Oh the feel of a PERFECTION…..oooooohhhh yeaaaaah!! I looked at Roy with big doe eyes, battin’ my lashes, in the softest “I‘m gonna get my way voice, “Oh Honey, It’s Ralph Lauren!!! And it’s RED!”
He looked at me with big doe eyes, battin’ his lashes, in his softest “hell no Baby voice“, “But Baby, It’s too small.”
It’s 25 inches!!!
The wrestling’ match over Ralph starts. When suddenly Roy stops…he knows better than to argue with me over something I WANT!
As the Angels and I gather our composure and I tighten my grip on Ralph. Roy says, “Baby! Look what I have!”
In his hands he is holding the BIGGEST PINK SUITCASE I have EVER SEEN!!!!!
I lovingly put Ralph back on the shelf and follow Roy outta the store…..totally happy!
Sorry Ralph!!!
It’s the simple things that make me happy.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A List of 3....

I had this idea to start listin' things....from that movie High Fidelity.
John Cusak's character made list...Top 5 Breakups....Top 5 Dream Jobs....Top 5 Breakup Music. I think I'll just do 3...not 5 ...I don't think I could come up with 5 every time.....and still editorialize....and to be "too long"........ and not be limited to Top but just 3 things....worst....embarrassing.....best....you get the idea.

If you haves ideas for a List or want to play along feel free to do so.....

3 of the Worst Buys Ever:

1) My Antique Lawn Furniture. Click Here.

Roy and I were drivin' thru some small town not too far from home, when I noticed MY LAWN FURNITURE on SomeOne's Porch!!!
"Stop the Truck!" I don't know why I even utter the words....to this day he has NEVER stopped the truck!
"Honey! Stop the Truck!" He's lookin' at me like "What the Hell Now?"
"There! Back there, on that porch was my lawn furniture!!! Go Back Right NOW!"

Roy just grinned....that 'possum eatin' shit one.....and took a deep breath and said, "Babe, I can say with great confidence that THAT was not YOUR furniture."

Damn it!
$80 worth ....gone.....where I haven't been told....but gone.... poof...UP IN SMOKE!!

2) My Memory Foam Pillow.
It just sucks great big green donkey dicks. $25 dollars shot to hell!! It's like sleepin' on a concrete block!! I feel compelled to use it....it's on the bed.....but off to the side.....back to goose down for me!!
I wonder if those expensive mattresses get all hard....that would be just sad!

3) My Lovely Home.
Have you seen the Money Pit...Tom Hanks movie......Where this couple buys their dream home and pour bucket loads of money into it. That's my home....without all the people runnin' around tryin' to fix it....or the bucket loads of money either. It's just me and Roy.
It's over 100 years....and it shows!
We were watchin' some HandyMan show, and this very HandyMan put up a 4 seasons room in a weekend!!
Before I could say one word, Roy said, "That's why men are always in deep shit! Their wives watch this shit and expect their husband to be able to do that! He has the know how and the tools!"
Really?
Roy has all those neato tools.
Is it askin' too much that he actually use them??
You have no idea how many times he and I have gone around and round about how to do something! I have thought many times that it would be better to bulldoze it and roll in a double wide!!
But now we so much into....money.....blood....sweat and tears!

And what are boys' high heels called??? One of life's mysteries!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I Swear... That's What I Heard!!

As I was shoppin' yesterday at TJMAXX, I perusin' the shoes... What baragins!?!! When I overheard the followin' conversation....They were on one aisle and I was on another.

"Oh these are cute shoes." I thought a couple of kids.
"Do they come in my size?" Very clearly a mother's voice.
"Mom, What do they call high heels for boys?" Well, that summed that up....her son!

I thought was gonna choke on my gum!
And Mom was tryin' to ingore that one! But when a huge question must be answered such as this one...... VOLUME is needed.

"MoooooM! Mom!!! High Heels for boys, What are they called?"

People started to look in her direction!

I bit my lip...... His mother took him promptly from the shoe section!!

I was watchin' a show last night on CMT...20 Top Redneck Moments in History....quite interestin'!!
Foxworthy, NASCAR, DoubleWides and Mullets!!!
Now come on...admit it....you are amoungst friends....you had a mullet in the 80's.
It's only a crime if you still have one!!
I saw this guy on the last cruise.....October 2007......he looked just like Joe Dirt!! Complete with Chevy tattoo'd on his arm!!!
I used to cut my Exhubby's hair that way!
And bleach it brassy blonde with SunIn!!
It was wavy and so purdy!!! BillyRay Cirus's was shit compared to EarlLee's!
My brother's mullet didn't look all that purdy...it hung straight. He decided that he would just grow a RatTail.
Remember those? I have a cousin that still sports one....it hangs to his waist.
I have one from a young man.....he had a crush on me....a token of his love. He decided that when he cut his hair that he wanted me to have it.....his girlfriend hated me!!


Oh.....those were the days.
The ManHam....is not Roy. He's much taller with a way better ass!!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Goooooaaaalllllll!!!!!!!!!

Some people thrush a fist in the air.... "Yes!"
Some people throw both arms in the air...."Touchdowwwwnn!"

I jump back and throw my hands up like I just finished hog-tyin' a calf....stop the clock!

Since I am no longer workin', I have to pay for pet care....most importantly....Boarding! With the trip coming up, I had to call around and find the cheapest place but one I felt comfortable with....and they wanted a Vaccination Certificate!

I made an appointment to take the cats to vet for a Rabies shot. Roy was not thrilled about it! After his adventures of gettin' the little beasts rounded up to take them to CatCamp....you must click here.
Can you blame him??

The morning of the appointment, I got up and tried to conduct business as usual, but Roy wanted to talk about the game plan.
I didn't! "Not in front of them!"
I told him how we were gonna crate them up.... Not to worry.
They're pretty damn smart!
Maybe it was the tension but they started to freak! I made breakfast and the cats started to hide....one was under the tub!!
He put Monster and George in the CatRoom, but he kept sayin' this is so bad. "You'll see!"
I sat down to eat my eggs and bacon at 7:15 after puttin' Jax in a crate.
Roy asked what time our appointment was for at 7:25.
"8:15"
"We aren't gonna make it!"
I picked up my plate and took it to the kitchen, walked to the bedroom and rattled the doorknob and Manny came runnin'!!
He is so spoiled!!
He has been sleepin' with me and Roy. So I tricked him!!
I scooped him up and opened up the carrier that Jax was in.....he ran out as I shoved Manny in! Jax run into the bathroom and under the tub!!

Plan B:

I got down on the floor and grabbed Jax by the back leg and hauled him out from under the tub and gave him to Roy. "Put in with Manny."
And I went back under for Woobie. Roy was pretty quick in gettin' back and He grabbed her tail over the top and I had her leg....he let go and I drug her out and carried her to the crates!
Roy had put Jax in the wrong crate!
So I had to rearranged them! Tipped the crates ups which puts the cat at the bottom and put Woobie in tail first in with Manny. Grabbed up Jax from his crate and put him in the proper one and told Roy to go get George.
I went for Monster. I put him with Jax and Roy shoved George into his crate!

I jumped back and threw my hands up in the air....at 7:33!!!

Yes, I am a smartass!!

And Roy said, "They won't fall for the again! And it helps to have two people doin' it!"

12 days to go!!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The SocklessMan!!

One day while runnin' errands, at WalMart.....normal SOP, Roy goes his way and I go mine. He heads to sportin' goods or automotive .....and I head to anywhere but sportin' goods and automotive! We call each other to say that we're ready and meet up front.....but not this day.
I ran into him in the eletronic department....not really too odd. He likes to drool over the TVs. He has Vizio stuck in his head and wanted to see what the big deal was....and he likes it! All his life he wanted a Sony Trinitron so we bought one 3 years ago.....a dream achieved. And now he's lookin' at the Vizios....we will not be buyin' one of those.....easily a grand!

Anyway, he said to meet him up front after a trip to the pharmacy....he like to check his blood pressure.....and it's best that I not go with him.....for some odd reason it's always high when I'm there standin' over his shoulder....hhhmmmm....

So I took my time and stopped to look at the throw pillows. They are really cute. Satin and velvet with gold trimming.....but not CatFriendly....bummer.
We have to buy things that are CatFriendly. That's not the best word but the quickest way to describe something that should not hold cat hair like an all powerful magnet or one that does not have dangly things that make a cat want to chew on it off!
Once, Roy and I were shoppin' at Victoria's Secret gawkin' at the pretty panties. The PrettyYoungThing that works there came up and asked if we needed any help. "We are just debatin' on which panties are the cutest."
She said, "Oh let me show you the ones I like."
Roy's face perks up. I mean really! What could be more pleasin' than to have some PYT offerin' to show her favorite cute panties??
She holds up a pair of the cutest little pair with marabou puff balls that tied on the side that just dangled there.
I spoke up before Roy could have a full picture in his mind of how they would look on the PYT, "No, Those won't do. We have CatIssues."
Both Roy and the PYT looked at me like I pissed on their parade.....and didn't I?

But alas, it's true....we have CatIssues....Scooter pulled all the Marabou off my slippers!!
So I put the pretty pillow down and went on to the jewelry department.
That sparkly stuff caught my eye!
As I was into all that glitters, I could see someone in my peripheral....standin' really close...but I just thought it was Roy.
He does that. He sneaks up on me and grabs my ass. Much to his dismay I don't jump. "What?? Do you have your ass grabbed so much you don't care?"
But something was very wrong....this person that was standin' too close was not dressed right! And his shoes were all wrong....no black trooper boots!!!
High Waters with Unstylish Tennis Shoes without Socks!!!!!!
It's not Roy!!!!
I took a huge side step but still I didn't look at him. He followed me. I stepped again.....and he followed me. We danced around the counter!!!!!
It was creepin' me out!!
What man that does not wear socks in the middle of winter wants sparkly stuff from WalMart???
Okay....so that might be where he buys his jewelry.
I pushed my cart to the makeup department....That SocklessMan followed me...but I could see Roy. He would be right there if I needed him.
He was still checkin' his blood pressure so I didn't want to make a scene....no really!
NO SCENE.
But the deeper I got into the Makeup the SocklessMan walked in a different direction...right past Roy.

I could breathe easier! Maybe he would follow someone else!
So I made a break for it! I quickly went up front to check out.
I wanted to call Roy but I couldn't....that whole blood pressure thing is a really big deal. So I just looked up every once in a while to see if he was comin'....but no!!
The SocklessMan saw me!!!
Oh Shit!!
He came all the way to where I was and started lookin' at the OU junk....and then the CommerceCrap.....and then the MiamiWardogShit!!!!!!!
He was 3 feet from me the whole time!!!

It was just creepy!!
But by this time Roy was standin' by my side. I wanted to tell him all about the SocklessMan but I waited until we made it thru the Alarm system thing....I always set it off. I don't know why but I do.
The second we cleared the Alarm, I saw the SocklessMan!! But I could not contain myself any longer!!
"Roy, There was this man that followed me all over the store!"
"Where?" Roy didn't look to where I was noddin' my head.
"Here today, right there he is!" He didn't look.
But I had several peoples attention.
You see, Roy and I live in the Hightower World....and there are only two people in it.....and I live life as if NOBODY ELSE SEES US. So it is very surprisin' for me when I notice others ...Roy is more sensitive to the people on the peripherals of our world and so my reactions are considered "A Scene". And as it is my main goal in life not to embarrass him....I try to contain myself.
But by now we are almost to the pickup. He has a huge 'possum eatin' shit grin on his face...and sorta blushin'. "How old was this man?"
"I don't know!! Maybe in his 80's!!!"
Okay, at least in his 60's!! I mean he got around pretty good for an 80 year old!!!!

"If he had been a strappin' 30 year old, would you be so upset?"

I lied!

"Yes! That would creep me out too!"

Our next trip to WalMart.....Roy stayed with me thru the whole store.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Weird Fuckin' dreams!!!

And have I been havin' them!!!

Not your average run of the mill trains and walkin' turtles but submarines and schnauzers! All of that without benefit of Dr. Cuervo!!
Nope...none!
It would seem that there has been an unspoken resolution of no alcohol in the new year. My drinkin' has been cut a great deal since the whole "Save the Boobs" campaign....since August. January 1, the house has been empty of booze. We drank the tequila and I poured the vodka down the drain.....damn near half quart!
No gin. No rum. No problem....I can take or leave it. I wish I could do that with cheese and fried foods!!
There's a hellvalot of room in my freezer...I'll have to change the tag line....shit!!

The dreams are no less weird!

Have you ever woke up from a sound sleep instantly? Like someone flip on the light?
I was sleepin' so soundly, all warm and cozy, when I hear Roy yellin' at me. "Hey Babe! Where's the mustard?"
Shit!
Can't that man find his own shit.....underwear...tshirts....socks...well, Okay I had better find the tshirts or he'll put on DILLIGAF or Kill'em All and Let God Sort it Out...But I draw the line at mustard!! It's in the freakin' door!!
Why do I have to do every thing for him?
As just before I flip the covers back I realize that he's next to me snorin' away!!
Shit!!
I was awake for 2 frickin' hours tryin' to figure that one out!

A few days later, I was sleepin' so soundly, all warm and cozy, when someone tripped the trigger in my brain. I woke up instantly, "I'm not gonna blog ever again."
And I was so happy about this.
Yes Happy!
I planned my departure. For 2 frickin' hours I thought about it!
I would write my obituary!!
It would be brilliant!!
"Dear friends, we are gathered together here today to say good bye to our beloved and very beautiful Nadine Hightower. We will miss her but damn was she a loon!"
I fell to sleep and slept very peacefully. I woke up and decided that was crazy....my obit....geez....I can't not blog.
I have way too much shit in my head!!

I told Roy about the odd dreams and he just says there is a good explanation for them but he can't....that I need a professional.....hhhhmmmm.....
I don't think he meant that to be nice. I think he think I need professional help!!
One day as he was surfin' thru the TV guide, "Do you know they made Psycho 3?"
"No, Honey, I don't do Psycho!"
"Oh, I beg to differ!"

Jerk!! He can find his own damn mustard!!

Friday, January 11, 2008

That Surly Bastard Strikes Again!!

Roy is so freaked out about goin' on vacation with his parents!!!! That Surly Bastard is almost....almost unbearable to live with!

1) He is sure that it will be a hassle to make sure they don't die.
RoySr is havin' health problems. Roy said that we will either go to Hawaii or go to a funeral.
Neither will be fun.

2) His father is a so tight with money that he squeaks...well....it's more of a noise that he makes when he disapproves or is put out.....or he pouts.
Have you ever seen an old man pout??
He resembles a 3 yr old all sullied up over not gettin' the bigger half of a PB & J!
Which I think is the MAIN reason that Roy's mother didn't "grasp" the digital camera! RoySr was standin' on the other side of the kitchen durin' the lesson....with his arms folded....all sullied up and poutin' that he wasn't included in the lesson.....makin' that noise....it's a word rather but he is the only person in the world that I have ever heard say it.
Piffle.
Seriously, is that a word??
Every time I hear it, I want to unleash SuperMoodyBitch on him. I'm not so sure he realizes he does it and there is no need for bloodshed if he is senile!
All that being said, I know that everything I buy will be under scrutiny and I will receive a disapprovin' glare and a Piffle.
RoySr has NO IDEA how much this trip is costing him....seriously!

3) Roy will miss the Super Bowl!
I didn't plan the trip. His mother had the audacity to say, "I don't know why I planned this trip to Hawaii?" I swear!! She said that!!
"You planned this trip becuz Hawaii was the only state you hadn't been to and you wanted to go for being 80 and being married for 60 years." I remined her.
"Oh Yeah."
And I don't think I should the one that takes flack for it!!
But I do!
There will be a bar open with a TV in it that will show the game....you can bet on that!!

4) We are leavin' in the dead of winter and flyin' to Chicago to get a connecting flight to Hawaii.
That Surly Bastard flipped!
"What do you mean we are flyin' to Chicago?!!?"
He listens to the TV for weather reports and how there are delays becuz of ice and snow. "We'll spend out whole trip in Chicago!!"
Seriously, would a major airline fly into an ice storm??
Wouldn't they divert the flight??
"Wake up, Alice!!"
Lighten the fuck up, Roy!

Which brings me to dealin' with his whole family....they stress out over the smallest shit. And I just wanna shout, "Lighten the Fuck Up!!!"
His brother was stressed over mash'd tators at Christmas. I walked in with my cake pan full of cheesy tators and told him that he could stop peelin' tators.....but NOOOOOO!!!
I bet he peel'd near a 5lb bag!
You would have thought he was feedin' the entire 1st Marine Division!
My tators were almost all eaten and he had most of the mash's one left.
Duuuh!!
NOBODY PASSES ON CHEESY TATORS!!

Like the digital camera....if the old man hadn't been standin' there Pifflin' at the old lady, she woudda got the camera.

I bought them Hawaiian shirts...we'll do the touristy luau thing and when in Rome...
I bought her a yellow shirt with pineapples on it....she held it up and said, "It's not my color. Take it back."
I don't take shit back.
And Hell's Bell, I'll wear it!
Becuz EVERYTHING IS MY COLOR!!!
Then she stresses and says, "What will I wear?"
I'm not buyin' another shirt. "You can wear mine."
It's so pretty. I bought it just for the trip. It has a matchin' wrap skirt. We shall see....

I told Roy that this trip is gonna be just like the trip with my grandpa.....pure Hell. He agreed and That Surly Bastard added. "Worse! You can't say anything to them."


What????

Before I consult the divorce attorney, I would like to clarify his statement with him.
First, I come first! After all the sacrifices....I come first!
He said something to me once that cut me to the bone. I seriously wanted to jump out of the pick up...but I misunderstood what he meant. And just before I opened the door he clarified his statement.
Good thing!! At 65mph that woudda hurt!
Secondly, IIIIIIIIII can't say anything to them!!

"What do you mean?"
"You and I can't fly off the handle and yell at them becuz they don't take that well. You can't jump on them the way you do your grandpa."

Whew! I really don't want to divorce him. I was just gettin' comfy on my pink satin goose down pillow.

He continued, "We have to use tact. Can you do that? "
All the time....questionin' my maturity level!!

People ask me all the time, "Are you excited about the trip?" I am so bummed that this will be the worst thing I ever do....or at least rank VERY high on the list...that I can't be happy about it.

Weird isn't it.....They need to just Hang Loose!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

You are Either In...

Or you're Out!!!



I'm sooooo hooked on Project Runway!!!



Gotta go....commercial over!!!!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Am I a Mirror Image of My Mother??

And I'm not talkin' about havin' her legs.....and I do.....UGH!!!

My sister, RubyJune, said that my mother is writin' her memoirs.

It's a fantasy.

Mom doesn't want anyone to read it until she dead. That way we can't bitch at her!!
RubyJune doesn't want to read it. I told her to give it to me, I'll read it.
I just hopes it's not in a blog for the whole world to see!!!

Doh!

What RubyJune does know....it's all about a couple of teens madly in love that get married and raise 3 beautiful children together.

Yeah right!!!!! I was there!!

My Dad was a single parent that worked his ass off to keep up sheltered from her craziness. We lived with my grandparents becuz Daddy's work schedule was irratic.
It was a good life. We had horses, motorcycles, and went fishin' and water skiin'....all the time! One year, he had us out at the lake from April to October. There was talk about wet suits so we could go all year 'round.
Most importantly, he was there.

What part of my life that my mother was in....is more like something outta "Mommy Dearest"!! For the record, we were never beat with wire hangers....my mother's damage was more psychological.....and bunch of little things that stick with me.

But the most profound thing that sticks in my head was something my dad said.
We were on the way to a baseball game for my brother. He and I stopped at a DairyQueen...in a strange town...when a car pulls up beside us.
Out of the blue, Daddy said, "See that woman."
And points over to the car. "She is the one that should have been your mother."
I was speechless...which for a 13 year old that is saying a lot....for me...VOLUMES!! Daddy was always tellin' me to sit down and shut up....I was "Coachin'" my brother and sister ...and embarrassin' him. God forbid anyone look at him!!
He went on to say that he had dated her in high school.
She smiled and waved.
He waved at her....neither spoke to each other.
The woman was an aunt of a classmate of mine.

NO WONDER I WAS INVITED TO THAT BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!
I was being shown off!!!!
At 5!!
"See what your child would have looked like!" kinda thing!!!!

After Daddy died, Mom talked about him like he was the Devil! And I think mostly that was for the benefit of her Lesbian lover. Becuz now that the lover died...Daddy has reached Sainthood!

Some things never change....I have never known if I was comin' or goin' with her.

It's a vicious cycle. I have mother issues. My daughter has mother issues.

Insanity Runs in the Family!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

The Worst NightMare.... EVER!!!!

It was awful!!
Let me try to tell you all about it....it's so horrible!!

You've been warned!!

I was sittin' on my couch....all alone....Roy was not in the room....only my Football Cat was with me. The TV was on....I remember hearin' the National Anthem and then everything went to shit!!!
My team....OU took the field.....but it wasn't them!!
It was that other team....the one that dresses in the Crimson and Cream..... that sometimes shows up and ruins the game....an easy game is lost to a NOBODY TEAM!!! They were the ones that punted after the first series!!!!

The Room was all hot....it started to spin!!

I saw the TV remote on the table in front of me...but I couldn't reach it. I tried to get it but I just couldn't...it was just beyond my finger tips!!
I sat there and watched....hopin' they would turn into the team that stomps the shit outta people!!
But No!!
I was glued to the couch watchin' the trainwreck that was my beloved team!!!
The Football Cat had abandoned me!! There was no playin' of his favorite song...Boomer Sooner!

All I wanted to do was throw up!!!!

Then....I think it must have been halftime....I heard The Pride of Oklahoma.....playin' "Oklahoma"....it stirred something deep inside my heart....it pulled at my inner Okie.

I found the strength to grab the remote and everything went blank!!!

I cuddled up next to Roy for comfort. "SSShhh, There there, sweet girl. That's why I don't watch OU at all. Go to sleep."

I may never watch another bowl game.....it's just too much for me!!

Monday, January 07, 2008

Edith Anne...

Is my oldest daughter. She will be 25 in March. I was 18 when she was born...I have made mistakes. But I did the best I could.
Life is a learnin' process....and I'm still workin' it out!
She was a good baby. I could put her in that swing thingy and she would kick her feet wildy for ZZTop!!
I say start them early!!
Since the day she started talkin' we have been arguin'! We both are too stubborn for our own good.
So much so I suggested that she grow up to be a lawyer. "All you want to do is argue with me!"
I have always expressed the importance of an education on both of my girls and to be independant....to be able to stand on their own feet and not depend upon a man to get thru life. Men are to share your life not run it.....That's what mother's do....encourage their children.
Edith Anne took it to heart at age 5! She thrived in school.
Once she was selected for Gifted and Talented. I told her that it would help us get her into a good law school. She was stoked!! She had to test for the class first. When I came home from work, she was sitting at the kitchen table bawlin' her eyes out!! She had not past the test and was hysterical over it....cryin' and wavin' her arms around. She was always the drama queen! "I will NEVER get into law school NOW!!
The whole time she is havin' her meltdown, she is wavin' a paper around.
"What's this?"
"It's a note from my teacher! She probably wants me to drop out!!" as the hissyfit continues.
I looked it over and giggled.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY MOM!!! MY LIFE IS RUINED!!!!"
"Edith Anne, I don't think so. Your teacher has said that you are a bright child and a JOY to have in class. If you continue to have a 97% average in English, we can get you into any school without Gifted and Talented!"
That seemed to calm her....soothin' chat....That's what momma's do.

A 97% Average!!! And she's droppin' outta the 6th grade!!!!

She is my neurotic child.
She ranaway from home when she was 15. She didn't go far....only to my mother.....which would be the end of life as we know it.
Things were said that a person can not take back.
People's lives were destroyed.
Families were divided forever.
Bridges were burnt.

Off and on for the last 10 years I have tried to mend fences....that's what Mom's do.....Be the adult.
We won't talk about the 500lb gorilla that follows us around. We'll just let it go....it's in the past....it's all water under the bridge. I never asked her to apologize. We were just gonna let it go.

She wouldn't.

In 2004, she was pregnant. Her baby was to be born in November. I received a call from her sister, Eudora Mae in August that Edith Anne was having the baby.
That's not right! Something is wrong with the pregnancy.
She's gonna need her momma!
I loaded up and headed to Tulsa. Eudora Mae called me and told me to stop! Edith Anne's husband didn't want me there.
I would never add to the stress of this situation. I stopped.
A few days later, my sister called to tell me they had stablized Edith Anne and that her hubby wasn't there.....to go NOW!
And I did. I sat on her bed and listened to her as she talked about her future plans. That is what a mother does...hold her daughter's hand as if she wasn't about to lose her baby.
I called her a couple of days later to check on her. She told me not to call and never come around again.
I have granted her that wish.
I stood in the back of the crowd at the graveside service for her baby. There if she needed...but far enough away not to cause a scene.

And that's how I have lived...there for her....but outta sight.

I opened up MySpace to see if I had any messages from the family and I did!

From Edith Anne!!
I just sat there looking at the screen....not knowing if it was gonna be bad or what!! I even had to go outside and walk around to think about it!
I have been on such a roller coaster with this child.
I finally worked enough nerve to open it.
"Mom, I know we have had our problems but I want you to meet your grandson. He is awesome."

And he is awesome!!

I went to his first birthday party Saturday. She has done a good job. He is a happy baby. She was smilin' and gigglin' and shared things with me......my grandson has a thing for ZZTop!!
hhhhmmmm.....is that genetic??
His short legs are most certainly genetic!

Edith Anne is happy with her life. She seems to have grown up quite a bit in the last 3 years. She is what I wanted her to be...a strong willed woman that takes care of business the best way she can.

Maybe that 500lb gorilla has died....we'll see.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Cellphones and Football

Yesterday, Bad to the Bone starts playin'.....Roy's callin'!
Where the hell is my cellphone??
Just before I pick it up it quits....Dude?
Did he wreck??

I called him....."Dude?"

"I was passin' a cop! I didn't want him to see me talkin' on the phone!"

What???

Is that a new law... the New TOC??? Talking On Cellphone???
DWI....Driving While In Conference????

Roy and I have gone around and 'round for years about TOC. It all started 14 years ago.
You know that ice that Sonic gives you...it small enough to eat without damagin' your teeth but not so small it's a slushy.
It's perfect ice!
I really hate to waste it.
So I just popped a top on a wine cooler and poured it in my Sonic cup....NO BIGGY!!!

HUGE BIGGY!!!!!!!!

"WHAT ARrrrrE YOU DOING???!!!????" Roy barks.
"I'm puttin' my beer in my cup? What's it look like?"
It's the simple things that he doesn't grasp.
"HAVE LOST YOUR MIND????!!!??? That's TOC!!!!" Still just as perplexed by what I just did in front of him.
"No!! I have a lid. Do I look like an idiot? Geez! Like I would carry around a drink I could spill."
"You have no respect for the uniform."

So the fight was on.....I mean really. If you put the cap back on...it's closed. How could it possibly be open???

Back to our conversation....He says, "Are you dressed?"

Woo hoo!! I love to play that game!!
I tried it once while he was on duty. "ARE NUTS!?!?!"
It would seem that in the early days of cell phone use that one of the CopLords was listenin' into our cell phone conversations....that was a big deal. So Roy and I had a lingo of our own. A way of keepin' the little old BlueHairs from fallin' outta their rockers! We used different variations of "takin' out the trash"....it works on many levels.
When he didn't suit up and play for the CopLords anymore we went to full on phone sex!

"Yes, but I don't have to be dressed." very sexy like.
"Good! If you'll go down and unlock the gate for me, You'll keep me from peein' my pants!"


Oooh.... how the thrill has gone.

During the Patriots/Giants game....he sat on his loveseat and I sat on my couch. I really hate his loveseat. If I could get it out of the house I would take it out and burn it! That way he couldn't drag it back in!!
Some time in the 2nd quarter he looks over at me and says, "You have got to be THE only person in world rootin' for the Giants!"
I don't think so!!
I am so tired of hearin' about how the Patriots are God's gift to football.
Come On!!
What about all the teams that came before them....The Steelers from the 70's....Montana and The 49'ers ....And America's Team....Da Boys!!!!!!!
Oh...wait...it's a different game now!!
What??
I guess I would have to agree...there are penalties for EVERYTHING!!!
And from what I can tell it's all aimed at keepin' them from playin' football!!
Think about all the beautiful passes that Lynn Swann caught....how many of those would be questioned?
How many of those didn't have a "Football Move" after the catch??
Football move??? Geez.....she says rollin' her eyes!
And the players are bigger now......what???
From steriods?? Becuz bean and tators still puts meat on your bones in the year 2007 just as it did in 60's!!!
Better work ethic???
Let me tell you, JohnnyU could not have had a better work ethic. And he did it for a whole lot less than today's players!

Wwoo...I'm dizzy now....help down from my soap box.

Have a great weekend kids!!!