Friday, December 26, 2008

Blue Christmas...

And I felt that right until I pull into my grandmother's driveway.
I covered up good....at least I hope so.

When I left my house, it was snowing.
A fine snow....a little bit..... that by the time I made it 3 miles, it was gone....but that drive was still there...the drive for an hour and a half was still there.
It was cold but I was so hot....sweatin'!

I had been dreadin' this.
Was it gonna be an all out cry-fest or a knock down drag out over who took the food home at the end of the day?

I hate my cousin....another story for another day.

Roy doesn't go with me.
He gets stuck with Grandpa.
And hates it.
Grandpa's a pill with a bad memory of what stories he's told.
He's told them over and over and over....
Roy's heard them all.

So I go alone.


You know, I have seriously given thought to askin' Jean to come with me.
Or MrsDeerHide.
Sorta backup....some one to ride shotgun.
A reason to leave when the pressure was too great to bare any longer.

And then thought against it becuz I'd rather keep them as friends...ones to call on when I REALLY NEEDED THEM.

In my car, it's 1985.
The Oldies Station on the radio....it seems natural for a Camaro to be playin' Heart and Stevie Nicks.
It's 37 degrees and I'm sweatin' like it's 224!!
I really dread this.
It's the only time I think I have ever driven the speed limit....the whole way.

Once I was there....I learned that my daughter had fallen and broken her ankle....she might not come.
I really just wanted to leave.
She's the only reason I went.
Well... maybe for my grandmother too.
She's 85.
She cries all the time now.
I can't bear that.
I'd take a bullet for her....and she cries all the time.

I pulled my shit together.
And tried to make the best of it.

My mother is there....and I have mother issues.
And made the best of it.

A surprise to everyone when EdithAnne does hobble in....needing a screw in her ankle...but it's a holiday....it'll wait.
Painkillers.
She and her husband gave my niece her baby's RubySlippers.

My Niece cried.

EdithAnne asked me if I wanted the hat and scarf I had crocheted for the baby back.
I held my tears back and said yes.
I'm glad I sent the top to Angie....at least I know where it went.
The hat comes back to me....I know where it went.

It was rough....really rough.....but I put on a brave face.
I know how to fake it.


I have to.


Pick up the pieces and go home.....

15 comments:

ZooKeeper said...

I'm so sorry that this has not been a happy time for you and understandably so. I love you lady! My thoughts are with you.

Kelly said...

What a horrible holiday for you. I'm glad it's over with.

MizAngie said...

I thought about you all day yesterday. Luckily I can multi-task since I got kinda blue for reasons of my own, too. Anyway, it's over. Christmas is over. There won't be another holiday that difficult. Deep breath.

Love ya.

VENTL8R said...

Damn.....

Grandmother Witch said...

Hey sweetheart, thanks for stopping by. I haven't been a good friend lately and I am sorry for that, because frankly Nadine, of all the bloggers you rock! Besides I have the sound working on my computer now and your music rocks too. Snow, I am so sick of it. Can't get the car out this morning, and my boss wants me to walk four blocks to get picked up and I just want to stay in. This sucks!
Blessed be

Becca said...

I am so sorry. Many hugs.

Big Dog Mom Pam said...

I'm sorry that it was so bad for you. But I do love your choice in music. Big hugs and puppy kisses to you.

M&Co. said...

Peace.

Jeankfl said...

I'd have gone, too.. Next time, maybe! I'm sorry, I knew this would be difficult. You know, the hospitals love knitted or crocheted caps for the NICU patients. Just sayin'. I'm sure you're just glad it's over. My thoughts have been with you.
hugs,
Jean

Gina (Mannyed) said...

Mz A. is right. This one is over. Love you, Nadine.

Mary Moore said...

Holidays can be so hard. I can relate.I'm glad you shared with us, and I'm hoping it made you feel a bit better.

Sherrie said...

~Especially big hugs~

Lorrie Veasey said...

God, I have known sorrow-
I have stood by helplessly,
as fate like a madly rushing, rising river,
Sullen and ruthless, swept from me everything worth
buying at life's mart;
Baby eyes, slowly clouding with death,
have pleaded for life,
As I stood by anxious and sorrowing,
but oh! how helpless.
Sorrow has squeezed my heart dry of all emotion,
Even the tears are gone from my eyes,
I smile-I smile, but God, I have known sorrow.

You have been kind, dear God, for I have known love-
Not mere white, hot passion, but a love so possessing,
Consuming, that no sacrifice was too great to keep it;
A love that hid me from every hurt,
taking me in its strong, tender arms
Up to a land peopled with fairies,
and carpeted with pale hyacinths.
I willingly bear the the lonliness-the sorrow-
Since I have known love.
-- Ruby Berkeley Goodwin

Billie said...

I'm sorry that this Christmas was so sad for you. I think some others will be right... this will be the hardest one and you made it through in one piece.

*hug*

Vickie said...

I send love & light. Heal soon okay.
Peace