Saturday, October 04, 2008

Donkey Tonks, DumbAss's, And A Little White Dress...

Roy and I were invited to a dinner party Friday night. I gotta call and an invite from PartyWife. Roy likes her husband...PartyHubby...not so much her.
It's her birthday and she wanted to get all her friends together for dinner and then afterwards go a bar.
She said, "You can bring a dessert."
Holy Shit!
I don't do desserts.
Ddoes that put me in charge of the friggin' birthday cake??

Oh the pressure!

Roy and I made a booze run to Sam's and there was the the bakery....I got a blister from lookin' for some blood was lost over the cake.

But that isn't really the heart of this tall tale....

I keep Roy on a "Need to Know" status.
And I tell him in spurts....he has to think things over.
I told him we were goin' to a dinner party....he didn't want to go.
Then I told him it was a birthday party...he was mullin' it over.
Then I told him I was in charge of the cake....he couldn't say no now!!
But I didn't tell him about the after dinner festivities.
I would hold that detail out until the day of the party.
Roy and bars...don't mix.
All those years of being a cop....sorta tarnished him. He was one of those cops that sat outside the bars and threw the drunk's car keys on the roof of the bar. That was much easier than draggin' their asses to jail.

The HappyWife and her hubby was invited also.
He didn't want his wife in a bar.
Takin' his wife and me to a tittybar was a good idea?
Roy's reason I could see.
I could not.

And being the complete and total Jackass that he is...he told Roy!!

So Roy says to me, "What do you know about the dinner party?"
I knew right then I had to tell him the whole thing.
And in my own way.

No Sex Was Used to Get My Way....I reserve that for shoes.

He would do just about anything for HappyWife. He taught her to ride her motorcycle. HappyHusband didn't want her to know so she would hafta ride with him.
I told Roy that HappyHusband was attemptin' to keep his wife from havin' fun. He wants so badly to be her father and tell her what she can and can not do.

And Roy sided with me!!!
Like Duh!!

The dinner party was a success.
The cake was fabulous!
And we all loaded up and went to the bar.
HappyWife laughed and had a great time while her husband sat there with his arms folded across his chest poutin'!
HappyWife said, "You wouldn't be happy if I came in here nekked would you!"

We all laughed and had a great time....How can you not??

PartyWife was tryin' to pull HappyHusband outta his funk by tellin' him his wife has a great ass. And I nodded my head in agreement.
Which made HappyWife blush.
So I took it one step further, "Okay Let's vote. Everyone that thinks HappyWife has a great ass, raise your hands!"
We raised our hands....even Roy.
Which made her blush again!
She realized that he had check it out!
But HappyHusband...didn't raise his hand!

Oh, oh.... the little white was sheer with a slip under it and it was EXTREMELY SHORT!!
PartyWife kept tellin' her "Do Not Bend Over!"

It managed to hold our attention most of the night.
It became a game. How long will it take before we get to see her panties?
Honestly, it was super cute being worn by a super cute gal.
Power to her for being able to pull it off. I would never be able to wear it.
I don't tan.
And my legs are never gonna be that long!
I won the game though!
I saw her panties first.
That little slip just didn't do its job.

Moral of the Story: Don't try to be your wife's father. And wear longer dresses!!


Jane-Fay said...

Wow, that was a lot to keep straight. I hope I got the moral right... I do have a sudden intense craving for CAKE! Any left?

Bird said...

Amen, sister. Does that count as my sermon for today?

Miss Thystle said...

Her divorce party is going to be THE BEST, isn't it? If she can party like that with the grouch around, imagine once she loses 250lbs of ugly fat?!

M is a beehive convert...she wore that wig all night.

Dawn said...

I can't wait to hear about the divorce party....

Vickie said...

Sounds like you had a blast to spite him. That't the way to have fun.

MizAngie said...

I bet the more fun y'all had the pissed-er he got. Ha!! I feel sorry for the first guy she gets a-hold to after the divorce. She's gonna tear that ass UP. Ha!!

Becca said...

Hey just leaving you a note from itcm:

Here is the next book "Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin" can you find it and join us?


Becca said...

Is his real name Earl? Dang he is an idjit! I hope she dumps his a**!

Proto said...

But, short skirts are suppose to be worn in bars by y'all to be noticed by us'n's. Thirty years ago I learned not to cross my arms in a bar. Have been a happier man ever since.

ZooKeeper said...

nope. no seeds yet. :(

Anonymous said...

Poor guy...and the other term I can use at my age is "that turd" and that's it...."Them turds" too if there's a lot of them.

So...a toy you both can operate is the way to go on turdie rehab deals..good deal then.

It takes forever however, and many fail miserably they for instance as divorced and wild women since with kids..of course.

I have to have something to keep me company when the old lady's out galavating "she says."

Well, beieve them if you want..I jealousy I see...good if you got the documents to hold him to...and him too of course.

But water-driven motors are my present obcession, and the ice this morning signifying hated enemy of my projects.

Water mains mostly and five feet down or more..and mud.

"Get out you bums" is our mantra for the next month until them worthless turds are gone.

We don't have room for them and they freeze solid outside...go to Phoenix we say as we move them all to the freeway and a ride south with a gay trucker...and "don't come back" attached to their last communications with Boise I mean...Idaho that is.

Land of the good man only we say.