Monday, September 08, 2008

Roy's Christmas Present...Part 2

Yes, he had the checkbook.
I had the bank card....and my credit card....I was well armed for shoppin'!

As I unassed the truck he said, "See you at 3:30 or 4!"
It was 12:30!!

Give me a break! I can get lost in HobbyLobby but that's a bit excessive...don't ya think??

It was 20 minutes later when I heard, "Bad to the Bone.....bbbbbad!"
I set all my stuff down to dig out my cellphone....from the deep dark depths of my purse.
"Yes Sir."
"Do you have your credit card?"
DUH!!
"Yes!"
And he proceeded to tell me about screwin' up the only check in the checkbook...it wasn't his fault but the damage was done....yeah whatever....blah blah blah.
Dude!!
You're interferin' with my shoppin' time!!!!
"Are you done at HobbyLobby?"
DUH!!
"No!!!"
"Can I have your credit card?"
"Oh I guess. Just call me when you get here."
And I made my way to the front of the store to watch for him. I dug out the credit card while I waited....from the deep dark depths of my purse.
And then I got to thinkin'....what if he could take the bank card....or did he say he wanted the bank card in the first place.....He's all the time tellin' me I don't listen to him.
As he pulled up, I just expected to hand off the card, but he patted the seat for me to get in....so I did...it was rainin'!!
And he proceeded to tell about the whole incident about the check....Dude!
It's rainin' and I have to pee..... sooooo...."Can we make this quick?"
As he was puttin' my credit card in his wallet...still talkin' about stupid clerks over chargin' him and voided checks, I noticed the checkbook on the seat. He didn't need it anymore so I picked it up and dropped into the deep dark depths of my purse....seriously people, why are purses always lined in black???
I don't know how many times...and we've all done it....had to empty out the entire purse to find whatever it was becuz I couldn't just see it....and it's always on the bottom!!

And I said to him when he shut up long enough for me to say, "Honey, I have the checkbook. Good luck! I have to pee."
And jumped outta the truck and went back to HobbyLobby.

And then it began to eat at me....can he use my credit card?
It has his picture on it....I had CapitalOne put a Hawaii vacation photo on it....so he should be able to use it....but it has my name on it. I dug out my cellphone so I would be ready for his call.
It was gonna happen.
He would call.
I knew it.
10 minutes passed...."Bad to the Bone" rang out!
"Yes."
He was T-Totally flipped smooth fuckin' out!!!!
And didn't bother to breathe the entire time he was T-Totally flipped smooth fuckin' out.
"I have fucked up! I can't find the checkbook!"
"Honey."
"I have looked in the truck."
"Honey!"
"I have looked in the parkin' lot."
"Hooooneeeeeey!"
"I have looked in the store."
"HONEY!!!!!!!!! Chill!!!!!! I HAVE THE CHECKBOOK!!!"
You could hear the relief wash over him....I couldn't help but giggle.
"It ain't funny! I was havin' a heart attack!"

It had been an emotional day for him.
He couldn't find the checkbook!
He never heard me say that I had the checkbook.
He was so excited that he was gettin' to buy that scopey thingy.
He was so perturbed that he had screwed up the check.
He was anxious that he left me at HobbyLobby.
He was aggravated he had to drive around in the rain....some one pulled out in front of him. He locked up the truck to keep from hittin' them....it slid all over on the wet pavement.
He had to buy and load his own lumber...in the rain!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him smelled like a wet dog!!!
He takes that sorta thing so personal!
Merry frickin' Christmas, Roy!!



I might not listen to him but he doesn't hear me!!

6 comments:

Miss Thystle said...

We've got one of them range finder scopey thingies too. And also a spotting scopey whatsit and some binocs and and some night vision binocs and I swear to heaven that Roy & J are twin brothers. J's all "well YOU shop all the time". Um, yeah, but my clearence shoes from Ross cost $10, his new gun costs $1000...NOT THE SAME AT ALL.

Jeankfl said...

HAHAHAHA!! None of them actually listen, do they? Gives me a certain satisfaction when they give themselves a heart attack because they didn't listen..lol Men.. so helpless.

Big Dog Mom Pam said...

I love when they don't hear us - then accuse us of not listening to them. Well, duh. Life would so much simpler for them if they just listened!!

MizAngie said...

I told myself yesterday at Walmart "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHECK." But I didn't listen to myself. I got to a store today...all the way to the cash register...no check. Shit. So I charged it. I HATE THAT!!!

Someone would think I might have a penis since I don't listen. Does the one at home in the dresser drawer count?

Bird said...

That sounds just like something my husband would do! I KNOW he doesn't listen to me half the time. What are they thinking about when they should be listening?

I wanna know what you got a Hobby Lobby.

Sherrie said...

LOL @ the wet dog thing.......oh man you make me laugh girlie!!!!