Friday, September 05, 2008

Roy's Christmas Present...Part 1

Gustav made it this far north causin' all outdoor projects to come to a halt. We loaded up and went to town outta boredom.
One the way Roy said, "I know what I want for Christmas."

Crap!!

Roy is not a small ticket person.
And why isn't that freakin' cordless drill I bought ....5 days before...why can't that be his Christmas???

"Does it sparkle and look good on me?"
I still want that ring!! 3 stone princess cut Tanzinite with two big diamonds on each side....it's beautiful!!!

He looked at me blankly.
I'll take that as a no.

"So what then?"
"I want a range finder." And he proceeded to 'splain to me what it is....this is what I heard.
"It helps me to figure out the range..... blah blah blah.... deer..... blah blah blah..... tree.... blah blah blah."

I smile and act like I heard all that.

"And how much is this gonna cost me?"
And motioned with his hands 3.
That's $300 or more!!!!!!!!!!

"And where are you plannin' on buyin' this scopey thingy?"
"It's not a scope. It's a range finder." And he proceeds to tell me again what it does....so I pay a little closer attention this time 'round.
300 frickin' dollars!!

"So let me get this straight. You look thru it, like a scope."
He comfirmed that with a yes.....ding!! That's 1!
"And it magnifies."
"Well yes it does." ....ding! That's 2!
"Then it's a scope! And where do purchase this scopey thingy?"
"At Academy."

Crap!!!

I hate that store!! There is nothing in there that is not designed to torture me in some way.
Do I look sporty to you??
When I am dragged in there...kickin' and screamin'.....I stand there and make fun of all the things that he's in love with....he's oooin' and cooin' over some scopey thingy.....and I'm standin' there with him and about 3 other men....all of them are oooin' and cooin' over somethin' that is for huntin'... I picked up this thing.
It's called a ball puller.
I looked at Roy like I do in my best dumb blonde voice complete with head bob and ask him so that everyone can hear me, "Honey, Why do you need a ball puller? I thought that's what I was for!!"

I'm promptly sent to area that sells camp chairs.

I hate goin' to Academy!!!

So I said, "Drop me off at HobbyLobby and you can go buy your scopey thingy."
He is in heaven!!
He hates HobbyLobby!!
Everything in there is designed to clutter up his life. And he said once, "It has a funky odor."
"What the hell are you talkin' about?"
"It smells gross in there!"
"And the Academy doesn't!! They sell urine for Pete's sake!! They do not sell urine at HobbyLobby!"
And that just sends him into some speech about deer pee pee in a can....and use of skunk and raccoon urine.

Whatever dude!!
I gave him the checkbook and He dropped me off at HobbyLobby.

Simple enough....wrong!!!

4 comments:

Dawn said...

I near peed when I read the ball puller comment....you have got more guts then I would know what to do with....

MizAngie said...

You went to Hobby Lobby without the checkbook? What the hell is WRONG with you?????

tsk*tsk

I may have climaxed in Hobby Lobby a coupla times...

Jeankfl said...

LOL I can't believe you said that out in public!! We need to go somewhere together! Hope you had the debit card or something since you gave him the checkbook!! I'm pretty sure you did. Your moonflowers look so great... As good as ours!
hugs,
Jean

Vickie said...

I love Academy! I like to camp. I can live (mostly in syle) outdoors. I like Hobby Lobby just as much. It has got to be all the beads and baubles. They just kinda go together. I have to decorate my camp site. We have to have simple projects to keep the kids and grown up kids busy. Sounds like a great day shopping.
I love the new shoes!
Peace