Monday, September 01, 2008

The Return of Vlad The Diet Barbarian...

Roy took his parents to Iowa and Vlad brought them home.

Will some one up there in Iowa please look for Roy and send him home?
He's tall and slightly paunchy around the middle.
Yells a lot.
He'll be wearin' a t-shirt that reads "I don't discriminate, I hate everyone."
I'll gladly send you back Vlad!

This time....which is about.... what??
The 3rd time...this year?? You'd think he'd learn!!
I can't help it I can cook!
And he can't see his belt buckle....that's not my fault!!
But this time he has a whole new plan.

He is making me join the local fitness center!!!
We took the tour.
We get two weeks free.
And we have gone everyday.....On Wednesday, I started my period and thought I could get out of it....but no. Loaded up on painkillers and all he made me go.
Vlad is no one to mess with!!!

He tried the elliptical and didn't care for them....and I agree. I feel like I'm not in control of it and I can just see me zingin' myself off backwards thru the plate glass window.
So he sets the treadmill on an hour and heads out.....and he likes's a good workout for him.
I'm left to do my own thing....I warm up on the stationary bike and then go to the weight machines...takin' my time workin' around the room....twice.... That shoulder press machine...I can't do 10 pounds!!!
I have no upper body strentgh!
And then I go back to the bike for awhile...or until I get dizzy....or I get that twinge in my knee.....or Vlad is finished.
Which his is never finished!!!!

We've been dietin' now for 16 days.....16 very long days!! I asked him last night how long have we been doin' this, "What a month now?"
He rolls his eyes...only 16 freakin' days!!!!
And one full week in the gym.....he's lost 15 pounds....only 5 more to go to hit his goal!!!
He can see his belt buckle now...can we quit???

Me...only 5!!!! 20 pounds more to hit mine!!

Seriously, Iowa.... send Roy home!!


Proto said...

What, folk need to lift more than ten pounds? Maybe if it was a sack of potatos...

Lorrie Veasey said...

O good gravy! However will you work chocolate into this new routine?