Monday, September 29, 2008

Bitches, Booze and BBq...

Roy's friend, MrBiggy, and said, "Let's go to Bikes, Blues, and BBq."
Roy said, "Sure thing."

And then there was a pause...a long pause.....While both men thought about the next question but neither really wanted to ask, "Is your wife comin' alone with you?"

One them "Manned Up" and asked. MrBiggy's wife had to work. So I would be the "odd man out".

There were several other phone calls that had to be made to invite others and one very important one....MrBiggy said, "Do you care if my wife comes along?"
He's an idiot!
MrsBiggy had some time built up and so she decided to ride along....Thank all that is good and Holy!
I don't like being the "odd man out" with those two....been there done that and I don't like to keep secrets from MrsBiggy!! It's just wrong of them to put in that situation!

We loaded up early....8Am..Just the 2 couples....and headed to Fayetteville, Arkansas. It was a cool mornin' and I was wishin' I had wore my full face helmet!

But after week got there the leather was peeled off!

MrsBiggy is an educated refined 58yr old woman. I had to reign in my Nadine-ness quite a bit.
No cussin'.
No drinkin'.
But we did laugh a lot and oogled was only fair.

That store is called Condom Sense!!
The men watched the bikes roll and babes stroll....and I don't any pix of them!
MrBiggy a bit on the cheapside...and hit every free hot dog stand there was. I was told steak and got a weiney!
We did eat some pretty good BBq....Can't hardly go to a BBq rally and not have some!!
I even graced the campus of the University of Arkansas. We wandered up there lookin' for more bikin' stuff. MrsBiggy asked a very nice and helpful young man where everything was ....all down on Dickson Street.
If the traffic had not been so heavy I woulda stood on the Hog and taken a picture but I'm kinda a funny about being run over.
And I have looked all over the internet...sorta...I'm not gonna spend all day lookin' for a pix of it....Geez it was neat and I can't believe I couldn't one!!
Next time....I'll risk it!!
There was talk about going back next year and stayin' a couple of days.
It was a good way to spend a nice fall day.

Friday, September 26, 2008

I Love The Peeps In My Posse!!!

That Last blog....let's just chalk it up to hormones.
I got it all outta my system with MzAngie...and I'm movin' on. She and I are on the same page.
Thanks for the Taser, MzThystle!!
And the pep talk from MzJean...I heart you!!
I'll be back when I have myself under's better for all involved.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Again, Is It Just Me??

Do I Offend??

It's like grade school all over again!!

Every one has their on little groups and despite how witty I may be I am not embraced and welcomed in as a friend.


Or am I havin' a hormonal moment?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Run For The Thicket Bambi!

It's that time of year.
There's 6 days until Roy takes to the trees in effort to "harvest" a deer.
That means his boyfriend has started to call.
Not just daily but 3 or 4 times a day!!!
One would think that it could all get settled in one call....but no Roy's boyfriend is a freakin' idiot.

Roy's been to the Archery place for new arrows.
He's got his scope on the crossbow.
He's put a roof on his tree stand.
He's seen turkey this year..... I'm guaranteed to get one of those.
He hasn't seen any evidence of deer.... I'm not so sure about gettin' one of those.
He has been watchin' lots of huntin' shows...way more than porn!! As You know, "Huntin' is better than sex!"
He's not into football this year.
He refuses to watch with me....I jump and cuss a lot.
He's ready to roll and rock!!
I've been jokin' about him takin' me with him....I need a good giggle....he said no.

I wonder why??

"Time for my close up MzDeMille!"
"Get your game face on!"
"You are never goin' again!"

Oh yeah...I remember now.
I can't help it, I laugh everytime when I read that.

Happy Hunting Roy!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

What's Your Name???

Little Girl, what's your name......

So I'm sittin' on my exercise bike wearin' my Mp3 and readin' a trashy magazine...tryin' forget the rest of the seems to make my torture go by faster....When I heard my name!
My actual name!
Roy called out my name!!
Roy doesn't call me by my name.
He's called me everything from SugarPlum to SkankyAssBitch in public but never my name. He's a very protective and private person... if you haven't noticed...and one way of doin' that is by not callin' me by my name.
He has analogy that he has explained to his CopBuddies where he refers to me as "The Mustang". His Cherry '64 Mustang that he goes to great lengths to protect from door dings and being keyed! Those men call me "The Mustang". They do not know my name.
The lumberjack crew have no idea what my name is...a Christmas card was sent to Roy and Wife.

So here I am in the gym and I hear him callin' out my name.
I'm instantly upset, scared, and confused. He has either fallen off the treadmill and hurt himself or is havin' a heart attack!!!
I look over to where he is expectin' to see him on the floor clutchin' his chest.....and he smilin' at me!
Now I'm confused and pissed off!
He's walkin' at a pretty good clip and crookin' his finger at me.
I popped an ear thingy out, "What?"
"Can you come and change the TV channel?"

That dickhead!!

So I do.
"Thanks Babe!"

And go back to my bike and plot my revenge....that asshole!!

On the way home, I had to ask him why he did that. What makes his time more precious than mine?
"Well, I haven't quite got all the settin's on the treadmill figured yet or what channel CNN was on and I know that you have no problems with the bike settin's and you know how to find CNN instantly."

Good Point...I'm smarter!
Cancel the Red Wasps! Click the link for details of the wasp incident.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Don't Fear The Gym!!!

I did.
I was afraid of being the only fat woman in the gym with a whole group of svelte hard bodies....and I'm not!!
There are no hard bodies! There are some that have great bodies but I'm intimidated by someone that's 23!!
Roy and I have talked about this and there are some people that take it as serious as we do and then there are some that don't. Like maybe they're just there to get credit for school or something. They do it all so half ass!
I wish I could take my camera with me to take photos but there are rules....guidelines really.
We stressed out about what to workout in...I didn't. But Roy is a jeans and tee-shirt guy. I bought him a pair of sweatpants. He was okay with it.
And our first day there an old cowboy shuffled over to the treadmill and got on it in his boots and jeans....all rules were pissed on!! I don't want to buck the camera rule...just yet.
And so Roy does just that....he wears his jeans and his teeshirt. But at least he wears his tennies!

We don't have a set pattern of what time we go. We go everyday but Sunday. I put my foot down...I needed a break!!
But I have noticed that in the mornin's it's mostly the old people. Those that are tryin' to take care of their health problems...some use it for rehab. One man I noticed today, looked like he had a stroke. Most just walk and a few do the old lady lifts more than I do!!
Rock on Granny!!
If we go in the middle of the day we have the whole place to ourselves....which good for those outburst of Roy's singin'!!
If we go late in the day, it's the younger crowd and weight lifter type. And I was really surprised by how "soft" they look.

Roy asked me one day, "What takes you so long to get in the gym?"
I'm a woman.
I'm gettin' dressed in a locker room.
My underwear has to not be in my crack.
My Mp3 has to tucked in my bra just right.
But what I told him was, "I got stopped on the way to the gym by a weightlifter. He needed someone to spot him and help him measure his muscles."

He rolled his eyes.

We have been at this now for about 3 seems like longer!
And I have fallen into a rut weight wise....I'm stuck!
And that is such a bummer!!
I can see a difference.
I can feel a difference.
But the weight thing....It's very heartbreakin'!!
To starve and to sweat myself for only 10 pounds!!!

But as I sat there on my bike today, I had an epiphany!!
I feel good....I dropped one pant size.
I do see the difference...I could put my boot on with a struggle!!
That's a huge deal!!
My legs are comin' along nicely!!
But I don't care what the weight long as I continue to workout and eat Vlad wants....then that's what I'll do!!
I'm not gettin' back on the scales for awhile.

Baby's still got back....but her legs.....wooo baby!!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Monkees Freak!!!

It's soooooo not fair!!!
Double standards of embarrassment at work!!!

If I can't dance to KC and the Sunshine band...Keep it coming love,
Keep it coming love, don't stop it now, no don't stop it now.....oh does that wanna make me dance...real sexy like!!

Then.......why is it okay for Roy to sing....out fuckin' the gym.......I'm a believer!
"I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her, if I tried!"

Oh God!!!
I turned red!!

Soooooo unfair!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

It's So Easy To Fall In Love....

And to use your Mp3!

If I can do it....anyone can!

If you have CDs...load them into your PC......Ripped em!
Which I have...all that I own...into the WindowMediaPlayer.
Actual vinyl, I have no clue.
And I hear that vinyl is makin' a comeback....Madonna is releasin' her latest on vinyl.

I love that I can down load the songs that I want from Amazon and not have to buy the whole album.
All I wanted was "Tied to the Whippin' Post" and I have a entire CD of songs I don't know!

And then you follow the directions that came with your Mp3....a critical part of life that I usually skip over...some things are self splain-it-tory!

I mean really!
We recently bought a fireproof safe for important papers to put into our supposedly fireproof gun's a Roy Thing.
The safe for papers came with instructions!!

Roy was reading it.

And I said, "It's a box! You put your shit in it and lock it! How hard can that be that it needs instructions in 5 different languages??"

It's coffee and it's hot!! Don't spill it on your lap!!!
It's a mean barkin' dog, you don't tease it!!
It's a hurricane, you leave your home to go to safety!!
It's a gun and you don't point it at people!!

Instructions with a safe???

But in the case of highly technical thingys....I read the instructions.
And This RCA Mp3 was too simple.
I just "sync" it to my Mp3 and poof it's done!!
There is no way I could fuck it up!

Angie...don't fear the Mp3. It is your friend.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Me and My Mp3....

I decided to splurge...again...if Roy can have all those little goodies that make his world go 'round then, damn it I should too!!
Though that glorious ring is still at Macy's...I'm hopin' that if I harp on it long enough, he'll go buy it.

So I bought myself an Mp3. Not an Ipoop but one that was a reasonable price and compatible with me and my world.
I received free downloads with it!!
Woo Hoo!!
For the most part the downloads were not the original singers....why would I want that???

I did find Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.
She speaks to my inner teenager...."I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation!"

I did find Jan and Dean.
That caught you off guard, didn't it!!
It speaks to my inner child that listened to her father sing in the car on the way to lake...."And we'll have fun fun fun 'til daddy take the Tbird away."

And he did that too!!

"And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation!!"
But he did.

I did find KC and the Sunshine Band.
Yeah I know!!!
It's was awesome.
"Cuz I'm your boogie what you want!"
It speaks to that weirdo part of my brain that wants to dance disco.
Put your boogie shoes...And boogie with me.

And by the time I decided that I couldn't find Led Zep or Van Halen and resorted to lookin' for anything I could find.....R &B to country..... wound up with James Brown and Willie Nelson.

And called it quits!!
Free or not, there comes a time to say, "Fuck it!"
And loaded what I had in my PC....Metallica, Sammy Hagar, Jimi Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Nugent, and Big and Rich.

So I'm wired now!
I was dressed and ready to go as Roy was mixin' up his Slimfast shake....he's just talkin' away to me.
And I have no clue.
He looks up to see why I haven't answered him.
And I looked up to see what he's doing.

I'm dancin' to All American Rejects.
He's smilin' and shakin' his head.

I popped out an ear thingy, "What?"
"Nothing. Just don't start dancin' in the gym. You'll embarrass me."

As long as I keep my hands on the machines....I'm good.

But once I let go of the handles, and hear Robert Plant singin' Gone Gone Gone....I'm gone!

I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation!!
I've never been afraid of any deviation.
An I don't really care,
If ya think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change,
An I'm never gonna carebout my bad reputation!!

Oh, No!
Not me!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

And Another Thing...

Do women with D cups workout??

I couldn't find not one sports bra that was designed for me and my D cups!

I had to buy one for the C cup gals....and stuff those puppies in there!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

In The Most Romantic of Places....

I'm bent over the litterbox when Roy says, "I think I know where you lost all your weight!"


That one ranks right up there with him thinkin' I'm neater than shit.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Just Some Things I Need To Ask About...

If you wear black spandex workout pants, shouldn't you wear underwear??

There's this woman at the gym....let's call her MzIndianPrincess'69...and She could have been!!
But back the pants...She works out with her hubby just as I do. She has spoken to me...and I know her hubby.

When I went to get my motorcycle license, MzIndianPrincess'69's hubby was "THE" DLGUY. And you all know how obnoxious Roy is....
Roy says, "So DLGUY, do you really think that she weighs 106?"

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!??????
I have had 106 on my driver's license since high school!! And that ass had to bring it up!!!!

The DLGUY looks at me with an eyebrow raised, shook his head, and asked my weight!!!
I lied and told him 130!!

He smirked and amended the driver's license when he added my "M" endorsement!!!!

So I know him! His wife on the other hand, I'm just now gettin' to know.

Black spandex pants....She wears them. And she was diligently workin' out when she bent over...and HELLO!!
No wonder there was no pantie line!!!
Just becuz their black doesn't make it where people can't see your business!

And that brings us to another subject, proper etiquette in the locker room.
Roy says there's a sign in the men's locker room that states there is to be no runnin' around with your dick hangin' out.
"No! But They do not want nudity."

So do I turn up my modesty knob to's currently set to 5. 1 being reserved for NudeBeaches...and I'm not there yet.
I will go topless on the cruise ships, my boobs have been shown off from Belize to Hawaii to Mexico to Kansas, and go to stripclubs....and come to think of it I have had that "16 candles" experience once....I was 28, though.
Do I ACT all prude and dress in a shower stall or over the toilet like the other women??
Or do I just undress like I currently do with all my glory hangin' out in the middle of the room??

I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable or anything??
Roy didn't have an answer for that one.

And thanks Angie!!
MzAngie wrote me a poem....

Listen here,
Our Nadine is tough,
But why be so rough?
You won't like your tussles,
When she gets all those muscles!
Argue with Nadine - I'LL PASS.
Bet the bitch could whip my ass!!!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Vlad's Evil Plan Is Workin'!!!

4 weeks on the Barbaric Diet and 2 weeks at the fitness center I've lost 10 pounds!!

I can now lift on the Shoulder Press 20 pounds!!

Progress is slow but there is progress.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Roy's Christmas Present...Part 2

Yes, he had the checkbook.
I had the bank card....and my credit card....I was well armed for shoppin'!

As I unassed the truck he said, "See you at 3:30 or 4!"
It was 12:30!!

Give me a break! I can get lost in HobbyLobby but that's a bit excessive...don't ya think??

It was 20 minutes later when I heard, "Bad to the Bone.....bbbbbad!"
I set all my stuff down to dig out my cellphone....from the deep dark depths of my purse.
"Yes Sir."
"Do you have your credit card?"
And he proceeded to tell me about screwin' up the only check in the wasn't his fault but the damage was done....yeah whatever....blah blah blah.
You're interferin' with my shoppin' time!!!!
"Are you done at HobbyLobby?"
"Can I have your credit card?"
"Oh I guess. Just call me when you get here."
And I made my way to the front of the store to watch for him. I dug out the credit card while I waited....from the deep dark depths of my purse.
And then I got to thinkin'....what if he could take the bank card....or did he say he wanted the bank card in the first place.....He's all the time tellin' me I don't listen to him.
As he pulled up, I just expected to hand off the card, but he patted the seat for me to get I was rainin'!!
And he proceeded to tell about the whole incident about the check....Dude!
It's rainin' and I have to pee..... sooooo...."Can we make this quick?"
As he was puttin' my credit card in his wallet...still talkin' about stupid clerks over chargin' him and voided checks, I noticed the checkbook on the seat. He didn't need it anymore so I picked it up and dropped into the deep dark depths of my purse....seriously people, why are purses always lined in black???
I don't know how many times...and we've all done it....had to empty out the entire purse to find whatever it was becuz I couldn't just see it....and it's always on the bottom!!

And I said to him when he shut up long enough for me to say, "Honey, I have the checkbook. Good luck! I have to pee."
And jumped outta the truck and went back to HobbyLobby.

And then it began to eat at me....can he use my credit card?
It has his picture on it....I had CapitalOne put a Hawaii vacation photo on he should be able to use it....but it has my name on it. I dug out my cellphone so I would be ready for his call.
It was gonna happen.
He would call.
I knew it.
10 minutes passed...."Bad to the Bone" rang out!
He was T-Totally flipped smooth fuckin' out!!!!
And didn't bother to breathe the entire time he was T-Totally flipped smooth fuckin' out.
"I have fucked up! I can't find the checkbook!"
"I have looked in the truck."
"I have looked in the parkin' lot."
"I have looked in the store."
"HONEY!!!!!!!!! Chill!!!!!! I HAVE THE CHECKBOOK!!!"
You could hear the relief wash over him....I couldn't help but giggle.
"It ain't funny! I was havin' a heart attack!"

It had been an emotional day for him.
He couldn't find the checkbook!
He never heard me say that I had the checkbook.
He was so excited that he was gettin' to buy that scopey thingy.
He was so perturbed that he had screwed up the check.
He was anxious that he left me at HobbyLobby.
He was aggravated he had to drive around in the rain....some one pulled out in front of him. He locked up the truck to keep from hittin' slid all over on the wet pavement.
He had to buy and load his own the rain!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him smelled like a wet dog!!!
He takes that sorta thing so personal!
Merry frickin' Christmas, Roy!!

I might not listen to him but he doesn't hear me!!

Friday, September 05, 2008

Roy's Christmas Present...Part 1

Gustav made it this far north causin' all outdoor projects to come to a halt. We loaded up and went to town outta boredom.
One the way Roy said, "I know what I want for Christmas."


Roy is not a small ticket person.
And why isn't that freakin' cordless drill I bought ....5 days before...why can't that be his Christmas???

"Does it sparkle and look good on me?"
I still want that ring!! 3 stone princess cut Tanzinite with two big diamonds on each's beautiful!!!

He looked at me blankly.
I'll take that as a no.

"So what then?"
"I want a range finder." And he proceeded to 'splain to me what it is....this is what I heard.
"It helps me to figure out the range..... blah blah blah.... deer..... blah blah blah..... tree.... blah blah blah."

I smile and act like I heard all that.

"And how much is this gonna cost me?"
And motioned with his hands 3.
That's $300 or more!!!!!!!!!!

"And where are you plannin' on buyin' this scopey thingy?"
"It's not a scope. It's a range finder." And he proceeds to tell me again what it I pay a little closer attention this time 'round.
300 frickin' dollars!!

"So let me get this straight. You look thru it, like a scope."
He comfirmed that with a yes.....ding!! That's 1!
"And it magnifies."
"Well yes it does." ....ding! That's 2!
"Then it's a scope! And where do purchase this scopey thingy?"
"At Academy."


I hate that store!! There is nothing in there that is not designed to torture me in some way.
Do I look sporty to you??
When I am dragged in there...kickin' and screamin'.....I stand there and make fun of all the things that he's in love with....he's oooin' and cooin' over some scopey thingy.....and I'm standin' there with him and about 3 other men....all of them are oooin' and cooin' over somethin' that is for huntin'... I picked up this thing.
It's called a ball puller.
I looked at Roy like I do in my best dumb blonde voice complete with head bob and ask him so that everyone can hear me, "Honey, Why do you need a ball puller? I thought that's what I was for!!"

I'm promptly sent to area that sells camp chairs.

I hate goin' to Academy!!!

So I said, "Drop me off at HobbyLobby and you can go buy your scopey thingy."
He is in heaven!!
He hates HobbyLobby!!
Everything in there is designed to clutter up his life. And he said once, "It has a funky odor."
"What the hell are you talkin' about?"
"It smells gross in there!"
"And the Academy doesn't!! They sell urine for Pete's sake!! They do not sell urine at HobbyLobby!"
And that just sends him into some speech about deer pee pee in a can....and use of skunk and raccoon urine.

Whatever dude!!
I gave him the checkbook and He dropped me off at HobbyLobby.

Simple enough....wrong!!!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

How I Spent My Labor Day....

Or maybe a better...How Roy spent his Labor Day...Weekend.
Yeah that's much better.

He spent it building a pool deck...Isn't that so sweet of him??
Wait....there's more to it than's not for me!!
He slaved away in the sun for 3days with nothing but that umbrella for protection from the sun and a cooler full of Gatorade....drink lots...we own stock in the company!!
He used some old lumber that he had layin' around to start out with and pretty soon like a Professional Contractor he had'er up....sorta.
He had to go to town and get more lumber and all sorts of manly things to finish it up .....and justify buyin' a freakin' new cordless drill.
I have no idea what was wrong with the other....2....but for some reason while walkin' thru Sears, he heard the music.
You know that music....the wonderful music of harps and flutes and little cheribs come down from the heavens with sunshine and confetti.....I hear it for shoes and purses....and you should see the cutest pair of shoes I bought at TJMaxx!!!

I'll be right back!!

Aren't so the cutest!!!!
Okay where were we....decks!
Oh wait you didn't see the cutest little purse.....just a sec!!

Sorry that took longer than needed....there was a cat in my shoes!!!

Scooter... you freak!!
Is it just me or does anyone else have a cat with a shoe fetish???
That's new purse...too cute!!

Music... Drills ..... Decks...So he's out there buildin' a deck.

That I didn't ask for!!
I was happy with out it but HappyWife wanted Roy's out there buildin' her a least it's at my house!!

He has slaved away for 3 days on it....I love the way it's shapin' up.

This mornin' he has a whole new plan. He is goin' to tear down and make some adjustments!!

What the hell!?!?

"Oh no you're not! It just fine the way it is and I will not let you tear it down." Made for HappyWife or not....he's not tearin' it down!

"Oh yes I am! I thought about in the night and I need to make adjustment for when we put the cover on the pool."
"We'll just move the deck out from the pool but you are not tearin' it down! You will have to send me away or somethin' but I will not let you do it!"
Let me just say 2 things about that last statement....he would never send me away...even if his life depended on it...he'd rather fight with me over it.
And we could never move that deck.
He builds things to last and that are extremely heavy.
He built me a picnic table that he can't move along and I can't help him move it...he has to flip and turn it and load it on the truck to move it....I swear!!
It's been all over the yard....but that is one well built and heavy mutha!!
He's out there right now....rebuildin' that deck and makin' adjustments....there are some fights I don't win!
But oh well...cuz this....see that floatie....that's what I did!!
And this is what Ralph did...
Yes, Ralph is "lovin' up" the Trixie hangs her head in shame.

Monday, September 01, 2008

The Return of Vlad The Diet Barbarian...

Roy took his parents to Iowa and Vlad brought them home.

Will some one up there in Iowa please look for Roy and send him home?
He's tall and slightly paunchy around the middle.
Yells a lot.
He'll be wearin' a t-shirt that reads "I don't discriminate, I hate everyone."
I'll gladly send you back Vlad!

This time....which is about.... what??
The 3rd time...this year?? You'd think he'd learn!!
I can't help it I can cook!
And he can't see his belt buckle....that's not my fault!!
But this time he has a whole new plan.

He is making me join the local fitness center!!!
We took the tour.
We get two weeks free.
And we have gone everyday.....On Wednesday, I started my period and thought I could get out of it....but no. Loaded up on painkillers and all he made me go.
Vlad is no one to mess with!!!

He tried the elliptical and didn't care for them....and I agree. I feel like I'm not in control of it and I can just see me zingin' myself off backwards thru the plate glass window.
So he sets the treadmill on an hour and heads out.....and he likes's a good workout for him.
I'm left to do my own thing....I warm up on the stationary bike and then go to the weight machines...takin' my time workin' around the room....twice.... That shoulder press machine...I can't do 10 pounds!!!
I have no upper body strentgh!
And then I go back to the bike for awhile...or until I get dizzy....or I get that twinge in my knee.....or Vlad is finished.
Which his is never finished!!!!

We've been dietin' now for 16 days.....16 very long days!! I asked him last night how long have we been doin' this, "What a month now?"
He rolls his eyes...only 16 freakin' days!!!!
And one full week in the gym.....he's lost 15 pounds....only 5 more to go to hit his goal!!!
He can see his belt buckle now...can we quit???

Me...only 5!!!! 20 pounds more to hit mine!!

Seriously, Iowa.... send Roy home!!