Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My Regrets...

And I only have 2.
And one is not really a regret but my "What If".

I've paid my dues
- Time after time
- I've done my sentence
- But committed no crime
- And bad mistakes, I've made a few
-I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
- But I've come through
to borrow a few lines from Queen

WE all have mistakes.

My one and only regret is moving to the country and this house. I took my daughters from their family, friends, and the school that they loved to here.
We would not have had the bad years if I hadn't did it.
It's all mine.
Roy wanted to make me happy and bought me a house in the country.
It seems so simple to see it now.

And the other....well....it not really something I sit around dwellin' on.
But recently, outta the blue...call it hormones.....or too much time in the pool on my floatie....I told Roy if we had a baby together we would have had one child that would have liked us both.
He just smiled.
It's true!
And our lives would have been so much different.
If we had had a baby together, EudoraMae never would have left.
Roy would still be workin' for the state.
And I would have never worked at the Clinic all those years...I'd be a stay at home mom. I worked becuz EarlLee was a lazy Bastard and Roy shouldn't have to pay for someone else's kids, so I worked.
EdithAnne...well I'm not sure...I think she would have left no matter what....she really loved that school. It was almost an obsession with her.....That Huge What If for her.
I don't think she would have left the way she did though...she's a good kid. Just confused and a bit selfish.

It would have been a totally different path....But I'm not gonna dwell on it.
Becuz Roy and I have had a good life together...despite the bad years.

And little JustinCase Hightower would have been 10.

You have to be happy....we aren't gettin' outta this alive so live it to the fullest.

6 comments:

Beth said...

I guess if we lived in a perfect world we would all have a perfect life, there are many things that i wish i could have changed for my kids as well. I guess all we can do is be greatful that we are all still here and deal with what we have. Be happy is the best we can do.
so i am wishing you a Happy Day !!!

Billie said...

I see a little bit too much blame being placed on your shoulders.

Maybe moving to the country resulted in some bad things happening but you have no idea what would have happened if you had stayed. Different things would have happened - maybe bad things. And instead of saying... I shouldn't have moved to the country... you would be saying... if I had of just moved to the country like I dreamed of...

There is no getting out of the should have's. Whatever path you take will result in bad things happening - it is called life. So don't look down the path not taken because you can't see what is waiting beyond the curve.

The above was not meant to sound harsh if it is coming across that way.

Miss Thystle said...

Oh sister, your blog made me cry today.

You can't blame yourself for the choices your girls made.

Everything come out just how it should in the end.

Beth said...

thank you for the birthday wishes and i will pass them along
just posted another blog the stalker is in rare form again.

Bird said...

Kids do what they've gotta do--no sense blaming yourself for that.

I think you have a pretty good life and only two regrets isn't that bad. Probably all parents look back and wish they'd done some parenting things differently. i know that I already worried more about Charlie than I needed to--didn't enjoy the baby time as much as I should. Hind sight is 20/20 and all that jazz.

Mannyed said...

Amen, sister.

Sounds like you handle what life hands you the best that you can, and that counts for something!