Friday, August 29, 2008

The Moonflowers...

One night I noticed that the a couple of the flowers had bloomed so me and my trusty helper went out to get a picture of them...he stopped to eat grass.
He needs it so he can throw up on something that cost oodles of the satellite reciever box or my favorite leather jacket.

Damn Cat!!

We found this huge bloom! And the smell!!!

It had all these other bloom fixin'ta open at any moment....3 days later......It was full of flowers!!
Roy was concerned that I didn't get a good photo of them, so the next mornin' he took these....
Just gorgeous!!!
Thanks Jean!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


So the last couple of blogs were a knee jerk reaction to something a friend told me. She is unhappy in her marriage and will be divorcin' her hubby in a few years after the kids get older. I'm not fond of him and I've always said I couldn't wait for her to divorce his sorry ass.

I could see it.
She just needed to wise up. Well, she has.

And I feel a bit sorry for him.
If he knew she was plannin' a divorce would he straighten up and fix it??

Time will tell.

Okay now for what everyone comes here for...the funny shit that happens in my life...And I don't want to make MzThystle cry.... never again.


So I have 6 cats.

Every night there is at least one in bed with me and's really crowded and noisey when all 6 are in there with us....but that's another cattale for later.

My big yeller cat, Manny...his NewYor cousin, Mannicotti Biscotti is orange....likes to sleep between me and Roy.
He walks around us both until he finds just the right spot.

On Roy's pillow or on mine.

One of his favorite places is being stretched out between us with his front paws on the back of Roys neck and his back feet on my forehead....but we'll come back to that.

Usually he lays on me.
He rubs all over me.
And is draped over my shoulders like a stole....a big yeller 14 pound vibratin' stole!

Or he sleeps with his forehead right next to mine....he's so cuddley....I'm his momma cat you know. He purrs the whole time. It's very peaceful.

And then it happens.

For no good reason, he makes this noise that sounds like "hrrmph!" and butts my head.

I'm not talkin' about sweet gentle nudges. I'm talkin' about World Championship WWF HeadButts that hurt!!

Every time!!

At least he warns me with the Hrrmph!

So one night, Manny was stretched out between me and Roy with his front feet on the back of Roy's neck massagin' away....purrin' like a Ferrari engine...with his back feet on my forehead.

I moved his feet away from me very gently....If something freaked that cat, he would use my forehead like springboard leavin' me scratched and bloody!!

But the purrin' and massagin' never went on for a long time.

It's so very soothin'..... All that purrin'!

Roy had drifted off to sleep...I could tell by his breathin'.

Manny was purrin' a bit softer....the massagin' was so slow I could hardly feel it.

Everyone was so calm and peaceful.

Roy started to snore.

Manny said, "Hrrmmpph!" and smacked Roy on the back of the head.

Roy stopped snorin'!!

I still giggle about it.

Do you know how hard it is to laugh your ass off and not shake the bed???
I do not want to have a HrmmphHeadButt!!
That's how we "watch" TV.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My Regrets...

And I only have 2.
And one is not really a regret but my "What If".

I've paid my dues
- Time after time
- I've done my sentence
- But committed no crime
- And bad mistakes, I've made a few
-I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
- But I've come through
to borrow a few lines from Queen

WE all have mistakes.

My one and only regret is moving to the country and this house. I took my daughters from their family, friends, and the school that they loved to here.
We would not have had the bad years if I hadn't did it.
It's all mine.
Roy wanted to make me happy and bought me a house in the country.
It seems so simple to see it now.

And the not really something I sit around dwellin' on.
But recently, outta the it hormones.....or too much time in the pool on my floatie....I told Roy if we had a baby together we would have had one child that would have liked us both.
He just smiled.
It's true!
And our lives would have been so much different.
If we had had a baby together, EudoraMae never would have left.
Roy would still be workin' for the state.
And I would have never worked at the Clinic all those years...I'd be a stay at home mom. I worked becuz EarlLee was a lazy Bastard and Roy shouldn't have to pay for someone else's kids, so I worked.
EdithAnne...well I'm not sure...I think she would have left no matter what....she really loved that school. It was almost an obsession with her.....That Huge What If for her.
I don't think she would have left the way she did though...she's a good kid. Just confused and a bit selfish.

It would have been a totally different path....But I'm not gonna dwell on it.
Becuz Roy and I have had a good life together...despite the bad years.

And little JustinCase Hightower would have been 10.

You have to be happy....we aren't gettin' outta this alive so live it to the fullest.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

What If, Regrets, and Life..

Before I get into it all let me just say....Roy and I are solid.
We may fight like 2 cats in a bag but we are good.

Do you wonder about past loves?
Maybe you broke up over a misunderstandin' and once you actually spoke to each other.... after marriages and 6 kids .... you find out it was all just a stupid reason that you broke up.
Do you wonder about what might have been?

If you knew your marriage was headin' into divorce court, would you make the necessary changes to save it?
Or continue to "stay the course"? Thinkin' that you are doin' the right thing by lettin' your spouse have time to achieve his goals while you do's not me!

Let's say you have different goals in life than your spouse and you knew that you would never want the same things, would you continue to stay?
For the sake of the children?
Even if you are miserable, do you stay?
Are you setting a bad example to your children if stay in an unhappy marriage?
Or is it worse to divorce with young kids?

My girls were 7 and 9.
Roy's kids were 14 and 10....see... it's not me!!

Or do you fight tooth and nail to save your marriage??

It's not me!!!

Next time we chat...we'll talk about regrets and what ifs....that are mine.

The song playin' is OUR song.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dear EdithAnne and EudoraMae,

As I have never been real keen on boys....I like them as a species but not really in tune with them as a grandmother, I have a real problem with making them things.....That don't just screams "Broadway".....and I really want Fighter Pilots and NFL Quarterbacks and TightEnds... But that's a whole other story.

I want you to explain to my grandsons that I don't love them any less if I can't figure out how to make them Manly He-Man things...with my own two hands....the way I can you two or my one and only grandbaby girl. I can crochet her a hat and scarf in a takes a couple of days.

Yes, I made a pumpkin suit for my nephew and EudoraMae's skunk suit with a workin' tail but .... Transformers, Spidey, and

Gram falters.

Please tell them that Gram really adores them all the same....all the love a gram can have in her heart.
If the day should come that one of them or all them go off to Broadway....I'll be right there with the sequins, my sewing machine, and crochet hooks.

But until then....Please push them to football and airplanes....Gram can not send them cool hand made things.

Love, Hugs, and Jose,

Mom :) aka Gram

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Have You Ever Been Threatened With a BowFlex??

Okay.... Just Me??

We went to Sears to see what sorta exercise equipment was available.
Why I don't know??
We have a threadmill. We bought it 10 years ago. It works fine....when we use it.
But it's so borin'!!
It's up stairs in the Museum.
We have a stationary bike. It's 15 years old. And I have gone a lotta miles on it...and bitched the whole time!
A tractor seat!! People, I want a tractor seat!!!
Not only does it hurt the tender parts of my business area but it's borin'!!
It's up stairs in the Museum.
We have a stair stepper's 16 years old....Roy told me I don't use it right...I quit usin' it all together....he bought the stationary bike.
It's up stairs in the Museum....I do use it every so often.
It works perfect as a step stool to help me rummage around in the top of the closet...if I stand on both steps at the same time...puts me a foot up in the air!!
When I moved in with Roy I had a rowing machine!
Yep I did!
Not that I ever used it....for it's intended purpose.
My ex-hubby stubbed his toe on it all the time! That's what he gets for sneakin' around on my side of the bed...that lazy bastard!!
The Rowing's at my granny's....and not in the Museum.
There is no way I will let him buy another piece of equipment for torture and it wind up up in the Museum!!
We went to the local fitness center and took the tour....just as soon as I feel better, we'll start going.


Monday, August 18, 2008


As we all know I'm perpetually 35!!
But TheVentl8r sent me an email invitin' me to take the RealAge Test.
So I said, "What the hell?" And took the test.

I am aged to be 51!!!
What the fuck??!!??

It seemed to think that becuz I drive over the speed limit that I was livin' a bit risky.
So I told Roy about this....he's 58. He took the test.

It aged him at 54!!!
What the Fuck!!!???!!!
Come on!!

He gets points for being active??!!??
It took age off???
For driving the freakin' speed limit???
Hey!! He doesn't floss as much as me!!!
Don't I get credit for that???
Of course, his evil twin Vlad the Diet Barbarian pounded his chest and said "WE WILL BE DIETING!!"
I've even been threatened with a BowFlex!!

Prize at the end...a healthy wife....and a cruise for the 10th Annual 35th Birthday...Novemeber 2009!!
Thanks for that Kristi!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Flowers Around the HighTower....

Last Spring Jean sent me Moonflower seeds....and this is what happened.

It's a huge bush...the pix does not do it justice.
It's a plant that blooms at night....and they smell so good! It isn't too far from my bedroom window.
The blooms come from this...

And the seeds from this porky-pine egg thing...

And the only picture I have of the flower is this one...
I have every intention of gettin' a pix of full bloom but never make it out there.

Roy likes to take pix and surprise me when I'm goin' thru the memory card....mostly of me in the shower....or sleepin' when he's out workin'.....or dead rats.

But this one is one of his surprise pix of the NakedLadies....
My grandmother...Good Christian Woman...owned her own Pew... called them Naked Ladies and that's good enough for me. Roy's mother....can't form the words Naked Ladies so she calls the Surprise Lilies!
Cute Story: The girls used to get on the Schoolbus at the top of the property.....the highest point for the safety of the bus to stop.
And Roy had planted some flowers along the edge of the our my direction. That means he had to dig up a truck load of rocks.....we only have about 1/2 inch of top soil and rest is rock....which left a sink-hole.....and we just put flower bulbs in the hole. We covered them with some dirt from the garden.
I don't know why, but the BusDriver asked EdithAnne what was buried looked like a grave.
She replied very innocently, "Naked Ladies!"
It only added to the Legend of RoyHightower.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I Love The Smell of Napalm in The Morning!!

I was watchin' Project Runway when My Whole House Started Shakin'!!

I could hear the Helicopter....LifeFlight goes over every so often and I had heard sirens earlier...musta been a wreck some where.... Didn't really get too excited.

But the house was shakin'!!
The helicopter noise just got louder....So I had to go look!
3 Chinooks flew over the house....that never happens!!

Roy was out in the backyard and he was hummin' Ride of Valkyries!

We love our Armed Forces.

All references are from Apocalypse Now...Check it out!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Oh Bitch And Gripe And Piss And Moan!!!

Contrary to popular belief, I did not jump in my car to run off for a night of dancin' on the bar or have a stripper lick my nipples the second Roy rolled outta the driveway....the pool skimmer runnin' over was the most excitment I had.
A pot of chili was the most rebellious thing I did while he was gone...Roy hates chili!!
Oh Oh...I jumped in the car and ran to the fabric store....he hates that too!!

I can see that I could very easily turn into a hermit..... As long as I have the internet, a couple of cases of diet pepsi and my Japanese Beau, Hitachi, I'm good to go!

Roy rolled in at 8:00 Tuesday evening. "I'm glad I'm home and that's all I want to say about this trip. Except, I do NOT want to ever take those old people anywhere ever again!"

We watched Big Brother.
We made love.
And then it all came out....and he hasn't stopped bitchin' about this trip yet!!

The Aunt and Uncle that he adores so much bicker at each other.
His Aunt and Uncle on The OtherSide of Iowa picked at each other.
RoySr and QueenVictoria bitch at each other.

Roy had had enough.

In his mind old people say mean and hateful things to each other. One tries to mother the other or the simple gesture to hold a hand....causes a jerk back and a hateful look and hurt feelin's.
I had seen this behavior from his parents for years and I have told Roy about it many times. "Your dad acts like he has been touch by the devil when your mother tries to hold his hand. I have never seen anything like that."
He finally saw it.

Roy said, "If one didn't try to baby the other, there wouldn't be such a fight over the pickiest things. If he can't find a glass, he'll ask for one. But no. Mom was in there directin' him the whole time until he had enough and he blew up!"
It just drove Roy crazy.

I told Roy, "She only does it to help him. It doesn't have anything to do with his inability to do things. She wants to do the right thing."
"Yeah well don't do it!!"
"Like askin' you if you want to shift in the NASCAR simulator?"

He just grinned....and turned red.

So there we were at the BassPro wantin' for our turn at the cars and the woman in charge was explain' the shiftin' aspect of the cars. 2 had the shiftin' option and one was totally automatic...the one Roy was gonna drive.
The HappyHubby spoke up and said he wanted to shift his it was real!!
Roll your eyes!
So I being the big person that I pun about my weight...I asked Roy if he wanted to pretend he was a "real driver".
"Honey, do you want to shift?" I whispered. I tried to keep our conversation to just us. Everyone doesn't need to know he can't hear well or what a wife says to her husband.
"I don't know." He replied.

I knew he didn't hear the speech about the shiftin' option and I knew that he needed to know all the facts so I waited a few seconds and I asked him again.... Still talkin' under my breath to him.
"I don't know." he replied.

We were runnin' outta time. He needs to know and tell me so I could take the orange car if he wanted to shift he had to take my car.
I had no desire to shift....I do it every day in my own race car. This was not a real car, it was a game. All I wanted to do was go balls to the wall, pedal to the metal and go all out top speed 100%...and I did!! From the time the light went green to the time the simulator stopped...I never let up!

"Honey, I need for you to decide if you want to shift becuz your car doesn't." still only to him.
He blew up!
"I don't know! And will you leave me alone! What is the big deal?" As he starts to plead his case to the people around us...gettin' louder and louder as he talked.

Well that was the line in the sand!
That was it!

"I was tryin' to be the big person here as you are not and allow you to have the Red car as the Orange one does not shift. And if you wanted to pretend you are really shiftin' like a real driver, I was gonna give up the Red car. But! You can put your ass in the Orange car and be happy or sad....Deal with it!"
I kept my cussin' to a minimum ... but I didn't care if every one was watchin'!!!
I was knockin' off his high horse!!

Clean up in the Golf department!!
Man holdin' his head....blood every where!!
Bring the mop!

The next day after he came home from the "Good Bye Tour" he said, "We've gone 24 hours without bitchin' at each other!"
He was so proud.
He's still in the honeymoon glow.

We bicker and bitch at each other every day.
We have a knockdown drag out once a week.

And then there are those times where his meal goes to Ralph and Trixie or I break the plates.

I'll go with it.... As long as he continues to say "Sure Babe" I'm gonna milk it!
There is this ring at Macy's.....

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Father And Son Walk...

I'm sure over the years many father's have walked along with their sons pointin' out the highlights.....bugs, birds, trees, sea shells....whatever was on the journey. Fathers pass out widsom and knowledge about whatever item that they may come across to their son....very heartwarmin'.....a HallMark Moment.

Well this is a Hightower Moment...

Roy's mother loves day lilies....her yard is covered with different beds of different day lilies...very pretty and lots of work. Her sister knowin' this planned a trip to a local day lily farm.
As they walked along the day lilies listenin' to the owner talk about all her beautiful flowers, Roy and his father fell back a bit from the group.
Just a father and son walk.
Roy noticed up in one of the trees a large gatherin' of bees....honey bees no doubt. He does what comes natural to him...he is a father too.
He points out to HIS father that there is honey bees in the crux of the pecan tree.
His father looks up to see them.
Then RoySr starts lookin' around on the ground and found a nut. He picked it up.
Seein' exactly what was on that old man's mind, and knowin' full well what would happen if he didn't stop that old man, Roy told him, "Don't you throw that at the bees!! If you do, I'll spank your ass!!"

RoySr dropped the nut and went off poutin' like a 4 year old!

QueenVictoria was not amused as her husband not with the group and made apologies to the farm owner. QV was unaware of the "Hightower Father and Son Moment"

Monday, August 11, 2008

The Good Bye Tour

This is long....get a cup of coffee and have a seat....

When Roy was a kid growin' up he spent every summer, from the age of 9 until he went into the Marine Corps, on the farm in Iowa. That is his special place. He made the best memories on that farm. He worked in the fields and flirted with the local farm girls from neighborin' farms.
The farm belong to his Uncle George and Aunt Pat. They had 3 daughters to which Roy is very close to...more like a brother than a cousin.
In the last few years, Roy's Parents and his aunt and uncle have all aged into their 80's. Each have their own health problems. This last year, his cousins wanted to get the OldFolks together as we never know when the day will come that we lose one. I have heard horror stories of the illness from the cousins about one of them passin' out in church or ambulance rides to the ER. And Roy's parents are no different. They have had their ownambulance adventures too.
Anyway, the girls want to get together....but there is the problem of where.
Maybe meet half way....which is Kansas save on gas.
These are penny pinchin' people...not the cousins but the OldFolks.
We don't know people in Kansas City.
These people are people that don't stay in motels. They stay with family.

But nothing ever come of any of it.

Until now.

Roy wanted to go up for the weekend to visit with his cousins and go the OldTimer's Thing. There are steam tractors and other old farm machinery. It's really quite interestin'. So he said, "Dad do you want to come with us?"
And his mother, QueenVictoria replied, "Oh yes!! I want to come too!"

We were shocked by that!
QV doesn't do the farm!
She hasn't been the nicest person to Aunt Pat over the years. So when she asked to come, everyone groaned....I'm sure that they groaned in Iowa too!!

So Roy and I worked it out so that we all could go....It was only a weekend. How hard could it be??
At RoySr's birthday dinner, QueenVicky cried on my shoulder that her sister...who also lived in Iowa...the other side of Iowa.... has been afflicted with Alzheimer'sDisease.
"I want to see her one more time before she can't remember who I am."

Yes she actually said that to me....How could I say no?

This added 2 more days to the trip.
There's no way I can go!
We didn't want to board the cats.
We didn't want to burden our friends with pool duty.

Roy left on Wednesday evening to go to start the "Good Bye Tour" on Thursday.
The drive to Iowa was eventful. His mother started out in the back seat. But her need to "mother" her husband kicked in about Kansas City. So at a rest stop she put him in the backseat so he could take a nap and rode shotgun thru KSC. Roy said she used the old man like a wet bar. "RoySr, could get me some water."
So he gives her some water.
"Can you add some ice?"
He adds some ice.
She opened up the map to "help" Roy around KSC....we know he has a hard time with it....and in the process spilled her water on RoySr's wallet!
Roy described for me what took place next as a grown man actin' like child throwin' a temper tantrum in the backseat and jumpin' into the front to yell at his "Mother".
Which scared RoyJr!
Which made RoyJr yell at both of them!!
There was a bunch of other things that happened on the trip up but that one really sets the tone for the whole trip!
Once Roy reaches the farm, he is informed that they will be stayin' with Roy's OtherAunt on The OtherSide of Iowa an extra day.
"It's only fair! We are stayin' 3 nights on the farm."
What else could he do?
I was pissed off!! She took a simple 2 day trip and turned it into a freakin' week long road trip with two bickerin' old farts!!!

By Saturday, Roy called, "Come get my mother!!"
That was after he was told that they would stoppin' to see another aunt on the way to The Other Side of Iowa! Some where around in The Middle of Iowa.
Now that's just not right!! QV has overstepped! I want my man back!! Roy is not a freakin' taxi drive to chauffeur them all over world.

Enough is Enough!

In the meantime, on the home front, I was gettin' a much needed rain. The lawn sighed with relief! The temperature dropped 20 degrees. It was really nice....until I got almost 3 inches of rain!
In the pool!
I called Roy and asked if I should siphon out some water. Just before he left he filled the pool so that I wouldn't have to do that. He was afraid that with the temps being over 100 that there would be evaporation and he didn't want me to have to mess it....but no! I got nearly 3 inches of rain!!!
He told me not worry about it, that if it got above the skimmer call him and he'll tell me what to do....which was what I did Sunday Am!!
It had rained over night and took the water level over the skimmer and was floodin' out the top of it and on to the ground....washin' out the base of my pool!!!!!!
I ran and got the hose....Stuck it in the pool about 2 feet and ran to the hydrant and connected the hose to it. Open the water line and let it run about 3 secs and then turned it off, disconnected the hose and dropped it on the ground....lettin' it suck water outta the pool!!
I ran for a bucket...wound up with my margarita pitcher....which is a quart and scooped out about 10 gallons of water as I stood in the freakin' rain!!!!

Then I called Roy!!!

I'm ready for my man to come home!!!

And Sunday evenin' when they make it to The OtherSide of Iowa....The aunt that is afflicted with Alzheimer'sDisease is not...NOT!!!!! AFFLICTED!!!!!!
Let me just say, Thank God should ever be. The Aunt has a whole interary of things scheduled to do...Roy just called me from the Herbert Hoover Library!!!
"I'm in the theater so don't call me." he whispered...I should call him just outta meaness!!
Yesterday, They went to a day lily farm....There's a story for that too. But this is way too long as it is....I'll tell you later!!
But real problem is.... I was lied my Frickin' mother inlaw!!! I am just now seein' that she is a very manipulatin' person...good Christian woman that she is....It will not happen again!!

Roy told them He is leavin' on Tuesday mornin' with them or without...he is goin' home!!!
He's had enough!!
And he will not be takin' them on any more trips!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Who Ya Type'n To??

Roy likes to sneak up on me....he scares me every time!!
"Whatcha doin'?"
"Typin' an email."
"To who?"
"And who's Gina?"

Deep Breath.
"She's a young woman that lives in New York."

Wait for it.....nothing...continue.
"And she has a cat named Manny too."

He just stands there a moment.
"Well can you stop and come help me?"

Baby Steps, People....Baby Steps!!!

Seriously, he scares me...EVERY TIME!!

"What are you doin?"
I have jumped about 3 feet outta my chair.
"Readin' a blog."
He stares at me blankly.
"It's a diary sorta thing."
"And who's sorta diary are you readin'?"

And it's open to a great picture of Charlie....laughin'....babies are so cute when they laugh.
"And what do you have in common with her."
"She's a mom with a special needs baby that used to teach in Arkansas but now she lives in Loosy-anna."

And he asks again, "And what do you have in common?"
I'll just cut to the chase.
"We both like rum and coke and we talk with our hands." as I wave my hands about showin' him how I talk with my he doesn't already know.

And he just walks away.
He's gettin' the hang of it....I think.

I REALLY should put a bell on him....EVERY FREAKIN' TIME I JUMP!!
"Hey Babe! Who are talkin' to?"
I'm settlin' back into my chair.
"I'm not talkin' to anyone. I'm typin'....big difference!"
He rolls his eyes, "Who are you typin' to?"
"Is Suncatcher a man?"
Now I roll my eyes!! Geez!!
"No, she's woman. In either Ohio or Indiana, I'm not sure which."

He just shakes his head, "Can you put her on hold and help me?"
Do you get the idea that he's helpless??

No matter how hard I try to listen for the backdoor, he sneaks up on me!!!!

"Whatcha doin'?"
"Fillin' out a questionnaire for Gina."
"And who is Gina?"

Baby Steps!!
Hang in There MzAngie!

Friday, August 08, 2008

Google Me Baby!!!

Some folks have googled the following subjects and lead them to me....

the beehive ladies...which makes sense if you want to read about the BeeHiveLadies' adventures...or hear me bitch about them.

beehive ladies....they just left off the "THE"

ladies massage on boys...aaaa.....uuummm.....NOT SURE WHY THAT LEAD TO ME. We don't do that here....move on!!

nadine hightower...well of course that's me!!

has never cut her hair...Apparently that's a big is with Roy. Seein' how he's like long hair.

ladies day trip...Makes sense. Women need to get away and socialize with other they can be catty about the other group of women on the other side of the restaurant!!!

old ladies with beehives...And that's what we want to be....old ladies with BeeHives.

all-that-hair cut-my-hair...I-Don't-Get-it-.

tigress ladies perfume...really??? You want it?? Is it all that??

how to put hair up in a beehive ...roll it in medium size rollers, dry it, rat it up high and use lots of aquanet!!

aquanet .......Two staples in the house I grew up in....Aquanet and Pepsi!!

And then there's this.... for my main hangout...

all along the hightower ....I thought that was a clever play on the Hendrix song. And that's about as clever as I get.

cold tingly feet ...I am googled more for this than any other subject. Well, I get googled a lot for Boobs too. Buuuuut.....Apparently, there are a lot of folks with tingly feet.
Check Please with you big green donkey dicks! It's never been helpful for all. Call your doctor and make an appointment!! That's the best DumbassOkie Advice I can pass along!!!!

picked the queen up ....HUH???

pool dude ...that's Roy and he is not available for hire.
Well, okay I will negotiate with the highest bidder.

can she bake a cherry pie billy boy ...big fat no! But I did make a fabulous peach pie from my very own trees.

peke-a-lab ...NO CLUE!! Ralph is a shih tzu basset hound mix!!
Which makes him a Basket full of Shit!!

Sorry, I have several people ask...How?? .....It's free!

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Busy As A Beaver!!!

It's been very busy around here.....Roy and I have just been little social butterflies!!

Friday: I took the MerryWidow to here!

We also had a small pool party with the HappyFamily. Roy told them the pool rules.

Thou shall not fart in the pool..... or bath water I added that one.....One would think that would go without sayin'...but no!

Everyone thought it was funny....that he didn't want people fartin' or shartin' in the pool....they laughed!
We added chemical the next day....just in case.

Saturday: The HappyFamily invited us to go to Springfield with them and then on to Branson to spend time at Celebration City.
I had the most fun at the BassPro!
Don't shoot me...and I still get to keep my ProfessionalShoeShoppersCard....I did look at one pair....Though they were really butch!!

That car simulator was super fun. When Roy saw it he just knew I had to do it.
Nobody was standin' around when I got there so I was next. There was some controversy over who got to drive which car....Like anyone had a choice in the matter.
There was a Red Car!! That was mine.
If you haven't done!
I squealed, giggled, and had it floored the whole time....even when I wrecked!
When it was over and I got outta the car...there was a crowd....everyone was smilin' at me. I felt a bit embarrassed....only a bit!
It wasn't like a stripper had sucked on my nipples...again!
Celebration City was just too hot to enjoy!! Once I rode the water ride I was fine but it was still just too hot.

Sunday: Grandpa's Fish Fry....and I got to see all my babies!! My niece was in charge of my camera while I cooked fish so I had no idea what was on the memory card. This is my most favorite...

My Granny and My Granddaughter.

Monday: Was a total do JackShit Day for us....I washed up Roy's clothes and started packin' his bag. He drew the short straw and HAS to go to Iowa!

Tuesday: We had to take the car back to the mechanic....and all is good with my car! I hope!
It will not be goin' to Iowa....The OldFolks are usin' the Buick.
My PoolBoy gave me lessons on what to do with the pool....other than just loll about on a floaty. Apparently, there's some work involved...who knew!!

Wednesday: I kissed Roy goodbye...he'll be gone for 5 days.

Oh what mischief can I get into??

Monday, August 04, 2008

Nuts On The Family Tree...

But first..........It was not a tick.
It was either a mole or a wart.
Pure and simple.
I looked for a pix of it as there are so many photos of my's so photogenic! But there wasn't a clear shot of it...those damn boobs were in the way!!
Does anyone else have that problem??
Go thru the photos on a memory card and boom....There's boobs??
Or maybe at Walmart going thru it printin' up vacation photos and boom....there's your nekked ass for all the world and big ball in the sky to see??
Or is it just me??

Thanks for your was not a tick.

And now on with the show.....

This weekend we had my grandpa's birthday dinner....a fish my sister's house. Roy doesn't go with me becuz he gets stuck with my grandpa. My grandpa is a pill!!
When I was a kid I thought it was so neat that my grandpa KNEW everything!
Now...Holy Shit!
And Roy doesn't need to partake of Grandpa's wisdom. So he stays home.

So I got sucked into a conversation with him....though it was one sided. I just sit and nod my head at the right times and occasionally ask a question...that keeps him goin' while others slip outta the room....sorta like a sacrificial lamb!

My grandpa has delusions of grandeur. Big ones!!!

A few members of my family have traced different branches of the family tree. And of course they found connections to famous people.
One branch supposedly founded Oktoberfest!!
Some one musta said,"Let's Party!"
And Poof!!
We have Oktoberfest!!
Some one had to do...might as well be my relative!

And some cousin 7 generations back on my mother's mother's side was connection to one of those big Texans. I can't remember now if it's Austin or Houston.
She looked it up!! The women of my family can be in the SisterHood of the Travelin'Alamo or something like that.....which just goes against my Okie grain.

And now, my grandpa thinks he is related to some big Cherokee that was kicked outta Georgia!

I have known forever, about Grandma Smith....I have a photo of her with me on her of those 5th generation photos. But I have never heard about her family until Sunday!
And all of the sudden her people were Cherokee and famous!
There is a bronzed bust and everything....Grandpa was there....he talked to The PEOPLE IN CHARGE!!
My grandpa has a trunk with old letters that his mother wrote and the HystericalSociety...either the Cherokees or the State....I can't remember which....becuz I wasn't listenin' to him half the time....wants the letters. Becuz they were from the family of that big Cherokee that kicked outta Georgia!
And of course they are THE BIGGEST FIND OF THE STATE!

A while back some lady donated a great deal of art work to the University of Oklahoma and I'm sure that in that old man's mind...he did the same thing!!

And so it sand thru the hourglass.....and shit thru the goose.....these are the days of our lives.

And thank God I live so far away.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Holy Moley!!

Ticks are a big part of living in the country. Roy gets checked almost daily. He's out in the yard more than I am. So when I find one on me it's normally already bitten in...If I'm lucky I can feel it crawlin'.

Once it's bitten me, the spot itches. I find it and Roy pulls it off.
In April there was one of those occasions. I had an itch and I went to scratch it and it felt like a tick was attached. It was on my chest. Not my boob area but that place just above them...I know that spot has a nice funny little name for it but I can't think of it.
Roy looked at it and decided it was just a mole.

No biggie!

About 3 weeks ago the mole took on a life all it's own.
I showed it to Roy again..... I couldn't see it without mirrors.
He said, "It's no biggie. It's a mole. I would just scratch it off and forget about it."


Scratch it off?

Like that is an easy thing to do.... Like I would do that!!

But now I had something to obsess about.....Like I need something else!!

A few days after I showed it to felt different...I made him look at it again.

He said, as he rolled his eyes, "It's a mole but it is bigger. We should cut it off."



Cut it off???

Well I had to get the mirror just right to look at it...I had to see it for myself!!

No biggie, it looked like every other mole I've ever seen.
But it itched!
So I couldn't get it out of my mind!
A few days later, it hurt! I was gettin' outta the shower and towelin' off when I grazed it...again...and it hurt!
"Roy!!! Come look at this mole!!"
"What mole?"

Can you hear him roll his eyes??


"Oh." and he looked.
"It's a bit bigger and we should cut it off."
What is this obsession with cuttin' it off??

"It probably has a huge artery attached to it and I'll bleed to death!! Do you want that??"

He smiled.
A few days was really itchy....and it had grown tentacles!!!!!
Yes that's right tentacles!!! Like an octopus!!!

"Honey!! come look at this mole. I think it's time to cut it off."
"I'm not touchin' it!"
"But you said, 'cut it off', so I'm ready!"
"Nope I'm not touchin' it!"


The few days later, as I was checkin' it in the had become a daily thing....wake up...pee...wash my hands....check the mole!

And that damn thing....that Tentacled Mole was bleedin'!!


He walks into the bathroom all groggy...."What!?"

I gathered my awares about me, and tried to be as calm as I could be...I mean this could be a HUGE BIGGIE!!!!
"The Tentacled Mole is bleedin'."

He got all serious.... "Well maybe it's time to have some one look at it."

What has he been doin' all this time??

Rollin' his eyes...while I have a hugeass mole on my chest growin' tentacles like some damn giant squid!!!
I agreed, it was time. I have my yearlies comin' up and I'll let the pros handle it!
Then the next mornin' as I went thru my routine....As I looked into the mirror...The Tentacled Mole was gone!
"Honey!! My Tentacled Mole is gone!!! It musta fell off!"
And that you know what he did???
The love of my hero????
He cracked up laughin'....the nerve!!
And that was the end of the Tentacled Mole.