Monday, June 30, 2008
Roy's doin' Roy things with his part.
I bought a toilet!
It's not that I needed it either.....I just wanted a new one! The one we have is just gross with hard water deposits....and we'll leave it at that!!
So we went to Lowe's to look over the potties. I was very happy with a cheap one!! But do you know that there are toilets that are over $500!!!
What does it do???
Make your shit not stink???
Roy had a specific need...and we'll leave it at that!! So Ididn't get the $99 one....he picked out one that meant his specific need....and a price that I could live with....he put his hand on and heard the music. I didn't hear the music from any toilet!!
It was on the top shelf.
You know The Top Shelf....isn't that what THEY call the GOOD DRINKS?? You might know we get a toilet from The Top Shelf!!
Aisles had to be blocked off....two aisles!!!
The forklift thingy had to be brought in.
The woman put on her safety harness....I swear, it looked like she was ready to bungee into to the Grand Frickin' Canyon!!
So while I waited for her to bring down my new pottie, I sat on one of those $500 ones.
And I thought this will be a cute pix for my blog.....
When I got caught takin' my picture on the pottie!!
I have showered with a stranger on Mexican beach....I did have my clothes on!!
I have had a stripper lick my nipples.....and again clothed....sorta
I have peed on a back country road with yippin' coyotes,devil worshipers, and gigglin' drunk girls....if my nekked ass winds up on youtube....heads will roll!!
I have done many a things that would make a normal person die on the spot from embarrassment....And never give it a thought.
But when I was sittin' on a toilet in Lowe's takin' a picture of my feet and got caught by some stranger...he laughed....and blushed......I blushed with embarrassment!!!
I tried to make light of it...."Well I had to try it on!"
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday evenin' we were invited out to supper with some friends...HappyWife had an old friend from high school visitin' her. We'll call her MzCarolina. And another friend that was actually an old beau from high school....HappyHusband wasn't so thrilled that he had joined in the fun....we'll call him, EXBeau.
Roy and I was the last to arrive at the restaurant becuz.....well just becuz....I don't want to get into that just yet. By the time we got there the other had had a few margaritas...very few. HappyWife is totally looped on 1!
Drinking is not a strength with her. She's so happy!!
The men talked about guns and huntin' while we women chatted about more serious things, children, travel and shoppin' for shoes. I could have sat there until the cows came home....drinkin' cheap margaritas in the A/C!
When HappyWife called me up and told me that her friend hadn't gone to blah blah blah....I swear to God I had chills go up my spine becuz I just knew we were goin' back to the strip club!
I asked her to repeat what she had said....."MzCarolina hasn't seen the Spooklight! Let's go!"
Well, Hell! Neither had I but I don't want to go......I don't do spooky shit.
I'd rather go back to the strip club for everyone's amusement!
That's what I'm here for..... For Entertainment Purposes Only!!
I think I would like that tattoo'd on the back of my neck!!
So here we are sittin' in the A/C drinkin' cheap margaritas when the HappyWife who is drunk on 1 wants to make everyone go out and stand around in the heat at DarkThirty on a back country road in an effort to see the Spooklight!!
And we do.
Stand out on a back country road in the heat at DarkThirty with a bunch of ThirtySomethings....and MzCarolina says, "Did you see the satanic symbol on the ground? Let's go!"
By the light of her cell phone we ladies go off in search of the satanic symbol....These girls were so funny. HappyWife kept sayin' "I don't like it here. They do devil worshippin' things out here."
"You're the one that drug me out here!"
We just kept walkin' in the dark to look for them! And then she would say it again. I just laughed.
And I heard the most blood curdlin' scream!!
WE all stopped dead!! MzCarolina held up her cell phone as if to guide the satanic people to us. And HappyWife grabbed my arm, "I told you they do devil worshippin' out here!"
I nearly peed my pants!! From laughin' at them....I spook easily but those two were so funny!!
MzCarolina held up her cell phone so I could find something to pee behind after we decided that there wasn't some woman being raped on the devil's alter of sacrifice...it was just coyotes!
I had had enough....I didn't see any spooklight and I was thirsty! I screamed that I saw the spooklight and everyone ran to the cars and we left with every intention of goin' to the liquor store for drinks.
That didn't happen!
We managed to make it the Devil's Promenade....where all the pot smokers hang out...down by the river....with the WestNile Mosquitoes!!!!!
But we were the only ones there.....with no drinks. I could have killed for a Dr Pepper!!
EXBeau said "Let's go swimmin'!"
I didn't fall for that one! The last time I went skinny dippin' with a group of people I was in my 20's and things were a whole lot skinnier then!!
I totally believe if a person's got it flaunt it! But at 4aaahhh.....35....ish....my flaunt is stayin' covered!
After what seemed like several hours in the heat without anything to drink and being eaten up by WestNile Mosquitoes....the party broke up as the EXBeau decided he was gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight!
When we got in the truck, to go home, Roy said, "What are we doin' here?"
"Babysittin'!! We are here to make sure nobody swaps spit with ex-beaus or gets raped by devil worshippers on a dirt road or drowns in the river!"
Don't you agree??
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
So I'm a team player
12. Do you think the first time corn ever popped it scared the hell out of the Native Americans? My people call it Maise...and it scared me the first time!!
18. What would your name be if you were a goodfella?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
After the hailstorm, I sent Roy out to get what was left of the green beans while I cooked supper. He came in with a small bowl full of beans.
I could have cried!
I had been pickin' about 2 pounds of beans before the storm.
It was just heartbreakin' to look at that small bowl of beans.
A few hours later, I went out to look over the rest of the garden, and I noticed there were still green beans on the plants.
What the Hell??
"Honey!!! I told you to get all the beans that were left!!!"
He said he had only went half way down one row. I normally went down the middle, pickin' from each row!!
He is no longer in charge of the beans!!
I don't do watermelons, okra, and corn and he doesn't do tomatoes, peppers, and beans!!
And the fun around here is just non-stop....
Roy came runnin' in the house, "Get your shoes on!"
"Get your Camera!"
"And get your glasses!"
Roy was excited!!
"I think I found an alien!"
Friday, June 20, 2008
We were excited!!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
WE were stumped!
There was no 70mph winds and no hail! The rain was coming straight down....gentle rain. The kind that you fall asleep with....so calmin' it was.
Then little by little hail started to fall....little bits here and there.....and the a gentle breeze started to blow.
We checked with the TV for a report on the so-called Severe Thunderstorm. We were advised to "take cover immediately!!!"
We watch the gentle rain from our from porch.
Suddenly the wind picked up and all the hail from the heavens fell upon my garden....yard...trees....flowers....shreddin' everything!!!!!!
No way!! I had to video tape it!!
The rain came so hard in 45 minutes that it created a river in the front yard....and down the ditch....and covered the road.
We watched a 4x4Truck go thru it and then a Jeep....well we had to do that!!
Let's just say that was one the dumbest things we have ever done!!!
The pickup still coughs a bit!!
Oh what great fun!!
If I'm lucky I might get tomatoes from my garden!!
Monday, June 16, 2008
A trip to the Mall was all I heard thru the locust.
He likes to park around by Sears where I have to walk thru the tool section...I hate that. I have been timed to see how quickly I can get thru there...straight to shoes.
I am not a big fan of Sears...it's like an upscale KMart. I don't do KMart!
As I was sprintin' thru tools...outta the corner of my eye....was THE stove!
The clouds parted.
The sun shone down.
The angels played their horns.....there was confetti!!
And big red sign....SALE!!!!!
I was magically transported to THE Stove.....glass top with radiant heat! It would make the Cherry Syrup Mess clean up sooooooooo much easier!
I refrained from huggin' it.
Where is Roy? He has to see this!
I looked in the oven...I can still broil....where is that man??
OOOh, I can store stuff in the bottom...I'll call him!
One hand on THE stove and one hand diggin' in my purse lookin' for that damn cell phone.....the Voice Of Reason said, "What ARE you doin'?"
You know the Voice of Reason.....it's the one that keeps me from buyin' $300 purses.
Shoes so high that I would break my ankle when I fell...Oh I would fall!
Big Ass leather recliners that smell like a baseball glove.
Have you ever sat in a Big Ass Leather Chair??
Oh it's just sinful!!
And it was a lot like sittin' in the corvette....it just wraps around you.....oh so good.
The Voice of Reason said, "You don't need a stove. You need a dishwasher."
I have never had a dishwasher sing to me!
The Voice of Reason said, "Let go of the stove and go buy shoes."
I don't need shoes either but Roy won't a conniption over them!
I like sneakers. White Ones! I want court shoes...Reebok stopped makin' them for women. As I was perusin' the sneakers I saw a pair of white court lookin' shoes over in the little boy's section! For $17!!
I have been blessed with small feet and it has saved truckloads of money by buyin' little boy sneakers and boots.
I picked up my new shoes and took them to the sales desk. The young man that was ringin' up my shoes was talkin' to me but I couldn't hear anything over the locust but "Free shoes!"
And I told him I couldn't hear real well, to say all that again.
Apparently, if my child wears out this pair of shoes in a year and is still in the same size I can get another pair of shoes!!!
Cool deal right???
"These are for me."
"Well you can still get the same deal."
"Let's be honest here, This pair of shoes" and I lovingly rubbed the box, "is one of hundreds that will be in my closet and there is no way I will wear them out in a year. Thank you anyway."
Me and the locust went on our merry way with our new shoes.
I started to feel bad....I only made it to 4 stores. Too much uneven temperature in the mall. And the smell in OldNavy was horrible. The EPA should look into OldNavy! FEMA trailers?? Got nothin' on OldNavy!!!
OldNavy has always smelled of formaldehyde!!!
I met back up with Roy he was ready too. And as we walked towards Sears, I asked if he had heard the music in the appliance section too.
"NO...and what did you do about it?"
"Nothing. I don't really need a stove. But I'll show it to you."
As we approached THE stove....I heard the angels playing the music....and the confetti was fallin'.
"This one. Do you hear the music."
He smiled. "No."
"Touch it. Stand right here," I pushed him just a bit to the right. "Now do you hear the music. There's confetti!"
The salespeople were circlin'....they were gonna make a sale!
Roy said, "No. I don't hear the music but over in the tool section I heard the music on a 45 piece set. Do you wanna go look at those?"
And he walked away!
"Well of course not! You are gonna deny me my last wish on my death bed."
He stopped and turned around....face reddened but still smilin'...said, "No, but you do not need a stove. And you are not dyin'! Now let go of the oven door and slowly walk away!"
It was decided that I would go to the doctor the next day. Not the Shrink! But the doctor to get rid of the locust!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Billie gave me the skinny on this:
Here is what to do if you would like to create your own mosaic:
- Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
- Using only the first page, pick an image.
- Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.
1. <a href="Rory'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrspiggy/2323254161/">Rory and Nadine - My #1 & #2</a>, 2. <a href="Nacho'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/gwen/284753308/">Nacho Libre</a>, 3. <a href="sunset'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/econ/1252757770/">sunset, lake oologah</a>, 4. <a href="Gizmo</a'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/todorrovic/2287792473/">Gizmo</a>, 5. <a href="Brad'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/caroline_bonarde/2020005308/">Brad Pitt Close-Up</a>, 6. <a href="Just'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/robynsnest/16202390/">Just add tequila</a>, 7. <a href="Oldest'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/visbeek/1250035027/">Oldest wooden bridge in Europe</a>, 8. <a href="Chocolate'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/brettlove/2419896481/">Chocolate Chip Cheesecake with Raspberries</a>, 9. <a href="Petit'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/antiundersteer/1579708295/">Petit Lemans 2007 Night Shots Co driving Buckets EOS 400D 128.jpg</a>, 10. <a href="Our'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/gwen/128783814/">Our Vegas Wedding</a>, 11. <a href="Backlit'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/valanne/2178020969/">Backlit Beauty</a>, 12. <a href="interference</a'>http://www.flickr.com/photos/stockmann/416356507/">interference</a>
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
MzThystle and I were beautiful gypsies....long flowing hair and scarfy dresses. We had bells on our fingers and rings on our toes. We danced and frolic'd like we didn't have a care.
But we were on a quest to find the Wizard....THE ALL KNOWING WIZARD! He had the magic and answers to our questions...he dispense his great wisdom!
So we stalked his mother!
But we did not sneak or lurk....we danced and frolic'd!!
She lead us to a house...she went in and came out with another woman....a very ugly woman!
It was the Wizard in Drag!!
He thought in his great wisdom that he could fool us....not MzThystle and I!
We tackled his ass!
I held onto his feet and MzThystle pinned down his arms and sat on his chest. She demanded that he tell us about his great magic and answer our questions!
In his infinite wisdom he said, "Sure What the Hell? Let's play poker."
We all sat around a table as he dealt out the cards. He looked at me and said, "You Dance. You Gotta Pay the Fiddler!"
I turned to MzThystle, "I'm doin' this for you, Sister."
And hiked up my dress and rolled around on the ground with the Wizard!!
Becuz that what you do with Ron Jeremy, The Wizard!!
And then I woke up!
Why oh Why?
When I had the dream about Brett Favre couldn't I have been rollin' around on the ground with him...But NO!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I have been dealing with it since Thursday.
Friday was Hair Day for the MerryWidow....I told her I didn't feel well and I didn't want to run all over the countryside.
Well she is one of those holistic medicine people. She tried to "cure" me.
It didn't work. Maybe if I "believed"!
But she did manage to have her done, have lunch at the casino....I made $7.90 on a penny machine...so I didn't complain.
She managed to go to Joplin to the bank....that would a 30 mile drive!!
So much for not wantin' to run all over the countryside!!
And our final stop was the candyhouse....I think she finally saw that I was not up to par.
I ask you if you saw a person that sittin' on the floor with her head in her hands, wouldn't you key on that she didn't feel too swooft????
Now I have my moments wear the medicines all come together and I feel a bit better but I'm only good for about 3 hours and then I crash!!
Roy found that out Sunday!! I'll tell you about that later.
His first clue should have been when I slept most of Saturday.
I finally went to the Indian Clinic Monday. I was hopin' for an instant fix. One of those, "Holy Shit! This is the worst ear infection I have ever seen!! We must rush her into surgery to fix it."
As of Tuesday AM I still have Locust in my head....they have power tools....and stomp around in my head.....and one them has a knife! Every so often I have a stabbin' pain in ear!
The antibiotic they gave is suppose to help with removin' the ringin' but it only pissed off the locust and they started up the power tools...so not only do they sing but they sound like they are buildin' a house to PERMANENTLY LIVE IN MY HEAD!!!
The Kid in the pharmacy said that the antibiotic would cause me to be sensitive to sunlight..."I've got that under control. I'm a delicate flower and I don't go outside!"
Oh and they wanted me to use a nasal spray....I don't have a problem with my nose. It's been as clear as a bell until now!
After the freakin' nasal spray!!
Oh, I questioned that.
I was told it would help....that would a big fat NO!!!!
And I have a cough....I cough as long as I'm bed with Roy. I sleep on the couch I don't cough! Don't connect it to him........... directly!
It's the fans! That HE has to have on!!!!!
And I have had dreams of cruises...almost nightly...so weird right?? Okay not for me but Last night....Me and Mz Thystle.....No. A tale for later.
So in the coming days as I feel good enough to sit here and type I'll tell about shoppin' with Roy and my new shoes.
I'm so obsessed with shoes...I think I would buy them on my death bed!
Me and my locust are goin' back to the couch!
Have a nice day!!
Sunday, June 08, 2008
"You do not have lice."
"How do you know?"
"If you had lice I would have lice and I don't have lice!"
He was tryin' to come up with something smart ass to say.
But failed! "My head itches."
I told him to use shampoo instead of the bar soap to wash his hair. He's bald but that's no reason to use a bar of soap to wash the little bit of hair he has.
"I've been usin' your shampoo."
He'd better not be!!!
He doesn't smell like lemons!!!
3 days later, he says, "I think I have lice."
"You do not have lice. I would have seen them when I gave you a haircut."
"Their tiny and you can't see them!"
So here we go with a long drawn out speech about head lice and how I know that he doesn't have them. And why he should use shampoo.
And then I said, "You remember when we went thru this once before with EudoraMae?"
"No refresh my memory."
My youngest child was given a microscope for Christmas and she made her own slides all the time. One day as I was readin' the mail she said, "Hey Mom, come look at this!"
And I did the motherly thing and went and looked. I went back to the mail. Not really payin' too much attention to her but wantin' to maintain the "good mother" image, I said, "That's cool. Where did you get the bug?"
"From my hair!"
She had long hair...down to her ass.
Her sister had long hair.....I had long hair.....All I could think about was shavin' our heads!!!!!!
We shared everything!!!!S
he was the only one to have lice.
We burned her pillow....washed all her bedding. Threw away her hair thingys and brushes and made a mad run to the pharmacy for head lice medicine.
I cried and I cried as I combed her hair.
I was devote in my cleansin' her of her bugs!!
Roy does not have head lice...he's dryin' out his scalp by usin' the bar soap!!
Friday, June 06, 2008
All I know is I feel like shit! One of my ears is not functionin' right.
In the past 2 weeks:
I haven't heard from the pool dude....and I'm sweating!!
I have seen the IndyJones Movie...I expected more.
I've made some changes here there and 'round the internet....Roy quit his job.
Roy quit is job...he'll be in my hair!
And speakin' of Roy...he's been happier than a pig in shit!!
One lap dance and he's totally content!!
I wasn't too whoop-dee-fuckin'-do over his!!
I haven't received my stimulus check...and I'm bummed.
And now becuz it's hair day with the MerryWidow....I must force myself into the shower.
Have a great weekend!!
Go ahead...do it for me!
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Sunday evening, Roy summed up the whole weekend with, "This weekend totally sucked, except for 5 minutes that was very cool."
Friday afternoon my friend, HappyWife, called to ask what my plans were for the weekend. I didn't really have anything planned except to see "Sex and the City". It was her anniversary weekend and they wanted to do something with me and Roy. I would rather spend my anniversary alone with Roy but that's just me.
She confessed that the last time she and the HappyHusband went to Tulsa they had gone to a strip club. But as he pulled into the parkin' lot, she chickened out. She just couldn't get outta the car!
And then she said the words that will forever be imprinted on my brain, "If you go with me, I can do it."
I am her courage!
Right up there with Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, and now me..... Nadine Hightower!!
I'm so stoked!!
I told her that when ever she was ready just call, "I'm there for you."
Strip clubs are no big deal. Sure there are other men but She would have been with her hubby. She should feel comfortable with him in a club...right??
Maybe it was nekked women that she felt uncomfortable with...Who knows?
But with me, she could do it!
As Roy and I came out of the theater, we were checkin' our cell phone messages. I had one from the HappyHusband.
It was time to go to the Strip Club!!
We met up with them and goofed around shoppin' for bras, boots, and motorcycles....well the guys did the motorcycle shoppin'.
Dinner was eaten and margaritas were drank....it was time for the HappyWife to overcome her fear.
It was no big deal. She walked in with her head held high. I chose seats that were close enough to the action but not sittin' in the "Flesh Zone"....at the stage! I didn't want her first experienced to overshadowed by seein' too much of a stranger!
The men had lap dances as we watched.....and laughed...oh did we giggle!!
And then out came a stripper that was just right. She had long legs and was shaped just right with real boobs. I knew that Roy would like her. She did her dance set and then came off the stage to work the room for lap dances.
Roy is a lucky man...to be married to a woman that would pay for his lap dances. And this young woman was just the right one.
I held my dollar in the air. Roy would love this!!
And before I could say, "This is for my hubby."..... That woman straddled me!!!!
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
What do I do with my Hands????!!!! You can't touch the dancers!!!!!
What the hell is she doin' to my neck????
Holy Shit! She's kissin' it!!!!! and she purred!!!!!!!
Oh does she smell good!!!!!
And what is she doin' with my hand???!!
It's on her ass!!!!!!!!
Now one would think this sort thing happens to me all the time...but no!
So I am as cool as I can be....the ladies don't normally do the lap dances very long...just enough to get the guy to go for a "private dance". She should be done soon.
She parted my legs and put her head in my crotch pushin' my feet into the air!!!!!
OH Holy Shit!!!
I didn't see any men get that treatment!!
Then she came back up to my neck....gropin' my boobs.
She grabbed my hips and said "Give me that Ass!" and pulled me to the edge of the chair!
She started to raise my shirt!!!!!
Next thing I know my nipples are being sucked and blown on!!!!!
She said, "Are you ready for this?"
OH God....WHAT NOW????
And she pressed her pierced nipples on my boobs!!! And nuzzled my neck again!!!!
And all I could do was laugh!!!!
And then it was over!!
I noticed that Roy had a gal on his lap but he wasn't really into his lap dance... at all!! In fact he was a bit perturbed that she had interrupted what would be a moment in his life that he would never forget!!!
And He was Ready to go home....As no lap dance he would ever get would compare to what he just witnessed.
I looked over at the HappyCouple...She was laughin' her ass off!!! She saw more of me than she ever had!! Oh, we talk about my nipples poppin' out all the time....no biggy! They do that. But actually seein' them....with some woman suckin' on them....no! So much for overshadowin' her experience!!
The HappyHusband was grinnin' the biggest opossum eatin' shit grin. He scooped up what was left of his money and handed it to Roy and said, "Send Nadine to the stage! Let's see what happens to her there!!"
Not his wife! But It's Okay To Send Me!!
I did not go to the stage!
On the way home Roy wanted to hear all about it and the details of everything he missed. With the biggest grin ever he said, "Go ahead, admit it. You liked it."
"Okay, but don't expect me to go all gay on you!"
The weekend totally sucked, except for 5 minutes that was very cool!!