Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I Pilfered....

And I'm not sorry about it. I tried to make the most of my last trip home.
I had to go home...it was Mother's Day and I couldn't get out of it!

Roy didn't want to go with me.

And I didn't beg him....as it turned out my mother showed up....and my oldest daughter....which is a good thing to happen but throw Roy into that mix.....Not So Good!!!!!

I tried to time my arrival so I wouldn't be the first one there....and have to set the table....mash the tators....make the salad.....and it didn't work!

I found myself alone and did the only thing I could do....I pilfered!

I went thru my old room....nothing of mine.....just my stupidass cousin's crap! She didn't live there but all her shit is there!! Long story....sum it up....when a person go in and out of jail what's she supposed to do with her shit???
No one wanted to consider my thoughts...burn it!!

On to my brother's room....nothing that I wanted...I have 3 drawers of useless cookin' utensils. Yes there are cookin' utensils in the bedroom....remember my people are hoarders. There was lots of wrapping paper though....I could use that. But it's probably been counted!!

Next Granny's closet...there could be another one of Gramps sweaters that needs to come live in my house....nope....all are his actual size.

One last look around the room....pix of grandmothers....costume jewelery....nothing that appealed.
So I took Kevin.

I had time to get him out to the car and hide him so he wouldn't be seen!!

They'll miss him.

Wouldn't you miss a 5 pound doorstop??
I had a pet rock. He is limestone and named after a boy that I had a crush on in 1977. He was older than me and he lived in another town.....it was not meant to be....but to remember him I named my rock Kevin. He came from my other grandmother's driveway....I had to dig him out. So he's actually been in the family for a long time....she had lived in her house since the 30's! But he has lived in my bedroom since about 1975.
I think just about everyone in the family has stubbed their toes on Kevin.
I have wanted to take him for a long time but I have never been alone to sneak him out.....Gramps would bitch!
And on another note: Yes, the world was black and white at one time....and for sure, the whole state of Kansas!!
I had my youngest daughter convinced of this.
My girls have "The Wizard of Oz" memorized....and acted it out by the time they were 5 and 3.....knew it word for word. So it made sense that Kansas was black and white.....and had flying monkeys. I had to go to Caney, Kansas one day and EudoraMae was with me...she was 5. And she was so excited about going to Kansas to see Dorothy and Toto. We were driving thru town and she was lookin' very hard for Dorothy's house....maybe see Toto runnin' down the street....you never know!
When I saw this buzzard flyin' around over a dead animal on the side of the road.....I will never get the award for "Best Mother"!!
I screamed, "Oh, My!!! There's a flyin' monkey!!!!!"
EudoraMae turned pale and hid in the floorboard....until all threat of monkey's were gone.
And I had her convinced I was not her real mom.....I shoplifted her from KMart.


ZooKeeper said...

We always told my sister we found her in a gutter. J and I tell Colleen we found her in the dumpster behind Pizza Hut. Mother of the year.

Mannyed said...

Kevin is totally yours, you're just taking him home, where he belongs.

My mom has a rock, a bit bigger than Kevin, that has my brother's frat letters painted on it. My brother brought it home from College placed it outside of my Mom's door and it's been there ever since.

Miss Thystle said...

Stories like this are why I am completely convinced that we're really related. I used to tell M that we ordered her from the JC Penny catalogue. And that the weird sculture at the mall was an alien landing site and also that my great grandma was a leprechaun. Hee Hee. I LOVE Kids. Also, I agree w/Manny. Kevin was totally yours to take home. You should have saved him long ago!