Friday, May 09, 2008

The Hightower Commandments of Marriage


After a rainy day at the mall, I was pooped out. Roy was not.
"So you want to make out?" Makin' his eye brows go up and down.

What? He has GOT to be kiddin'!!
"No, Honey I have.... literally........a headache."
He didn't press the issue.

The followin' day, we were standin' out in the yard measurin' for the pool and I told him, "Honey, can we have sex later?"

He has alotta projects goin' on....I have to fit myself in when the sun shines!!
And I thought is was a totally valid question??
Geez!!
He giggled and said, "How does that work?"

What?? Does he have a problem???

He continued, "I just want to be clear about this. Yesterday, you didn't want to have a roll in the hay but today, you want to and I have to perform?"

What?? He DOES have a problem!!!

Is it not an unwritten law that men are supposed to jump thru the woman's hoop??

Am I wrong??
Let me run that thru the NadineBrainOMatic'64....

Thou shall not flirt with other men...that is sex.
Thou shall not dance with other men....that is sex.
Thou shall not sit in a cop car....that is sex....click here for the lowdown!
Thou shall not count the number of drinks your wife consumes....and announce that total in front of our friends....That SurlyBastard!!
Thou shall not speed more than 10 over the posted speed limit...hence the phrase, "Slow your HappyAss down!"
Thou shall not repeat the lunatic things your wife says....what is said in the Hightower, stays in the Hightower!
Thou shall not change pet names without clearin' it from the wife...One day, he made the mistake of callin' SuperMoodyBitch a "dirty little whore"....huge mistake!
After she ripped him a new asshole and attempted to pull his head off, he managed to whisper the words, "But 'skanky ass bitch' is still okay?"
She smiled and patted him on his head, "Yes, my love."
Thou shall not allow SuperMoodyBitch to handle guns...EVER!

Yep, There it is...Love Honor and OBEY.......Thou shall always dance to the wife's tune...no matter what!

I knew it.... it's law!!
I know there are more....but those are ones I can remember.
And living by those commandments, we have made it 14 years!!

What are the commandments of your relationship??

8 comments:

ZooKeeper said...

We don't have any commandments yet. I just keep my mouth shut, I need to quit doing that. It's not healthy. I avoid confrontation at all costs.

Billie said...

How about just one commandment. "You will act in all ways as if I am more important to you than your ex."

I wish I could vent to you Nadine but I can't. Know that I have another blog in which no names, places or nationalities are mentioned and I am documenting and venting there. I can't discuss it on my current blog. It would likely worry my mom and I am not ready to do that do her.

Mannyed said...

Thou Shall Never Ask The Wife To Take Out The Garbage.

I just realized that I did take out the garbage last week...damn it!

Miss Thystle said...

Thou Shalt ALWAYS flush the damn toilet.

That would be a good commandment.

Bird said...

Why would we not be friends? Did I miss something? Did you send me a mean note and I missed it? Kidding.

Anyway, I run a tight ship around here--there are a lot of commandments. But, i had to get up at seven-thiry this morning (I know, pathetic, right?), and I'm exausted, so I'll have to get back to you.

MizAngie said...

I have found that in ALL relationships - friends, lovers, or family - that my main commandment is:

Angela must have her way about all things or all hell breaks loose.

Works great for me.

Anonymous said...

I have a few I live by. The hubbys rules.
Don't talk to him about his driving.
I kinda like our flirting rule.
"It don't matter where you get your appetite, as long as your home for dinner. And no snacking in between."
In other words I can look all I want but don't touch.
Peace

Sherrie said...

WARM is always right! Hehehe, that seems to be the only one we need :-)