Wednesday, May 28, 2008

First Ride of the Season...

And it may well be the only ride!!

I haven't ridden my motorcycle since I hurt my back in '05. My end of a Mastiff was 75lbs and my back gave out. What's it gonna do with a 300lb bike to muscle around??

Too scary for me to deal with is what!! To be master and commander of my own destiny and crashin' and burnin' becuz I had a twinge in my back....I ride with Roy on the a fender bunny.
My bike is on the left with my solo seat...becuz nobody's my bitch!
But it needs some work done....a bracket that holds the muffler on is broken and needs weldin'. Roy says it's a huge ordeal...he had them off 4 times polishing them...he hasn't taken them to the welder. So Saturday when we got the call to go ridin', we loaded up on HIS sportster....not mine...with the big seat!!

The other couple...the husband and wife of the HappyFamily...were ridin' together also. She had a bigger seat than I did to sit on!! She could have ridden her own but Husband/Wife politics of other marriages....not my business. But she shoulda rode her own!
And that's all I'm sayin' about that!
Well...maybe not...I think some men are a bit threatened by women being independent. I know my first hubby was! He escorted me to college and sat with me in the library off campus...OFF CAMPUS!!!! I really needed to be lost in the stacks but he felt stupid and outta place on campus so I sat in the city library!! He could have gotten a job and been outta my hair but NO!

So sidetracked here....
Ridin' Saturday....
So HappyHusband decided he wanted to ride around the's a 90 mile ride around Grand Lake of the Cherokees....Keep that in mind!
90 miles!!
Roy's's small and has a contoured seat moulded to be sleek. It's meant to be fast.
See No Bitch Bar!!
And very little seat!!
90 Frickin' Miles!!
After the first 30 it's just a little tender....but the next blood in the lower half of my body!! My butt is numb but somehow feels EVERY FREAKIN' BUMP in the Freakin' Road!!!!And by the time we get home.....there's pain!!
Lots of pain!!!

If I were to die today and there was an autopsy.....Doc Robbins would say, "Grissom, this is worse case of biker bitch abuse I have ever seen! There is evidence of a woman who was forced to ride 90 miles on what appears to be a sparsely covered 2x4 masking as a seat with no bitch bar. What a waste of great ass!"

He would have me positioned on the M.E. table so that my ass would be propped up in the air so when he threw back the sheet to show Gil the damage....he could see it better... Becuz That's where all the bruisin' IS!!!

Not just my ass but the whole business area....totally unusable!!

We were takin' a break at the 60 mile mark and as I stood there stretchin' my hamstrings by bendin' over several times I said to Roy with my head hangin' he was standin' right there...."You're gonna wish you had got your nookie last night!"
And when I raised back up...he wasn't the only one standin' there!!!
We had drawn a crowd!!

The HappyWife turned BeetRed and covered her face. Some strange man said to Roy, "Man, I think you're in trouble!"

Roy's pretty used to me just blurtin' things out, "Oh you know how women are."

And Another thing...

Have you ever seen those women that ride behind their man lookin' all cool?
Lookin' like they don't have a care in the world...they're on the back of motorcycle.....wind in they're hair??
Laid back on the bitch bar like their on a rollin' lawn chair sunnin' themselves and look at you like, "If you like I'll show you a tit"??
Have you seen those??
That would not be me!

I have to hold on for dear life as Roy likes to showboat.
He likes to drag race threw intersections.
And he is not above goin' over the posted speed limit...way over!
Yes,there is a double standard at work in the Hightower!! He can drive like he has no brain on his motorcycle but I have to slow my happyass down in my car!!

So not only am I ridin' on a sparsely covered 2x4 with no bitch bar but he tries to throw my ass off!!!

If I have to take the mufflers off the Indian myself....they're goin' to the welder!!!! See the difference in the seats??
My bike is the furthest with its bigger seat...then his sportster....and then the Indian.
Let the good times roll...wait....that's the pitch for Kawasaki.
Live To Ride!!
When my ass stops hurtin'!!
One more thing....Check BeeHive!!


ZooKeeper said...

Oh girl you crack me up. I hope your nether-regions are recovering.

Miss Thystle said...

silly boys. Always making life difficult!

Bird said...

Killing me with the "biker bitch abuse" line.

I say crazy stuff too sometimes--some people just need to get thicker skin.

VENTL8R said...


Where/how do you get the cool backgrounds? I swear, girl, you change your blog more than hubs changes his underwear!

Beth said...

you are just too funny, you need to come hang out with us and between you and my brother we would all die laughing !!! Hope your tail feels better !!!

Billie said...

I love coming to your site because you make me smile even if the day yields no other laughter.


Beth said...

yep we went to the biker thingy lol the pic was taken from our hotel room but we did go inside and i have to say they has some neat stuff !!!! It was big inside and they had everything you could think of the place must be nice you can see from the pic how many people show up there !

Beth said...

check your messages