Monday, April 07, 2008

New Age Asshole!!

So I talked my granny and my AuntVioletJean into going to one of the New Age Asian-type restaurants that "feed the mind, body, and the soul"....that's what the menu said!
Plus as an added bonus you get a psychic reading!! I have always wanted to do that!!
And there was some sorta "rebirth into peace and tranquility"...they spritzed HolyWater on you..."imported from the mountains of Tibet"....that's what the menu said!!
The food was small but some how very filling.
In turn, the waiter.....aaahhhh guru dude....monk....that's the word I'm lookin' for.....took each one us back behind the curtain to meet" The Wizard". It looks like fun!!
It was my turn, and I can't hardly wait!!! To find out my future or maybe something that could help me lead my life in a better way.....I could just pee from the excitement!!
The Wizard looked at me and made some sorta hand motion around me as if he was shooin' flys and chanted a "prayer" in a language I didn't know. He then turned from me and stood on my left side and reached over placin' his hand, palm down in my chest...not my boobs but on the full nekked place just above them....a place evidently you can touch and not get the cops called!!
But the instant he placed his hand on me flinched and turned back to face me....with look of shock on his face!!
OH Lord what now!?!?
"You ARE trouble!", In very plain English.
That I know.
But I didn't say a thing.....I think my face pretty well summed it up....with "DUUUUH!!"
"You have mowed the lawn with your left hand down your pants!"
"And your point would beeeeee...."

He visible shook himself!! I have wicked MoJo if I can unnerve The Wizard!
And he said another a language I didn't know.... but he went to shooin' his own flys!!
And got back into position...took a couple deep breathes and placed his hand back on my chest.
He flinched again, but he kept his transcendental composure.

For a very long time.

I had watched Granny and VioletJean thru the sheer curtain with the Wizard....they didn't take this long.
Am I that bad??
Or that complicated?
Or was he enjoyin' my vibe? Groovin' on my inner magic....Just touch me and I will rock your world.

When this idiot steps behind the curtain and shook The Wizard and said, "Is this gonna take much longer? I have a meetin' after lunch."

Dude, you're fuckin' with my time with The Wizard!
And The Wizard was not happy!!
"Now how am I supposed to do my job with this sorta disruption! I will never find her inner Goddess again!" And stormed outta the room.

Well, I turned on that bastard!!
"Thanks so-fuckin' much for being such a rude asshole. I will never know anything, now. The only thing I found out was something I already knew!!! And NOW I HAVE TO PEE!!!"

Then I woke up!!!


Anonymous said...

Awesome dream!!!!! I thought it was real!!!!!


Anonymous said... really had me going there, till I read, "and then I woke up". That's one helluva fancy dream and you remembered it in such detail. You need to get a dream book so you can look that stuff up.
You're so right about the Monopoly game. It was a good way to get kids to use math, but that's gone out of it now.
Hugs and Love,

ZooKeeper said...

Hilarious. The whole thing sounded outrageous from the beginning but I totally fell for it! And then I woke up! Sheesh.

Bird said...

Man, I was wondering what the hell kind of restaurant that was. I've been to some places, but never any place like that.

Mannyed said...

hahahaha, freakin funny, Nadine! I was like what the hell kinda restaurant is this!!

Vickie said...

I understand they have a fortune teller at the Balinese Room in Galveston. I am going to try that next time we go.

MizAngie said...

Awww, Bitch!!!! I was so into that story and then it was just a damn dream. Biiiiiitch!!!! I shoulda known there wouldn't be anything that New Age in frickin' Oklahoma! Ha.

Anonymous said...

Hi, it's the long lost princess....i wanted to pop into say hello and hope all is well.....things as usual are crazy especially this week as i am down to the last few days till the wedding. My hair is done my nails are done i am not used to all this pampering i should have taken the week off LOL well better get back to work hugs PPA

Dawn said... had me going.....