Thursday, April 17, 2008

My Magic Is Broke!!

Yesterday while workin' in the yard...I know.... I was shocked too!!
But I was!
I decided that I wanted some things moved to a different part of the yard.....the lawn furniture and umbrella stand that goes with it....from the pool area and a stone nearer to the back door. I tried but I couldn't move the umbrella stand...that's one heavy mother!
And there was no way I could move the glider thing! It is a two person job.
And there was a squarmy.... slithery.......icky...newt....salamander... thing on the stone....so there was no way I was gonna touch that again. Worms don't bother me but the ones with legs that move really fast ....no freakin' way will I get near it!!!
I wanted to move all of that stuff before Roy had a chance to shoot the idea down. I have learned that if I just do it when he's not there it goes so much smoother. Then I could just say, "Oh by the way I did that thing." There's yellin'.... but it's done.
But there was just no way I could move any of it. My big manly muscles have turned into boobs.
I told him what I tried to do.
"Honey, will you help me move the glider?"
"I put it on the front porch just for you."
"Not that one, the other one." I have a thing for lawn furniture...we have several pieces spread all over yard.
"And I can't move it." I continued, "I want it up by the redbuds by the back door."
"What's wrong? You couldn't get a 25 yr old man to do it for you?"

What?
Quite frankly, I never thought about that!
And why was he attackin' me??
"Honey, I think my magic aura to get a 25 yr old man is gone."

When I was younger, I had men that would go outta their way to open a door for me....talk to me...buy me pops....all for a smile. It got on Roy's nerves!!
He called it "the hope of gettin' in your pants".
That magic is gone!
Oh, men still open doors and talk to me....but their old!!
Older than Roy....like really old!!
They're not young and thin....muscled up....tanned....and smell of tractors.
They're portly and smell of BenGay...with teeth missin'!!

"The only way I would get a 25 yr old man is to pay for him!"

"I think that is against the law."

Dumbass!

"Not to move lawn furniture!!!"

Come to think of it.....HE.... still hasn't move any of that stuff!!

Excuse me while I go make a sign for the end of the driveway...Wanted...Young strappin' man to move my lawn furniture....I pay well!!

Roy will have the furniture moved.... in a heart beat....he knows I pay well!!!

9 comments:

Bird said...

Hee hee. I think my magic went out the door. I'm not sure I ever had any magic, actually. Oh well, I'm busy anyway. I don't have time to waste fending off fine young things.

MizAngie said...

One good thing about working where I do...there's always a big, strong kid that needs a little cash. Gone are the days when I could negotiate some other kind of payment. Dammit. Back in the day they would work in exchange for a home-cooked meal - now it's cash only. Oh, well...

ZooKeeper said...

My magic left 35 lbs ago.

I love the sign idea...u should so do that!

Vickie said...

At least you have a plan for getting your stuff done.I would have tried to figure out a way to do it myself. Then the hubby would have come home and found me trapped under the swing with a luggage cart or wheelbarrow on my head.
Peace

Dawn said...

damn...I hate to even admit that my magic is gone....guess it's time to come up with some new tricks..hee hee

Billie said...

I love your stories. You have a way with writing.

miss thystle said...

I'm so getting a sign like that...boys that smell like tractors...mmmm mmm mmm. Nadine, you're leading me astray. I heart you!

Proto said...

blink, blink

Beth said...

that is funny, so did you get the furniture moved?