Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Man With the Plan!!

Roy is a safety and security man. He has a plan!
Several in fact!
When he came into my life, he said to lock things up...the house...the car.....which brings on a whole new set of problems for me....and that's a whole 'nother blog!!

And Roy brought guns. I was never very fond of them.
Daddy said, "Let's go huntin'. Here. This is a gun. Don't point it at me."

That's all the instruction I had and I didn't have fun huntin' all....I only went once.

But Roy knows what he's doin' with guns....not that Daddy didn't, he was just wantin' to go huntin'.
And Roy knows what he's workin' with in me....not that Daddy didn't, he just didn't have all the answers....and would tell me anything....."Daddy, Why is it a 22?"
"Becuz it holds 22 bullets."
It sounded plausible....and it did hold 22 shells.
When I told Roy that little tidbit of info....he just grinned and patted me on the head, "No, It's more complicated than that. Now shut the fuck up and listen."
So with Roy as my teacher, there were many lessons with different guns....handguns...revolvers and autos....rifles and shotguns.
The fear of guns came from the fact that I was basically ignorant about them. I still have a healthy respect for them but at least I'm not ignorant about them any more....sorta.

Plan A:
After we were broken into and Roy's favorite shotgun was stolen he decided to keep an old cheap gun out for home defense.
Yes, our home was broken into....we were only gone about 30 minutes!! It had to be a kid, becuz of the things he took. My daughter's make up bag and her curling iron??!!
A couple of BBguns and Roy's favorite shotgun!!
He went out as fast as he came in!!
Becuz he dropped a pair of Levi's on the kitchen floor!!
Roy always left the scanner on and it would chatter intermittently....that probably scared him. And we had this bigass came with the Roy's Divorce....he slept upstairs and he would have heard someone in the house and maybe thought it was us....he would have jumped off of my side of the bed....where he left all his hair.....we were not on a first name basis yet....he was just "That Damn Cat"!!
Anyway, he would have made a lot of noise.....he was not a stealthy cat. And thinkin' back, he was the noisiest cat I ever had!!
That would have scared an intruder!!
And that was a good thing!!
Roy had several guns laid out on a bed upstairs....that would have crushed him if the intruder had taken those!!

So Back to Plan A:
An old 12 gauge had been in Roy's family for years and if it were stolen, he wouldn't miss it.
One day I was home alone and I heard a car in the driveway. I tippy toed to the bathroom and peeked out.....a long haired beard dude got outta his car!!!!!
Don't freak out!!!!!!
Deep breath!!!!!!!!
Keep your Shit Together!!!!
I tippy toed over to get the shotgun and sat back down on the couch. I'm ready to RockNRoll!!
He banged on the back door!!
But I just sat there.
I don't open the door anymore......and that's all I'm gonna say about that!!
After awhile he stopped....he walked back to his car....he looked around.....I was peekin' out the bathroom window watchin' so I know what he did.....he got back in his car and left.
When I told Roy what had happened, he decided I needed a refresher course on the 12 gauge.
"This is a single shot shotgun....blah..blah....blah..."
All I heard was SINGLE SHOT!!!!
Single shot was replayin' over and over in my brain like a broken record!! So much so that I said it out loud!!
"Single Shot??!!?"..... several times.....and Roy finally caught on!
"Yes it's a single shot 12 gauge."
I Freaked Smooth Out!!!
"You mean to tell me that I have only 1 shot at protectin' myself???!!!! After that ONE SHOT, it's a longass club!!!!!!!??? I might as well have a baseball bat!!"
"Calm down, Baby! It's easy to reload."
And he procceeded to show me just how simple it was....FOR HIM!!!!!

Plan B:
An automatic handgun....Springfield Armory 45....I can't remember the model number....with a safety on it....but it was an old gun that shoots to the left....that had at least 7 shots in it!
It was more shots and easy to use....just aim for the middle of the target and hope it hit somewhere in the the target!
But he never liked it. He replaced it with a Glock45...I think....I've had one lesson on it.... it's so new.
So the other day, I was layin' in bed, tryin' to make myself get up when I heard a loud truck on the road passin' by the house.....then voices.
My mind was instantly alert!
And my brain was workin' it all out!!
That Truck musta dropped off at least two men and If I can hear them they're in the freakin' yard.
If Their in MY Yard....they climbed over the RockWall....or over the Fence....THEY MEAN TO DO HARM!!!!!
But I just laid there..... waitin' for the second alarm to go off....Trixie!
She was barkin'!
But I just laid there.....waitin' for the third alarm to go off....the CATS!!

None of them were the least bit freaked....hhhmmmm......

Okay....let's rethink this..... maybe it was the wind.....the casino plays music and if the wind is right I can hear's a half mile away.

When I told Roy about what happened, he went over Plan B again.
"Get the Glock. Handle it carefully. There's no safety. Get your phone. Sit on the couch where you can see both doors. Type in 911. And wait. They have to be in the house. When they kick in the door, hit send on the phone and aim the gun at the middle and fire two shots. Hold on tight, it's a Hoss. That will scare them. They will leave. If they don't, you still have more rounds to fire."
Got it!
He went on, "And above all, MAKE SURE IT'S NOT ME!"
Valid point!

But I have to mess with's my job!

"Honey, do you have another clip for it."
"No. But even if I did, you couldn't get it reloaded. And even if you got it reloaded, you won't need it."
There was a long pause. He could see that I was really thinkin' about this......
"Honey, do you have a 30 round clip for the Mini?" I know he does. Twoof them!
"Yes. Why?" with a slight grin.
"Well it just seems to me the easiest to use and it's has lots of bullets....I mean rounds to fire, that it would be the best for me."
He rolled his eyes, "No, DirtyHarry, you don't need that much firepower! The pistol will do the job."

So I ask you....dearly beloved readers....would you shoot at an intruder?


Anonymous said...

Yes Nadine. If they are in my house looking to do harm to my family or me, they are dead meat. Produceman style. 357 mag. Not a problem here, long as they are in your house it is legal. Just don't shoot them outside and try to drag them in the law will prove you were wrong even if they were threatening you. I think it should be ok if they are on your property, but I don't make the laws. I mean< I'm not looking forward to ever having to do it, but under the right circumstances I wouldn't hesitate. PMPM

ZooKeeper said...

Fuck YES!

That's all I have to say about that. There is a 9mm next to my bed. A .32 ACP in the living room, that I sometimes carry. A .17 HMR in the bathroom. Well the .17 is for shooting critters but I'd use it if it was the first one I got to.

Jeankfl said...

I don't know if I could actually shoot them.. If my babies were here, hell yeah.. but if it's just me, I'm not sure. If all they want is "stuff".. have at.. but if they want to hurt someone, yeah, I could hurt them.. not sure I could kill them, though. And, a gun would probably just get used against me!! I'll have to come have Roy teach me how to use one. There's a range out on 10 I think.. maybe I'll go get lessons..

Miss "Pistol" Thystle said...

You bet your sweet bippy. I don't go to their house they don't get to come to mine. In this day and age it's safe to assume they're not there just to take "stuff". You go, Annie Oakley! Shoot to stop, not to kill (that's a key thing to tell the cops, by the way, not "I wanted to kill him" but rather "I wanted to STOP him!" shows fear instead of malice...)

Vickie said...

I don't have a gun but you do whatever it is you have to do. Yes, I would shoot an intruder.

Grandmother Witch said...

No I would probably just get after them with my new power tools. Hell, yeah I'd shoot, and ask questions later. Then dance nekked on their miserable graves by the full moon. What am I saying? I'm a pacifist for Goddess sake. I do believe in protection spells however. A girl has to do what a girl has to do. Enough said. You are adorable.

MizAngie said...

Yes. I keep a loaded 20-gauge close by. My Daddy always said, "Don't have a gun if you're not willing to use it if you have to." So, if they come in uninvited and I'm able to get to the shotgun, I'll use it. I don't like handguns, though - they scare me. I also know that I can say this over and over but I won't know unless something actually happens to test it. I always said I would SO fight back if anyone attacked me but when it happened I let go of my purse and screamed like a little bitch. Ya never know...

Billie said...

Umm... without a gun that is nigh on to impossible...

But I am a little concerned that you might shoot the mailman or something. That post makes you sound a little jumpy!