Tuesday, January 29, 2008

This Is One of Those "Holy Shit" Moments!!

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do
I have a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise, you'll listen to me.....

So listen up!

In preppin' for the trip to Hawaii, I thought....I try not to think...it's my downfall. But I thought I would do something about my "whiteness".
I have blindin' white legs.
It's the middle of winter, I'm supposed to be pale....right?
I'm a card carryin' Cherokee that missed the boat when good skin tone was handed out. The bucket loads of Irish blood shines thru....glarin'ly thru!!!
As I don't tan there is no reason to waste my time in a tannin' bed. I learned that fact at 13. Years of bakin' with baby oil all I got was burned and more freckled!!

"She's got Freckles on her buuuuut she pretty." It's a little ditty my cousins' would sing to me.

The only way to cut the glare is to use a bronzer. I have used it before and liked the results.... from a previous blog.....

"A Helpful Tip: If you use a sunless tanner, do not shave your legs the day you apply it! And be sure to use a bodyscrub!!
One of our clients told me I need some sun on my legs....which I do....I am pale. I am a white woman and proud of it....besides I freckle. He suggested that I use a sunless bronzer and called his wife to find out what it is.....Loreal Sublime Bronze....and she told me about the leg shavin' thing.....shave one day and scrub the next day and then apply the bronzer.
She only uses it once a week. I said "thank you" for the tips and decided I would try it.
30 minutes later, she called back! "If you want me to show you how to apply it I will."
I'm No Prude!
But the thought of being in a client's home for HER to rub lotion on my legs was a bit disconcertin'!!!
Just about as much as when the woman at the mall told me I would look good with a Tattoo on my boob...."It would look good right there."....and touch it!!
I don't want to look like an Oompa Loompa but I think I can figure it out!!
The things I get myself into.....Geez!!!"

This time.....no!
I followed the rules of application...legs....thighs....arms....boobs...I never know how much of those things are gonna show..... and went to bed.
The next mornin' I got up wandered to the bathroom.......I don't really ever open my eyes until I wash my face.....which isn't for another 10 minutes.....and when I did...HOLY SHIT!!!!!

The only thing that came to mind was Oompa Loompa!!!!!

I went from glarin' white to fluorescent orange!!!!!
But I don't think you have the full picture in your mind.....only my legs are orange!!!
Every where else is a nice tanned color.....legs....orange!!!!!

"Roy!!!!! Can you tell I did something to my legs?!?!?"

He looked and made a face, "Yes. And don't do it again."

Damn straight!!!

The Up Side to this is, I did it early enough in the week that it will fade by Saturday.

Geez...... the things I get myself into...just boggles the mind!!

So the moral of this Oompa Loompa Moment:

Freckles are good.
And Bronzers are bad!!!


Miss Thystle said...

Not to worry, almost everyone you'll see is going to be either fish-belly white or tourist-red! You'll be in good company.

ITChick said...

... almost as bad as those freaking whitening strips! Who makes these things anyway? :)

Mannyed said...

yea, I don't trust myself with a tanner...I can only imagine the mess I could make with that stuff. I use this lotion that is suppose to gradually give you color over time and it gives you nice soft skin. Doesn't make you tan tan but it takes some of the glaring white away.

Darlene said...

Yeah, I have been an oompa loompa a time or two. ONE Day, ONE DAY! they will make a sunless tanner that actually works.

Until then....fish belly white. That is me.