Friday, January 11, 2008

That Surly Bastard Strikes Again!!

Roy is so freaked out about goin' on vacation with his parents!!!! That Surly Bastard is almost....almost unbearable to live with!

1) He is sure that it will be a hassle to make sure they don't die.
RoySr is havin' health problems. Roy said that we will either go to Hawaii or go to a funeral.
Neither will be fun.

2) His father is a so tight with money that he's more of a noise that he makes when he disapproves or is put out.....or he pouts.
Have you ever seen an old man pout??
He resembles a 3 yr old all sullied up over not gettin' the bigger half of a PB & J!
Which I think is the MAIN reason that Roy's mother didn't "grasp" the digital camera! RoySr was standin' on the other side of the kitchen durin' the lesson....with his arms folded....all sullied up and poutin' that he wasn't included in the lesson.....makin' that's a word rather but he is the only person in the world that I have ever heard say it.
Seriously, is that a word??
Every time I hear it, I want to unleash SuperMoodyBitch on him. I'm not so sure he realizes he does it and there is no need for bloodshed if he is senile!
All that being said, I know that everything I buy will be under scrutiny and I will receive a disapprovin' glare and a Piffle.
RoySr has NO IDEA how much this trip is costing him....seriously!

3) Roy will miss the Super Bowl!
I didn't plan the trip. His mother had the audacity to say, "I don't know why I planned this trip to Hawaii?" I swear!! She said that!!
"You planned this trip becuz Hawaii was the only state you hadn't been to and you wanted to go for being 80 and being married for 60 years." I remined her.
"Oh Yeah."
And I don't think I should the one that takes flack for it!!
But I do!
There will be a bar open with a TV in it that will show the can bet on that!!

4) We are leavin' in the dead of winter and flyin' to Chicago to get a connecting flight to Hawaii.
That Surly Bastard flipped!
"What do you mean we are flyin' to Chicago?!!?"
He listens to the TV for weather reports and how there are delays becuz of ice and snow. "We'll spend out whole trip in Chicago!!"
Seriously, would a major airline fly into an ice storm??
Wouldn't they divert the flight??
"Wake up, Alice!!"
Lighten the fuck up, Roy!

Which brings me to dealin' with his whole family....they stress out over the smallest shit. And I just wanna shout, "Lighten the Fuck Up!!!"
His brother was stressed over mash'd tators at Christmas. I walked in with my cake pan full of cheesy tators and told him that he could stop peelin' tators.....but NOOOOOO!!!
I bet he peel'd near a 5lb bag!
You would have thought he was feedin' the entire 1st Marine Division!
My tators were almost all eaten and he had most of the mash's one left.

Like the digital camera....if the old man hadn't been standin' there Pifflin' at the old lady, she woudda got the camera.

I bought them Hawaiian shirts...we'll do the touristy luau thing and when in Rome...
I bought her a yellow shirt with pineapples on it....she held it up and said, "It's not my color. Take it back."
I don't take shit back.
And Hell's Bell, I'll wear it!
Then she stresses and says, "What will I wear?"
I'm not buyin' another shirt. "You can wear mine."
It's so pretty. I bought it just for the trip. It has a matchin' wrap skirt. We shall see....

I told Roy that this trip is gonna be just like the trip with my grandpa.....pure Hell. He agreed and That Surly Bastard added. "Worse! You can't say anything to them."


Before I consult the divorce attorney, I would like to clarify his statement with him.
First, I come first! After all the sacrifices....I come first!
He said something to me once that cut me to the bone. I seriously wanted to jump out of the pick up...but I misunderstood what he meant. And just before I opened the door he clarified his statement.
Good thing!! At 65mph that woudda hurt!
Secondly, IIIIIIIIII can't say anything to them!!

"What do you mean?"
"You and I can't fly off the handle and yell at them becuz they don't take that well. You can't jump on them the way you do your grandpa."

Whew! I really don't want to divorce him. I was just gettin' comfy on my pink satin goose down pillow.

He continued, "We have to use tact. Can you do that? "
All the time....questionin' my maturity level!!

People ask me all the time, "Are you excited about the trip?" I am so bummed that this will be the worst thing I ever do....or at least rank VERY high on the list...that I can't be happy about it.

Weird isn't it.....They need to just Hang Loose!


MizAngie said...

Can't say as I blame ol' Roy. It don't sound like no fun t'me, neither!

I use "piffle" when I can't say shit or fuck. "Ohhhh PIFFLE." I've just always heard it. Must be an ol' country thang.

Alls I can say is...good luck, girl!

jeankfl said...

I cannot wait to hear about this trip! I think we'll be rollin' on the floor, hearin' the stories..I hope you can have some fun!

Mannyed said...

at least you will be going crazy in Paradise. I bet the smell of the tropical flowers and the sound of the ocean will mellow them right out.

Anonymous said...

Holy hell you're gonna have a blast, remember that's what TEQUILLA is for, can't wait too see the pic's. Hey I'm her sister and I don't hear from her either, when a man's in the picture no one does shame on her but that's how it is. I'm happy she found someone she NEEDS a man in her life!!