Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The SocklessMan!!

One day while runnin' errands, at WalMart.....normal SOP, Roy goes his way and I go mine. He heads to sportin' goods or automotive .....and I head to anywhere but sportin' goods and automotive! We call each other to say that we're ready and meet up front.....but not this day.
I ran into him in the eletronic department....not really too odd. He likes to drool over the TVs. He has Vizio stuck in his head and wanted to see what the big deal was....and he likes it! All his life he wanted a Sony Trinitron so we bought one 3 years ago.....a dream achieved. And now he's lookin' at the Vizios....we will not be buyin' one of those.....easily a grand!

Anyway, he said to meet him up front after a trip to the pharmacy....he like to check his blood pressure.....and it's best that I not go with him.....for some odd reason it's always high when I'm there standin' over his shoulder....hhhmmmm....

So I took my time and stopped to look at the throw pillows. They are really cute. Satin and velvet with gold trimming.....but not CatFriendly....bummer.
We have to buy things that are CatFriendly. That's not the best word but the quickest way to describe something that should not hold cat hair like an all powerful magnet or one that does not have dangly things that make a cat want to chew on it off!
Once, Roy and I were shoppin' at Victoria's Secret gawkin' at the pretty panties. The PrettyYoungThing that works there came up and asked if we needed any help. "We are just debatin' on which panties are the cutest."
She said, "Oh let me show you the ones I like."
Roy's face perks up. I mean really! What could be more pleasin' than to have some PYT offerin' to show her favorite cute panties??
She holds up a pair of the cutest little pair with marabou puff balls that tied on the side that just dangled there.
I spoke up before Roy could have a full picture in his mind of how they would look on the PYT, "No, Those won't do. We have CatIssues."
Both Roy and the PYT looked at me like I pissed on their parade.....and didn't I?

But alas, it's true....we have CatIssues....Scooter pulled all the Marabou off my slippers!!
So I put the pretty pillow down and went on to the jewelry department.
That sparkly stuff caught my eye!
As I was into all that glitters, I could see someone in my peripheral....standin' really close...but I just thought it was Roy.
He does that. He sneaks up on me and grabs my ass. Much to his dismay I don't jump. "What?? Do you have your ass grabbed so much you don't care?"
But something was very wrong....this person that was standin' too close was not dressed right! And his shoes were all black trooper boots!!!
High Waters with Unstylish Tennis Shoes without Socks!!!!!!
It's not Roy!!!!
I took a huge side step but still I didn't look at him. He followed me. I stepped again.....and he followed me. We danced around the counter!!!!!
It was creepin' me out!!
What man that does not wear socks in the middle of winter wants sparkly stuff from WalMart??? that might be where he buys his jewelry.
I pushed my cart to the makeup department....That SocklessMan followed me...but I could see Roy. He would be right there if I needed him.
He was still checkin' his blood pressure so I didn't want to make a really!
But the deeper I got into the Makeup the SocklessMan walked in a different direction...right past Roy.

I could breathe easier! Maybe he would follow someone else!
So I made a break for it! I quickly went up front to check out.
I wanted to call Roy but I couldn't....that whole blood pressure thing is a really big deal. So I just looked up every once in a while to see if he was comin'....but no!!
The SocklessMan saw me!!!
Oh Shit!!
He came all the way to where I was and started lookin' at the OU junk....and then the CommerceCrap.....and then the MiamiWardogShit!!!!!!!
He was 3 feet from me the whole time!!!

It was just creepy!!
But by this time Roy was standin' by my side. I wanted to tell him all about the SocklessMan but I waited until we made it thru the Alarm system thing....I always set it off. I don't know why but I do.
The second we cleared the Alarm, I saw the SocklessMan!! But I could not contain myself any longer!!
"Roy, There was this man that followed me all over the store!"
"Where?" Roy didn't look to where I was noddin' my head.
"Here today, right there he is!" He didn't look.
But I had several peoples attention.
You see, Roy and I live in the Hightower World....and there are only two people in it.....and I live life as if NOBODY ELSE SEES US. So it is very surprisin' for me when I notice others ...Roy is more sensitive to the people on the peripherals of our world and so my reactions are considered "A Scene". And as it is my main goal in life not to embarrass him....I try to contain myself.
But by now we are almost to the pickup. He has a huge 'possum eatin' shit grin on his face...and sorta blushin'. "How old was this man?"
"I don't know!! Maybe in his 80's!!!"
Okay, at least in his 60's!! I mean he got around pretty good for an 80 year old!!!!

"If he had been a strappin' 30 year old, would you be so upset?"

I lied!

"Yes! That would creep me out too!"

Our next trip to WalMart.....Roy stayed with me thru the whole store.


Mannyed said...

please, if I'm going to be stalked it better be by someone wearing socks! Speaking of stalking did you see American Idol last night...

Beth said...

OMG that is funny..........You should have told him...Sir you are traveling to close to me and i am working under cover this is not a safe area for you to be in !!!!!!!! Might have freaked him out some LOL.
Wal-mart is a freaky place to begin with ! ALways soemthing strange happening there !!

Anonymous said...

Has anyone told you that your blogs are too long? Just checking in...didn't know I had to read a book to get caught up.


barnyardmama said...

I think that man's butt is staring at me!!!!

Men should know better than to follow you around WalMart.

I don't think that was too long--you had a story to tell.

I'm sorry you're on the wagon--I did it for about a year with the whole preg-oh thing, but with the whole house-arrest thing--just consider me drinkin' from now until late February. How else am I gonna survive the whole thing?

Cat issues--that's why I shouldn't have bought a navy blue couch. But I had the couch before the cat--how was I to know that he'd be gray?

Princess said...

Hi my sweet I haven't forgotten you in anyway shape or form.....the Queen keeps me updated. Work has me strapped for time it's hard to fit things in. I found my Prince and shall ride off in the sunset woohoo!!! I am very happy as he is just wonderful couldn't have imagined it could be this way. Well i better get back to work as i was out yesterday sick love ya PPA

itchick said...

*whew* ... at least he wasn't wearing VS panties. Or wait, maybe he was?


cindy r said...

WalMart is a scary place indeed! Never had a stalker myself in there, but I have busted my ass a time or 2 in there!
Hope your next trip has no weirdos involved!


Ace said...

Great story - you are dream material to the octagenarian set!

Susan said...

crazy girl!

Anonymous said...

Hey Girl:
How are you?? Are you all calmed down after your stalking I thought I should point out one thing, Al doesn't wear socks in the winter and he's not, not wearing socks does not necessarily mean you're loopy...stalking does!!

MizAngie said...

Is that Roy holding that flag? Is he also saluting it? {giggle}

I have TimberDogIssues. Even with those sticky-rolly things and lint brushes and Static Guard, Timber still goes with me everywhere in the form of hair. I haven't bought a couch yet because I'm lookin' for one that's semi-doghair-proof. It's hard!!!