Thursday, August 30, 2007

Two on Thursday??????

Only becuz I know that I won't have internet at work tomorrow.....this is called reverse psychology....is that right???
Hope for one thing and another thing happens....I cheer vigorously for the Packers!!!

I'm kinda hit and miss on that one.

It's a long weekend for some and so with that I will say...Rat Finks!!! I'm not one of them!!!

Hugs, From your FAVORITE OKIE!!!

Finally!!!!!!!

No, we still do not have internet at work.....becuz the RedHead still will not take the PC to the Nerds!!! She did want me to call the CreditCardPeople so that they might "walk me thru setup".

What????
I can't get online!!!!
What good does it do to call those people and bother them when it is NOT THEIR PROBLEM!!!!!!

My days are numbered there anyway......just let it all roll off of me like water on a duck's back!!

On the homefront...I'm goin' down to sign up for satellite internet...shell out the big bucks so I can goof off faster at home!! Woo hoo!!!
And it's official!!
That SurlyBastard has permanently moved in!!
I have really cut him a lot of slack. He's worried about RoySr. They took him to the hospital after passin' out and NEVER CALLED US!!!!
What the hell is wrong with people????
Roy reasons it out that we can't do anything....they just run tests.....he's home now.
If my Granny went to the hospital for any kinda stay and I'm not called....Katy bar the door!!! All hell will break loose!!
So many things can go wrong with our elderly that if I didn't get to be there with her in last moments......The tears fall thinkin' about it!!

Football season officially kicks off this Saturday!!!
WOO HOO!!!
THE Sooners are playin' some team from Texas.....HORNED FROGS???? I'll leave it at that.....snickerin' like a Beavis and Butthead.....
THE Cowboys are playin' the Georgia Bulldogs....that should a good game!

And it appears that I can add video to my blog!!
And NO there will be no BoozeFuel'dSexTapes added! But MzGina wanted to hear a conversation between me and Roy....I'll work on it!!

And so now for the tag that was stuck in BlogHell.....do you know that if you can't get something to work all you have to do is clear the cookies????
Go figure!


THE RULES OF THE TAG ARE: Each person posts the rules before their list, then list 8 thingsabout themselves.At the end of the post, that person tags and links to 8 other peopleand then visits those people's spaces and comments letting them know that they have been tagged, and to come and read the post,so they know what they have to do. HERE IS MY LIST:

1. I am a clotheshorse....I have so many clothes that I have them piled every where!! 4 closets and 4 dressers....clothes everywhere!!!!!
2. I Love Rod Stewart! And I'm not afraid to admit it!
3. I listen to Billie Holiday when I'm sad.....Lady in Autumn.....the best of the verve years.....over and over again.
4. I would love to pose nude....tastefully.....professionally.....better than the "glamourshots"....with lots of furs....I am in tune with myself....and airbrushing.......becuz I'm not that finely tuned.....I want to do it for my hubby.....that he didn't take!
And no you can't see those either!!
5. I Love to cook!!!
6. I can pick up stuff with my toes.
7. I am a free spirit!!! With a lot of rules and restrictions!!!!
8. I don't tag others.....if you want to play along....feel free to do so!!

Hugs!!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Shit!!!!

Shit!!! Shit!!!! Shit!!!!


I can't get anything to work right!!!!!

My "tag" is caught in BlogHell!!!


And something new has been added....video.....Ideas are jumpin' around in my little blonde brain!!!

Be back when I can.....Big Brother is on!!!!

Monday, August 27, 2007

A Blonde and A Redhead....

.....sit down to fix a computer....sounds like a joke!

The thunderstorm that came thru Friday night took out the modem in the PC at work. This makes the 4th one....maybe 5 if you count the one external for the CreditCardThingy. The first one was a doozy!!!
Several years ago lightening struck about 200 yards from the office and a very loud crack came from the PC beside me....dust flew out and everything. That killed not only the modem, but the motherboard....I got a new PC after that!
And the rest I forgot to unplug each day or a storm would sneak up on me. One crack of lightening and it's all over!! We not only have lost computers but the fax machine....and the scales!!

So the BossLady decided that she would just replace it herself instead of paying a nerd or the GeekSquad to do it. I have an external modem but I couldn't get it to work....it needed some tweakin' and I just don't know the Tweakin'Procedure! It would dial but wouldn't recognize the modem. I had it hooked up when she showed up with the new device. I stepped back and let her take over!!

I think I heard her say, "Instructions! We don't need no stinkin' Instructions!"

She looked at and decided to take off a certain side.....I told her to take off the other one! That is the one that the Nerd had off the last time we had work done! But she didn't need in that side!
She took out 2 screws and attempted to take the cover off....it didn't work!
So maybe she would try the side I suggested.....That didn't work....it didn't just pop off!!
She picked up the tower and turned every which way to look it all over to find a way into it....it was makin' me nervous!!

"BossLady, Take it to the surgery table so you work on it and not drop it."

That was a good idea!
So there we were on the surgery table with BOTH sides off and lookin' the whole thing over like we knew what we were doin'....we didn't!
It was dirty in there so she decided to "blow it out" with the air.
And it was determined that the old modem was different from the new modem....though while lookin' for phone line we found another modem that looked good but was the same as the one we just put in...we don't throw any of the PC stuff away....we still have the old PC that doesn't have Windows!!!

After she had the new modem in place and the thing blown out, she put the covers back on and picked it up.....it rattled!!

PCs Shouldn't RATTLE!!!!!!!

I can't even describe what happened next....I burnt supper trying to describe it to Roy.....Let's just say that what ever I had before she came in to fix it, it was now broken!!
"Maybe we read the instructions?" She finally said.

Ya Think????

If we hooked up the PC and the phone lines, the phone line went dead! Which exactly what it did when the FaxMachineModem died!!! I disconnected the fax machine and all went back to workin'!!
I am no closer to having internet service at work than I was when I found out the modem died!!

And now she has to call the Nerds!!!!

Friday, August 24, 2007

TGIF!!!!

I have a song stuck in my head....
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane!
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane!

I'm gonna get laid!! It's Friday!!! Date Night!!!

The bitch is hungry
She needs to tell.

The MerryWidow's shoppin' date with me yesterday netted her diamonds and wine.....you only live once and she's 82!!
And her days are numbered.....she said it!! I didn't!!
I went in to look at a ring that was in a flyer I received in the mail....it IS so Pretty she bought one too!!!
I can't wait to wear it!!!
And she bought 2 pair of diamond earrings!!
And she wanted a red wine but I am just gettin' started in being a whinoaaahhhh....wine connoisseur.......so I picked out a bottle of YellowTail Chardonney.....and a Merlot....and two different reislings...the one with the little German ad....and one called Blue River.....and a bottle of Margarita with Gran Mariner in the mix....and two bottle of Margarita mixer....she already had the tequila at home.

I'm a bad influence!

So give her inches
And feed her well.

I'm gonna get laid!!!
I had this WeirdAssDream last night....well I guess if I wake up with it, it was this mornin'.....but none the less.......it was weird!
Roy's exwife and exfamily were helping him with remodelin' our NEW home...I really liked it...I wish I knew were it was....but anyway.....they were workin' away here and there...all laughin' and havin' a good time....I was not!
I don't do manual labor!!
So I was standin' back watchin' gettin' a bit huffy and feelin' very much unwanted!!!
Roy announced "WE need to go to town and get supplies." And told them to get ready. They were all excited about it and cleanin' up.
I was not happy!!
He said, "YOU know what I want so don't screw it up or I will send you back to town!"
Grabbed me by the hand and said, "I have a job just made for you."
And lead me to the bedroom!

I woke up feelin' like I have a label on my body somewhere that says, "For Entertainment Purposes Only!"

More days to come
New places to go
I've got to leave
It's time for a show.

Or at least get to work. Have a great weekend!!

Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane.....Scorpions

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Big Words

intricate(in'tri kit) adj. 1. perplexingly entangled, complicated, or involved. 2. Difficult to follow or understand; puzzling.


"Hooters, Paws, and Claws, This is Nadine."

"I need to know how much it's going to cost to have my cat unblock. I have had it done before and I know that the prices have surely gone up."

"Yes, prices for some services have gone up. I'm not sure exactly how much as that procedure is intricate and I am not sure what all is involved."

"Intricate?"

"Yes, intricate. The Dr is not in just yet he can give you a better idea...."



I hadn't really heard much of what he said as he was talkin' at the same time I was but I did hear.......


"Well, That's no way to speak to someone!"


And hung up!

"What?"



What, I ask you, was so wrong with that whole conversation???

So now I have to DumbUp????

I explained it to Roy....it is a complicated procedure....it's a cat with a blocked urinary tract!!
Do you know how big a cat's penis is????
And do you know how big the catheter is that you have to stick in it is????
You might as well be threadin' a needle!!
And there is all sorts of other things involved....geez!!
Intricate is the best word!!!

Roy just giggled about it and said not to let it bother me but when I use one of the BigWords, Roy says, "Don't you talk down to me, Missy!"



Ya know what....Kiss my lilywhite ass!!!


He's all the time askin' me to repeat things......he's a Northerner.....and doesn't quite get it the first time....plus he can't hear!

"Is it raining there?"

"Yep! Liiighke a cow pissin' ona flllllat rawwwk!"

And then he repeats it.....Like I said it......Damn, I sound like hick....with a high pitched voice! The TechSupport autovoice thingy could not figure it out....whether it was my accent or the pitch....3 calls to them before I figured enough of it out on my own!!!

Does that make me a full fledged nerd???

Do I get a pocket protector badge????

I love SonicBurgers....I get them for Mother's day as that is where the kids work....it's like supporting them though they work at a different Sonic.

I love the RedLobster....If that makes me a WhiteTrashHo....so be it!

But damn it I have an extensive vocabulary and I'm not afraid to use it!!

I may not be able to spell it but I can say it!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My Head is Full of Crap....

And I can't seem to form any sort of organized blog.

So I'll just ramble a bit.

Yesterday, ManCow had a woman on his show that was bitchin' about being taken out to RedLobster on a date. SHE thought it was a cheap and shitty thing to do. THE CALLERS thought she was being shallow!!
I vote with them!
Seriously, when you go out with someone are you looking into their heart or their wallet??

I was hit on head....behind the ear....and it still hurts!
You know when you watch America'sFunniestHomeVideo's and the idiot steps on the rake head and the handle hits them in the face???
Well, imagine that only I managed to hit myself in the back of the head.....Go Figure!!

I found out that a couple from this area will also be Cruisin' the Gulf. Roy was not happy.
"You invited them!? Do you want them to see you on the TopLessDeck???"
No!! I just mentioned it....really!! People are always curious about what I'm doin' on vacation or when......They try to avoid the office at that time.....my replacement has different ideas about runnin' it! And next thing I know she has them booked on the same cruise. They are a nice couple, in their 60's. They'll be fine!

I've cracked Roy up a couple different times....only I'm not articulate enough to describe it to you....But when he gets cracked and can't think of something smartass to say.....It was damn funny! One of those "You had to be there" moments, I guess.

And speakin' being articulate......that will be the subject for tomorrow.....if I can get the Internet at home straightened out....change a password and POOF! No frickin' connection!!!

Anyway.....tomorrow....Big Words!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

LennyC...

The MerryWidow has a colorful past...she has alluded to that many times. She was hostess in a restaurant in Chicago and probably knew gangster! But that's not where we are going today. Somewhere in her past she and her husband kept foster kids....the thought of that truly scares me!! She has sons but corruptin' other peoples' kids....that just scares me!! When she and her husband became incapable of takin' care of the farm, one of the foster kids....now a grown man...52...with the mind of 15 year old boy.....came to help out.




Do you remember Carl from CaddyShack??

The greenskeeper????

"It's in the Hole!"


And do you know who Lennie Small is???

Of Mice and Men's Lennie???

"I get to take care of the rabbits! Tell me about the rabbits, George! I get to take care of the rabbits! I'm gonna hold them and pet them!"



The MerryWidow's FarmHand is a cross between Carl and Lenny!!
He can take care of himself....to some degree.
Very helpful....if you want that sort of help.

He can't pass the written so he doesn't drive. He walks every where he needs to go. The BossMan was out makin' a farm call and saw LennyC walkin' down the road, so the neighborly thing to do is pick him up and give him a ride.

Well, one thing about LennyC is he can't stop talkin'! He goes on and on....big plans for the future. He will talk to anybody and tell them more than they want to know!

So when the BossMan makes it back the clinic, he says with a cocky grin, "If anything ever happens to Roy, or you need a place to stay, I KNOW LennyC will take you in!"




GROSS!!!!!!!




Ick!!!! Ick!!!!!!



Every time I go out there to pick her up, LennyC is right there to tell me all about his exploits.
Gamblin', hangin' out in bars, knee surgery, trash truck adventures....whatever....he can talk and talk and talk.

He's always right under foot, while I'm trying to get in my car!! "Lenny! Dude!! Move, so I don't hit you with the door."
But does he move???
Hell No!!!
I hit him with the door and he still doesn't move.....he just wanted to look up my skirt!!!

And then there was the day, I need a part for my pool. The MerryWidow told me I could have hers so she told him to get it and when we came home there he was in his swimming suit struttin' his stuff for me!!!

Shirtless!!!
Oh it's okay I have already seen all the scars before!!
I didn't want to but I have!!!



Ick!!!!




Ick!!!!!!





So when he comes to the clinic, LennyC is wearing his favorite pair of jeans....they are ripped from the bottom of his back pocket to his crotch.....no underwear!!!

The BossMan said after LennyC had left, "When you and he get together, I think you should buy him some new jeans!"


SmartAss!!!


"And some underwear. Did you see that???"





GROSS!!!! NO!!!!

Monday, August 20, 2007

The Weekend

We went to Branson to do some shoppin' and goofin' off.
Roy drove.

"Look Honey, they have corn."
He drives right on by.
"Look Honey, they have okra."
He drives right on by.
"Look Honey, they have black diamond watermelons!"
He drives right on by.
"Honey, we need to stop at the liquor store."
He drives right on by.

Did I get any new wines to try??? NO!

Do all men do that??? Just keep drivin' like he never heard a freakin' word!!!???

One day I was drivin'....a true rarity.....and he said, "Hey Babe, Did you see that corvette? I wonder...."
I have no idea what he said after that becuz I was turnin' that car again and goin' back! He looked that vette over real well!! Just like the time we bought my Harley....I thought Holy SHIT!! Is he gonna buy it???

He and I have a game plan for when we go to Branson....check in the motel, Drive to Branson Landing and drink Margaritas and eat Guacamole at Cantina Laredo's, do some shoppin' and who knows what from there.....good game plan!

I didn't snag any great baragins there...not one shoe called my name!! At SilverDollarCity, I did find cute purses....and I bought 2 and I should have bought 5! They were the right price and would have made great gifts! More than likely I will give those to away....that's what I do!

So here I am back at the grind....Have a great week!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Memory Lane....

Did you roller skate as a kid?
Do you still do it??


I heard a song on the radio this morning and it took me back to the RollerRink. GrandFunk Railroad, LocoMotion. Do you remember that song??

My first time in roller skates I was 9. It was so awkward!!
I fell several times!!
I had a major crash with THE HOTTEST GUY in the place......I was thrilled....I'm such a nympho!
I spent a lot of time at the RollerRink. That is where my mother would dump us on her weekends so she could go off with her "LadyFriend". She couldn't enjoy us for one day!

I envied those really cool kids that could skate backwards...I never managed to skate forward.

The last time I was on skates was 14 years ago. Roy thought it would be a great idea to take all the kids to the skating rink. I was less than pleased.
I fell several times!!
I had a major crash with THE HOTTEST GUY in the place.....and I went home with him to let him rub my ass.....He was one of those really cool kids that could skate backwards...I'm such a nympho!!

What is your favorite song from the RollerRink????

Friday, August 17, 2007

New Things

I have decided to broaden my horizons....further my education about life.


Maybe.

I was told that Yellowtail Chardonnay was a good wine. So I ordered a glass with dinner at RedLobster.

And it was good!!


We went to Sam's after dinner on a BoozeRun and Dawg'd!! If they didn't have it in a big bottle. I'm all about the bigger bottle!!



I managed to drink about 2/3's of it and went to work the next day with a horrible headache!! I haven't had a hangover headache in years!!! But that will not deter me from trying other wines that MzGina had suggested to me.


I bought a bottle quite some time ago....2 years....maybe longer and it had set in the back of the Fridge....for cookin! But I thought that it would be okay to uncork to compare to the Yellowtail.

Let me just say that there's nothing like the Yellowtail!
To drink!
To get the cork out of the bottle!!


I thought I was never gonna get it out!!
Seriously!!
I twisted and pulled and untwisted and retwisted....I was poopin' out!!

Hell!! The Jose doesn't give me any trouble!!
Ya just twist the top off and GAME ON!!!

All these boobs and no upper body strength!!

I was totally seeing the point to the wine in a box idea!!

Anyway, by the time I figured out the corkscrew and the way to leverage it, I managed to get part of the cork out.....PART!!!

Not enough to feel proud!!

Why do they need a 2 inch cork in the first place?????

Was it becuz it was a cheapass wine....cheapass cork???

Was it becuz it had been in the fridge for years????

10 minutes later I had 5 pieces of cork in my hand....and no way to re-cork it!!!

So you know what that means!!

Roy got lucky...tequila or wine it doesn't matter...he gets lucky.....and I got to sample the wine.

Damn!!! Did I ever had a headache the next day!

I may go back to Tequila shots!!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

OldWivesTales....Fact or Fiction?

WE all have heard them.

That cow manure will cure freckles....not for one second did I ever fall for that one!!

That if you drink coffee, it'll put hair on your chest!
Must be true...I have hair on my nipples every once in a while!!



But my all time favorite one is, "If you eat bread crust you will have large boobs."



Any one ever hear that one??

Is it just my family??

We all eat the crust!!

WE all have a D cup!

I told my sister that she needs to lay off the bread crust as she is up to DoubleDs!

And do you know that she buys crustless bread??!!!

My neice had a friend over for lunch and they were fixin' sandwiches. The young lady told my neice to cut off her crust. My neice told her about the CrustTheory. The young lady was amazed at the thought that her itty bitty titties could be enhance by eatin' the crust that she now eats it like it's goin' outta style!



What is your favorite??

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

If Only......

Breast Exam
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
"Breast-fed,"she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did.
He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in avery professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."





But Alas, It is not....I go in today for a routine mammogram!!



Be sure to get yours and your loved ones mammograms done on a regular basis!! I've had so many I've forgotten the number...I have lumpy boobs.

I have a friend that doesn't even go in for the yearly pap smear and pelvic exam!

I was shocked!

Why would you not take care of your "Business"????
Her reasons were real to her.
It's take time off from work....time is money.
It costs too much. I'll bet it's way cheaper than to have surgery or cancer treatments!!
"I'll go when I feel bad."
What????
By that time she could have a huge tumor!!!!


Take care of your "business"!! It takes good care YOU!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Lost in KansasCity

Go ahead.
Admit it.
You are among friends here.


You can admit that you've been lost in Kansas City!


I can remember in high school, our Ag teacher....Agricultural Teacher....taught us about different breeds of pigs, DNA, and how to weld.....all things that I have had no use for in my everyday life....okay so maybe that DNA stuff pops up every once in awhile.

But the only pigs I can actually look at and know the breed....is Durocs and Hampshire....Hamps are the one on the JCPotter Sausage packages....see now you know!!! Durocs are the red ones!



But anyway.....The Ag Teacher told a horrible story about being lost in Kansas City!
Everyone I know has been lost in Kansas City!!
Roy's parents were lost goin' thru to Illinois!!
Our first trip to Iowa, we got lost!!
My aunt was lost on our trips to Council Bluffs....it took us 2 hours to get out of Kansas City!!!!
And I was trapped in the back seat with my grandpa!!!

"Take that road."
"Turn here!"
"Go left!"
2 freakin' hours!!!!!!
At the time I was on antipressants and took the whole experience much better than the HellishVacation.



When we mapped out Roy's route to Iowa...something he has done a gazillion times....but still we looked the map over.
I mapped it out using MapQuest and saw that it was 477 miles...roughly 10 hours by motorcycle....allowing for frequent stops as the bike only holds 4.5 gallons of gas!

So I sat down with him and showed him.....we disagreed at Kansas City!!

"When goin' north you should stay to the left."

"No! I'm goin' right and stickin' to 71!"


Whatever, Dude!


He called me to brag about eatin' sweet Iowa corn....it's so sweet.....so tender....it just practically falls off the cob and into your mouth....."you can't beat Iowa corn!"


Kiss my ass, Roy!!


He stated in that call, that it took him over 522 miles to get there.

"Did you get lost in Kansas City? YOU GOT LOST IN KANSAS CITY!!!!!"


He giggled, "NO!! But it takes an hour just to get thru there!! One sign with one road that seems to go 3 different directions!!! It's just too much!"


Traffic was awful.....83mph in the slow lane and people were passin' him like he was standin' still!!!

83mph!!
And it takes an hour to get thru it!!!


What a town!!!!


I little diddy my Daddy used to sing:


Goin' to Kansas City!
Kansas City, here I come!
I'm goin' to Kansas City!
They got some crazy little women there,
And I'm gonna get me some!


Yeah I know....that's not how it goes....but I like it my way!!!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

What If?

Have you watched Age of Innocence?

That movie with Michelle Phieffer and Daniel Day Lewis....where he kisses her wrist...after slowly undoing the bottons on her gloves....as they ride along in the carriage....so romantic!
Anyway, he is in love with her but is engaged to Wynona Ryder and becuz of the rules of properity in 1870, he couldn't just take her down to the Silver Saddle and throw down $20 for a little "afternoon delight".......But Damn!! That was fun!

I'm strayin' from the point....When Wynona figures out that he has the hot for her cousin, she lets it slip that she could be pregnant and all hopes of gettin' to runaway with Michelle is gone.

Years go by.....they have three children together and a pretty normal life. She dies first. And in his 57th year of life has as an opportunity to see Michelle again......But he turns and walks away.

All the years of our marriage, Roy has teased me about a girl in Iowa that he adored. She was so pretty with long red hair. But RosaLee broke his heart which is what set him on the path that his life took that lead him to me.
Otherwise, he'd a been a corn farmer in Iowa.
Honestly, I don't really care about past loves. We all have history.....and we can't change it. There is no use in gettin' all bent outta shape over any of it....good or bad. It is in the past!
But none the less he likes to make a big deal over this gal.
So I let him.
He must have loved 18 year old RosaLee....long legged with flowers in her red hair....that was "very friendly".

One year when Roy and I went to Iowa to that Threshman'sThing, we came across a building that was promotin' a device by a company that RosaLee had worked for in the '60s. He thought he would be cute and pushed me back from the door, craned his head in and yelled, "Run RosaLee, She's here!"
Like I'd be comin' to kick her ass!
Like he'd been sneakin' off to see her behind my back!

You have got to be kiddin' me!
"Run??? She can run at 55?"
I don't run at 4aahhh.....35!

He went pale.
He doesn't see her as anything but 18!!!
I realized that just then, that all this time he was teasin' about that girl, he saw her as 18!
Not aging her one day from the last time he had seen her.
Not an older lady that had maybe put on a few pounds and cut her hair short.


Is there someone from your past that you wonder about???
What If My Life Had Taken a Different Path??

Is it better to leave that love in the past....to remember that love as an 18 yr old gal with long red hair??

Friday, August 10, 2007

I Sent Him Packin'!!

A week or so ago Roy's aunt sent him a flyer for the Threshermans's thingy. It was her way of invitin' him to Iowa. I have been gettin' emails from his cousins sayin' that the old folks were not in as good a shape as they would like.....he needed to go see them. It could be the last time.
He was real close to them growin' up and I sometimes think he's closer to his aunt than his mother!
I couldn't go as I had my own elderly people I have to contend with this weekend!!
Bummer!!
I love to go Iowa and eat the ice cream that the Swedes make!

So he prepped his bike.
I didn't call them to warn them.
He wanted to surprise them.....that's really what they expect from him....to ride over 500 miles to say Hi!

But before he left, I got "The Speech".
Or rather "Speeches"....I have to be told numerous times....like I would forget something!!!
To be good.
To feed and water the critters.
To lock the doors.
To lock the gate.
To shoot to kill.
To not go crazy and buy things he is not gonna like.....Damn it!
I really hate that one!!
He decided to take a bag.....one of my purses....he doesn't have saddlebags.....or a bitch bar on his bike....which he needs....he is all the time tryin' to knock me off....he has both on the Indian...Thank God!!!
He likes to tell his friends that he popped a wheelie on that 700lb bike only becuz he had the "FatGirl" on the back!
Ass!!

Anyway, we went in search of a bag that he could fit between the windshield and the handlebars...I pulled out the storage box full of purses....the first purse that man pickup was my Kate Spade!!!!
The black one!!!!!!
OH!!! Hell NO!!!!!!
Kate Spade is not goin' to Iowa without me!!!

He gently laid it back down!!
The nerve!!!

We both agreed that he could take one of the brown leather ones. I packed it full with everything he would need. He picked up and was a bit at a loss about how to carry it.
DUH!!!
"If you were a man how would you carry it?" Actually came out of his mouth!!
"Just throw in over your shoulder."
He did and out the door he went.
I have called him twice now to see if he has had his purse stolen.
He made it there safely and still has his purse!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

He's Got A Little Woman.....

Roy's goin' to Iowa....Threshermen's thing.....I'm not!!!

This is goin' thru HIS BRAIN.....

Sunday morning when we go down to church
See the menfolk standin' in line
I said they come to pray to the Lord
With my little girl, looks so fine
In the evening when the sun is sinkin' low
Everybody's with the one they love
I walk the town, Keep a-searchin' all around
Lookin' for my street corner girl

I got a little woman that stays drunk all the time.....Which isn't true....but he thinks that way!!

I have been told the rules:
1: No Drinking!
2: No two person Sex!!

I'm not sure way that's number 2??

Could it be I sing that other part of the song....."I got a little woman and she won't be true"??
It's my job to keep shit stirred!!!

So does that mean I can buy new furniture??
Get a Tattoo?
Buy a PT Cruiser???

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

80 Days To Go!!!

I need some advice!

I leave for a cruise to Grand Cayman.....and some other ports....they have open bars on beaches....tough call ya think??
But what to do in Grand Cayman??
I don't swim.
So I can't snorkle.
I have NO desire to see SeaTurtles or ButterFlys.
I have been told that the stingrays are an awesome thing to do....but gettin' Roy to do it is another thing all together...open bars on beaches....I don't have to twist his arm!!
And you can parasail!
Roy and I could do it together!!
Roy doesn't want to do that either becuz of all the fat women that have been made fun of on AmericasFunniestHomeVideos that were drug on the beach!!
I don't know what he is drivin' at there!!!???
And then there was that scene in the movie JurassicPark where the huge birds snipped the cable of the parasail.....like that would happen!!!

Any Ideas???

OOOh there will be shoppin'......you can bet on that!!

And has anyone ever stayed at the Flagship Hotel in Galveston??

The Balance of the Hightower Universe

There are Republicans and Democrats.
There are Cats and Dogs.
There are The Cowboys and the rest of the NFL.


And there is SuperMoodyBitch and SurlyBastard!


They are not equal in any way shape or form.


That SurlyBastard can't hear very well.
But manages to really piss off SuperMoodyBitch and he can hear every word she screams!!


That SurlyBastard can't remember Shit!
SuperMoodyBitch REMEMBERS EVERYTHING!!!!!



And in a fair fight, SHE WILL WIN!!
ALL That SurlyBastard had to do was eat the ziti!

I worked on it for 2 days!!! BUT NO!!!

SuperMoodyBitch threw it to the dogs!!!

Just put your manhood on the ground and walk away!


SuperMoodyBitch is pretty predictable in when she is comin' to visit and she doesn't stay long....though it is uncomfortable for Roy the ENTIRE TIME!
Normally Roy is...wellll.....what's the best word.......cranky....hard to get along with....a smartass in general. He is good to those that have taken the time to get to know him...those that tolerate the crankiness...know it's bluff....a way of cullin' out the hangers on.
He is infamously famous...a legend in his own mind! The stories I know but can't tell....someday maybe.
But That SurlyBastard comes and goes at will....I never know when he's gonna bite my head off!
Over the smallest things!!

Back in February I reserved my copy of Harry Potter from Amazon. And I told Roy about it.

"How did you do that?"

"With my Credit Card."

That SurlyBastard said, "Is that wise?"

"It's okay. I have bought with them in the past."



Two weeks before the book came:

"I bought a book from Amazon." I have to remind him....it's only fair.

"When?"

"February, the last Harry Potter book."

"How did you pay for it."

Calmly, "with the credit card."

That SurlyBastard said, "Are you sure that's wise."

"Yes! I have order from them in the past."



The day the book came:

"Yes!!! I'm so happy I have my book!"

"How did you pay for that?"

"With my credit card."

That SurlyBastard said, "We have had that talk! You are not to use the credit card online."

Deep breath and hold hands so as not to slap him...."I told you I bought it online from Amazon and it will be okay."

I'm used to that SurlyBastard and I handle him quite well. I do have my limit though.



One week after the book arrived, he calls me at work while is payin' the bills:

"What did you buy from Amazon?"

He is really pushin' the limit.

"I bought my Harry Potter Book from them."

That SurlyBastard said, "That book you read in 2 days? I don't think it's worth it!"



O Lord Please Help Me Keep SuperMoodyBitch From Killin' Him!



"Honey, don't get me started on the all the huntin' gear that still have the tags on them."

Monday, August 06, 2007

Wicker Furniture....

One of our neighbors recently died....come think of it, so did another one....the one we had problems with....the Moseyin' Cows....he died about 3 weeks after the cows went to sell.

But another one of the neighbors died....and we didn't have anything to do with it...the death of the other man...he had cancer.....I told you that!!


Anyway, the other man died....They had his auction on Saturday. All our neighbors were there. Roy went down to scope it out for bargains....He said there wasn't much but junk! Let's see how much he drags home!!

I read the sale bill....I didn't see that it was junk!!!

So when I got there, I saw some wicker furniture....it was fairly good lookin' and a little paint it would look nice on my front porch....it had been sold, of course.

I asked Roy, "Why didn't you buy that wicker furniture?"


He grinned a big ole opossum eatin' shit grin, "They wanted too much for it and besides I've had bad luck with wicker furniture!"



I replied, "Damn Neighbors!"



That's Roy's story and he's stickin' to it!


He managed to spend $45 and did indeed buy me a chair!
He knows I want furniture.
He spent a big ole whoppin' dollar on it!!
A shower chair!!!

One hand held shower massager and that chair.....woo hoo!!!

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Pooped Out!

Show me the way to go home...

I'm tired and I want to go to bed!

It's been a loooooong week!!! Since the flood took out one of our competitors it's been very hectic! I barely have time to answer my emails!!

How's a gal to goof off with the phone ringin' every 3 minutes????

I had a little drink about an hour ago,

And it went right to my head....Not really but after 4 diet Pepsi's....it's possible!! And Damn those reports.....I will forever drink soda pop!!

Where ever I may roam,

On land or sea or foam.
Does that make sense??? Foam????

You'll always hear me singin' this song

Show me the way to go home!

Cuz Baby! It's Quittin' Time!!

Boom Boom Boom....Boom!

Welcome all newcomers.....I'm not very PC...and sometimes downright raunchy.....but The Tequila's in the freezer and there's plenty to go around....Make yourself ta home!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

How I Spent My Summer Vacation....2005

I wrote this a long time ago...... an email to all my RealWorld friends and family....right after it happened.
So you will see that I have ALWAYS been THIS way......And now I blog........

A bit of Background....my Aunt called me up and said "Come with me to take Granny and Grandpa to California."
I stupidly said yes!!!


I was very worried that this trip with the grandparents would be a mistake!!! I may never speak to my grandpa again!!!!!
By day 2 when we hit Escondido, California, I told my aunt to take me to the nearest airport and put me on a plane back to Tulsa!!!

She wouldn't do it!!
After having a knock down drag out with Grandpa in Tucson traffic that was all I wanted!!!!
I was doing fine but he didn't think so!! A man that can't turn his head to see the road behind him is telling me how to drive!!!!
My aunt and I had plans to stop and see things along the way but NO!
We were driven thru this trip like Sherman's March to the Sea!!!!
WE drove for first 2 days..............12 hours each day!!!!
He said we need to stop becuz Granny couldn't go any further...........she was sleeping most of the time!!
Be a man and own up to the fact that you are tired and need to stop!!!!!
Day 5, I was crying on the phone to Roy to come and get me!!!

I was somewhere in the middle of Oregon by this time. Grandpa had said that my presence was making him sick after an argument that he started.
Roy said it would take him 4 days to find me, to just gut it out and he would take me later to do it right. He is a good man!!!
We did manage to drag Grandpa thru the Sequoia National Forest. "Well, we have tree in Oklahoma!"

Good God!!!
We were whipped thru there too......"I don't want to be in here after dark."
I could not stop to take pix becuz the car might overheat!!!!!!
I was almost in tears at thinking I could not get out and see the largest trees in America........I wanted out and to go home!!!
WE drove 250 miles out of the way to Coure Delane, Idaho so he could look up "relatives". There is a town called Harrison just 20 miles away.............It says clearly on the map HARRISON.........but when we got there.........He realized it wasn't HARLESON...........I told My Aunt we should drag his ass down there anyway!!!!

WE could have been almost to Mount Rushmore by this point.......but NO!!!! I was so pissed off!!!
I didn't take my cell phone becuz RubyJune said I could use hers, it has nationwide and loaded with minutes.........but becuz she left it at his house, it was HIS!!!!

Luckily, Aunty had her's so I could make my daily call to Roy.
About 5 days into this trip from Hell, Grandpa realized neither he or Granny could hear it ring from all the missed calls......I got to carry it!!!
I couldn't use it mind you. I had to sneak off to call my husband!!!!!!!!
I was whispering to RubyJune in a bathroom in Montana to keep her updated on the progress of the torture!!!
When we made it to Iowa and I knew when we were going to be home soon, RubyJune had the nerve to say..."Can you keep him out longer? I have something I need to have installed at his house and I don't want to do it when he is there."
Has she not been listening to me all this time???????
By the time we got across Idaho, Montana and into Wyoming we stopped at Sheridan for the night. There was a tizzy over the trip to Mount Rushmore. I stayed out of it and let him and Aunty go at it.

I didn't care, all I wanted was to go home!!
She and I had already decided what road to take but after the tizzy it was decided to go Rapid City and go down and come right back up to Rapid City so he would shut up!! There was the sweetest little old lady working at the visitor center just after we crossed the border into South Dakota.....I would like to go back and kiss her on the forehead .....she took out her pen and drew on the map the EXACT SAME ROAD that my aunt and I had planned to take........and he said " that sounds like a good Idea!"
After we got to Mt Rushmore, He announced we had 30 minutes to see what we came to see and get back on the road.....30 MINUTES!!!!
Oh well that is just about the amount of time I spent at the beach at Oceanside!!!!
Now how many sailors can a gal pick up in 30 minutes?????
Well, I could have picked up a cop in Sheridan......in less than 10 minutes!! I'm a hot babe!!
Granny said after we left Oregon that she will never take another trip with him again.

I took over 200 pix out the windows of the van becuz he would not let us stop!!!
As I was showing Roy the pix titled "My summer vacation at 65 miles per hour", he just laughed....it ain't funny!!!
My Aunt and I made the most of it and it would have been super without him. WE gambled and played the scratcher cards along the way even Granny did and we laughed at him behind his back.

I teased Granny all the way and kept her from being in tears over the whole thing....I would rather die than to cause her any grief!! I bought her a "beer", she wouldn't touch it....It was a cream soda!!! I teased her becuz she was gambling....she won $9 on one ticket!!
One day we are getting gas and she said, "Sister, those men are looking at you."
"Yep, Granny, I am a hot babe!"
And then for no reason on earth, a biker helped her out of the van. He was just so sweet. Just as soon as we got in the bathroom door closed, " Why did he do that?"
"Granny, you are just a hot Babe!!"
And Thank God for my Aunt's little "Happy Pills"!!!!


Never travel with an old man and if you grow up to be an old cranky man...........stay at home and let the kids have fun!!!!


Last April she called me up and said, "Come with me to take Granny and Grandpa to California."

"Not just no but Hell no!!!"

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

My Take On the World of Bloggin'...

For what it's worth....which isn't much....But here goes nothin'!


Why do we do it? Why do we blog?

I have read a lot of blogs.....I prefer blogs to Facebook or MySpace....that is a different world...OVER THERE....I'd rather blog!

But to each his own!


For me, bloggin' is a way to get all that crap that rattles around in my head out!!
I feel the need to vent.....a lot.....picture me when I'm ventin' as a woman that is stompin' around wavin' her arms......and this a great way to do it!

Now I don't put 98% of the bitchin' I have goin', here....I would seem very negative....and I don't want Jim Dandy to come and slap me around.....again....okay maybe I do......Go, Jim Dandy, Go....but that is beside the point!

I have little tales to tell....funny things....sad ones.....I wish others did the same...just a bit of background. When I blogged about the run away horse...2 gals said they had the same thing happen to them.

Tell me more!

I have found out one my favorite people was a Cougar!!
When I grow up that's what I want to be!!!
Hear me roar!!!
Bring on them YoungBucks!!!

What did you do as a teenager?

What makes you tick?

What are your hopes and dreams??



Do what feels comfortable to you! But Blog and tell me more!