Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A Boy and His Toy.....

A few years ago we received an email about a new hand gun, a Smith and Wesson 500 Magnum. The biggest hand gun made!
More like a hand cannon!!
Roy wanted one!
Roy researched it and read every article he could find. He wanted to be knowledgeable when he went shopping for one. He talked to everyone he could to get opinions on the gun. This went on for months!!
Then we went to look for one.....we looked in three different shops and looked at 5 different guns. All were used guns. The original owner had bought the gun without doin' the homework and when they bought the gun they were overwhelmed by the power of it. It actually hurt them to shoot it.....so they didn't want the gun! I am a firm believer in Test drives and trying things on!
Roy found one he wanted but still uncertain if that was THE ONE.
I guess it is like buying purses....to a man they all look a like....something to put all that woman shit in....but to a woman it's a thing of beauty. It has to feel right. It has to be the right color. It has hang on your shoulder just right. And mostly importantly it has to be big enough to put all that woman shit in!!
So we left without the gun....the most powerful handgun ever made.
I had had enough!!!
I marched in the gun shop the next day. I sat myself down between the two burly men shootin' the shit with owner and waited my turn.
"I would like to purchase that gun right there."
There were giggles....or maybe snorts....men snort....girls giggle.
"Yep that one." I gave the man the money and he gave me the forms.
The men just standin' around with nothin' better do thought is was funny. "I'd like to see you shoot it."
I just smiled,"I bet you would."
The phone call was made for approval and I trotted my HappyAss out the door with my pink purse on one arm and 500Mag in the other!
When Roy came home, He stopped dead in his tracks at the kitchen table! I had put the gun in the center of the table.
He didn't say one word.
He set his lunch pal down.
He sat at the table....never touching the case.....he just sat there looking at it.
He reached out and laid his hands on the case....like he was warming his hands...he just sat there.....looking at it!
He slowly opened the case....and then folded his hands....he just sat there looking at it...in the case.
He slowly ran his fingers over the guns....never pickin' it up....just tracin' the barrel and down the trigger and over the grips.
He then picked it up.....like a father would pickup his baby boy for the first time....very gently. Very slowly....not to drop it.
He put this Smith and Wesson to his chest........huggin' it!
That was all I could stand!!!!!
I broke the silence, "Do you two need to be alone? Do I need to leave the room?"
"Would you mind?"

Monday, February 26, 2007

To Pack or Not to Pack....

Now that you have seen the newest member of the family, there has been talk about getting a concealed weapons permit and shooting lessons but a little history before we proceed..........
My husband fell in love with me the moment he saw me. He placed me high on a marble pedastel and I sit upon it on a pink satin goose down pillow as he walks around at the base peeing on things to mark his territory to keep away any and all stray dawgs.
He is my BullDawg.
That being said, brings me to our shopping adventure for my new gun. We were "shopping" in a pawnshop....there are such great things in there!
Yeah, right!!
No clothes, No purses, and NO SHOES!!!!
I do not consider "camo" as clothing.
He was drawn to an ugly gun and I protested. I picked out a solid black one that had been custom fitted for someone else, with special sites and the handgrips were sanded down which was perfect for me! That was the one!!
A Browning Mark 2, I think.
And it matches my boots, perfect!!!
So while I was filling out the paperwork to purchase my gun, he went off to look for bullets for the Smith and Wesson 500 Mag....a very cute story about that later.......clear over on the other side of the store, out of sight.
As I am intently reading the form and filling it in, this man walks up behind me and has the nerve to start talking to me!!!!
Dude, I am busy here!!
So I just answer yes or no. I really just want him to GO AWAY!!!
But he keeps on....DUUUUUUDE, I get one answer marked wrong I can not buy this gun!!!!
He is just totally fasincated that I was purchasing this gun. So I lay the pen down and turn to the man and very politely, tell him why I am buying and answer all the questions he asked me.
My BullDawg's ear prick up at the sound of his beloved voice......I kid you not, in 3 seconds flat, Roy crossed that store and was standing between me and that man, growling!!!
Yes....Growling!!!
The man slowly put the gun down and back away......

So giving me shooting lessons, Roy said, "Lets try this 45."
It looked just like one he had in the Marine Corps, a Springfield Armory 1911. He had fond memories of the day they were told to break it down and springs were bouncing all over the squad bay. Men!!
He somehow felt I needed to shoot it. I am very happy with my 22 and my 38 revolver. But I play along.
I have me ear protectors and off we go to the shooting range......which is in our garden......And a little too close to my pool area. Sure, if you hit the target then what does it matter where the pool is, right???!!
"Now you do this..... and you will need to do this........ and aim here....... and squeeze....."
Not bad but I will stick to my 38!
I kept shooting under the target.
I am not Annie Oakley!!


His last statement before MY "lesson" was over was, "Temper tantrums and firearms do not mix!"
What????
Me??
The nerve!!!!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Have One on Me!!!

I am here to pass out cigars!!!
Shots!!!
All around!!!!

We are the proud parents of new baby!!!
It's a boy!!!!


You can tell by the big bal.....clip!! 100 rounds!!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Furry Creatures- Part 2

Everybody has certains things that they never thought that they would do until it is thrusted upon them. If they can walk away from it with a little more insight and a little bit better person, then isn't it worth it?
I never thought that raising those opossums would have such a profound effect on me. And of course it spilled over to Roy. He is my best friend and we do everything together. Even if it goes against the grain of the Great White Hunter!
It didn't take me long to figure out that Bill was, without a doubt, a male. And Pete was not! He became Pattie. Pattie the Pooper in fact. She was like a sqeeze toy! The second you picked her up she would poop! Roy said something about scaring her shitless.........HHHmmmm!
I talked to them all the time and made kissing noises so that they would get used to my voice. In the beginning, they just sat there frozen with their mouths open, growling at me. Then they started to flinch, like I was going to hit them. Their little ears would bounce. The hissing stopped but the growling never ended. I decided was just the way they talked. It sounded like the Frankenstein monster when he was chasing the villagers or was it the other way around...........the chasing........never mind....focus..........
When they came to us, Roy didn't killed any more of the adults that get on the back porch. That was a big step for him. It didn't make a lot of sense to raise two babies and kill the others.
And one day, I stopped traffic to allow a mother opossum with 4 on her back and 5 following her to cross the road. All went across but the last one. It stopped and went back. I went around it and parked the car to go back to get him off the road when the 4th car back stopped and the passenger got out, grabbed it by the tail and threw in the ditch with the others!! She waved at me and I waved at her....Opoussm Buddies!
Roy just rolls his eyes!!! "YOU stopped traffic with your most prized possession to let 10 opossums cross the road?"
I took so much flack over this!!! 97.9% of the people I told about the opossums have said to kill them in one fashion or another. The BossMan was constantly telling me they make lousy pets. And that was true. Bill had tried to bite me twice!
They lived at the clinic. You can not legally possess a furbearing animal, not even for rehabilitation without a special license. That was the best place for them at the moment anyway.
They were growing fast, they were a whopping 3/4 of a pound. They were getting too big for the dog carrier that I kept them in. They made such a mess! In the water and half eaten apples everywhere, so I thought I would move them to a bigger cage.
I lovingly put down newspaper and put in fresh water and more apples and pears. Then added the opossums. Bill instantly started climbing and Pattie started to burrow. I covered the cage as opossums are nocturnal animals and lights are always on. And as always the phone rang so I had to leave. When I went back to check on them and they were gone!!!
Don't panic!
I could not have been gone over 5 minutes.
I looked under the cat cages! I looked up on top of the cat cages....Bill loves to climb!! I looked behind the door!
NOTHING!!
OMG!!!! They were not in the cat room!!!!!
Panic.......... NOW!!!!!
I turned to face the kennel. And there stood this dog, a huge dog waving his tail...........mocking me!!
"You ate my Opossums!!! I will kill you with my bare hands!!!!"
The kinder gentler side of my nature spoke up, "Stop! Take a deep breath and think about this for a moment."
"There is no blood." True!
"There is no fur." True!
"There is no opossum tails" True!
"And you know that Bill would not go gently into the dog. There would have been a hell of a commotion!" Oh, so True!!
"Let the dog live!"
I got down on the floor to look under a stainless steel table that is in the kennel and there they were! I think I heard a faint "Damn it" from Bill. I fished them out and but them back inthe small dog carrier scolding them the whole time.
But I knew that the day would come that I would have to let them go. That is what Bill wanted so desperately. The BossMan told me I would have to teach them to climb and get them used to being in the heat. They had been living in the AC all this time and that would be a shock to them.
So I told Roy what needed to be done. He rolled his eyes, "You have to do what?!?"
And do you know they have a group called "The American Opossum Society"!
Roy just rolls his eyes!! "YOU didn't join the group, did you?"

What Else Are Good Friends For???


Date Night was also a very special friend's 30th birthday.She was having a hard time with 30.

I told it's no biggy!! I have been in my 30's for 12 years now and it isn't so bad!!

Roy told her she didn't look a day over 40!

What a guy!


We met at Red Lobster for dinner. Her hubby...he is an idiot.....wouldn't let her drink until after she ate her meal becuz the last time she had a mixed drink before dinner it made her so sick that she just couldn't eat.

No fear! Nadine is here!!


After she at half her meal she ordered her margarita....HE was not pleased! He really is a stick in the mud. He didn't want to take go out this weekend becuz he wants to go out next weekend to see "Wild Hogs"....What????

This weekend or that weekend....GO EVERY WEEKEND!!!!!
Only an idiot would think that you can only go out every once in awhile....geez!!
And people wonder why they grow out of touch with their spouse?

People you have to get out there and live!!
Not stay home on your couch!
Sure there are kids to raise and bills to pay but there are times when you have to go out.....to stretch your legs....you have to broaden your horizons....you have to get on your motorcycle and feel the breeze in your face!!

What ever your thing is....do it!!
If you love to play poker...do it!
If you love to hunt...do it!
I can't say this enough.....LIFE IS TOO SHORT! LIVE IT!!!


And where was I going with all this....aaahhhhhh....


It was her birthday and he wanted to wait for next weekend!! When HE wanted to do something....selfish Bastard!!
This was her 30th birthday! It is landmark!! The kids have been born....she has her masters....she has plans....SHE IS A MODERN WOMAN!!!

Hear her roar!!

So after dinner was eaten and all the man talk was over, I asked the waitress for tequila shots in honor of her big day! The men declined! Her hubby was very nervous about her drink straight booze....she is a lightweight....it was her 1st time!

She was very nervous...it was cute!
"I'm a professional. Baby, we can do this together!"

I showed her the ropes...salt....knock it back.....and then the lime!!

Roy was giving her pointers....He is a pro too!

And lick, salt, knocked back half....and that was good for beginner..."OH GOOD LORD!!" and then the lime!!

Woo hoo!!!

Roy and I were proud of her!! He taught her how to ride her motorcycle....and I would give that girl a kidney!


She chased it down with half a glass of water and took a deep breath and went for the rest!! What a gal?!!


Later in the bathroom, she said, "Thank you I needed that!"

"Happy Birthday, Girlfriend!"

Friday, February 23, 2007

Last Winter.....

During the Blizzard.....
As some of you know...we here in Oklahoma have had our first Blizzard Warning....in the NorthEast part of the state that is a BIG DEAL!
As a result of the sleet and snow Ralph Lauren Hightower came into the house to stay. Trixie the WonderDog WILL NOT cross the threshold!! She stayed out. She was happy.
Ralph was let out off and on to go pee. If you leave him out with Trixie too long, they run off to the neighbors or she leads him to the road.
It didn't really start snowing on us until 7ish though most of the state was covered in a blanket of snow....I had sleet all day and lots of ice but no snow.
Roy tended to the fire and we snuggled down in a warm bed surrounded by cats.
Some time in the night, Ralph needed to go out and so Roy booted him out.
After throwing some logs on the fire, it was time to get Ralph.
Roy goes to the door and calls.....Trixie comes running but no Ralph!
Roy could see tracks all over in the snow all around the house. He decided to get the flashlight and follow the tracks. They led him to the cellar.
We have a flooded cellar that is spring fed and the water is very clear. We put fish in there 11 years ago and they live quite happily.
Roy looked down in the dark cellar and saw Ralph swimming in the water!! He grabs the ladder and puts it in the hole and goes down in there after the drowning dog.
There is no telling how long he was in the water......It was knee deep on Roy but well over Ralph's head.
Roy runs into the house, yelling. "Hey Babe!Get up!"
I was not sure what had happened but as we all know a man does not freak....especially that man!
"Hey Babe! Get Up! Ralph's been down in the FishPond!"
He put Ralph in the tub and run warm water over him.
Ralph was a cold and a very exhausted pup! Roy was wet up to his knees and water was everywhere.
Roy left me to warm up Ralph so he could get out of his clothes and stoked up the fire.
Ralph just wanted out of the tub! He had had enough water to last him a lifetime!
I got Ralph out of the tub and wrapped him towels and sat down in front of the fire and rocked him.
After about 30 minutes he wanted to play with his squeaky toys......He was good to go!
Roy shook his head, "Trixie did this! She is trying to kill him!"
Ralph, Roy, and I loaded up in the truck to go to work today....All are good....a little tired from our near disaster.....but as he keeps guard at my feet, Ralph Lauren Hightower is alright!

Ever Have One of Those Days?

Just a glimpse for into my world.....the "Head up the Ass" moment:

I walk out the door with my purse over one arm and my tote bag on the other.
My car keys in one hand and the house keys in the other.
I lock the backdoor and put the house keys in the tote.
Walk out to the carport and set my tote bag on the ground.
Open one gate to the carport leaving the other one in place.
Open car.
Put the purse on the passenger seat.
Put the keys in the ignition.
Go back to pick up the tote bag and place it behind the driver's seat.
Decide it's best to dig out the paper money now becuz if the stalker is at the store....
We don't want to look stupid....God forbid we look stupid!
So I sit in the driver's seat and start the search.
There is the lip balm I love! I should really put it in the house so I know where it is....Savannah Bee Lip Balm....Blackberry!!
A Taco Bell receipt??
When the Hell did I go to Taco Bell?
That isn't on the Barbaric Diet.....must destroy evidence!
What am I looking for?
Oh right! Keys to the car....shit!!!
Where are the keys??!!
Shit!!!
Now I have to go back to the fuckin' house and look for the fuckin' keys!!!!
Get out of the car and grab the house keys from the tote bag and the car keys from the ignition. I don't want to lock myself out of the car....again!!!
Geez!!
I hate it when that happens. Shit! I don't even know where the other set is???
Locked up in the fuckin' safe.....What the fuck is the combo??
Walk a total of six steps when I realize that I have the keys in my fuckin' hand!!!!! SHIT!!!!
Kicking my ass all the way back to the car, I get in and throw the house keys in the passenger seat.....that info becomes pertinent when I get to the office and can't find them in the tote!!!!!
Fuck the paper money!
We will move this Dog and Pony act down the road.
Maybe in a different area I will not seem so stupid!!
Start the car and put it in reverse.
And back into the gate that I didn't open!!! FUCK!!!



Can you top that?? Anyone??? Please????

And in other news:

That blog from yesterday was something that happened awhile back but still lingers around me. Time is supposed to heal the wounds. It helps. I am scarred up real good.
I am a different person now.
I am good with me!! NO doubt in my mind or of my choices.

Thank you for the emails.
Thank you for the support.

A gal needs to know who she can count on, those that make her smile, all warm and fuzzy.

Hugs and have a great weekend!!!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Battle of the Wills Part 4

Our dog Trixie is smarter than your average dog.
She and Roy are buttin’ heads again.
Since Ralph the pup came into our family, her place in the peckin’ order has fallen. She isn’t played with as much. And she has to stay on the porch while Roy takes Ralph out for his morning walk.
She hates it!
We have caught her leading Ralph down the driveway or at least when we call her, she comes running up the driveway with Ralph in tow………I think she is trying to get him killed!
So Trixie is not left to babysit Ralph. The last time that happened Ralph went home to live with his other mommy…..she just live behind us.
When we can’t watch the two of them or we want to do things that Ralph can’t be apart of……tilling the garden , working on the pickup, weed eatin’ or mowing…..there is always mowing….he gets put in one of his cages out on the back porch.
One morning, Roy put him in a cage and came back in the house to get ready for work. When he went back out to get Ralph, he was free!
Now how’d that happen??
Roy was stumped!!
He put Ralph back in the cage and came back in the house. But this time he watched from the back door. Trixie looked up at the backdoor and when she thought it was safe……she opened the cage and let Ralph out!!
Roy was stunned!! “That dumb dog!! She is letting’ him out!”
Now just how dumb is she????
We have brought Ralph’s cage in the house so he can be put up at night…..to keep him from poopin’ in the middle of the livin’ room……and so the kittens can have his box……he was sleepin’ in the wood box. So now that leaves one cage outside for Ralph to be kept in for his safety…..he needs all the protection he can get with Trixie trying to do him in!!
Roy noticed one evening that Trixie was on top of her dog house eatin’ cat food…..and you know what he went thru on that……..Geez it is never ending with those two!! She would jump up on top of the cage and then up on the top of the dog house…….so he moved the cage.
Yesterday, Roy put Ralph in his cage and tied it shut. Looked at Trixie triumphantly, “Take That! You Dumb Dog!”
She tried to untie the string and when that didn’t work she moved the cage over to the doghouse and jumped up all the way to the top of dog house……”I just eat cat food if I can’t play with Ralph!”
Now just how dumb is that dog????

The Battle of the Wills-Ralph

One day last week Ralph was not feeling like his "chew on everything in sight" self. He just laid around and didn't eat or drink. The alarms in my head were going off...PARVO!! He had his shot a few days before but he could still have contracted it from when he went home to mother...........they just run loose......and right now all of Ralphie's siblings are lost......So we saved Ralph!
Well, I scooped him up and took to the BossMan. It's good to work for a vet! Ralph's temperature was fine. But the BossMan kept him, "until he eats something" so Ralph stayed overnight. He must have just ate a bug or something that upset his stomach.
A few days later when I came home from work, Roy was stomping around all huffy. "All I have done since I got home is follow that pup around. I have picked dozens of things out of his mouth. He eats everything!! I walk him around, he squats, we go in the house, he pees inthe floor............BlahBlah Blah......"
He sounded like a overworked housewife with a house full of toddlers, I couldn't help but laugh! I now know what it would have been like to have a baby with him. He was frettin' so much over Ralph, trying to get him to poop outside and eat only dog food. He was just fit to be tied!! He had been so busy with Ralph that he hadn't gotten to take his afternoon pottie break! He was a little testy to say the least.
I handed him a box.
"What is this?"
"More Babies to feed!" Some cruel person had put two kittens in a plastic sack and put them in a dumpster. Another person heard them crying, rescued them and brought them to me. They are about a week old!! The other 3 are doing well and have had their eyes open for a while now.
It is early yet........there will be more to come!

All Along the Hightower

"There must be some kind of way out of here." Said the joker to the thief.

Some times, things are not what it seems....Shit happens.
Loved ones die.
Teenagers lie.
Families ripped apart.
There is no God.
Justice is not only blind but ignorant.
Lives are damaged forever.
And it seems like there is not way to cope.
Would it be better to lay down and die?
Would it be better to run that little red car under a semi and end it all?

"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief."
"Businessman, they drink my wine. Plow men dig my earth. None will level on the line. Nobody of it is worth."

Everyone says kind things to your face. They don't mean it when you are the talk of the town....in the newspaper....on TV.
There are whispers.
Death threats.
The mailbox rundown....what's next?
The is dog is killed.
The light at the end of the tunnel is nothing but a freight train comin' to run you down.
There is a line from a Metallic song, "Rip me open but beware there are things inside without a care."
Aptly fits.
Though I do care and that's why there is so much pain.
I am bitter.

"Hey hey, No reason to get excited." The thief, he kindly spoke, "There are many here among us, Who feel that life is but a joke. But uh But, you and I, we've been through that. And this is not our fate. So let us not talk falsely now. The hours getting late."

Roy is my rock!
Always there.....years of shit heaped upon us.
Thru it all every step of the way....the ups....the downs.

The day he made me get out of bed.
He made me get ready for work.
He took me to work and sat with me until the BossMan came in.
He went home to rest and then he hid all the guns.
That was my suicide watch.

The fall from grace was not easy.
"Just hold your head high!"



Hey,Hey, All along the watchtower.....Princess kept the view.

While all the women came and went. Bare-foot servants too, but huh

You find out who your real friends are when you are under the fire.

Yesterday, we made a major step forward in coming thru the fog....a MONUMENTAL step!!! But still a long road to travel.
Tears were sheds...I am not sure if they were tears of Joy.
Or tears of grief, that we had to go thru it all.
There was no reason for it.

Outside in the cold distance.......A wild cat did growl. Two riders were approachin'........And the wind began to howl.

The winds are changing.
I can breathe again.
I can only hope the that whatever comes I can deal with it as a stronger being than I was.

I choose to blog about the quirky things in life and not the unpleasant.
I am not here for sympathy.
I am not here to plead my case.
I am not here to justify my actions.

I have two choices in how to live my life....to be miserable or to be happy.

I choose to be happy.
I choose to make the best of what is thrown at me.
I choose not to have miserable people in my life.
I choose to sing and dance though I can not carry a tune in a bucket or stay in step.
I choose to blog about oddball everyday life.
I see no point in hurting others.
Life is too short.

Hey Oh All along the watchtower........Hear you sing, around the watch.

Gotta beware! Gotta beware!

I will.
I keep a constant vigil.
Thanks Jimi! For the perfect song....or maybe thanks to Bob!


All along the Highhtower.

Pet Names...

I try to come up with a name for my pets that means something to me. I have thought many times, "The next cat I get I am gonna it Mandu." And then when I get the cat it has a certain personality trait that brings on a different name.
Or maybe it has a certain look about it that just cries out to me "I want to be called Glitter!"
Or like Ralph....he just told me that his name was Ralph.
When I name a critter a human name like Ralph, Roy wonders about it. I did have a schnauzer named after an old beau.....so when I named a cat George, he was curious as to who I named him after.
"I named him after the greatest love of my life."
He pouted up.
Oh you silly man......."What does you uncle call you?"
He thought for a moment.
"George!"
"Live with it!"
And all my animals have a middle name. As it was pointed out if they do not have a middle name how do they know when they are in trouble.
Scooter Wooter......I can sing to him "Scooty Wooty Wooty Wooty Wooty Wooty Woooooo"......and he will roll and purrrrrr.
Monster Jay......Yell it and he will stop whatever it is he is doing, mostly when he is picking at the couch. If he is attacking Scooter and has a mouthful of fur.......it is Time Out time!
George Herbert Walker.......I can sing to him "Georgey Porgy puddin pie" and he dances around and makes squirrel noises. He used to met me at the car when he was an outside cat and I would sing to him and he would walk with me to the house. He did the pee pee dance as I unlocked the house. After I opened the door it was a mad dash to the litterbox and then to the food bowl. He is a snooty cat that refuses to use the great outdoors as his litterbox or associate with the other outdoor cats or eat with them. But when he is in trouble it is a mouthful to yell George Herbert Walker!!
Trixie Jose.......Mostly it is just Dumb Dog becuz my dog Trixie minds and Roy's dog Jose doesn't!!
And now Ralph Lauren Hightower.
"Who is Ralph Lauren?"
"Geez, Roy don't you pay any attention to the fashion magazines I bring home?"
"I just look at the pictures."
Figures!!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Trixie's Toy Part Two

Be careful what you wish for, it just may come true.............
With the deadline looming, it was getting obivous to me that Ralph was going to be mine.
Thursday morning as I went to work, I put Ralph with Trixie and told the both of them to "STAY!" Trixie minds so well, but Ralph, not so good. After 3 trys to get to the car without him following me, I had to break out the hog bat. Trixie went and hide in the doghouse. She has been switched by the hog bat and doesn't like it none. Ralph is so little I hated to switch him so I just lightly hit him and he got the point!! He stayed on the porch long enough for me to back the car out.
And I thought.......I am too old to have to deal with a puppy!!
When I went home after work, I unloaded the car with Trixie's help. She was very interested about the carrier I brought home. A lady didn't want to tend to some abandoned kittens so they are mine to bottle feed. It is like a yearly event.
As I stepped up on the porch I noticed 2 more puppies.......Well, Ruck me Funning!!! That is all I need.......Wait a minute.......Where is Ralph?????
Panic was setting in. I called and called for Ralph but nothing.
What is going on???
Did the original owners decide that they wanted Ralph back and dropped off 2 more for me??
Or does Trixie know where the whole litter is being kept?? And she was tired of Ralph and traded him for these 2? I plead with Trixie like Timmy to Lassy to go get Ralph but she thought it best to nap all afternoon. I felt awful after I switched him and now he is gone! I could just see him saying he didn't have to take that shit and trot his happy ass off to live somewhere else.
I have had enough!!
I made some phone calls to the neighbors and found that people behind us had litter of puppies. ShihTzus!! Poor quality but full ShihTzus! They have no clue to what they are doing. They came and took the other 2. I didn't want them! I want Ralph! She called me later to say that Ralph was indeed with his mother out in the garage.
I told Roy all about this new developement. He said to find out how much they want for him and that we would buy him. I called but they never called me back. We, Me and the cats, were depressed over this. WE wanted Ralph back.
Last night Roy suited up in his shining armour and went over to talk to them. After His wife moped around on the couch telling ever things that moves, "Go get Ralph!" he thought it best to strike a deal with them.
He came back with Ralph under his arm!! They just gave him to us!!!
And all is right in the world!!!!
Ralph will just have to learn to like the carrier so he can go to work with me. I will christen him Ralph Lauren...That is as close to Larry as he gets!

Final Resting Place....

But I will change my mind...I have a least 3 times now.....But this one is real cool!!!

Have you seen the Urns with your Favorite Baseball team on them???
THE most ardent fan can have his or her cremated ashes put in an urn with their Fav of Fav baseball team logo...way too cool!!
NASCAR, NBA and the all important NFL will follow.
This is way better than to have a casket with your favorite team. The only time people see it is at the funeral.
But an urn sits on the mantle!!! For all to see what team you loved in life.....and now in death!!!
Isn't that the thing to do???

Of course, I want a bit more!

Instead of crematin' me and throwin' me in the lake back home, followed by a blow out party....I now would like for Roy.....as we all know he will out live me....to sprinkle my ashes all over the star in Texas Stadium for my love of the Dallas Cowboys!!!

Roy laughed too.

And added, "I will do it during a game, butt nekked. I will be streakin' across the field with your ashes blowin' out over the star with security in tow, yellin' 'This is what she wanted!!'"

Sounds good to me!!!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Trixie's Toy

One day last week as I came thru the door Roy asked me, "Did you see the dog?'
"Yeah, Trixie walked up the path with me."
"Not her. The other one."
So looked out the back door and I didn't see anything.
He said, "Look in the dog house."
I went out and looked in the dog house to see a puppy! Roy had found him on the doorstep when he came home. Trixie put it in the dog house!
Neither of us are sure of where it came from. Whether someone put on the porch or if Trixie needed a pet so she stole it from one of the neighbors. As none of the neighbors have came around asking about it, someone must have left it up here. It is too small and young to have wonder up here by itself.
Roy has taken a liken to it and what's not to love. It looks like a pekingese. Not a good quality Peke but that is what he looks like. He wanted to call it Jesus...pronounced Hey Seus.
What??
I had to put my foot down to that. His name is Ralph.
"Why Ralph?
"Well he told me that was his name!! Geez did you hear him!"
"He told you??"
"Yep, he said rrrrrrowlfff!"
The neighbors have a deadline. If they have not come forward by Thursday to claim this pup it's mine.!

The Battle of the Wills

The Battle of the Wills Part 3
The first thing we did when we moved to the country was build a dog pen. Not one of those 4x4 pens but a 50'x150' pens.......a huge area for 5 dogs. They have a huge locust tree, an old Lilac bush, and an apple tree and lots room to run and dig. If there was a "jail break", Roy would go out and rack off a couple of rounds with the shotgun and they all would coming running back and cower in the dog houses......they hated the Shotgun!!
You say, "Why not let them roam? You are in the country."
I don't care for the neighbors dogs in my yard and eating the food I provide for my pets.......I don't think the neighbors would like it if my pets did that same thing. Besides, a roaming dog is destine for a short life.
I have a cute pix of me helping Roy with the fencing......I am curled up on a blanket napping!! But when the issues with photo album are resolved I will show......maybe.
Over the years, we have tried to have a yard dog. Several in fact, all met their demise on the road. Our best and favorite was Bruizer. He was about 2 foot tall at the top of his head and weighed in at 50 pounds...a fat dog!! He went everywhere with Roy. He laid under the truck so that when Roy went somewhere he would be ready to go.......Roy forgot about him and run over him once. It only scared us and just gave Bruizer a little "road rash" on his belly. He was not a destructive dog.....but he would steal veggies from the garden. He loved cantalopes!! And every toy we ever gave him, he hid. He would have been the best drug dog....he was very sharp. But he loved to be in the road. Roy would catch him out there and beat him all the way back to the house. I found him at the end of the driveway one day, where some one had placed him after running over him. We have never had a yard dog since live up to that dog.
Until now.........well, Trixie is messy. But she is a quick learner and has NEVER STEPPED IN THE ROAD ONCE!!
And becuz she is such a mess. Roy decided to take a defensive stance with her about the garden.
She has already showed us that she will dig in the flower bed. And that she will chew on EVERYTHING....you would not believe the things that dog has drug up into the yard!! She goes thru the neighbor's burn pile.
Roy is going to fence the garden. Instead of putting her in the dog pen he is going to build another "pen" for my garden and swimming pool.
So we go down to the local farm supply store and price fencing......that stuff ain't cheap!!
When Roy and I go "shopping" there isn't anyone else in the world. WE have our "blinders" on where every one else is concerned. Store employees have stupidly asked if we needed any help and we look at them like, where did he come from and say, "What do you think?" Or Say, "Yes, but I don't think you are in the right profession to do us any good." We bicker very publicly and only ask for help when we agree upon what it is we want..........generally this takes a long time!!! WE are still in debate about lighting for the kitchen after living in this house for 11 years!! After a 30 minute debate on which fencing and 2 Roy Hightower Caniptions, we loaded up our roll of fence and headed home.
He started working in the garden yesterday and Trixie would not leave him and the tiller alone. If He were to run over her or she bites at one of the tines and gets hurt, I will not be happy. So he had to play fetch with her and till at the same time!!!
He will not lose in the battle of wills with Trixie........but it is early yet. She is only 9 months old!!!

Monday, February 19, 2007

The Battle of the Wills

The Battle of the Wills Part 2
Some time last week as I was going to work I noticed cat tracks on the windshield. I tried to wash them off but was out of washer fluid. No biggie. When I take Mrs BullMoose to have her hair done I will so wash the car.
As I was going out to her house, I noticed these huge paw prints on the windshield. I couldn't see them before but the sunlight was just right and it really showed them off! Those are the biggest cat paws I have ever seen!! I have heard tales of the cougars in the area but they would eat my outside cats and Trixie..........HEY!!! Wait a minute!!
Now let me add in a small story right here:
When I went to work in the animal health industry, the vet neutered a goat. A pygmie goat intended to be a family pet. 6 months pass by and the family with the goat came in with a dog. I asked about the goat. The woman looked at the floor and the man piped up and said, "That goat got to tap dancing on the Cadillac. He had to go!!"
Roy's dog Jose' is Tap dancing on my car!!!!!!! That dumb dog!!!!! He has to go!!!!
Now it is personal!!!
One of our weekend projects was to build a gate for the carport so I could keep my dog Trixie.
I also bought a hog bat to whip his dumb dog with. It looks like a riding crop but shorter. It is red to match my car. That woman that gave birth to me used to carry one in her car and use it on her lesi lover's son.....he would act up and she would switch him without ever having to turn around. I am sooooo glad that when she was my mother, she didn't have one of those things!!!
For those of you not in the loop.......we only have one dog. You can be brought up to speed by reading The Battle of the Wills, the first one. I have no clue how to link it back.....so you are on your own!!

The Right Buttons!!

I didn't get flowers for Valentines Day!

Roy teased me for several days with stupid things....like he lost my flower money at the casino.....But bragged about how he won some money one day after work.
I replied, "Great now you can buy be flowers!"
He had the nerve to laugh out loud!!!

And when some man on the TV, convinced himself that he was unique....that he didn't buy his wife flowers when she EXPECTED THEM!!
Roy said he would follow suit.....right!

"Honey, when was the last time YOU bought me flowers?"
He thought long and hard.....That's right.....years have gone by.

I sent him to Walmart to buy me a concrete lion....and he comes back with flowers!
Shocked?
Yes I was!!
He had looked the lion over and thought it wasn't really what I wanted."It was all wrong."
I have one lion that it takes two big burley men to move....and I only have one of those!
And some days He is more that I can deal with...but I know what buttons to push!

So I didn't get flowers for Valentines Day.

And Maybe I pissed and moaned about it too much becuz he said, "Do you really need the flowers? After all that we have been thru, After 15 years together, you need the flowers?"

No, No. I kept my temper in check.

Without battin' an eyelash, "Do you really need the Blow Jobs?"


The Flowers came the next day!
1 dozen longstem red roses....Thank you Very much!

Scotty! Throw Up the Force Shield!!

Roy and I loaded up in the pickup and headed to Tulsa for the Hot Rod and Custom Car show. I couldn't believe it was $20 a person!! But we piss away more than that gamblin'!!
I picked out the car Edith Anne, my oldest daughter, was conceived in 1982.....'69 Camaro Z28!
He picked out the '69 Mustang that in 1976 he clocked at 80 and after he got his CopCar turned around it had "VAPORIZED"....his word!! And he was drivin' a Plymouth....one of the super fast ones...the one they still talk about. But the Mustang was gone!!!
I saw the Hemi Cuda I whipped up on......that was a beauty!! This one was green. The one I beat like a redheaded stepchild was yellow. You know you have them licked when you look in the rear view and black smoke is boilin' out of the other car!!! Yes!!!
Roy saw the Bikini Team.....and they might have been the same ones we saw a few years back....becuz they aren't holdin' up under the lights!! And all the pix he took are fuzzy....he hasn't quite got the hang of the digital camera....they were moving too quick....so the men couldn't see the wrinkles and fake hair. I saw them!! Roy never made it past the fake boobs.
You might be a RedNeck if you go to the Hot Rod and Custom Car Show to buy your intimate apparels!!! Right there with the car parts and knives!!
But the best part of the whole show was the Monster Trucks!! Oh the power!!! Over 1400 Horses push those machines......I love that sound!! The roar of the motor....the smell of the exhaust.....I just love it!!! They are awesome!!
So we trotted up the tip top of the bleachers for THE BEST SEAT.....about 2 hours before showtime. 30 minutes after I sat down and had my seat all warmed up some Dickhead came up there and sat on me!!!
Yep on me!!
Then he kinda scoots until he is next to me.....we are shoulder to shoulder....I can see his ear hair!!
My InnerBeing was freakin' its shit out!!!
I have boundaries!!!
I am not as free with my OuterBeing as some might think!
And when there is a violation of the OuterBeing the InnerBeing freaks smooth out!!
Scotty! Throw up the Force Shields!
There were plenty of empty seats and this Ass sits on me!!!
I could have move as he sat but I by God had staked my claim and I was not movin'!

You might not have realized this but I am a tad bit stubborn.

You know when you go the movies and you get there in plenty of time to get THE PERFECT SEAT.....in the back row, dead center. And for some reason everyone that comes in after you sits one seat away from you on both sides.....why do people do that?? And about 10 minutes before the movie starts, some bozo comes up and says "Could you scoot down a seat?"
What???
Fuck NO!!!
"I am saving this seat for my sister. She is in the bathroom puking up her nachos. Sorry!"

Or when you go down to stand on the sidewalk for THE BEST VIEW of the parade and someone either stands in front of you.....normally for me it's a child....like somehow becuz I am adult I have no right to watch the freakin' parade.....I might still want some candy thrown at me.....or some big fat adult pushes you gradually from THE BEST VIEW SPOT.....until I am 6 feet away from where I started........that really pisses me off!!

So here I am with all these empty seatis all around me and I have a man on me.
I look at Roy, "He sat on me!"
Roy is takin' all this way more calm than I am, he leans over and whispers, "Scoot over, here."
He casually stands up and stretches and moves over two feet....like nobody is suppose to notice!
I backed down.........and moved.......damn it!!

It ain't right!!

Or maybe I could look at it like this: Hey, I had a Cute guy sit on me...woohoo!!

They can't do that with the Bikini Team!!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Ever Have One of Those Days???


This a true account.
Not one of those emails that we all have read at least twice.....Once when we got it the first time............ and once when got it the 2nd time not remembering we had read it.......... and maybe a 3rd time becuz someone added pictures.......This is the real deal!
I have the scars to prove it!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time in a land not so far away, lived a man that thought he would never ever own a cat. But one day while camping a lump of fur in the shape of cat mosey'd into his campsite. Having such a warm heart to all creatures, he took pity upon the lump of fur shaped like a cat and took it to his favorite and very wise veterinarian....the one with the very beautiful vet assistant!
The KindHeartedMan dropped off the Lump O'Fur with the Beautiful VetAssistant and said. "Do what needs to be done."
She smiled ever so sweetly, "Sure thing!"
The WiseVet takes the Lump O'Fur out of the carrier and exclaimed in highly technical veterinary terms, "Holy Smokes! This cat is full of fleas!"
So with that diagnosis the WiseVet proceeds to pill the Lump O'Fur with a product that kills fleas. He takes ahold of the Lump O'Fur by the head and cocks its head back causing the mouth to open. He then throws the pill to the back of the throat and quickly shuts the mouth.....but not before the Lump O'Fur can spit the pill out.
The WiseVet turns to his Beautiful VetAssistant and says,"Grab on!"
Gripping the scruff of the Lump O'Fur with her left hand and steadyin' herself with her right, the Beautiful VetAssistant was ready. The WiseVet grabbed the head of the Lump O'Fur and cocked its head back causing the mouth to open. He then throws the pill to the back of the throat but before he could close the mouth, the Lump O'Fur thought he would like to close his own mouth. He did so, biting the slow but WiseVet on an open wound on his finger. He quickly releases the Lump O'Fur and clamps down the wound to put pressure on it to keep from losing any blood......Which brought on a cussin' fit like the Beautiful Vet Assistant is prone to do......It is called a Blue Streak!
And the pill was spit out on the table.
Rethinking the whole procedure, the WiseVet asked the Beautiful VetAssistant to hold the fronts legs also. So she grabs onto the scruff of the Lump O'Fur with her left hand and grips the legs with her right hand. The WiseVet grabs the head and cocks it back causing the mouth to open. He then throws the pill to the back of the throat and quickly closes the mouth.
The Lump O'Fur has had enough and contorts itself around until its back feet are on the arm of the Beautiful VetAssistant revealing its switchblades! The Lump O'Fur slashes the wrists of the Beautiful VetAssistant which brought a cussin' fit like she is prone to do. She quickly releases the Lump O'Fur and clamps down on her wrist to put pressure on the wound and not lose any blood.
And the pill was spit out on the table.
The WiseVet thought it was time to bring out the highly useful and very expensive piece of veterinary equipment to subdue the Lump O'Fur. "Go get a towel!"
So now the Beautiful VetAssistant has the Lump O'Fur wrapped in a towel and WiseVet grabs its head and cocks it back causing the mouth to open. He then throws the pill to the back of the throat and using syringe, he pushes the pill down and quickly closes the mouth.
We all breath a big sigh of relief as the pill was not spit out.
The KindHeartedMan came in later to check on the new addition to his family and consult with the WiseVet. He asked the Beautiful VetAssistant, "How's my Cat?"
She smiles ever so sweetly, hiding her wounds, at the KindHeartedMan that never thought he would ever own a cat, "He is doing just fine. We will draw blood from him later."And all is right with the world.
Just to let you know..........The Lump O'Fur turned out to be a beautiful and very loving Persian that someone had turned out. He was not harmed in anyway. He sat calmly on the table lickin' the blood off his claws. I am sure he was thinkin' of his next move while we went running for Band-Aids!

The Battle of the Wills

The Battle of the Wills Part 1
I was going to blog and bitch about something that could get me fired so I opt not to do that.......I think they read my emails as it is. Not that I care, they might learn a thing or two. But we won't go there.....
Roy and I see things differently....like
My dog is a female.
His dog is a male. And I quote, "Men should always male dogs." Let me just say, that it is getting neutered anyway so what is the difference!!
My dog is named Trixie, after the salon girl on Deadwood. I figured he would remember that. I hear it enough. "Trixie Get in Here.......and Bring the Bottle!"
His dog is named Jose', after the Bottle.....Mr Ceurvo, I thank you!!
My dog is smart. I taught her to fetch at a young age....12 weeks old and she was chasing after balls.
His dog is dumb. And know this becuz I hear that all the time......"You dumb Dog! Drop that!!"
His dog is so dumb that he followed me down the driveway once and I had to beat him all the way back up the hill until he was on the porch and the beating stopped. One bad habit stopped....ASAP!!
My dog is so smart that she knows the difference between leaving the house to go to work and just going out to start and warm up the car. That when I have my Red bag and keys in hand, fiddle with the door, she sits on her "box" until I leave. She always get a pat on the head and reassurance that she is a good girl.
WE only have ONE dog.
And the current moment she is winning the battle of wills.
Her doghouse is on the back porch. Upon it is perched a platform that the cats can get up on and eat their food in peace away from Trixie. But the problem is that Trixie loves to eat the cat food. Huge NO-NO!! So has she has grown and her little legs strengthen she has learned how to get up there.
So Roy raises her doghouse 4 inches.
And then it went to 6 inches.
And then it went to the width of a cinder block.
And then it went to the cinder block and a cap block which think is about 15. Which puts the platform a good 3 feet above the ground. He was so proud of hisself. He has outwitted her at last and the cats can eat in peace and the dog's not going to become sick from eating cat food.
Until last night.....He poked his head out to check on the backyard. He does this for no good reason but it is a man thing and I don't have to understand it. And there she was!!! She was so proud of herself!! She had out outwitted him and made it to the top of the platform.
When he gets a chance on the weekend he is going to raise it some more!!! He has not yet began to fight!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Queen O'AllThings

"PPPsssttt.....hey you. What are you in for?"
"I have a hurt leg. You?"
"I have been kidnapped and brought here to this horrible place! I am the Queen O'AllThings. I am a descendant of great Bengal Tigers. I saw that on the Discovery Channel."
"Tigers?? Hey, we may be related? My Name Is Tiger!"
"You Idiot!"
"No Tiger."
"I'm a HouseCat and I must break free from my captors. Will you come with me?"
"No Way! I am an Outdoor cat and I like it here. That VeryBeautifulBlonde gives me medicine and makes my leg feel better. She scratches my ears and I love that! I'm staying."
"You Idiot!"
"No Tiger. Do you have a hearing problem?"
"Ssssshhh....here she comes!"

The Queen O'AllThings was very scared and confused. What had she done to deserve such awful treatment.......To be taken out her home and cast amongst the Heathens that run amok outside.
She had not thrown up a hairball in days!!
She put up with That Dog.
She saw the suitcases.
She saw That Dog loaded up in the car.
She saw the carrier come out.....NOT THE CARRIER!!!
She was loaded into it and taken to stay at the CatJail while THOSE PEOPLE went on a vacation.
She didn't deserve this!

And now that VeryBeautifulBlonde was coming.
What is she up to the Queen thought. "I will act like the wild tiger that I know I am, scare that woman and she will not touch me. I will hiss and growl, she will run in fear of my mighty power! Wait!! What are you doing? Stop that!! Don't touch my ears.....ooooooooohhhhh that Idiot was right....oooooooo!! Wait, what am I thinking! Stop that!!"

"See it feels good!"
"Shut up you Idiot!"
"It's Tiger! Seriously, you should have your ears checked while you are here."

After 3 days in CatJail, the Queen thought out her plan. She would bolt like the tigers she had watched on the TV. She would have her freedom. It was a matter of finding the right time.
She told Tiger, "Today is the day I go. I must have my Freedom!"
"Good luck with that!"
"I will make That Woman think I love to have my ear scratched and leap at her. She will be overwhelmed by me and I will be free! You watch!"

As the VeryBeautifulBlonde reached in to pet the Queen, the Queen purred and arched her back and walked forward.
The VeryBeautifulBlonde grabbed the Queen by her collar!
This was not part of the plan!
She picked the Queen up!!
The Queen didn't know what to do, she felt helpless!! But she didn't let Tiger know she was scared.

"Bath??? NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!"


The VeryBeautifulBlonde put the Queen in the a bag to protect herself from the Queen's claws. The Queen was totally humiliated.

Oh the shame!!

"I will make my break right now!"
Out of the tub and onto the floor, the Queen was out of the bag!
She was in a room she was unfamiliar with, and she wasn't sure where to run.
"There is a door and it's open! Run like the tiger you are. That Woman can't catch me. Oh no, a hallway! Where? Where do I run? There I see it!! The sky!! I will jump over the desk and leap into my freedom! I will run free with the tigers!!! FREEDOM!!! What the hell??? A door???"

Crash!!!!

"That hurt!! Now I am trapped like a rat!! It is her or me! I will leap at her and rip her throat out. I am a Tiger! I am a Tiger!! Why is she not scared? Don't touch me!!!!"

"Give it it up KitKat! I always win."

"I will get even with THOSE PEOPLE!!!

The Ending...

I spent the morning taking apart my old space. I had to save all the post and that too some time to cut and paste everything!!
I like this better. I can use my pix and put them where I want. I can personalize my page the way I like it!
I don't have an ad flashing at the top......which probably why it took soooooo long to load!

Time to go for a blogwalk!!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day


RED-NECK VALENTINE'S LOVE POEM
Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky to have
a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man,
honey, these won't do.
Cause yo're too special, you
sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...


IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!

Blogthings

What happened in the year you were born??

In 1964,
Lyndon B. Johnson is president of the US
After riots break out, Panama suspends relations with the US.
Cassius Clay becomes heavyweight champion when Sonny Liston throws in the towel in the sixth round in Miami.
Near Anchorage, the strongest earthquake ever to strike North America kills 117
Worst soccer disaster in history occurs when rioting and panic kills over 300 in Liverpool
Hundreds of white college students work for civil rights in the south during "Freedom Summer"
South Africa sentences Nelson Mandela to life in prison
Kemeny and Kurtz create BASIC (Beginners' All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code), an easy to learn high level programming language
Nicolas Cage, Jeff Bezos, Rob Lowe, Elle Macpherson, Courteney Cox Arquette, and Keanu Reeves are born
St. Louis Cardinals win the World Series
Cleveland Browns win the NFL championship
Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup
"I Want to Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles released in the US, sparking Beatlemania
The Beatles appear on The Ed Sullivan Show, breaking television ratings records
The game show Jeopardy! debuts on television
Mary Poppins, starring Julie Andrews, is the top grossing film!

Go to Blogthing.com for cool stuff for your blogs!!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I Need a Money Tree!!!

Quick, call the TreeMan I need him bad!!!

Sit down.......this will be jolting!

I checked out VIP tickets....a 4 day pass 13th Row section B....$335.00 a piece!!!!!!!

When I went to see Ted Nugent I ponied up for the 7th row mid-section......perfect seats......Hell who sat down??? Well worth every penny!!!!

When I bought Roy the tickets to the Ultimate Fighting thing I got just as close to the action as possible....3rd row....in SweatSplashZone. Great for flying blood!!!

So naturally to go see Reba I want to have the best seats.....but come on!!!! $670!!!
I have a hole in my kitchen floor!!! Since back before Thanksgiving!!!!

Back in the summer the water filter thingy under the sink broke in the night and Roy woke up to several inches of water all over the kitchen......for the second time!!
Then some time in October during all the hubbub of deer hunting the floor give way...it was only particle board and it had sponged up all the water it could and was rotting away. Naturally, it was me that cause the floor to sink. The only thing holding it place and not having a hole to the ground was the crappy linoleum....which was put in the house in 1964!!!
And it's blue....dark blue....it's just gross.
There have been many debates about ripping it up but out of fear of what is under it, we didn't. And as our priorities are not the house, we didn't replace it. That and we can't agree on what to put in its place....one of many debates about the house.
I thought it would distract the MightyHunter.....no....nothing distracted the MightyHunter...I hear that hunting is better than sex.....I don't get it.
Men!!!
While he was distracted with hunting, my wild hair started itchin'! I ripped that shitty flooring up and threw it out in the back yard!
I found several pecans that cats had played with and one dead lizard.....he too has probably been there since 1964!!
Roy was not thrilled but not mad. He now knows what he was dealing with.....he already knows about me.....but the whole floor would have to be replaced.
After Hunting!!
A few days before Thanksgiving, I came home from work, all excited with all kinds of news to tell Roy. I came into the house in a flurry and walked quickly to the counter to put my purse and things down when......CRASH!!!!
I went thru the floor......all the way to the ground.
Now there is a BigAss hole....about the size of basketball!!
Roy was right there to pull me up and checked me over....nothing but a scrape on my knee. He then went to put a band aid on the hole.....and that is how it has been since!

I still need the hole fixed. And I can't see paying $670 for VIP passes when I need a new floor in the kitchen!
My Rational adult voice is screaming at me not to do it....FIX THE FLOOR!!!

General Admission tickets are $45.....I have to sit in the sun all day and Reba doesn't take the stage until 10:30 pm.......just to get a good seat!
I think I can swing that!

Monday, February 12, 2007

The 411!!

Attention!! Attention Class!!
There may be a quiz afterwards!!

I am just full of information today.

The Who is making a stop in Little Rock!!! March 22!!!!

Roy and I was just talking about it this am. He didn't see the point. "They are old."
You're old but I don't throw you out!!
What a weirdo!!

The Daryl Starbird Car show is this weekend in Tulsa!!!
BE THERE!!!
I have a pretty good chance of talkin' him into this! Monster trucks, custom cars, motorcycles and maybe some girls in bikinis....one year the Texas Bikini Team was there....He just might go for that!!

Reba is coming to CountryFest in June!!! CountryFest is a 4 day outdoor concert in Pryor, Oklahoma.
I was lookin' up the concert schedule for Big and Rich...they are gonna be there Friday night. And I saw that Reba was comin' for Saturday!!!!
Now I'm perplexed!!! Which day do I go?????

Last year when I look up the CountryFest schedule, Carrie Underwood was on the schedule. I asked Roy if he wanted to go, "No, I don't want to do that."
UGH!!!
I didn't press him becuz I was gettin' to go see Skynyrd, Big and Rich, 38 Special and Uncle Ted!!

But.....and this a huge but!!!!

We went out to eat with the Deacon and his Wife after a funeral of a friend of ours. We had a pleasant time! We chatter about everything pertaining to COPS....There was 3 at the table. War stories and things that were gonna happen in the future.
Time to leave, Roy paid for everyone's meal. And we parted ways.
A few days later, I received an email from the Deacon'sWife, "Guess What we did?"
Come on Guess!!!!
Yep!!! They went to see Carrie Underwood at CountryFest!!! Not one word was said at supper!
But that is not the kick in the ass!!
There were pictures!!!
Not just any pictures taken from 70 feet away!!
But there was the Deacon and his Wife standin' next to Lil' CarrieOkie!!!!!
I shit you not!!!!!
They didn't say one word at supper!!!!!!
I growled at Roy for days over that one!!! If he would have said yes, I would have said something to them about going....I invited them to go with us to see Big and Rich.....I am that kind of gal....a great one.....the more the merrier.....and they would have said "Really Us too!" And I could have had met Lil' CarrieOkie!!

But NO!

My mother went to see Ronnie Milsap at the Mabee Center in Tulsa in the '80's. She came home loaded with information.
"Guess who opened up for Ronnie Milsap?"
"Mom, If ain't Ac/Dc, I don't have a clue!"
"Charlie Battle's wife!"
"The lady from the school cafeteria?"
"No! That is his first wife."
Charlie Battles to my mother is like Brad Pitt to me! He was some sort of champion rodeo guy from her home town....I can't remember is it was bulldoggin' or ropin'.......That is the big time for a small town girl!!
"So Lance and Cody's stepmom opened for Milsap? Good luck with that."

I was a dumb girl that didn't know beyond my own little world...who knew?
Did Reba ever make the best of that!!!
She divorced Charlie and moved on to become a legend!!
I have been so close to greatness all my life and just didn't know it, nor did I see it comin'!!

Will we be goin' to CountryFest this year?? You can bet your SweetAss we will!!

Friday, February 09, 2007

A Smatterin' of Crap.....



Happpppy Birth-day tooo you!
Envision breathlessness.....I am quite good at that......Happy Birthday, Mr Presidennnnnnt!!!!!!

Let the Pigeons Fly!!!!!


Bifocals: I hate them!!
I can work okay with them but drivin'!!
Whole other story!!!
Apparently, I raise my chin when I drive....so I can't see clearly through the glasses!! Very aggravatin'!!
Roy said, "Of Course, you drive with your chin in the air!! You have to be able to see over the steering wheel!"

No!! No Ladies! He is all mine!!

RoadTrip: On the Road again!!
We are hittin' the road this weekend. CabinFever has the best of me and I have to get out!!!
No Football!! So we are outta here.
And after that comment about my tallness or lack there of.....the romance???
Well, we shall see.....yeah, I okay I need it too. I'm gonna get laid!!!

Emails: I received several emails this week but one stands out.
One from Deacon's Wife......It's not that funny but when you take into consideration who sent it....it's funny!
A man walks into his shrink's office wearing nothing but SaranWrap for underwear and the Shrink says, "Clearly I can see your nuts."

Again.......another soul I have corrupted.

And you ask, "How do I know the Deacon and his Wife?"
I wasn't always so hedonistic!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Now Listen to Aunty Nadine....


Once there was an article in the paper......stated that people without children are less depressed.........well duh!!
Yeah, they are born and all is well and they are so cute but they grow up!!
And the heartache they create and live thru is the WORST!!!
Bring on the Prozac!!!

Also the in the paper was a list of gifts your Valentine will love....I don't think so!!
Let's go down the list, shall we....

Movie night:
They: Rent romantic movies, make popcorn, and cuddle.
Me: If you don't own your on porn....rent the Playboy Channel for the evening and let's get this party started!!

Let it ride:
They: Carriage ride or rent a limo
Me: I agree......rent the limo! As we all know it is big enough to have sex in..........that IS what we are after anyway!!

It's the rub:
They: Give an one hour massage.
Me: Oh, Please!!! There is no way I am giving a one hour massage!!
And there has been many attempts at getting a one hour massage for myself but once the oil goes on my butt..........the massage is over!!
Hello, Elvis!! Pay for someone else to give a couples massage....it is a win-win situation!!

Whatevergram:
They: Send candy, flowers, or a singing telegram.
Me: Send a Stripper to me, Baby!!
And the benefits afterwards......again a win-win situation!!
And I had no idea that when your lover sent you flowers that you weren't supposed to take them home?!! They are sent to the office or your place of business not becuz you deserve the flowers, but for someone, it's to mark his territory!!
I was stunned to learn that fact!!
Who knew??

Show it:
They: Find good prices on last minute deals on shows, concerts or a mini-get-away.
Me: This has merits!
I, in fact, did this sort of thing for my love. I bought him tickets to the Ulitimate Fighting thingy....third row!! The ring judge sat right in front of us and blocked our view......and the loudest heckler in the joint sat behind us....Roy does not want to do that again!!

Write it down:
They: Write a song or a poem.
Me: That will not work unless your love has a flair for it......Once when I received flowers the card said, and I quote, "I think you are neater than shit!"
Granted, I will never forget those romantic words.
But to be compared to shit.........Well, one would hope that she would aspire to be neater that shit.
Aaahhh Thank you my Love, how sweet!

Make the call:
They: Telephone the radio station and request "your Song".
Me: This has merits too.
But I used to get just the phone calls..........a cool song comes on the radio and with the techinology of cell phones I got to hear the song my mate has chosen for me....."To be with You", Mr Big.....complete with the hum.
It has to have the hum!!!

Cut Coupons:
They: Make some sort of coupon book for the lover.
Me: YEAH, RIGHT!!!
So dumb!!
Now this an appropriate thing for a child to do for the mother on Mother's day.

Picnic pick:
They: Weather permitting, a picnic.
Me: YES!!
In a nice secluded spot for some outdoor loving!!!
Plan "B" If the limo thing fell thru!!!

Hide N Seek:
They: Leave Love notes around the house for your love to find.
Me: This might work in other folks' homes but in this house that would be a NO.
He can't find a Harley shirt alone, there is no way he will find a love note!!
And if he did, then the hunt for his glasses is on..........best note is the one left on the bathroom mirror in lipstick!!

Now go out and do the right thing......diamonds and sex!!!
That is what is wanted and it goes along way!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

No Strings!!


The phone is ringing again!
I wonder if it is the girls with a Dorito Emergency. It's only 2:30....can't be.
I'll bet it's my stalker.
He comes in here 3 times a day...once after I get to work....sometime in the middle of the shift....and one last time before I go home. I only work 4 hours!
He plays me music over the phone...Bad Moon on the Rise.....Secret Agent Man....and his favorite, "Robbin' people with a six gun, I fought the law and the law won."
He has a crush on me.
I knew it the first day he walked into my store. I made him nervous.
I made a grown man with a gun on his hip, NERVOUS! ME!!
He knocked over a display rack becuz I touched his hand. Geez!!
And he loves my short skirts.
He watches me stick the tanks.
He watches me restock the cooler.
But he really loves holding the ladder when I change the gas prices.
"What are you doing up there?" he said.
"What does it look like I'm doin'?"....Idiot! He loves to give me grief!
"You are going to cause a wreck! You know you are showing your panties to the people that drive by."
"What color are they?"
All nervous and blushing, he said, "I can't tell, all I see is butt cheeks."
"Okay then if you can't see the panties, there is no problem. Why do you care? Are you afraid you will lose your place in line?"
Blushing with a goofy grin, "I have a place in line? Let me help you down."
And he loves beyond all things, is to argue with me!
I don't understand that! We have debated about everything from Onside kicking to VietnamVets vs DesertStorm Heros.
The man is impossible!
He loves to make me mad!
He came in all pissy once becuz he couldn't wash his windshield becuz there wasn't any water in the squeegie thingy.
Ticked me off....he made such a big deal of it.....with all those people standin' around!
I grabbed up a bucket of water and trotted my HappyAss right out there.
He was sittin' in his CopCar with that StupidAss grin on his face. I'll bet he is thrilled to be near me!
I stopped at the front of his car and reared back with that bucket of water and threw it all over his windshield!
Take that!
"You're welcome!" I said as I turned on my heal and marched back inside.
He just sat there like what the hell just happened!
And then he started laughing!!
He apologized later and confessed, "You're so cute when you stomp your feet when you're mad."
Idiot!
The phone is still ringing. This has gone on for 6 months....It's gotta be him?
What song will he play for me today?
All he said was, "Meet me."


I wasn't outta the car 3 seconds when he leaned down to kiss me.
OH MY GOD!!
That kiss went all the way to my toes!!
I had my hands on his belly.....as a solid as a rock!!
He backed up and shivered and shook his leg...he felt it too. "Wooooh! I have wanted to do that for so long!"
I smiled, "I'm glad I can do that for you."
He leaned down again and this kiss went for my groin.....and it felt good!
I pushed him back. "I'm married and I'm miserable."
He replied, "I'm married and I don't want a divorce."
To make myself perfectly clear, "No strings! This is just for Shiggles and Git!"
He smiled, "Shiggles and Git!"


That was 15 years ago.......Roy and I have not been apart since!

With Respect...

Okay.....so this one time Roy and I attended a funeral for a friend and partner of Roy's. He died at relative young age, 62 I think, with cancer. So sad.....
As he was a retired cop, he received the full treatment! The honor guard and the Chief was in attendance with a few of the other "Brass". Roy and I sat right behind the Chief. Roy still carries a deep respect and fear of the Chief.
I do not.
The cops have two uniforms, one for summer and one for winter. The winter one is what is important to this tale. It is long sleeve and they have to wear a tie along with a black patent leather strap the goes from one hip in the front and over the opposite shoulder to the hip in the back.......I leaned over to Roy and ask, "Honey, What is that black strap thingy they have on, is that for formal affairs?"
I said it loud enough for the row in front of us could hear this. I know this becuz a woman turns around and tells me what it is.......Roy leans over ever so slowly so as one can't see him move......a skill he learned in Marine Corps boot camp......and thru gritted teeth ever so quietly, he says, "SSSSShhhhh."
I didn't even look at him!!
I could see he was RED!!
But I made my point!!
You see, Roy NEVER WORE the "DRUNK STRAP"......and that was a HUGE DEAL....It's Called a drunk strap becuz when a drunk has you by the strap, he is in control!!
I knew full well what I was doing!!
But what goes around comes around........
This funeral lasted 2 hours. And I sat there stock still and not fidgeting like a small child. I was not going to bring any further shame to Roy.
2 friggin' hours!!!
Now people, when you die, make arrangements ahead of time to have someone that knows you or someone that can maintain composure during the eulogy. The man doing this funeral didn't know the deceased man at all. And the one that did just cried the whole way thru.....I couldn't do it for a close friend either, I am just too emotional!! But I swear to you that I thought that minster was going to have an alter call!!! It was getting pretty preachy!! I had a cousin once do his own father's eulogy and he did a great job. Retold stories and we laughed and celebrated his life at the passing of my great uncle.....in a grand way.
So back the cop funeral......I am sitting there fretting about the viewing of the body.
I don't do the "view".
When my Dad died, I went runnin' from the chapel and hid in the bathroom.....that was not my daddy!! He had rosy cheeks and dark red hair......the person in that casket was not my daddy! I haven't viewed a body since.
I am worried about this cop.....and I don't want to embarrass Roy any further so I am not sure what to do. I could do like normal and step out the back when everyone rises but we are in the 3rd row. I reasoned it out that I don't really know this man and it will be okay to "View" the body and move along. I can always close my eyes and it will look like a prayer.
YEAH that's the ticket!!
So our row rises and I take 3 steps and I stumble.
Hey!!!
My foot doesn't feel asleep. So it must not be.
I am walking slower than normal becuz Roy has only been out of his cast on his leg for a week so he limps and is VERY SLOOOW.
I take 3 more steps and over she goes.....NOW....I am in the middle of the aisle.....all eyes are on me.....Roy gives me this look of "What the Hell are you doing?" and I shrug back, " I have no idea!"
I wait for him to catch up and let him go in front of me.
Two Reasons....he can't see me!
And I can walk slower and give my foot time to wake up!!!!
3 more steps and I stumble again...........Then It hits me......"OH GOD NO!!! Don't let me fall in the casket!"

So I really am praying as I approach the casket and chanting, "Please don't let me fall!"
Quick look and out the door of the chapel!!
Only to be met by Roy.....he was not laughing!! "What Shoes do you have on? Can't you walk right in one inch heels? All MY people will be wondering who the drunk woman was that I brought to the funeral!!"
and what was most important to this man was...."Thank God the Chief wasn't in the room!!"

We laugh about it now.

I Won't Get Fooled Again....

So what is it with CSI Miami???
Why take out Eric??
Why not Wolffe?
He is about as colorful as a hound on a porch.....he just sorta lies there and over acts when a stranger pulls up and then lays back down again.....The boy can't act!
It is so campy!
Or that one chick that slept with Eric and thought she was preggers....the one that had the hubby that was killed....the one that had the sister kidnapped. She is always a victim. She can't act either!
But no!
They take out Caine's wife....wasn't she hot!
They take out Speed! I just really like the way he rolled his eyes!
And now they toy with us over Eric!!

Monday, February 05, 2007

SuperBowl and the Purple Rain

Let's start at the beginning...the Pregame Show.
"What Bullshit???"
That is what kept coming out of Roy's mouth! He was embarrassed that millions of people around the world was watching it!!
"THAT is the Best they can come up with??"

At least Billy Joel say the National Anthem right!! Doesn't it just drive you crazy when someone butchers that song!! It should be sang with reverence. Tears should come to your eyes not grab your ears and go screaming from the room!!

And what a great start to the game!! A touchdown in the first 14 seconds!!!!
It really was a great game. And I really thought that the Bears would blitz the hell outta Manning.....but nope!!

The Halftime show was not great! Not at all what I expected from the Purple One!!
First off, TEAL and Orange???
Does that mean he is a Dolphins Fan??
Did he not know who was playing??
I didn't need those women that ran all over the Symbol Formerly Know as Prince.
How did they keep their hair dry??
I kept waiting for a Warerobe Malfunction and his butt cheeks to pop out of his pants!!!
Oh NO Let's Go!!! CRRRRAAAAZZZYYY!!!

Two things I do not need: A recap of what just happened in the game by MrSharpe and MrBoomer.....Marino, Okay but Those other two.....Give them the AXE!!!

And a hokey halftime show!! I don't want people dropped in by helicopter. I don't need Mick and Stones, Prince, or Janet Jackson's Pierced Boob....it was a great piece of jewerly she "Accidently" let pop out!!!
It is a football game....I want a marching band!!!

And I thought that the ads sucked! I liked the Snickers Kiss!! And the Careerbuilders ads, even liked the Chevy ad with all the people singing about their Chevy....But all in all they weren't great!
And finally...where was the proposal??? Did I miss it???

Added Note: The Proposal was not shown......Bat Rastards didn't show it!!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Well Poop My Pants!!


There was a great comotion out on the back porch!
Two kittens came running from the kitchen with tails fuzzed out to the max!!
For those without cats it means their tails are 100 times bigger than normal....they look like those Halloween cats that people tape up on their doors....their bodies are humped up and the tails are straight in the air.
These two ran into the living room and stood behind me....I am the MommaCat! They looked back into the kitchen from behind my legs and then would look up to me as if to say, "Momma, There is something out there. Fix it!!"
Then one of the older cats went running thru the house....a rare thing....they are normally more laid back about things....except for CatNascar.....this cat ran all the way into the other room and stopped. He was 100 time his normal size. He looked back towards the kitchen and then to me as if to say, "There is something out there, Mom! Fix it!"

I looked at Roy, "Honey, Something is out there! You need to fix it!"
He, of course, was not excited one bit!
So I had to handle it.
One of our ExCats came back to eat and the OutdoorCats took exception to that!! Stubby had all the cats hissin', spittin', and swattin'....the HSSMove!
I see it quite a lot!
He had been run off by them once before and he went to live at one of the neighbor's homes. He is a great cat but just can't stand mine!
Anyway he was out on the back porch eatin' and all the growlin' that goes with HSSMove scared the HouseCats....naturally!

So all was back to normal until I started to smell something very gross!
"Honey, do you smell that? It smell like someone pooped their pants!!"
"Yea, I smell it. Did you?"
"Right! I would do that!?"
Then I saw what it was....The older cat that ran last was in front of the woodstove lickin' his ass!
I knew exactly what happened! He had been scared from the litterbox in the middle of his poop!!
"Honey, Do you want to hold him or lift the tail for clean up?"

Welcome to Nadine's CatHouse!!
Always a Blowout!

GroundHog Day!!

They say we're young and we don't know
We won't find out until we grow.
Well I don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got me, and baby I got you!

Woo Hoo!! Big Weekend for Football!!!

I am pullin' for the Colts....Mr Urlacher, be kind to Peyton!! I bet he gets him at least 4 times!!
You wait, it will be a game of field goals.
Becuz the Bears defense will not let Peyton move the ball.
And the weak QB for the Bears can't move the ball.....period!
And seriously, all the hype made about that man that is goin' to propose....Geez!!
Is this chick on another planet??
The dude has been on every news outlet and every one is talkin' about him, Don't you think she would figure it all out???
Do you think that by only showing his back she wouldn't know him???
Geez, I would!!!
When the Murrah building was bombed, Roy was in OKC in some sort of class for of all things, major incidents! He had to stay in the City for 3 days working security. Me and the girls were glued to the TV hopin' to catch a glimps of him.
Edith Anne jumped up right quick and screamed, "Right there!! That one!! That's him!! I know that's him, look at the way he stands and kicks his toe!"
Yeah Okay!!!
Whether it was him or not we will always believe it was.
So don't you think if the ProposalDude is wearin' the sweater his sweety gave him for Christmas, she will recognize him, if a 12 year old can pick out her stepdad in a bunch of cops in the distance????

Anyway....Enjoy the game!

I got you, Babe!

Don't drive angry!!!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

So Spoiled!!


My husband carries me around on a pink satin goose down pillow. Some days he just does it and some days I have to stomp my foot and pout.

Like yesterday, 8:00 I called him, "Are you going to come over and take me lunch?'
He replies, "I doubt it. I have loads of things to do."

9:00: He calls me. "Hey Babe, what time is lunch?"
Cool!!
I wonder what happened to the "loads of things" he had to do?
"How about 1:30?"
"I will be there!"

10:00: The BossMan calls to ask when his first appointment will be.....shit, shit, shit!
I hate that!!
That means he won't show up until that first appointment. No matter if it is 1:15 or 3:00....he won't show up until then.....ticks me off!!!
I called Roy. "The BossMan isn't coming on time so I have to cancel our lunch date! If you want to come over earlier and go get something we can eat here at the office."
"I don't want to do that."
What??
10:45: "Are you comin' over? I am hungry and if you aren't comin' I will heat up what I brought."
Yes, I brought lunch!
He is sitting at home doing nothin' he could drive all the way over and bring me lunch!! I don't think that the 13 mile drive is askin' too much!!
"You are so pushy! I will be over later."
Here's where I stomp my foot and pout....."Hurry, I am hungry!"
He brought a sandwich at 12:15!

And sand for my car.....one of those 80 pound rolls.....it has been snowing since 9:00....and I have to drive home....I am so nervous about that. I put on a brave face but I don't think I fooled him! He gave the Snow and Ice Speech again....I think I have it memorized by now....I get it everytime it snows....come to think of it I get it when it rains too.

He calls at 3:45, "You going to get to leave early?"
"I'm not sure. We still have things to do here."
"Do you want me to come and get you?"
Hell Yes!!!!
Don't make me stomp my foot....again!!!
But I have to suck it up!
Deep Breath!!
"No, I can do it. You don't really want to leave the car here, do you?"
"No." And I get the short version of the Snow and Ice speech.
"Don't drive too fast. Don't put on lip gloss. Don't drink while you drive. And keep both hands on the wheel."
Roger That!!
One cop on TV told the ReporterChick that it was best to take your hands off the wheel.....He had a Kaniption!!
He turned to me, "DON'T EVER TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF THE WHEEL!"
Like I would do that!! Geez!!
At 4:55, He shows up at work. He drove 13 miles in the deep snow on slick roads....he is a professional....to clean my car off and escort me home!!!

At 5:15....One last Snow and Ice PepTalk, "This is not a race!! Start out slow and DO NOT DRIVE OVER 45! No Lip gloss and no pop!"

I pulled safely in my driveway at 5:50!!
I received an A +!!
Woo Hoo!!! My pink satin goose down pillow is a bit worn but I don't mind it one bit!