for 9 days into retirement, not bad for me!
My last walk with the dogs was way more pleasant.
Only one BooBoo on Ralph's part and after that...it was all gravy!
I put his harness on him and started off with him on my left and Trixie on my right...all is good. Trixie for some odd reason either saw something or smelled something and took off like a striped ass ape....hhhmmm.....I've always wonder about that!
Is a striped ass ape fast?
How do we know that?
And are there really striped ass apes??
I've seen the red assed ones but striped??? No!
Anyway, Trixie took off under the fence like a shot! Ralph said, "Holy Batshit! I've got to go too!" And took off!!
I have a retractable leash...it has a button that works like a brake.....sorta! It was stripin' gear as he ran off.
Well, I'm a professional dog walker. I know the tricks! I figured out real fast how to stop a dog after being pull down by a 150# Rottweiler!
So sit up straight Class and learn from me....it may come it handy in the future!
You have to plant your feet and lean all your weight into one hip and hold the handle of the lead into chest with both hands.....and wait......when that dog hits the end he stops....no matter what size you are!!
And I am not lettin' no 12# little shit pull me into a barbed wire fence!!!
When Ralph hit the end of the leash, he dropped like a sack of tators and did that Crocodile Death Roll....I just reeled him!!
He sat down by my feet and looked up at me like, "Oh, Just Kill Me!"
Keep it up Mister And I'll Grant Your Wish!!
I yelled for Trixie and we finished our walk!!
Then the Thrill of all Thrills....I weighed in!!
I stepped on the scales and it said.....like I'm gonna say!!! It flashed at me the best possible of all weights....I lost 10 pounds!!!
Oh Happy Day!!
This calls for a treat!!!
Do the Happy Dance!!!
Wait a minute.....it's only been a week!
I haven't really "dieted" and my jeans do not feel as if I've lost 10 pounds.
But it just kept flashin' at me......You Lost 10 Pounds......NO FUCKIN' WAY!!
So I pulled the scales out to make sure they weren't catchin' on anything....and weighed again.
Okay, That's more like it!
Only 1 pound!
Damn, if all I had to do is walk the dogs and do yoga with the cats....I'd been doin' that all along!