Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Just the Jist....

The Tropical storm Noel screwed up most of our trip but we made the best of it. We didn't actually get in it, but it stirred up the whole Gulf!!
Rough seas and high winds caused many shore excursions to be cancelled.
Roy was soooo "upset" that he didn't get to go parasailing...."I'm so mad about that! Aren't you pissed off? "
I told him to stop doing the Happy Dance!!
"Do you realize how high 400 feet is?!!?!!?" He had been trying to talk me outta that ever since I mentioned it!
We went to Jamaica....we can cross that off the list! Not too thrilled by it.
We both were frisked by Customs to get back on the ship. I had to turn my pockets out to reveal my sea shells.
Roy was....what's the best way of putting this....hhmm....let me describe it.
As we both stood there spread eagle side by side, I was watching his CustomsChick pat him down. She reached out and grabbed his manhood!!
He blushed!!
He looked at me like, "Did you see that?"
I looked at him like, "What the Hell?"
And then she did it again!!!
She honked his goose again!!!!
I wonder what she looking for! Maybe Elvis needed to be frisked too?????
I have to turn out my pockets and he gets groped!!!
We laughed all the way back to the ship.
We were totally screwed at Grand Cayman because the ship didn't weigh anchor in the right port!
And I didn't get to parasail!
And NO shopping!!!!!!!! I was sitted in the back of the van and nobody else wanted to go shopping.....everyone would have had to unass the van to let me out!!
I was very pissed when I saw all those women with their fake Louis Vuittons bags....That tote should have been mine!!!
The ship had Fendi and Gucci advertised on their marque but only had Guess in the store!!
I can get that at Stage!!!
I would really love to go back! The water was beautiful!
I did go to Hell.....you know me. I sent a postcard to the clinic but I have yet to see it.
Then we went to Cozumel....the best for last!!!
I found Tequila Heaven!!!
And they gave out free samples!!!
The great fun of Cozumel was the OpenBar on PassionIsland!
I had 4 shots of tequila and 4 coronas.
Roy had 1 Margarita, 4 shots of Tequila and I think...but I'm not sure.....7 Tequila Sunrises!!!!!!!!!
He was so trashed!
It was all I could do to get him on the ferry......and he just kept talking.
He sorta floated over the dock to the bus and that's where his memory of the whole thing gets fuzzy.
We both had to pee after the bus ride....so I pointed him in the right direction and went my own way....he was waiting for me in the hallway so all was good. I really didn't want to have to go in after him!
We staggered our way past a statue of Poncho Villa...that was actually a man.....that toyed with the drunk man!!!
I wanted a souvenir so I sat Roy down at a table and took his wallet.....so nobody else would and laid his head on his bag.....and that's how I found him!!!
But he wouldn't get up!!
Poncho Villa came to the rescue and helped me get him up!!!
And the whole time Roy was just laughing his ass off!!!
So we head back to the ship and across the pier....we were weaving so badly...he was heavy....that a couple of women came up behind me and locked arms with me.
I was so relieved!!
I said, "Thank you so much! If you would get on the other side of him and counter balance us, we can get him back to the ship."

She just stayed with me!!!!!

She just chattered away with me like I was the problem person here!!! "No, it's not me!! Grab him!"
The more I pleaded my case the less she believed he was the problem....I just cracked up!!
I couldn't help but laugh!!!
When I sent him up the gangway.....they realized that HE WAS ONE!!!
It took all three of us to get him to the elevator and I just pushed him up against the wall and held him there.....so he wouldn't fall over...all the while he was laughing like a fool!!!!
Oh and let's not forget that we were on AGayPrideCruise!!!
In my tiny little world, I don't see that sorta thing!!
It was said more than once, "Holy Shit, Roy!!! Did you see that?"
Nothing stops my DumbOkieAss in it's tracks faster than two men dress as butterflies....complete with purple velvet thong and high heels!!

I only wish I had had my camera for that.....okay maybe not!!


And now to get ready for Hawaii!!
It will be a no booze and no cussing cruise!!
Holy Shit! I need a drink!!

6 comments:

jeankfl said...

Well, sounds like fun... Sorry you didn't get to do some things. We loved Jamaica!! We did the Dunn's river Falls.. and had a blast. But, it sounds like quite a cruise!LOL Can't wait to hear more..
hugs,
Jean

Proto said...

Holy shit is right.
A lot of memories there.

Gina said...

hahaha, sounds like an absolute blast! I tried the link you sent me, btw, but it wouldn't work. I'll keep trying. Glad to have your okieass back!

MizAngie said...

Leave it to you to book yourself on a gay pride cruise. Ha!! The customs girl must have been happy to honk someone's goose who might actually enjoy it!

Still can't see the damn pix!

Sherrie said...

Not once but TWICE???? And to think she gets paid to grope handsome men.......gotta find me a job like that!

I'm glad you're back, but wishing I could head to hawaii with you.

~hugs~

Grandmother Witch said...

I've never heard of a dry cruise. Hell, what's Hawaii without all the exotic drinks with umbrellas? How the hell did you get Roy on a second cruise? And you quit your job. Hat's off to Roy.