Friday, November 30, 2007

The Exercise Program....

is killin' me!! I hurt all over....I hurt in places I have forgot all about!!

Wait, we're not on the same page....yet!

With winter starin' me in the face...and I'm thrilled about cold wind...which we had yesterday....I thought I would start doin' yoga.

Get in tuned with my mind, body, and soul....become one with the earth.....huge belly laugh...shit that hurts!!

I thought I could walk three days a week....I don't want to over do it.
And two days a week, I would do the yoga.....any more than that I wouldn't be able to sit up right and turn my's stiff today!

So on yoga day, I spread my blanket out on the floor and the cats came runnin'!

"Oh cool look at what Mom's doin' for US!!"

It was George's throw! He loves a certain throw....a tiger print faux fur throw.
And Jax loves it too.

I put the DVD in and waited for the yoga experience to start.....with George on my right and Jax on the left...I can't do anything without Jax.....and Scooter behind me. What could be more peaceful than to be surrounded by purrin' cats??
Right in the middle of the breathin' lessons George started growlin' at Jax....that really messes with my inner peace!
And during the whole "tipped over boat" pose or some crap, George jumped over me and slapped the Cat Spit outta Jax....totally unprovoked!

I guess George isn't into yoga!! All that peace and tranquility is just too much for some!George Herbert Walker Hightower

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Tingly Foot Story...

Yes, there's a story about the Tingly feelin' in my foot. Erika, I don't doubt that there needs to be stretchin'....lots of stretchin'.....before I start walkin' but my foot has a problem.

Many years ago I worked at a convenience's where I got Roy....Click Here. It's a fairly easy job....if you overlook the armed robberies....I didn't have to worry about that. It was like I had my own private security many cops came and went.

Anyway, one of my jobs was to stock the, pop and Gatorade was the biggest sellers. One day while stockin' pop, I picked up a 6 pack and 2 bottles dropped out of the holder. I didn't want the bottles to break so I stuck my foot out for the bottles to drop on.....that first one hit my ankle just right that it caused a huge goose egg to instantly rise....the second bottle hit the first one and shattered......I just stood there in the pop and broken glass for a few seconds...thinkin' about what to do next.

Shit!! Go get the mop!!

Here's where it got all wonky.....I couldn't move my left foot!

It was like it was glued to the floor! I could not pick it my brain couldn't make the foot move. I twisted so that I could pull it...and the knot broke open...and blood started seepin' on my socks.....I could drag the foot so I drug it out of the cooler.

By now people are startin' to realize that I have a problem. Roy was called.....he and I were each other.....and I was taken to the ER. They...nurses and the doctors.... let me lay on the gurney in the ER for 20-30 minutes......they didn't know what to do with me.....Roy was standin' there in uniform and they thought he was takin' a "statement" from me.....seriously!!

I might not have been in a lot of pain but I was not happy!! That was when Roy started tellin' me to calm down.....and to this day.....he still does!!

Then some dumb doctor couldn't see anything wrong with it...nothing showed up on an x-ray.... so there wasn't anything done to it other than 3 stitches.....without anything to deaden it. I couldn't feel anything or move it so she didn't see the need to deaden it!!!

I felt every poke of that needle!!!

Bitch!! Don't make me get the Flyin' Monkeys!!

She said, "Haven't you had children?"

"They didn't come from my ankle! And THEY GAVE DRUGS!!!"

"Baby, Calm down!"

No pain killers, no physical therapy.....NOTHING!! Some how I had damaged a tendon and a hittin' an elbow but worse!

I walked for a week backwards...draggin' it!

So I have a slight limp. It's barely noticable until I walk a lot and the foot gets tired or wear flip flops....they don't make that classic's more like slap flop.

There's a tiny....wincy....scar right in the L of my ankle. If I put my feet together on the floor and tap my feet.....only the right one taps.

And there you have the Tingly Foot Story!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

What To Do Now?

Now, Roy is concerned that all I'll do is sit around watchin' TV and eatin' chocolate bonbons....I will!
But I'll pace myself!!

I thought I would start......and this hurts me as much as it does you.....I hate to say it...or type it rather....exercisin'!!
I'm dizzy now.....let me sit down....

Freak me out!!! I don't know what the hell I did but I posted without.....shit I don't know......see!!

The thought of exercisin' just make me crazy! Or No More Cats On The PC!!

Part of my Exercisin' Program involves walkin'.....start small.....really small. I thought I would just walk a couple miles with the dogs. I bought Ralph a leash and halter becuz he acts like a maniac....he's a pill! Trixie will stick right with me....she's a good dog.....but Ralph runs all over and turns totally deaf!!

The louder I yell the faster he runs!!

I suited up with my OU my pride.....and headed out with my leash. I fitted Ralph with his halter....that was a wrasslin' match...I took off my hoodie becuz I broke a sweat!

So we headed out!
I am gonna walk 2 miles!!

Grand Plans!!
Our property is my walkin' track! It's sloped!

3/4 of the way down hill and the last 1/4 is all up's steep....not rock-climbin' steep but kill the FatChick steep!!
The first lap, I was draggin' Ralph!
Image a dog at the end of a leash....chewin' on the lead.......rollin' like a log.....with me pullin' him!! Trixie was walkin' right beside me.....she's a good dog!

By the time I got around to the steep part Ralph would run ahead of me and sit down wait for ahead and sit down.....he did this all the way up the hill.

Lap 2...He got into a groove and went with the flow.....he walked beside Trixie....she wasn't crazy about the leash at would touch her and she would run as if to say, "Fool! Get away from me with that thing! I see what it does to you!"

Lap 3...We all had our pace worked the time I get around to the steep part of the walk, my bad foot is limpin' bad and all tingly!!
I'm doin' my best not to stop....I have to make another lap!

Lap 4....the feelin' is back into my bad foot but the pain in my chest is worse.....time to call it quits!!

For the first time ever Ralph stood at the gate to the dog pen and wanted in....he is such a pill!!! He went in without a fuss....Trixie walked right like always....she's a good dog!!
That was 1 mile!
And I would name it Ralph!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Call!!

With everyone, I know feelin' bad for me....about the unceremonious departure from my job....It hurt.......there were several emails from friends callin' the BossMan names....Roy decided that there would be a call......One of those calls for help.
They couldn't find something.
Or maybe a deposit was missin'...I had a boss try that with me! "Jump back, Asshole! You can play that card with everyone that quits this dump but you will not with me. I didn't handle the money on any day before I quit so I damn sure didn't lose a deposit!"

Roy said to screen my calls. "Do not answer it. He should have been better to you and there is no reason to help them out!"

The phone rang yesterday mornin'!!

I looked at it.
I let the machine pick it up.
My replacement left a message......She was so frantic!
I went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
I know exactly how to fix her problem.


I'm not an ass!
I called her and told her what to do.

And I feel so much better than I would have if I hadn't helped.....and THAT'S how I roll!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Roy's Love Affair....

"Honey, I have to know! It's a matter of a bitter divorce or a long and happy life together....but who did you call first? Which one us did you call to tell about the Buck first? Me or HIM????"

"You, Baby! Always you!! You come first! He doesn't mean a thing to me!"

My husband's huntin' buddy can not go huntin' without Roy! I think he has issues.
Well, I know he does but that's not the point here.
The point is he's always callin'!!
Sunday, he called 5 times!! Those two have spent the last 4 days together!!
All day Saturday they were the woods....AT MY HOUSE!!!
He and his wife are OSU fans so they came over to watch the Bedlam game....he and Roy sat on the loveseat for 3 hours talkin' about guns and huntin'!!!
There's a football game on!!!
Shut the Fuck up!!!

I'll be so happy when huntin' season is over!!

Friday, November 23, 2007

The Trail of Deers.....

OH! LORD! HELP!! ME!!!!!

My dear, sweet hubby is totally and genuinely......fanatically a deer hunter!! He is really good at it. He normally tags out first of opening season. 3 years in a row...since we've been married. For all forms of huntin'...archery, black powder, and rifle. He would either shoot both a buck and a doe opening mornin' or one in the mornin' hunt and the other in the evenin' hunt.....and he was done!
6 deer every year for 3 years.....and then he quit.

I'm can't remember why. But he quit for 2 years.....he started again last year. 6 deer like normal. It caused a big stink between the land owner....which is a very good friend of ours and his brother......which is not a good friend! The brother said, "I don't want Roy to hunt! He shoots EVERYTHING!!"

He shot 6 deer! That was the limit....he shot 2 on opening powder....rifle....and he was done!

This year it was different. He didn't want to go thru the drama of the brother so he didn't even think about huntin'. And when I scheduled our cruise for the entire week of black powder he just cancelled the whole season in his mind.

I don't really know what happened....whether it was GuyTalk or the huntin' shows but he decided he wanted to hunt when we returned from the cruise......that rabid hunter inside him wanted go hunting!
So for days that is all he's done.....prep for huntin'. No trashed has been handled, the tator peelin's haven't been handled....I haven't been handled! I am a Huntin' Widow!!

You've heard it before....and I shake my every time I say it, but....."Huntin' is better than sex!"

So here we are, several days into rifle season and no's driving him crazy!! He called his mother to postpone Thanksgiving Dinner for the ENTIRE FAMILY one hour so he could hunt Thanksgiving morning!!!!

He's a nut about huntin'!!!

He called at 7:30 to say he got his buck!!

And I had to go to the HunterCheckStation to take pictures to save it with me, class...roll yours eyes!!!

All the way to OKC, it was tellin' and retellin' and tellin' and retellin' of the deer.....the shot....the final run.....and the fall.....the tumble......and the final drop!

There were phone calls to all his friends.

ALL! THE WAY!! TO OKC!!!!!! 200 MILES!!!! The Trail of Deers!!!!

Then after we arrived all of those people had to hear the story.

And as we get on the Turner Turnpike to come home he said, "I'm just Thrilled about this deer!But apparently, I'm not speechless!!!"


And he talked about it all the 200 miles back home!!!

Nice Buck!
He wants to duct tape my video camera to his rifle to film the shot....roll your eyes!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Easy as Fallin' Off a Log.....

The Last Day:

I gathered my things and stood in the hallway.....The boss had his back to me looking thru the fridge....I said, "It's been fun."
He said without looking, "Thanks for working for us."
"No problem."
"We'll see you down the road."
"Yep! Down the road."

And Out the Door I went......One Bourbon, One Shot and One Beer!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

This Might as Well be Monday!!

Or any other day for that's just me!

After grooming two dogs....Fifi and Toto must be cleaned up for Thanksgiving....I am wet and hairy. I really want to change my smock.
I took glasses off and laid them on the everything is blurry.....the last two pair of glasses I have had, CORRECTED the problem.....this is blurry without them!! UGH!!
Anyway, as I walk thru the clinic, I'm thinkin' about takin' the smock off.
Now I can't do that!
I would walkin' around shirtless....I don't want to get caught....again!
But now I need to pee.....and I damn sure don't want to get caught on the pot without my shirt...again!
And I don't like to use the toilet with a hairy smock.....that hair gets everywhere...and I can't see all that well so who knows how much freakin' dog hair is in my underwear......again!!!
So I hold it while I go thru the laundry room lookin' for a clean smock.....that one's too big....that one has a hole....why is that people want to put their finger in the holes in other people's clothes???
Crap! I need to do some laundry.
Shit! There's clothes in the machine.
Please....Oh Please!
Do not let there be towels in the dryer......Woo Hoo....something goes right!
So let's sum this we are all on the same page....I need to pee and need a clean smock but instead I'm doing laundry....and I have NO IDEA where a clean smock is.....but water is runnin' in the now I have to pee REALLY BAD!!!!
So I settle for a smock that is too big.....becuz I don't really want to have someone put their finger in the hole in the other......again!

Monday, November 19, 2007

My Last Muckin' Fonday!!!!

Woo Hoo!!!

"Honey, look at what you bought me for my birthday."

He looks befuddled. "Your birthday isn't for a couple more weeks. Right?"


Still he's a bit fuzzy about what's happening, "Didn't I buy you something for your birthday already? Back in the summer?"

His memory is gettin' better....or.....I'm slippin'!!!

"I'm not sure."

"So you aren't gonna be disappointed when the day gets here and there's no gift?", he quizzes.

"No! Are you gonna look or not? Do you not want to share in the joy of my birthday gift you bought or not??"
He's such a buzz-kill!!!

"Show me!" as he rolls his eyes.

The larger one is the one he bought back in the summer for my birthday! And the smaller one is the lastest birthday gift!
Yes, Those are my toes!

I wonder what else I will get????

A girl only turns 35 as much as she wants to!!!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Smell That Smell???

When Roy came in Saturday night from hunting, I waited patiently for him in the kitchen. I listened to the hunting report. I thought he looked better than he did the night before.....He was sick!! He had acquired a nasty cold but was determined to go hunting anyway. He took some Nyquil and went to bed at 7!

I just listened and smiled.
Then it struck him oddly that I hadn't said anything.

"What?" Looking at me like some little kid that broke a window or nearly burnt the house down!
"Smell me." I could still smell smoke in my hair!
"I can't smell anything! Why?"


"Well I had a bit of trouble."
"What did you do?!?!"
"Can you smell smoke?"

"Yeah, I can smell that! I noticed it right off!!"

And then I confessed....and gave all the sorted details.....which lead to being chastised about why there was water in the stove.....Why there was logs on the front porch....Brother!!
I can't see that I did anything wrong and that I did what I thought was the best thing at the time! The same thing would have happened to him!!!
I tried to sidetrack him by telling him that the smoke detectors didn't go off at all.....He sets them off every time he cooks eggs!!
So I know that they work!
He cleaned out the damper......which had all kinds crap on it which clogged it up so there was no draw and the house filled with smoke!!! The chimney had draw....he tested that!
He's my only chimney sweep...and he doesn't do that unless I'm home. The last thing I need is for him to fall off the roof!

His last words to me before he went to bed last night was, "Do not put any wood in the fire!"


My "retirement" is going to fun...I can already see that!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Let's See....

Smoke On The Water??

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes???

Burnin' Down the House????

They Call Me the Fireman......hhhmmm......firemen???

Saturday after work, I was cold.....and didn't feel too swift.....and I was hungry. So I thought I would go home make a fire, eat the leftover chili, and cuddle up on the couch with the cats.

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions.....None of that ever happened!!

I opened up the woodstove and crumpled up all the newspaper needed to get it started....I'm amazed at how much it takes....and then went to get the dead wood. I stacked it in there just perfect for best fire ever!! I lite the paper and sat back to watch it.....and that is where it all went to shit!

Smoked started rollin' out!! Shit!
I shut the doors and checked the's right! Shit!!
I opened the doors again.....more smoke.....shut the doors.
Open the front door of the house.....NO WIND!!!!!!!


Don't panic!!
Roy is in the woods!! Hunting!!!

Turn on the the kitchen window.....the house is gettin' really smokey now!!!
I have got to take the fire apart!!! I get a bucket of water and open the wood stove doors again.....NO FIRE!!!


You don't just take smoke out the front door and throw water on it!!!!
Shut the doors again and rethink this....go out back for fresh air!!
It's gettin serious!!!


Big Deep Breath....Back to the doors....grab the first's not hot, but does have red embers on it....close the woodstove doors......and toss the log out the front door.
Thank God it didn't roll off the porch and into the dry grass!!!

Deep breath of fresh air and go back in for the 2nd log!!

This time I threw water on the paper and toss the log out the door!

This whole process took about 5 minutes!!!
It took about 30 minutes for the house to clear!!!
I'm still chilly!!
I'm dizzy from lack of food and high tension!!

And to top it all off.....the smoke detector thingy NEVER WENT OFF!!!!!!!

All is good...cold but good!! Roy is gonna hafta get on the roof and clean out the chimney!!

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Last Days...

of work have been Okay.....Like I never mentioned it! But there's only 5 workin' days left!

I haven't told the clients that I'm quittin''ll get mushy!

I think it's better to fade away than to go out in a blaze of glory....Isn't that part of Def Leppard song.....or maybe it's "better to burn out than to fade away"...hhhmmmm.....

I like my idea better.

I don't want to get all teary eyed about it. I have done it for 12 years. And I have gotten to know some really great people....And so really mean assholes! We have had 3 dogs here since August...and not one dime has changed hands or a request to visit them.....he just left them. Granted, he has had job.....and then the lies start. I'm ready to walk away. I don't really want to be here when they get put down becuz he can't pay his bill. Several really great cats were put to sleep when I was on's so sad.

This is what I want to do......quit. I have been so much happier since I told the BossMan that I was quitting....less stressed! I sleep like a log and I wake up very happy instead of feeling dread.

The BossMan hasn't mentioned another word about it. I haven't talked to the BossLady either. So I'm not sure what the RedHead's tone will be.

I didn't tell my RealWorld friends anything about it becuz it's a small town and things would get back around to the BossMan. My Bloggin' Buddies knew first....that's what bloggin' is all about...gettin' all that shit out of my head and worked out so it plays out the way it should without any blood shed.

When I told my RealWorld friends, they had mixed reactions. From those that wished they could do the same thing to those that wanted to cry!

I'm not dying! I'm just not groomin' your dog anymore.

One of my closest friends was freaked out that Roy and I were movin'!! I'm not sure how those two things go together but I told her that if I moved, I would take her with me.

The BossMan does this thing every year where he gets all the employees to write their own personal work evaluation....3 things to was worth .50 a year per hour raise!

Why isn't there a cent symbol on the key board????

I'll have to post them so you can see what that man has had to deal with....later! After Thanksgiving, I'll have loads of time!!

NOTE TO Vickie: We took the SamHouston Tollway and love it......That bridge is AWESOME!! But when we exited the tollway, it turned into stop lights and what felt like residential neighborhoods.....we sat at a Redlight 3 times before we made it thru that one intersection. It will be the best loop when it's get finished and back to 45.
I will keep the 610 in mind next time......woo hoo....NEXT TIME!!!

Rifle Season starts tomorrow.....Roy is so excited. WE will see what happens there....they haven't seen too many deer over the last couple of months. They think the flood may have altered their feeding patterns.

I have got to get to work........5 days to go.........Have a great weekend!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Slug Bug!!

Outta boredom...being stuck in the car for 11 hours is no fun....I sat up and stretched. I notice the car behind us!

"Honey! You have a bug up your ass!!!"

"I know and it's startin' irrate me!"

Why do people feel the need to tailgate??

Do you really think I'll drive faster???

I'm so bull-headed that I'm apt to drive slower! You can't bully a bully!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Road Trip To Galveston!

"Speed On Brother! Hell Ain't Half-Full"

That was the theme of the Road Trip!

I thought that was an actual quote that someone famous said that Roy had latched onto, but apparently it's just a bumper sticker!

Let's start with Dallas.

Roy and I are firm believers in takin' the LOOP around whatever city or town we are travelin' thru....around....becuz if you don't you wind up on some Historical Tour and you are stuck in that city for an extra 30 minutes. And 30 minutes drivin' around in some oddball town on vacation takes away from the fun....especially with Roy bitchin' about it!!

"Honest, Honey, it shows it goin' straight thru town. And I don't know why it's turned 6 times?"

WE always take the LOOP. Every city has one...even Paris, Texas! I strongly suggest takin' it!! Kansas City...A MUST!!!

So when we mapped out this last trip thru Dallas, Roy decided to take the LOOP....635. Though I am the Navigator, he wanted to take the LOOP....I suggested that we stay on 45 as it goes straight thru...several people suggested it but NO!!

I successfully got us onto 635E....which is tricky.....but no problem...You just read the signs.

But now we were drivin' into the sunrise!!

He couldn't see a thing!! And then the road took a little jog...just enough to make him exclaim, "Shit!"

Not once, not twice but 3 times!!

And it's wouldn't have been any big deal but the other lanes do the same thing and when you are drivin' 3 abreast at 75 and a car is suddenly in your lane..."Shit!" just comes out!

But the real kick in the head was the sign that read, "635 Ends"!!!!

"635 ENDS???!!! What do you mean 635 ENDS?!?!?!?"

"Do I look like I work for the Texas DOT?!!??!"

I didn't pick this route!!!

I just read the signs and the map!

It's not like we're goin' to drive off a cliff!!!

It just turns easily into 45!

All the way down to Galveston on 45. It's fast and easy. Easy enough to take a jog over to the Statue of Sam Houston....which isn't really as simple as it should be....Roy drove right past it despite me tellin' him to turn!

"Turn there!"


"Duh!! But now you're past it!"

"Why are we doin' this?"

"Becuz I have to pee and you need to stretch your legs!!"

"Who is Sam Houston anyway?"

"He's that guy that defeated that Mexican Dude. You know! Remember the Alamo!"

"OOOOOOOh.....It's just a place to stop and pee!!"

Then there's Houston!

There is a loop around the downtown area but we stayed with 45 and there were no problems....except for the HighSpeeders....90 or better! WE were pushed up to 75 and 80 and those HighSpeeders passed up like we were standing still!!

"Speed On Brother! Hell Ain't Half-Full!"

The other couple from HERE was about 30 minutes behind us and it took them 3 hours to go from Houston to Galveston becuz of a wreck caused by the HighSpeeders!!! We made it to Galveston at Noon and they didn't make until almost 4!!!

WE mapped out the loop for the trip by pass those Houston HighSpeeders!!

I Love My Country Life!!

Roy said, "Next time, we're drivin' thru Dallas at night!"


Saturday, November 10, 2007

I Have Been Tagged!!

I love Tags!!! Thank You ITCatholicMom!

Here are the rules:
(1) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
(2) People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
(3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. (4) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Okay, so what to do....
8 Favorite Movies?
8 Favorite Songs?
8 Favorite Bloggers?
8 Bloggers I miss?
8 Cars I've Owned?
8 Things that Piss me off?
8 Things to blog about in my Tag?

And then as I was goin' out the gate this mornin' it came to me....

8 Ways that Roy and I are different:

1) He is Tall and I am Short. He's 6'1" and I am 4' 11 and half.
He tells me that the half doesn't count becuz it's not on my driver's license...whatever dude!! You haven't been 4'11 and half since the 3rd grade!!!!!

2) He is George Strait and I am AC/DC.

That sounds all wrong!!!

He is Johnny Cash and I am Metallic...that's better!!
He prefers country but will listen to rock.

3) He is a staunch Republican and I'm not!
I had to register as a democrat to be able to vote. The independent hardly ever get to vote...only slightly less than the republicans. Roy has not got to vote for the sheriff or DA of this county since we moved here!

4) I am a habitual traffic law offender and Roy is not.
Driving with him is like takin' the DL exam over and over and over.....I gave up drivin' with him as my passenger years ago. It's so not worth the fight.

5) Roy is Anal-Retentive and I'm a slob....that's what he says.
There is a method to my madness. I have a system and I know where everything is. If he comes along and cleans, it takes days to find things. I normally just give up go by another one!!!
Which honestly, folks, is what he does...even though he has everything neatly tucked away! He can't find it!

6) Roy is Passionate about his hobbies and I couldn't care less about them. He loves guns, motorcycles, hunting, and fishing.
Now I own guns and ride a motorcycle but It does not rule my world.
I don't ask him to know about shoes and purses so I think it's only fair that I don't orgasm over the thought of sittin' in a deer stand in the freakin' cold!!!

7) Roy is an Outdoor Person and I am not. I used to be a tomboy and would spend all my time out playin' in the creek or up trees or with friends ridin' horses but now.....NO!
Roy makes me go on "Nature Walks".
It's like the Marines rushin' the beach at Iwo Jima.
What part of Chest Pains do you not understand???

8) He is a cranky bastard and I am happy go lucky.
He has his moments of being friendly. But it's rare.
I smile, wave, or wink at people.
But him, no.
"Whose the Hell is that?"
"I don't know?"
"Then why did you smile at him?"
"He waved!"

I think that this can attest to the fact that...Opposites Attract!

8 Bloggers Tagged:


Friday, November 09, 2007

Woo Hoo....It's Official!!

No More Charlotte at Hooters Paws and Claws!!

I told the BossMan Wednesday that I would leaving by Thanksgiving.

One of these days......I will figure out who Charlotte is??
But in the mean time, I will live the life of leisure.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Just the Jist....

The Tropical storm Noel screwed up most of our trip but we made the best of it. We didn't actually get in it, but it stirred up the whole Gulf!!
Rough seas and high winds caused many shore excursions to be cancelled.
Roy was soooo "upset" that he didn't get to go parasailing...."I'm so mad about that! Aren't you pissed off? "
I told him to stop doing the Happy Dance!!
"Do you realize how high 400 feet is?!!?!!?" He had been trying to talk me outta that ever since I mentioned it!
We went to Jamaica....we can cross that off the list! Not too thrilled by it.
We both were frisked by Customs to get back on the ship. I had to turn my pockets out to reveal my sea shells.
Roy was....what's the best way of putting this....hhmm....let me describe it.
As we both stood there spread eagle side by side, I was watching his CustomsChick pat him down. She reached out and grabbed his manhood!!
He blushed!!
He looked at me like, "Did you see that?"
I looked at him like, "What the Hell?"
And then she did it again!!!
She honked his goose again!!!!
I wonder what she looking for! Maybe Elvis needed to be frisked too?????
I have to turn out my pockets and he gets groped!!!
We laughed all the way back to the ship.
We were totally screwed at Grand Cayman because the ship didn't weigh anchor in the right port!
And I didn't get to parasail!
And NO shopping!!!!!!!! I was sitted in the back of the van and nobody else wanted to go shopping.....everyone would have had to unass the van to let me out!!
I was very pissed when I saw all those women with their fake Louis Vuittons bags....That tote should have been mine!!!
The ship had Fendi and Gucci advertised on their marque but only had Guess in the store!!
I can get that at Stage!!!
I would really love to go back! The water was beautiful!
I did go to know me. I sent a postcard to the clinic but I have yet to see it.
Then we went to Cozumel....the best for last!!!
I found Tequila Heaven!!!
And they gave out free samples!!!
The great fun of Cozumel was the OpenBar on PassionIsland!
I had 4 shots of tequila and 4 coronas.
Roy had 1 Margarita, 4 shots of Tequila and I think...but I'm not sure.....7 Tequila Sunrises!!!!!!!!!
He was so trashed!
It was all I could do to get him on the ferry......and he just kept talking.
He sorta floated over the dock to the bus and that's where his memory of the whole thing gets fuzzy.
We both had to pee after the bus I pointed him in the right direction and went my own way....he was waiting for me in the hallway so all was good. I really didn't want to have to go in after him!
We staggered our way past a statue of Poncho Villa...that was actually a man.....that toyed with the drunk man!!!
I wanted a souvenir so I sat Roy down at a table and took his nobody else would and laid his head on his bag.....and that's how I found him!!!
But he wouldn't get up!!
Poncho Villa came to the rescue and helped me get him up!!!
And the whole time Roy was just laughing his ass off!!!
So we head back to the ship and across the pier....we were weaving so badly...he was heavy....that a couple of women came up behind me and locked arms with me.
I was so relieved!!
I said, "Thank you so much! If you would get on the other side of him and counter balance us, we can get him back to the ship."

She just stayed with me!!!!!

She just chattered away with me like I was the problem person here!!! "No, it's not me!! Grab him!"
The more I pleaded my case the less she believed he was the problem....I just cracked up!!
I couldn't help but laugh!!!
When I sent him up the gangway.....they realized that HE WAS ONE!!!
It took all three of us to get him to the elevator and I just pushed him up against the wall and held him he wouldn't fall over...all the while he was laughing like a fool!!!!
Oh and let's not forget that we were on AGayPrideCruise!!!
In my tiny little world, I don't see that sorta thing!!
It was said more than once, "Holy Shit, Roy!!! Did you see that?"
Nothing stops my DumbOkieAss in it's tracks faster than two men dress as butterflies....complete with purple velvet thong and high heels!!

I only wish I had had my camera for that.....okay maybe not!!

And now to get ready for Hawaii!!
It will be a no booze and no cussing cruise!!
Holy Shit! I need a drink!!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Woo Hoo!!!

And she slides into!!

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!!!

That was fun!!!

When I get my ducks in a row I will be 'round to tell you all about it!!!