Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Flashlight Controversy....

Bigger is better right??
Heavy with a lot of power???
LONG and easy to grip????


Flashlights!!
Think Flashlights!


For years, Roy carried a big black flashlight that was issued by TheCopLords. It came in handy for night time stops, lookin' for drugs in the ditch, or the occasional rowdy drunk. He loved that flashlight. When he retired he didn't get to keep it. So for years he was always looking for THE Perfect flashlight as a replacement.
WE HAVE LOTS!!!
Mostly spotlights....million candlepower...that have to charged.....that don't last very long...becuz they are crap...and I AM NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THEM!!!!!!
Every time we went to some sort of MAN STORE, he would find one. Some huge monster that he lovingly caressed like I do the perfect shoe. It would boast about 2 million candlepower or 4 billion...who gives a shit!!
And damn the cost...he had to have it.
It's very important to have a good one.....for keepin' the place secure.....he's a "security man".....he takes nightly walks around the property to make sure all his belongings are okay and in their rightful place. Those bazillion candlepower thingys didn't make the entire trip!
But most importantly, I am not to use one....and it doesn't matter how badly I need to use one...I am not to touch it!
I run the battery down....duh!!!
So I bought my own....just a cheap $3 flashlight that I can use to my heart's content! Funny thing is, he uses it too!!!
There is some sort of double standard at work here....so unfair!!

While at a gun show, he heard the music....you know the music.....the music that comes down from the heavens when you find THE PERFECT item you have been wantin' forever....that music....I hear it with purses and shoes.
He hears it with guns, flashlights, tools, large handtools, boobs, huntin' products, fishin' products, lawn equipment, chainsaws, water hoses, and log chains!
The music was playin' his tune on THE FLASHLIGHT the one that was issued by THECOPLORDS!!!
Again.....Damn the cost, he had to have it!!!
It stands on the kitchen cabinet ready to grab when needed! For any and all manly things that need to be looked at with the ALL POWERFUL MEGA FLASHIGHT!!
In the mean time, becuz of the CONSTANT use of MY itty bitty flashlight....I'm all about the small battery operated things.....flashlights and pocket rockets.....many pocket rockets...they should really test those things better...my battery goes dead!

Now if you are still with me, I will get to the "meat and potatoes" of this whole rant....... I have been using his flashlight!!
SIN OF ALL SINS!!!

I was lookin' for shoes under the bed.
Upstairs goin' thru the Museum lookin' for something.
Under my desk straightin' out shit.
Lookin' for stuff in the cabinets.

He caught me!!!
"What are you doin' with MY FLASHLIGHT!?!?"
"But mine is dead!"

Seriously, people you would have thought he caught in bed with the neighborman!!!

He promptly put a new battery in mine.

Well, last night, He had a problem that needed my attention.....I had to look at something that he can't see....one of those things that if you were a contortionst, you could see it with the right mirror....well I get to look at it!
"Let me get my flashlight so I can see better." and I went to my desk.
He went to the kitchen and grabbed the ALL POWERFUL MEGA FLASHLIGHT.
I had to laugh!
"You ass! Becuz it's a problem YOU have, I GET USE YOUR Flashlight??"
"Yes but only this one time."

Men!!!

5 comments:

ventl8r said...

Logchains??

Can't say I've met a man yet that gets all excited and flusterpated by logchains.

Proto said...

Well, yeah!

Mannyed said...

I have three flashlights in my house:

1) The Zebra flash light that says "do da do do doo" when you hit the switch.

2) The one my former firm gave out...its a mini maglight.

3)This stupid, crappy, METS one that The Husband acquired at the METS game. Roy can have that one to test out if he wants. I'll send it to you.

MizAngie said...

I gave up on flashlights. I buy one and the maybe once a year I need it the frickin' batteries are dead. I'm strictly a candle burner now. In all honesty, it took a lot for me not to post something about "things that take batteries that would be a shame if someone else used up." I must be maturing...

katy said...

My husband was that way about a knife that we have. I never cleaned it well enough. In fact, I think he would have preferred if I didn't use it at all. Problem solved--I just stopped cooking.