Saturday, September 01, 2007

Alaskan Cruise Part 3

I received an email last October about the retired cops going on a land and cruise tour of Alaska and I jumped right on it! I checked out the prices of it all and didn't at the time think we could afford to do the whole shootin' match and dropped the land tour.
So I have had this vacation in the works for nearly 9 months!
Expectations were high!!

Party on Wayne!!

Princess cruiseline is one of the better lines and the ship we were on was one of the newer ships, Diamond. It is HUGE... something like 3 football fields long. Easy to get lost on... and easy to get turned around... and easy to get on the wrong elevator. I'll come back to that.

The Princess crew was awesome!!! But who ever sets up the soda vendors, PLEASE, At least get MR PIBB!!!!
I am a Pepper.
Roy's a Pepper
And Princess should be a Pepper too!!
Seriously, the first Port we came to... we loaded up with Dr Pepper and put it in the fridge!!! If I am buying stuff off the ship, I ain't buying in it on the ship from you!!!!
Think about it!!

Other than that The Princess People did a fabulous job!!
Food was perfect once you figure out how to order and know just exactly what things are...I am not trying caviar for anything. Roy did get this great lookin' cold salad. It looked a lot like apple salad that his mother makes but he didn't read the sign and I didn't say anything. I just thought he was broadening his horizens and tastes and really wanted to try octopus... COLD OCTOPUS!!
So he sits down with his plate scoops up a bite and I had to stop him.
I just couldn't let him do it."Honey, do you know that is octopus? Look at the suction cup thingies."
Have you ever seen a grown man gross out??? He should really wear his glasses more.
It didn't taste bad... I had to try it!!

Oh, there was a Parvo notice passed around at the beginning of the cruise. Or whatever the human virus is called... morvo.... novo... I don't know. But it is like dog parvo...the bloody shits and vomitting. But that isn't Princess's fault, they did what ever was needed to help those that contracted Parvo... 2 am emergency call for blood donors. Seriously!!!

What I really have a problem with is the attitude of the crowd that we sailed with... that over 70 crowd!!
The passengers that actually talked to me were very nice and I have to give a high five to the nice lady from New Zealand, I truly hope to one day get to visit her country, and the sweet couple from Alabama...Roll Tide Roll!!
And the Ladies from British Columbia, very sweet!!
And of course Mick the Drunk Aussie... how can I forget Mick?
He was nice in his own way.
By the way...What is a rut?
Is that what I think it is??? As in deer ruttin'???
He was so drunk that he thought I was a PromQueen becuz I knew the "Wave"!!!!
He was funny. He kept sayin' "That's a Fair Dink 'um!"
"Do you know what that means?"
I whipped out my BEST DumbBlonde, "Isn't that a drink on the menu at the Outback?" Complete with head tilt and eyelash batting!

But that is it!!
The rest of the those people were mean!!
What happens to a person when they get older?
Does their fun button get disconnected??
Does being mature mean you can't smile and have fun??
If so, I don't want to grow up! I was on vacation, for Pete's sake and my party seemed to be the only ones having fun!!

I got on an elevator from the 11th floor the first night and pressed the floor I wanted which was the 7th and some broad in the back barked, "We are going up! To 14!"
It is an Frickin' Elevator!!!!
It either goes up or down!!!
It ain't magically takin' my HappyAss back to Oklahoma. Have a drink and Fighten the Luck Up!!!
GEEZ!!! It's a vacation, not boot camp!!
I have never been around more cranky people in my life... 2500 wet blankets... with a stick firmly up the wahzoo!

And somebody didn't get the "Do Not Have a Tizzy" Speech!
One old man couldn't get back on the ship. He had some piece of metal on his person that was setting off the metal detector. The Security Officer was pleasently tellin' him to just take off the hat and step thru again but NOOOOO!!!!
The Officer never touched him.
Never raised his voice but you would have thought that old man had was goin' to stroke out right there in front of us!
DUDE, just take the hat off!!!
Finally his wife... bless her heart... took the hat and put it thru the xray machine and all was fine. MrsDude, get Gramps back to the cabin and check his medication!!

And men weren't the only ones.
As Roy and I were leaving our cabin, MrsSnapGirtle was layin' the law down to MrSnapGirtle!
"I do not want you to be a stone around my neck. I want to live a little! If you want to sleep in here the whole time! Fine! But I am not!!"
Now I agree with her but you should have had that talk back home and not so the WHOLE WORLD CAN HEAR IT!!!! That Do Not Have A Tizzy speech goes both ways!!

I asked Roy what he would rather do, be around small children or old people??
"Children! They tend to have Hot Moms!" Roy Hightower, Juneau, Alaska, August 2006

Which is funnier than you realize. He has an allergic reaction to children. Screaming kids just really get under his skin and he freaks! Restaurants should be divided as such... smokin' and non-smokin' and kid free. We will sit in the smokin' section to be kid free!! We figure good parents wouldn't have children in the smokin' section!! Then The State passed a law that all restaurants are smoke-free... we can't win!
And he would rather cruise with kids than bitchin' bag throwin' old farts that have forgotten how to smile and have fun on vacation!
We are planning to cruise the Caribbean next time... sun, sand and bikinis... and fun people!!!!

Mz. Angie, lots of water in the Caribbean, no mountains but the hot guys paradin' around shirtless and fun on the beaches when you are at port make up for it. My HotGuy Radar nearly broke itself!!

If you haven't been to Alaska and want to just get a "taste" of it, a cruise is the way to go.
There so much to see. But it is a popular cruise for the older generation, so be prepared.
Would I do it again?? Yes but, I prefer to kick up my heels!

Party on Garth!!

Oh... One more thing...Vancouver Airport, PUT A BURGER KING ON BOTH SIDES IF THE TERMINAL!!!! After being GOOD BURGER FREE for a week, WE really needed it!!!
Roy paced that glass window like a Doberman wanting a double Whopper!!
For an HOUR!! "How do I get in there??"

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