Tuesday, July 17, 2007

When Does It Stop?

MzGina brought up a good point....the other side of the coin!

When does a child finally stop caring so much about what the parents will think?

I had to go thru therapy to come to the conclusion that you just let it go....There are some people that you can't please....so stop trying to please them and be yourself!
You just let go....Oh you have to take BabySteps.........It's not easy!

I have mother issues...and grandfather issues....both are quick to criticize....and Never....Ever.... give me a pat on the back and say, "Good Job!"
I have never once heard my grandpa brag about me...my StupidAss Cousin that spent time in jail....yes!

Me, No!
I made something of my life.....I can afford good attorneys!!

There is ALWAYS something wrong with whatever I did!!
I just wanted my mother to be...well...my mother....she didn't want to be my mother...she doesn't want to be a friend either.

When you walk into your mother's home and she rolls her eyes that you stopped in to visit....do you feel welcome??

I didn't!

Both can bring me to tears.
My mother uses...tries to use my dad against me by sayin' "Your daddy would be so upset with you!"
She did that just 6 years ago....he has been dead for 25 years!!!
She knows that just cuts me to the quick!

I tolerate her presence.
I don't speak to my grandpa unless I have to...which is not very often!

And as MzAngie said, "My siblings and I grew up in the same house and we all turned out so differently with just a few common personality traits that are difficult to spot."
That is so true...me and mine are the same...that incident in the rockin' chair....RubyJune remembers it all together different!
My mother dotes on my sister....like she's the only child!!
But I have learned to let it go....it's the way life is....I can't change her and she's not changin' me!

See.....as I type this out....not one tear falls......I have passed a milestone! Daddy would be so proud!!

I'm not saying that every parent is like mine but the idea is the same:

Respect yourself!
Be proud of your life!
Learn from bad decisions!
Realize your mistakes and deal with the consequences!
But as a parent, We will be there when we are needed!
And as a child, when the time comes, I will be there with my pillow to smother My Mother.....it's what she wants....she told me.....she knows RubyJune will not "pull the plug" but my mother knows I will!!

Seriously, there are no easy answers. WE do what is best for us and our situation.


Proto said...

whoa, I'm exhausted. Who cares what they think anyways. They don't speak for the dead, either. Watch 'the fountainhead' again and when they worry what you think of them, tell them you don't think of them!

MizAngie said...

You sound so grown up! hahaha... The ones we love can absolutely cut us to the quick.

mannyed said...

MzAngie is sooo right. Maybe its because we value what our loved ones say to us and think of us. But I guess there is a time when you have to do what you feel is best for yourself and not worry what others with think and say.

I commend you for an excellent post. A post that I'm sure I will come back and reread often.


cathy said...

so right and a wake up to alot, we are what we are and it's take it or leave it at times you cn't change people and do you really want to?? it's there lost sadly.
great post

Beth said...

Wow this is the week for post about families and disfunction i believe !!! I did however , love your post. One that everyone should read and more then once !! I have three kids, all raised in the same house, wth the same rules, same expectations, values and they are all three so very different, not that one is better then the other, but unique in thier own right. I dont always agree with what they say or do, but i admire the fact that they make decissions without influence of others, They all do stupid things and make mistakes, but those are growing pains that will make them stronger as time goes on.
My mother was very critical and played favorites, when she passed away, there was only one of six kids that had anything nice to say about knowing her.........I want more then that with my kids and will strive everyday for that.