Monday, July 16, 2007

When Does It Stop???

I have been thinkin' about this for awhile....Trying to get it sorted out in my mind. At some point in our lives we all must do it!

When do you let your children live their lives??
Stop givin' them advice?
Stop toleratin' bad behaviour?
Stop sendin' money?

I know if a woman that still has a son that lives at home...he's 23. He is abusive to his mother and threatened to kill her pets. She has gotten a restrainin' order against him. But I don't see how that is goin' to work.....they live together!!
And that is the problem....he won't go away!

Another couple have put their daughter in rehab....she's 23. They are paying for it. I understand them wantin' to help her get her life back together. The husband is so bitter about it....he has said things that are so selfish about the ordeal....after rehab he's cuttin' her loose! "She's on her own!"

I agree to a point. There comes a time when your child has to live their own life. They have to stand on their own two feet!
But when is that time??

I had to let go of my girls at an early age....there wasn't anything I could do.....only one speaks to me....and when she does it's "Mom, I have news."


"Let me sit down for this."

"Oh Mom! It's good news! I'm pregnant!"

Shit!!!! Shit!!!!! Shit!!!!

No tears fell this time.
No long speeches.

I just take a deep breath.....let it out.....It's not good news to find out your unmarried daughter is pregnant for the 3rd time!

The UnMarried thing is my fault or to my credit....depends on which side you take....I didn't want her tied down to a loser.....he won't work....what a dumbass!!! She has to learn on her own she deserves better!

I have let her live her own life.....make her own mistakes.....let her fall her up, dust her off and send her on her way!
It's all I can do!!


cathy said...

Hey lady
I love the cheap thrills was getting excited reading it LOL. Oh my I'm the worng one to answer this question, as we all know my boy just left at 20 and I can hear Gary saying let him go stop mothering him :( I don't think we ever stop worrying or trying to help if they want it and ask, I know my mom will help in a minute. But they do need to learn life is rough sadly to say. Oh well congrats on grandma #3,
have a good one,

jeankfl said...

I know how you feel.. we're cookin' #3, too.. but they got married. As if that really makes a difference! I don't know..they have to choose their own path. All you can do is hope they choose well, and be there to help as much as you can, I think. As long as my checkbook holds out, I'll be ok!!LOL I think it's harder than when we were young.. less defined choices, more stressful society. I just pray they can make it.

Erika said...

There comes a point when you have to make your grown up children start to own up to consequences of their choices. If they get into trouble that will cause a great deal of harm and really need help to get out of then of course alway help. But for other things, they need to fall and crawl to learn to make better choices. In the end, it makes them better, stronger individuals.

mannyed said...

And I wonder when a daughter should finally stop caring so much about what mom will think; what Mom will say; will mom approve. That's my problem in life.

Interesting blog, got me thinking.

MizAngie said...

I don't know, girl. My siblings and I grew up in the same house and we all turned out so differently with just a few common personality traits that are difficult to spot. My nieces and nephews are the same way. If your kids are as independent as the nieces and nephews, they don't give you much choice but to live their own lives. My bigot brother tried to put his foot down when my niece started dating a Mexican. She said "accept him or lose me." Of course, now he LOVES the guy. The youngest niece lived with her husbands before she married them to her parents' consternation. "Lived in sin" I believe was the term. One nephew is selfish and the other makes such terrible decisions that we all just shake our heads. I have friends whose kids have gotten in trouble with the law, are drug addicts, etc, and I know they weren't raised to do those things. I think all you can do is love 'em because they're gonna do what they're gonna do. My sister was real needy until the parents couldn't help anymore. Amazingly she became real independent once they were milked dry. I don't know where the line is between love and codependent, do you? Sure would be hard to just turn your back on your own flesh and blood...

VENTL8R said...

That's a tough one, but as a mother in general, it's not our nature to not intervene. My mom has pretty much backed away unless I need advice or just a motherly ear.

Are you familiar with "Children Are Like Kites"? Google it.

Sherrie said...

You know I so don't believe that it's your fault in any way, shape or form. Trust me, if she had wanted to marry the dude she would have done it. But no matter what I'm gonna say this, congrats on the new baby to be ~hugs~, is there anything that smells sweeter than a baby :-)?

Sitting here, right at this moment, I'm struggling with the fact that in a few *oi wait he's here to say goodbye* son is leaving on a camping trip with 5 other guys. He's's about a 3 hour drive on the highway, I'm worried sick, you know me *worrywart warm*. Then I wonder what sort of problems might arise just from the camping.......honest I just can't stand myself sometimes. He's 18, here in Canada that's considered an adult, why can't I just trust him to be ok. (I wanna laugh here but somehow I can't find anything to laugh about) I'm sure he'll be just fine, but until we catch up with him on Sunday, I'll likely hold my breath lol.