Thursday, June 07, 2007

It's Time to Get Western!!

That's what the BossMan tells me every time we have to deal with goats.
I'm not fond of goats.
He told that they don't bite but I just know that I will be the one that gets bitten....like some sort of record...."Oh look Ethel!! The first person EVER to be bitten by a goat."
Why wouldn't they bite???
He said the worst thing that could happen it that the goat would raise his head up and hook me with a horn.....DUH!!!
That would be worse!!!

My 3 Goat Encounters of the Worst Kind:

3) Yesterday, a Boer goat needed a hernia repaired.....some drug rep said over the phone, "You are doin' surgery on a goat's knee??? What did she do that she needs a knee fixed?"

Get it???
HER Nia......Roy laughed his ass off at that one.....I really need to talk right!!!

But Anyway.....it was funny only if you were there....I should have taken pix of the whole thing...I would have needed a video camera.
Goats....kinda....sorta....come and go while under anesthesia ....that means they will kick....I was the Official Leg Holder.....and they snore.....and neigh....nnnaaa...snore....nnnaaa....snore...snore....snore.....kick.....snore.....you get the idea!!!

All the while the BossMan...who bitches about the electric bill.....starts sweatin' ....and bitchin' about the heat!

Well, if you would let me run the AC YOU wouldn't be sweatin'!!!

And then the phone would ring...And I had to go thru the episode with the drug rep.
Or some one would come in.....And wanted to tell their life story.
And Now I smell like goat!!!
The BossMan said, "Yeah, I meant to tell you...Oh, Roy will be all over you tonight!! Like a duck on a Junebug!"

2) The time the couple brought in the Pygmy goat to be neutered. They wanted it as a pet.

I try not to judge....to each his own!

So the BossMan says, "It's time to get Western and learn your pay!" He reaches down and grabs up that goat by the leg and hands him to me!!!

ICK!!!!
HOLD IT!?!?!?!

Thank God, I was wearin' my tennis shoes and not my flip flops becuz Testicles were being slung !!! One bounced off my foot!!
I just looked at him like he did that on purpose and he just grinned!!

And the absolutely worst time......

1) A couple brought in a momma pygmy goat in labor and in distress.
The BossMan comes up and picks up my hand.....no rings....just a weddin' band....throws me some gloves...."Put these on and follow me."

What????

He had me put my hand up the business end to feel for stuff.....talk about gettin' personal!!!
The Momma wasn't too thrilled about all this!!!
I wasn't too thrilled!!!!

I felt like a man fumblin' in the dark to find the RIGHT hole!!!!!!
I had no idea what I was feelin' except repulsion!!!

I haven't been asked to do that again!!!

By the way, I LOVE MY JOB!!!!

8 comments:

CATHY said...

does it ever getting boring over there, Oh BTW your lucky about Roy :) PPA is still pouting she's leaving Sat with parents to go visit other sis in Virginia so that will get her out of the house for a week.
hugs~cathy~

Beth said...

Hey i just took your poll, can you guess what i put LOL.
Atleast your job isnt boring huh!!!

Beth said...

i love your new meez !! Now take some of those cute things you bought shopping and get your tickets to this
http://www.rockfeverfest.com/
its looks like an awesome time.

Beth said...

If that link doesnt work try this one
http://www.rockfeverfest.com/artists.php

VENTL8R said...

Do you ever watch Dirty Jobs when Mike is the Official horse inseminator, or cow inseminator, or he's the one to catch a quarter horse's "load" for the waiting mare? I think you'd fit right in!

MizAngie said...

I like goats! I had one when I was a kid (hahaha-a kid!). No, really, I did. He followed me around like a dog. I rode my bicycle everywhere with that goat running alongside or behind. Then he got horns and started getting mean. After he butted my mother and she kinda got stuck in the clothes dryer, we butchered him. I've gotten too soft to do that sort of thing now, but back then I was a country girl.

-ksgrrl said...

Ooo! When I was a little kid, my friend's goat pinned me to a tree -- one horn on each side. I was screaming like crazy! But my friend's family just laughted about it. :)

(And, ya know, I wanted to find a 1950s style party/wedding dress, but I'm just not the right shape for that era. My waist is too big in comparison to my chest. But I love the dress I found to wear.)

Sherrie said...

Okay I've got up close and personal with these stinky little buggers and I'm pretty sure one nipped me on the ass! Alright, it could have been after too much Tequila and it was merely the old man getting frisky. Hey, I'm old, I confuse easily hehe!