Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Naturally Awesome Power…

I’m full of it!
My grandpa was admitted back into the hospital on Saturday afternoon. I got my errands done and saddled up to head to Tulsa. While I was zippin’ down the turnpike, my sister, RubyJune Text me… “bring air spray”.
Granny should have plenty of hair spray. I’ve never known her to not have it. I banked on it. I didn’t pack mine!
Maybe RubyJune meant air freshener.
Why in the world would she need air freshener in a hospital? They have that clean sanitary smell… sometimes not.
So Okay. No biggie. I’ll just stop at HellMart in Vinita and call her to clarify it and pick up whatever she needs.
By the way… my whole family uses the word HellMart!! Thanks Tracie!!
So I called her. “Which do you need, hair spray or air freshener?”
She giggled. And very slowly said, “Don’t….worry…. about …it.”
“So you don’t need anything?”
“Are you on HappyPills?”
“Yyyyyeeeeesss…..” and she giggled.
“Have you had too many?
She giggled.
I left HellMart not really knowin’ what’s going on… she text me.
“Rosemary’s here!!! And she stinks!!!”
OOOOH I see says the Blonde Woman!
Rosemary’s our StupidAss Cousin. The one that I hate with a purple passion. Well, honestly I don’t even think about her. I hardly ever see her except at Christmas when she comes in and eats, gets her money, steal something, and leaves. I caught her gettin’ Granny purse off the ice box and made a big deal of it and she’s steered clear of me ever since.
And she doesn’t bathe. She’s 43 and must be allergic to water. I know she was raised right… the same people that raised me! And I bathe!! Some times twice a day!!
But her, no. Never has. And it smells like she never will.
RubyJune said she was about to vomit becuz Rosemary smells so bad. I’m still about 45 miles away. RubyJune decided to throw my weight around! And tells Rosemary that I’m 5 minutes away and Rosemary jumps up, “I’ve got to go.”
And out the door she went!
One Bourbon.
One Shot.
One Beer!
RubyJune text me and “It worked!!!! I love your power!”
We haven’t seen her since.
Totally. Natural. Awesome. Power.
Grandpa’s condition is not good. But not bad. They are concerned about a leaky heart valve.
He’s pale. He’s shaky. But still lippy… we wait. 

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