Friday, March 02, 2007

The Drive to the Doctor's...

Was an adventure in itself!
I don't normally drive Roy around. It is way too stressful on both of us. There have been so many times that I have either whipped the car on the shoulder and made him get out and drive or just turned around and drove home and locked him out of the house....I think once I threw him out of the car.

I mean really!!!
It is like takin' a drivin' test all over again!!!
"Use your turn signal."
"Slow down."
"Keep both hands on the wheel."
"Don't follow too close."

I can only take so much!!!
But Thursday, with him barely able to walk there was no way he could drive with the bad leg being the right leg. He was at my mercy! So when the drivin' test began I just blocked him out and every little bit I would shoosh him.
"Slow down."
"Turn signal!"
It was like that scene from Austin Powers where Dr. Evil was shooshin' his son....for 12 miles!!!

And then he got nasty!!
"I can't wait for you have something wrong and have to have surgery and be in real pain and I GET TO DRIVE YOU!!!"
He wasn't squealin' like a girl but he was sure whinin' like one!!!

After the visit to the doctor's office, we had some errands to run around town.....he was not pleased!
"Did you look before you changed lanes?"
"Slow Down!!"
"You have no respect for that tag!"

And then he threatened me!!!
"That's it!!! I am buying some dumpy little car that has a 4 banger in it to slow you down!"

Now that was below the belt!!
Them's fightin' words!!

"Roy Hightower!! Wash your mouth out with soap!! Are you trying to get me killed? Why on God's little green Earth would you buy me a car that I can not drive in traffic with all these aggressive drivers? I am only being defensive! I can't believe you would say something like that to me!"

This am I when I left for work, I left him a list of things to do before we left for our weekend trip. And I told him if he got the list done he could drive the car. He had the list done by 11:00am....He wasn't takin' no chances!!!

Have a great weekend!!!


Katy said...

Well, where have i been. . .I had a lot of catching up to do. I can't believe you have that gun in your house--guns scare me to death. You could wave one in my direction and I would just die of a heart attack.

Now, about Roy--maybe this is just a ploy to get you to chauffer him around.


Kendra said...

Yet more proof the Roy and J are long lost twins. Once, I drove J's truck. And then I threatened to call the divorce lawyer, cause that was never happening again. 'Don't shift like that' 'don't stop so close' 'don't go more than 7 miles over the limit' 'don't drive in this lane' was the longest two blocks of my life.

ZooKeeper said...

Heehee. It's the opposite around here. J scares the crap out of me when he drives. I make good use of the "OH FUCK" handles. He just laughs at me while my heart jumps out of my chest.

mannyed said...

phew...glad Driving Ms. Daisy...I mean Mr. Hightower is DONE!

Hugs, Chica.


Sherrie said... we're driving down the street in our quiet neighbourhood, I take the corner to get to our other vehicles in sight.......and what do I hear not from the passenger seat where it normally comes from but from the back......where the woman child is perched......and all I can hear coming from her sweet little lips is..........BLINK BLINK BLINK.... Gee wonder where she got that from eh!

MizAngie said...

Ha!! Viagra may not have cured the weird lump but what a BLAST doing the research!!!!

Your driving would probably scare the pee-waddlin' out of me. Doesn't bother me to drive that way - just to ride with someone else when they do!

HammerDown Hillbilly said...

From the sounds of it all, I would have had the chores done by 15 minutes after the deal was struck....