Okay.....so this one time Roy and I attended a funeral for a friend and partner of Roy's. He died at relative young age, 62 I think, with cancer. So sad.....
As he was a retired cop, he received the full treatment! The honor guard and the Chief was in attendance with a few of the other "Brass". Roy and I sat right behind the Chief. Roy still carries a deep respect and fear of the Chief.
I do not.
The cops have two uniforms, one for summer and one for winter. The winter one is what is important to this tale. It is long sleeve and they have to wear a tie along with a black patent leather strap the goes from one hip in the front and over the opposite shoulder to the hip in the back.......I leaned over to Roy and ask, "Honey, What is that black strap thingy they have on, is that for formal affairs?"
I said it loud enough for the row in front of us could hear this. I know this becuz a woman turns around and tells me what it is.......Roy leans over ever so slowly so as one can't see him move......a skill he learned in Marine Corps boot camp......and thru gritted teeth ever so quietly, he says, "SSSSShhhhh."
I didn't even look at him!!
I could see he was RED!!
But I made my point!!
You see, Roy NEVER WORE the "DRUNK STRAP"......and that was a HUGE DEAL....It's Called a drunk strap becuz when a drunk has you by the strap, he is in control!!
I knew full well what I was doing!!
But what goes around comes around........
This funeral lasted 2 hours. And I sat there stock still and not fidgeting like a small child. I was not going to bring any further shame to Roy.
2 friggin' hours!!!
Now people, when you die, make arrangements ahead of time to have someone that knows you or someone that can maintain composure during the eulogy. The man doing this funeral didn't know the deceased man at all. And the one that did just cried the whole way thru.....I couldn't do it for a close friend either, I am just too emotional!! But I swear to you that I thought that minster was going to have an alter call!!! It was getting pretty preachy!! I had a cousin once do his own father's eulogy and he did a great job. Retold stories and we laughed and celebrated his life at the passing of my great uncle.....in a grand way.
So back the cop funeral......I am sitting there fretting about the viewing of the body.
I don't do the "view".
When my Dad died, I went runnin' from the chapel and hid in the bathroom.....that was not my daddy!! He had rosy cheeks and dark red hair......the person in that casket was not my daddy! I haven't viewed a body since.
I am worried about this cop.....and I don't want to embarrass Roy any further so I am not sure what to do. I could do like normal and step out the back when everyone rises but we are in the 3rd row. I reasoned it out that I don't really know this man and it will be okay to "View" the body and move along. I can always close my eyes and it will look like a prayer.
YEAH that's the ticket!!
So our row rises and I take 3 steps and I stumble.
My foot doesn't feel asleep. So it must not be.
I am walking slower than normal becuz Roy has only been out of his cast on his leg for a week so he limps and is VERY SLOOOW.
I take 3 more steps and over she goes.....NOW....I am in the middle of the aisle.....all eyes are on me.....Roy gives me this look of "What the Hell are you doing?" and I shrug back, " I have no idea!"
I wait for him to catch up and let him go in front of me.
Two Reasons....he can't see me!
And I can walk slower and give my foot time to wake up!!!!
3 more steps and I stumble again...........Then It hits me......"OH GOD NO!!! Don't let me fall in the casket!"
So I really am praying as I approach the casket and chanting, "Please don't let me fall!"
Quick look and out the door of the chapel!!
Only to be met by Roy.....he was not laughing!! "What Shoes do you have on? Can't you walk right in one inch heels? All MY people will be wondering who the drunk woman was that I brought to the funeral!!"
and what was most important to this man was...."Thank God the Chief wasn't in the room!!"
We laugh about it now.