Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Queen O'AllThings

"PPPsssttt.....hey you. What are you in for?"
"I have a hurt leg. You?"
"I have been kidnapped and brought here to this horrible place! I am the Queen O'AllThings. I am a descendant of great Bengal Tigers. I saw that on the Discovery Channel."
"Tigers?? Hey, we may be related? My Name Is Tiger!"
"You Idiot!"
"No Tiger."
"I'm a HouseCat and I must break free from my captors. Will you come with me?"
"No Way! I am an Outdoor cat and I like it here. That VeryBeautifulBlonde gives me medicine and makes my leg feel better. She scratches my ears and I love that! I'm staying."
"You Idiot!"
"No Tiger. Do you have a hearing problem?"
" she comes!"

The Queen O'AllThings was very scared and confused. What had she done to deserve such awful treatment.......To be taken out her home and cast amongst the Heathens that run amok outside.
She had not thrown up a hairball in days!!
She put up with That Dog.
She saw the suitcases.
She saw That Dog loaded up in the car.
She saw the carrier come out.....NOT THE CARRIER!!!
She was loaded into it and taken to stay at the CatJail while THOSE PEOPLE went on a vacation.
She didn't deserve this!

And now that VeryBeautifulBlonde was coming.
What is she up to the Queen thought. "I will act like the wild tiger that I know I am, scare that woman and she will not touch me. I will hiss and growl, she will run in fear of my mighty power! Wait!! What are you doing? Stop that!! Don't touch my ears.....ooooooooohhhhh that Idiot was right....oooooooo!! Wait, what am I thinking! Stop that!!"

"See it feels good!"
"Shut up you Idiot!"
"It's Tiger! Seriously, you should have your ears checked while you are here."

After 3 days in CatJail, the Queen thought out her plan. She would bolt like the tigers she had watched on the TV. She would have her freedom. It was a matter of finding the right time.
She told Tiger, "Today is the day I go. I must have my Freedom!"
"Good luck with that!"
"I will make That Woman think I love to have my ear scratched and leap at her. She will be overwhelmed by me and I will be free! You watch!"

As the VeryBeautifulBlonde reached in to pet the Queen, the Queen purred and arched her back and walked forward.
The VeryBeautifulBlonde grabbed the Queen by her collar!
This was not part of the plan!
She picked the Queen up!!
The Queen didn't know what to do, she felt helpless!! But she didn't let Tiger know she was scared.

"Bath??? NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!"

The VeryBeautifulBlonde put the Queen in the a bag to protect herself from the Queen's claws. The Queen was totally humiliated.

Oh the shame!!

"I will make my break right now!"
Out of the tub and onto the floor, the Queen was out of the bag!
She was in a room she was unfamiliar with, and she wasn't sure where to run.
"There is a door and it's open! Run like the tiger you are. That Woman can't catch me. Oh no, a hallway! Where? Where do I run? There I see it!! The sky!! I will jump over the desk and leap into my freedom! I will run free with the tigers!!! FREEDOM!!! What the hell??? A door???"


"That hurt!! Now I am trapped like a rat!! It is her or me! I will leap at her and rip her throat out. I am a Tiger! I am a Tiger!! Why is she not scared? Don't touch me!!!!"

"Give it it up KitKat! I always win."

"I will get even with THOSE PEOPLE!!!


mannyed said...

*clapping* Bravo!! Manny, The King Of All Things, thinks he's a tiger, too.

partyprincessfl said...

OMG that's just to freaking funny, sounds like my "Spike" thinks he's the almighty one he-he. Have a great weekend, I'll be needing that shovel again the shits piling high, argggg

Sherrie said...

You are quite the story teller, and the picture is the icing on the cake! Reminds me of my girl trying to shower our Garfield, she usually gets her friend to help and all I can hear from behind close doors are shrieks of laughter and giggles!

Have a great day lady. ~hugs~

Diane said...

Hi Nadine: This is a cute story. You can just picture the cat trying to plot her That's a good pic too...I actually have that pic. Don't quite know what I'm saving it for; but I'm sure I'll use it for something, someday.
Glad you like your new digs here.

Diane said...

Hi Nadine: Just popping in to say hello. I hope you had a great weekend.

Beth said...

I am finally back to the blogging world, last week was wild and now all is calm !!!!!!!!!! hope you had a great weekend

Anonymous said...

You are so clever! Love the story! Sounds like my Jumanji

Dawb said...

hee hee...this was funny...

Dawn said...

ummm that was suppose to be Dawn...not Dawb...