Saturday, January 13, 2007

The Curve!!

I drive 10 miles to work. Rather boring really so I make things happen.
There is a curve....suggested 30mph curve....90 degree curve....that I would guess it to be about 100-150 feet around...not a big swooping curve but small and should be a FourWay stop but......it isn't.
Roy boasts about being able to "take that curve at 50" in his CopCar......A freakin' POS Ford LTD...pphfft!
Well, I ought to be able to do it in my car. That Camaro is built for it!
Problem is......and they are numerous......it is a blind curve.
I can only make attempts in the winter and fall. When all the leaves are gone so I can see if there is other cars ahead that I may meet.
And it is banked so that if you take it too fast it slings you into the other lane of traffic. I have to stay in my lane....only 12 feet to work with.
There is a house in the crux of the curve.....they generally have a frickin' dog!
A bus stopped on one side of it for a long time....until the school decided it was unsafe becuz of the curve being blind!!
I can't make an attempt when the pavement is wet...or in the rain....my car hydroplanes real easy...those wide tires hit the tiniest bit of moisture and it walks all over the road!!
There are no shoulders for cushion.
I can't drive and watch my speed so I have no idea if I am doing it or not.
So I consult the Master:
"I can't watch me speed and take that curve at 50. How do I know if I do it?"
"Stop trying and just drive your HappyAss to work...safely."
"But how?"
"Look after you come out of the turn. But stop trying."
I made more attemps. It just wasn't workin' out for me. I just couldn't do it at 50!
I could manage easily at 40 and maybe 43 but not 50.
So back to the Master:
"You have to tell me the secret to doin' that curve at 50. I just can't do it."
"No and stop trying!"
"But I know I can do it in that car. It is built to do it. But 50 is just to fast to go into that curve."
"WHAT?? STOP THAT! Don't go into at 50...Good God, you are going to kill yourself....You go into it at a slower speed, cut the apex and then punch it. Now stop it!"
I now know the key!!
And I can do it Northbound without a lot of effort. It is a skill that comes in handy when I have a DickHead tattoo'd on my ass!
BUT.....I can't do it Southbound!!
Back to the Master:
"I almost have the curve figured out. But when I go south, it throws me into the other lane of traffic if I do it too fast and that isn't good...it is banked all wrong. How do I do that?"
"SOUTHBOUND!!!! STOP TRYING TO DO THAT!!! You can't do that southbound! It is banked all wrong!! You're gonna get hurt! Stop It!"
"No, really. What's the trick? If you can do it, I can do it."
"I am not tellin' you. And I didn't make any attempts to do southbound!!"
"Okay, I will just have to figure it out on my own."
"Oh Lord!! Go at it slowly and find that point in the road that you can punch it and hit 50 coming out of it. You will know it, you will feel the right spot. But Stop trying!!!
So off I go to battle the curve....it is a long battle and I will win!
I am a Jedi and My Car is my XWing Fighter....The force is strong in this one!
And I have a 5 gallon bucket of balls to boot!
So Last Friday, I was feelin' pretty damn good about life.
Sammy and I were singin' about havin' the best of both worlds and how we may never be here again.....So I went for it!!
Focus!!!
I honed it down to me and the road......I took that curve....in my lane and not slung over into the on-comin' traffic!!
I have snatched the pebble from the master's hand!
After 8 years of battle, I have mastered the curve.....northbound and southbound at 50mph!!!
Let the pigeons fly!!!
"Honey, you know that commerical where the two red cars are racin' along side by side and one spins a donut to the right and the other cuts one to the left??"
"Yeah???"
"How do I do that?"
"I AM NOT TELLING YOU! And you make ONE Attempt, I will take your keys from you!"


I've heard that before!!

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