Monday, December 31, 2007

Saturday With HappyFamily

Roy's hunting buddy and his wife ...the HappyFamily....wanted to take the kids to Branson for one last trip to SilverDollarCity and to ride the GoKarts....we were invited to tag along.
Once again Roy was not so thrilled about it.
The Patriots were playing on the NFL Network..... "It's historic!!" he cried!

If we left by 5:00 we could be home in time to watch the game.....he was appeased!
That's what life's all about....gettin' along and makin' compromises....right?
We were given a walkie talkie.....set out at 8:30.

I'm not too thrilled about goin' over just to ride GoKarts.
I had two when I was a kid...I was 12. I was pretty good at rollin' one of them. The first time was scary!! No broken the 16 million times after that....that was the main goal!
And when the girls lived at home, we took them to ride all the time. It was fun to race them....but the thrill is gone!
It evokes heartbreakin' memories.....And that's all we're gonna say about that.
Yep, the thrill is gone.

After drivin' over thru the Pig Trails of the Ozark Mountains for two freakin' hours at TOP the driver's abilities, road condictions and SPEED....GoKarts....can't even compare!

Roy gigglin', "That was fun!"
"Maybe for the driver....but for the passenger.....NOT SO MUCH!!!"
There was a cry from the followin' car, "Is your wife as sick as mine?"

It's his own fault...he could have led the way!!

Once we found a place that was opened....Roy pulled his wallet out to pay for a pass to ride the GoKarts. I told him "DO NOT buy any for me. I have no desire to ride." But after the MrsHappyFamily rode once with the one child that couldn't ride alone....guess who was involuntarily volunteered????
I refuse to be a wet blanket so I did it. I am only 8 inches taller than she is....I could barely reach the gas pedal!!

The children and many adults that have never had heard of it....learned in great detail about wind chill. I have to admit it wasn't so bad. It was only about 38 degrees and the GoKarts speed was maybe 15mph....if wind chill was about 29 degrees.
I have been in worse. Roy and I rode to Tulsa for a ToyRun one year it was 25 degrees and at 80 mph that makes the wind chill 8 below zero!! 115 miles!!!
It was for the give a cheap toy for Toys for Tots.....we haven't done it since.

And we were put in the slowest one on the track.....we were lapped by everyone twice! I am not one to go slow.....I have the gas mashed for all it's worth all the time.....sort of a metaphor for my life....huh??
The child was havin' with the flow!
The red light comes on and we all have to exit....I did so good at parkin' my cart. I didn't even tap the one in front of me. But the lousy bitch behind me...must have slammed us at full force!!!
The little girl squealed and I squealed....and that lousy funny...haha....NOT!

Like did you just get your driver's license???
Do you slam into people at the bank in the drive thru???

Deep breath.....don't make a scene...... there are children present... don't teach them new words!
I didn't ride again.

We made a the trip to SilverDollarCity at about 12:30....walked around...they rode some 3:50 we said our good byes....and drove a nice comfortable speed.

By the time we got to Neosho.... 6:00, it dawned on us that we need to hump it or we aren't gonna make it by 7:00!!!
We wanted a Bucket of Orginal Recipe and some Dr Pepper!!
We pulled in the driveway at 6:50!
Game on!!
If you haven't watched the NFL Network, you are missin' out!! They are the only network to show someone singin' the National Anthem before the game!!!
Remember way back when they used to do that all the every, baseball, and if they did it for Basketball I would not know....we didn't watch so much basketball...the tallest person in the family was 5'7"!
Basketball was not "HIGH" on our list of sports.
NFL Network is SO COOL!!
Sure they have obnoxious announcers but showing the National Anthem...such a neat touch that has been missin'.

I wish you happiness and good fortune in the new year....Big Okie Hugs!

Friday, December 28, 2007

5 WEEKS!!!!

To the Hawaii trip....Woo Hoo!!!

Roy is not as enthused!
In his mind this is a babysitting trip. RoySr is 84 and his mother will be 80 in January. They are not what they used to be....are any of us??
I gave his mother a digital camera.....The simplest camera I found. It would have to be very simple to use to bring her in the digital age. She is still using a camera she bought in the 70's and there is nothin' wrong with it but we are dealin' with people that do not take a picture needlessly. That would wastin' the film! I don't see her goin' back to Hawaii and I firmly believe in taking pictures and holding a memory forever.
I can see her having only 4 rolls of film for a 2 weeks trip of a lifetime, becuz anything more would be too costly to develop!!
When Roy and I were married, we were gone 5 days we used 5 rolls of film.
When we went to DisneyWorld we used 8 rolls!!
We have 5 or 6 albums just full of everything we do!! When digital cameras came!! We could take all the photos we wanted and develop the ones we wanted and delete the odd ones....What a way to go!!
I hate those people that stand there at WalMart goin' thru their pictures and give back the ones that THEY took becuz they aren't good enough and they do not want to buy them. Somehow that is just cheatin'.
And THE most heinous of crimes is when WalMart employee takes it upon themselves to cull my pictures!!!!!! They were a bit dark so they thought I shouldn't have them some grief and time.
NO GRIEF WAS SAVED....and the time it took for me to run them thru the wringer...gone!!!

NOBODY CULLS the first pictures taken of my grandbaby!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anyway....I gave her the simplest camera. She took some photos and we had a few lessons on deleting the bad ones. She's a sharp woman...she has a college degree....but the concept of deleting was beyond her....I was very patient with her.....she types on an old typewriter for pete's sake!!
After we came home Roy called to say we made was snowin' pretty hard in OKC. And she told him she just couldn't deal with the camera. Roy told her not to sell it in a garage sale but to give it back to me.


I told Roy if we divided them.... we can conqueror them!
He can handle his father....I don't do grumpy old men!
And I can handle his mother....after dealing with the MerryWidow for the last 3 years.....Roy's mother is a walk in the park!!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Holiday Bakin'....

Last Sunday mornin' Roy said, "I'm watching football all day long, what are you doing?"

"I'm baking a pecan pie."

He giggled! "Good luck with that!"

I will NEVER live down Pecan Soup!!

With no pressure for time...or stress from work...I set out to bake the perfect pecan pie.
So we're clear on's "puh-con"....not "pee-can".
I followed the recipe to the letter.
Checked and rechecked the oven to make sure it's set right.
45 minutes later I pulled THE most beautiful pecan pie out of my oven and set it on the cabinet!! It was perfection in a glass dish!

At Granny's I set it next to her front of my sister. RubyJune looked it over very quietly, and then she said, "Did you bake this?"
"I sure did!"
She picked it up and was lookin' at the bottom....I thought maybe checkin' to see if my crust was golden flaky brown....just light Loretta Lynn's!!
Hey! Me and the Pillsbury Doughboy can make crust!!!

Her hubby asked her, "What are you doing?"
"I'm lookin' for the sticker from the store! I know her better than you do!"

Some days....I can't catch a break!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Merry Christmas!!

It just feels right.....for me!!

Cure?? Hell! I Need An Ailment!!

Sorry, for my absence....I have been on an enlightened path of self love....I feel wonderful!!

Isn't that so fortunate??

I have an affinity for the USNavy.

It's out there for the world to see.
It's a big deal in our home. I'm married to an ex-Marine! He HATES those NavalBoys!!

He has always considered them a Department of the Marines Corps.
A tool to get the REAL MEN to the fight!
They stay on the ships while the Marines hit the beach!

It has a lot to do with the fact that he had such a hard time in BootCamp and the Swabbies were on the other side of the fence laughin' at the Marines drillin'.

That......and my affinity for them.....ticks him off.....well okay my affinity is deeper than just the's men in uniforms.....yeah,'s just men!

But who doesn't want LtMayo to swept them off their feet?
Who hasn't wanted to go to the Danger Zone with Maverick??
Who hasn't wanted to lick IceMan's jaw line?

Okay maybe only me.....but Dammmmmn!!

As I took a solemn vow to love and cherish Roy forever, it is also my duty as his wife, to Keep Shit Stirred!!

A few years back, I heard that there is a program where you can invite Seamen and Soldiers into your home for the Holidays. They are stationed so far from home and need a good home cooked meal.

"Honey, I would like to do my part. Let's do that!"

He rolled his eyes. "They are not puppies in a store and you don't get to pick them out!"

When I was planning my vacation with my Aunt....the Trip from Hell ... I looked into upcomin' events to the San Diego area. I noticed that FleetWeek was on the schedule!!! It wasn't gonna happen while we were there but it was something to rile up Roy!

"Honey!! It's gonna be FleetWeek!! I think that Violet Jean and I will do our patriotic duty and "support" those boys the best way I know how."

He didn't even look up from his gun magazine!! He just said, "Have fun. Use Protection."

I'm not sure if I was more upset that he gave me permission....or that he didn't stir for a debate??

And most recently, there was a young woman that had to be airlifted off a cruise ship for an emergency appendectomy.

Wellllll now......since that has been my biggest fear since I was 5, I'm now hopin' it will happen!!!

The minute we heard that, Roy giggled......He saw this one coming!

"Oh Honey!!! What ailment can I have to be airlifted onto an aircraft carrier???"

"Babe, I don't think Nymphomania will do it."

Oh Roy....Dear Sweet Man......I beg to differ!

Monday, December 17, 2007

OH Brother!!!

That would be his bright idea of a way to thaw out his tree....It didn't work!
Did I ever mention that Roy was blonde as a child?? Just becuz it all fell out doesn't mean the blonde is gone!!

I signed up for some website and as part of it's "profile" it had a fortune....I've never really understood what that meant.

Am I fortunate to get the cute little sayin'?

Or is it the path I must follow in life to live long and prosper??
Is that a Star Trek sayin'?
I get that confused with Nan Nu Nan Nu and the Vulcan hand signal. They all run together....the hand signals....Hang loose....Rock on....Hook'em horns...or unhook 'em......
Do you remember Soap?
And the time Billy Crystal's character gave the Vulcan Pinch to someone and they fell to the ground and he was runnin' around so happy.... "It worked, The Vulcan Pinch! It worked."
That was the funniest thing I had ever seen up to that point...that was a long time ago....and frankly the only thing I can remember about that show....what was I 10??

psssst.....the funniest thing I have ever seen.....and don't tell Earl Lee I told you this......but my ex hubby had this problem with his asshole.....I shouldn't tell you this....but it's just sooo funny. He had this problem with his asshole and he's so hard to type it as it is still so funny.....He put SeaBrease on it...his asshole!!!
Not laughin' yet??
Obviously you never watched someone do that!!
He put it on his asshole and instantly started jumpin' around, wavin' his hand as if to make a breeze on the great burnin' sensation.
You realize that I laughin' so hard that I have tears runnin' down my face and he has the nerve to turn his backside to me, he bends over and screams, "Blow on it!"


There's a fortune hangin' on my bulletin board that I see every time I walk out the door....wait....I have to go look at it....I haven't been outside in a few days....and seriously folks, I truly wake up in a brand new world every day!!

It's says "Don't Give UP! The best is yet to come!"

It's pinned to another cute little sayin' "Go Ahead Baby, With an ass like that you can sit on me anytime!"

Both wise sayin's don't you think?

But the cute little fortune that was listed on my new profile....that I'll probably close...why is it that all the friend findin' websites are full of teens??

I'll never understand why on earth some woman sent me nasty pictures of herself from MySpace!!

Maybe it was my profile pix??

I had to change it. I thought it was sendin' the wrong message...obviously!!
Does that evoke....a big word.....the need to send THIS person who would USE such a profile pix the shot of you layin' on a bed with your CooterBrown spread out for the world.....NO!!!
I opened the MySpace site....which is monitor my niece....and I was inspired to use THAT to embarrass worked!

But where was I....."the fortune cookie saying"

"Our first and last love is.. self-love".......The deep meanin' of that one???

I have thought long and hard about it....It means it's okay to masterbate!!

Am I right on this one???

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Ice Storms and Flashlights!!

As I watch the news I can see that we didn't have it so bad....but who knew!
Our power went off at 3:30am...I'm a light sleeper...when the fan goes off I wake up. Roy got up and went to look around...why I don't know. When he came back to bed, he layed there for a bit, "Hey Babe, you should go check on your computer. It's still on."
No it's not.
Now it is connected to the battery backup thingy but it's not "ON".
I thought about it....shit!
The SatellightThingy doesn't have an "OFF" button. I flipped the covers back to go check on it.
Roy said, "Where are you goin'?"
Did he not just tell me to check on it?
And it's 3 frickin' 30 in the morning!! I have started tellin' him the wildest thing I can come up with or the total opposite of what I'm doin' when he asked those stupid ass questions...he'll catch on!
"Honey, I gonna go check on the PC." calmly.
"It's pretty fuckin' dark out there."
But there sat my PC lite up like normal. So I went under the desk and unplugged the SatelliteThingy.
Roy's right behind me, "How can you see anything?"
"Honey, I'm used to it. Since I never have MY flashlight, I have it pretty much figured out which is what under there.!"
He taps me on the shoulder, "You mean this one?" And shines MY flashlight at me!!!
Kiss my ass, Roy!
And it was like that pretty much all day long....the two of us bickerin' at each other. We do it so much that it's second nature to us....I'm sure other people think we are on the verge of a real knock-down drag out.
It's just us.
I was doin' the crossword puzzle and asked him what "an essential point" is and he replied, "fuckin'".
Yep, I wanna BitchSlap him!
I locked him outta the house and he got so mad. He thinks I do it on purpose.
But it's a habit he started and I do it naturally. I lock myself in when I come indoors. Now I'm laughin' my ass off as he's havin' a RoyTissy.....I laugh every time I do least once a week!!
So it goes both ways.....
He went to bed before me and left me in control of the oil lamp. When I decided to go to bed I blew out the lamp.
It was freakin' dark!!
I fumbled around until I got the lamp on the kitchen stove...the only safe place away from the cats.
And then felt my way to the bedroom.....down the couch...brush my hand across Scooter....oops, I ran into the globe...which is a good thing. I'm far enough away from the stove not to get hurt....go left just a bit...turn a sharp left...3 steps I ran into the bedroom door.
"Did you blow out the lamp?"
"No, I left it goin' and the cats have turned it over and it's slowly burnin' the house down."
"Did you bring the flashlight with you?"
"No I thought you had it!! Where is it?"
"Never mind, I'll go get it. I won't be able to sleep unless I check on the lamp!"
I thought I would follow him and maybe if I opened the curtain on the front door it would give him some light.....And just about that time he crys out in pain.
I'm thinkin' he's really hurt himself by runnin' into the stove....that would give him a nasty burn!
"Honey! What did you do?"
"I run into the globe! Dammit!"
That big baby!!
I can't contain the laughter any longer.
"Where is the flashlight?"
"It's here on this table. If I had my cell phone I could see it. Where's yours?"
Oh Wait! Let me stumble back thru the house to get my cell phone so he can use it find MY flashlight???
Back by the globe....brush my hand back over Scooter...rub my leg down the couch and turn the corner in the kitchen....reach out for the coffee maker......
His All Powerful Mega Flashlight!!
I had had enough!!!
And he has the nerve to tell me.....the last thing he says to me before we settle in for the night, "You are the most irritatin' woman I have ever met!"
And the essential point...Gist!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Just a Quicky....

Yes, We have had an Ice Storm....messy shit!!
Yes , We haven't had power for 36hrs....and I'm catchin' up the dishes.

I woke up this AM and told Roy that we better start washin' the dishes instead just puttin' in the dishwasher...we could be out of electric for a while. The last time this happen people were out up to a week!!!

He says, "Do you remember how?"

It's okay!
He still lives...barely!
SuperMoodyBitch doesn't do ice storms!!!

Be back tomorrow to catch up!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Thank You, Ladies!!

You have been so kind with the thoughtful emails.....Deep breathe.....Time to move on......

My wonderful hubby...the one that has me high upon a marble pedestal...has some serious doubts about my drivin' abilities!
There was an accident not far from our home. He could see it from an intersection east of our house. His first impulse was to call make sure it wasn't me!
Then he thought, "She won't answer her phone anyway, and that will just make me freak, so what's the point and if it is her, there isn't anything I can do about it."
Seriously, I wouldn't have heard the phone ring. It's buried deep in my purse and I can't hear it! He has told me time and again to carry it with me but that is so annoyin'!!
So after gettin' away from the fellas, he hurries thru town....but....he needs to get the mail. "If you were in a wreck, there isn't anything I can do about it."
So he stopped and picked up the mail!!

It's okay, I'm used to fallin' off that pedestal!!

But it begins to eat at him!
He can see the flashin' lights from another intersection....he really wants to go down there and make sure it's not me.
But he knows how annoyin' it is to have people in the way when the ProCops and EMTs are tryin' to do their jobs.....Oh I really wish I could tell you THOSE tales!!!!
He just heads to the house, but make the decision that "IF" my car isn't in the driveway, he gonna down there!!!

Of course I was home the whole time!!

He says, "Hey Babe, How long have you been home?"
I wasn't real sure, "Maybe 30 minutes. Why?"
"Did you see that wreck on your way home?"
"Right on YOUR route home!"

The light switches on!!!
It all becomes very clear to me!!!

"Hey! I have been home since 3:30!"
It was 5ish!!!
"I didn't cause that wreck on my way home!!"

He grinned! "Are you sure?"

Kiss My Ass Roy!!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

I'm Still A Bit Freaked!!

When tragedy happens, the first thing that we think about is, "I hope it's not someone I know." Or "I'm glad it's not you." but it did happen to someone.
I want to know them.
I do not want to see the killer's face on TV.
People!! That is what he be famous!
He wanted us to know his name!
And that's how it one person from the Murrah Building bombing.
Name one from the Twin Towers....or Flight 93.
You can't....If you are out here on the fringes like me.
If you are directly touched by one those tragedies you see their faces....and what a great person they were....and you miss them dearly.
But out here on the fringes we know "9/11", or "Hurricane Katrina"....not one certain face...not the innocent victim or flood victim.....though I do see that fireman carrying that baby out of the Murrah Building and I remember another man.
He was a police officer that was overwhelmed by the events of the day, he stopped what he was doing and leaned over a SUV and covered his face....I have always wondered about him. I have always wanted to give him a hug.
He needed one at that moment.

My brain is full crap! And none of this makes any sense........I think I just want to go crawl under my bed....and cry.

Is there really a safe place??

I need an email from one more person and I think I'll be back to my normal frivolous self.

And then again maybe not....


Check in with me!!

More senseless's just heartbreaking.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Daytime Tv....

Ain't how I remember it!!

American Princess: I thought it would be spoiled rich girls spending the trust fund....but No!
Average young women gettin' lessons in table arrangements and wine....and then one is kicked off the island. I have a feelin' I would be the first to go if I played that game! I'm too left brain to be artistic!

I Want to Look Like a HighSchool Cheerleader....Again: Is just what it sounds like.
Older women gettin' in shape and the heaviest gal is kicked off the island. It's FatCamp for former cheerleaders run by JayJohnson from the DallasCowboyCheerleaders. He's tough!! I have watched him on the show DallasCowboyCheerleaders......oh the pain!! When I was young, I wanted to be a DCC...who didn't!
I'm happy to say that the 43 yr old won the prize! High Five, Sister!!

Bridezilla: These ladies need a Roy! "Now Baby, just calm down!"
You have cameras following ladies as they plan their weddings.....there is so much drama! I just had to laugh! Sadly, I watched for 2 hours!
And I am so glad I eloped! I bought a simple lace dress and packed it off the Eureka Springs and said I do when the ink dried on the Divorce papers!

The Bad Girls Club: I couldn't figure this one out at all.
Apparently, you have party girls put in a house in LA together from different parts of the country and they have to figure out life.....nobody was kicked off the island....there was not big prize at the end of the show....just parties and lots of cussin'.
I watched that for 2 hours trying to figure what the purpose was....and it's just sad!! I had to go make supper when one girl locked herself in the bathroom and they made it look like she may have attempted suicide.

Cooking Shows: I love cookin' shows.
I can't get into RachelRay. There's too much other things goin' on instead of just cookin'. Now PaulaDean....I can so relate to her! No other distractions just cookin' down home food....with real ingredients! Butter, cream and sugar!! I pick up tips and some the best recipes. Many years ago I snagged a recipe from the FrugalGourmet for veal piccata.....and over the years have tweaked to make it my own.....superb!!

Soap Operas: I looked at my old soaps.....and all the young pretty people I remember.....are old! Does that mean....ugh...that I'm old!!!!
Funny, I feel 35!!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Love and 'possums...

It was late at night and Roy was puttin' on his boots.....I know what that means.

"Honey, what are you doin'?"

He tried to look stern but just could NOT hide the grin, "Just go to bed!"

I know exactly what he's thinkin' about doin'!

He continues to put on his boots, "And don't you go scare off that big fat opossum!"

I do not ever do what I'm told!

And there he was a big old fat opossum that has been eatin' the cat food!

"I asked you if you needed cat food when we were in town!"

He just grinned even bigger. He has every intention of "dispatchin'" that opossum!

"And you are not doin' anything to it! It's not doin' anything that a opossum isn't supposed to do!"
He knows better than to mess with me and my critters!!

He came into the kitchen where I was watchin' the that big fat opossum eat the precious cat food....he was barefoot....he grabbed the broom. He was growlin' as he ran across the yard...both Roy and the opossum!!!

"The things I do for you!" and "This just goes against all I live for!!" were the only two things I could make out!


For the Opossum story....Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Monday, December 03, 2007


I got nothin'!
My intentions were to sit down this AM and blog about football and the bowl games but I think just about everybody and their dog pup knows how all that went down! LSU Vs Ohio State for the National Championship game. OU is third in the nation.....and they did that to themselves. Oh, the woulda shoulda couldas.....blah, blah, blah!
I have been readin' some of the articles and comments about it on....I can't think of it at the moment but it has something to do with FOX and sports....and I must say that I am sooooo freakin' happy those people to do NOT read my blog! The comments are nasty. I'm not talkin' about my sayin' shit or fuck every once in a while...they're mean! They are not contributin' a knowledgeable comment or question when they start talkin' trash and callin' people names.....That sorta thing I don't get! I can understand havin' a love and support of your team but.....let's just say I don't cotton to that!
Now that college football is virtually over, I doubt I will even thumb thru the sports section of the newspaper.....I love football!
Roy finally took me out to dinner for my birthday. I have the great misfortune of being born in the middle of Thanksgiving holiday and deer season.
My oldest daughter is expecting.....the married one! So it's okay!
I haven't heard from the youngest one.....the unmarried one...since she told me she was pregnant!
I expect a call any day now.....Christmas is coming!
She'll want money.
I check every day for the email from Norwegian Cruises to let me know my flight......60 days to go!! Woo Hoo!!
That's all I got. Have a great day!!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Things Are Goin' Well....

for 9 days into retirement, not bad for me!

My last walk with the dogs was way more pleasant.

Only one BooBoo on Ralph's part and after was all gravy!

I put his harness on him and started off with him on my left and Trixie on my right...all is good. Trixie for some odd reason either saw something or smelled something and took off like a striped ass ape....hhhmmm.....I've always wonder about that!

Is a striped ass ape fast?
How do we know that?
And are there really striped ass apes??
I've seen the red assed ones but striped??? No!

Anyway, Trixie took off under the fence like a shot! Ralph said, "Holy Batshit! I've got to go too!" And took off!!

I have a retractable has a button that works like a brake.....sorta! It was stripin' gear as he ran off.

Well, I'm a professional dog walker. I know the tricks! I figured out real fast how to stop a dog after being pull down by a 150# Rottweiler!

So sit up straight Class and learn from may come it handy in the future!

You have to plant your feet and lean all your weight into one hip and hold the handle of the lead into chest with both hands.....and wait......when that dog hits the end he matter what size you are!!

And I am not lettin' no 12# little shit pull me into a barbed wire fence!!!

When Ralph hit the end of the leash, he dropped like a sack of tators and did that Crocodile Death Roll....I just reeled him!!

He sat down by my feet and looked up at me like, "Oh, Just Kill Me!"

Keep it up Mister And I'll Grant Your Wish!!

I yelled for Trixie and we finished our walk!!

Then the Thrill of all Thrills....I weighed in!!

I stepped on the scales and it I'm gonna say!!! It flashed at me the best possible of all weights....I lost 10 pounds!!!

No Way!!!

Oh Happy Day!!

New Clothes!!!

This calls for a treat!!!

No Way!!!

Do the Happy Dance!!!

Wait a's only been a week!

I haven't really "dieted" and my jeans do not feel as if I've lost 10 pounds.

But it just kept flashin' at me......You Lost 10 Pounds......NO FUCKIN' WAY!!

So I pulled the scales out to make sure they weren't catchin' on anything....and weighed again.

Okay, That's more like it!

Only 1 pound!

Damn, if all I had to do is walk the dogs and do yoga with the cats....I'd been doin' that all along!

Friday, November 30, 2007

The Exercise Program....

is killin' me!! I hurt all over....I hurt in places I have forgot all about!!

Wait, we're not on the same page....yet!

With winter starin' me in the face...and I'm thrilled about cold wind...which we had yesterday....I thought I would start doin' yoga.

Get in tuned with my mind, body, and soul....become one with the earth.....huge belly laugh...shit that hurts!!

I thought I could walk three days a week....I don't want to over do it.
And two days a week, I would do the yoga.....any more than that I wouldn't be able to sit up right and turn my's stiff today!

So on yoga day, I spread my blanket out on the floor and the cats came runnin'!

"Oh cool look at what Mom's doin' for US!!"

It was George's throw! He loves a certain throw....a tiger print faux fur throw.
And Jax loves it too.

I put the DVD in and waited for the yoga experience to start.....with George on my right and Jax on the left...I can't do anything without Jax.....and Scooter behind me. What could be more peaceful than to be surrounded by purrin' cats??
Right in the middle of the breathin' lessons George started growlin' at Jax....that really messes with my inner peace!
And during the whole "tipped over boat" pose or some crap, George jumped over me and slapped the Cat Spit outta Jax....totally unprovoked!

I guess George isn't into yoga!! All that peace and tranquility is just too much for some!George Herbert Walker Hightower

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Tingly Foot Story...

Yes, there's a story about the Tingly feelin' in my foot. Erika, I don't doubt that there needs to be stretchin'....lots of stretchin'.....before I start walkin' but my foot has a problem.

Many years ago I worked at a convenience's where I got Roy....Click Here. It's a fairly easy job....if you overlook the armed robberies....I didn't have to worry about that. It was like I had my own private security many cops came and went.

Anyway, one of my jobs was to stock the, pop and Gatorade was the biggest sellers. One day while stockin' pop, I picked up a 6 pack and 2 bottles dropped out of the holder. I didn't want the bottles to break so I stuck my foot out for the bottles to drop on.....that first one hit my ankle just right that it caused a huge goose egg to instantly rise....the second bottle hit the first one and shattered......I just stood there in the pop and broken glass for a few seconds...thinkin' about what to do next.

Shit!! Go get the mop!!

Here's where it got all wonky.....I couldn't move my left foot!

It was like it was glued to the floor! I could not pick it my brain couldn't make the foot move. I twisted so that I could pull it...and the knot broke open...and blood started seepin' on my socks.....I could drag the foot so I drug it out of the cooler.

By now people are startin' to realize that I have a problem. Roy was called.....he and I were each other.....and I was taken to the ER. They...nurses and the doctors.... let me lay on the gurney in the ER for 20-30 minutes......they didn't know what to do with me.....Roy was standin' there in uniform and they thought he was takin' a "statement" from me.....seriously!!

I might not have been in a lot of pain but I was not happy!! That was when Roy started tellin' me to calm down.....and to this day.....he still does!!

Then some dumb doctor couldn't see anything wrong with it...nothing showed up on an x-ray.... so there wasn't anything done to it other than 3 stitches.....without anything to deaden it. I couldn't feel anything or move it so she didn't see the need to deaden it!!!

I felt every poke of that needle!!!

Bitch!! Don't make me get the Flyin' Monkeys!!

She said, "Haven't you had children?"

"They didn't come from my ankle! And THEY GAVE DRUGS!!!"

"Baby, Calm down!"

No pain killers, no physical therapy.....NOTHING!! Some how I had damaged a tendon and a hittin' an elbow but worse!

I walked for a week backwards...draggin' it!

So I have a slight limp. It's barely noticable until I walk a lot and the foot gets tired or wear flip flops....they don't make that classic's more like slap flop.

There's a tiny....wincy....scar right in the L of my ankle. If I put my feet together on the floor and tap my feet.....only the right one taps.

And there you have the Tingly Foot Story!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

What To Do Now?

Now, Roy is concerned that all I'll do is sit around watchin' TV and eatin' chocolate bonbons....I will!
But I'll pace myself!!

I thought I would start......and this hurts me as much as it does you.....I hate to say it...or type it rather....exercisin'!!
I'm dizzy now.....let me sit down....

Freak me out!!! I don't know what the hell I did but I posted without.....shit I don't know......see!!

The thought of exercisin' just make me crazy! Or No More Cats On The PC!!

Part of my Exercisin' Program involves walkin'.....start small.....really small. I thought I would just walk a couple miles with the dogs. I bought Ralph a leash and halter becuz he acts like a maniac....he's a pill! Trixie will stick right with me....she's a good dog.....but Ralph runs all over and turns totally deaf!!

The louder I yell the faster he runs!!

I suited up with my OU my pride.....and headed out with my leash. I fitted Ralph with his halter....that was a wrasslin' match...I took off my hoodie becuz I broke a sweat!

So we headed out!
I am gonna walk 2 miles!!

Grand Plans!!
Our property is my walkin' track! It's sloped!

3/4 of the way down hill and the last 1/4 is all up's steep....not rock-climbin' steep but kill the FatChick steep!!
The first lap, I was draggin' Ralph!
Image a dog at the end of a leash....chewin' on the lead.......rollin' like a log.....with me pullin' him!! Trixie was walkin' right beside me.....she's a good dog!

By the time I got around to the steep part Ralph would run ahead of me and sit down wait for ahead and sit down.....he did this all the way up the hill.

Lap 2...He got into a groove and went with the flow.....he walked beside Trixie....she wasn't crazy about the leash at would touch her and she would run as if to say, "Fool! Get away from me with that thing! I see what it does to you!"

Lap 3...We all had our pace worked the time I get around to the steep part of the walk, my bad foot is limpin' bad and all tingly!!
I'm doin' my best not to stop....I have to make another lap!

Lap 4....the feelin' is back into my bad foot but the pain in my chest is worse.....time to call it quits!!

For the first time ever Ralph stood at the gate to the dog pen and wanted in....he is such a pill!!! He went in without a fuss....Trixie walked right like always....she's a good dog!!
That was 1 mile!
And I would name it Ralph!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Call!!

With everyone, I know feelin' bad for me....about the unceremonious departure from my job....It hurt.......there were several emails from friends callin' the BossMan names....Roy decided that there would be a call......One of those calls for help.
They couldn't find something.
Or maybe a deposit was missin'...I had a boss try that with me! "Jump back, Asshole! You can play that card with everyone that quits this dump but you will not with me. I didn't handle the money on any day before I quit so I damn sure didn't lose a deposit!"

Roy said to screen my calls. "Do not answer it. He should have been better to you and there is no reason to help them out!"

The phone rang yesterday mornin'!!

I looked at it.
I let the machine pick it up.
My replacement left a message......She was so frantic!
I went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
I know exactly how to fix her problem.


I'm not an ass!
I called her and told her what to do.

And I feel so much better than I would have if I hadn't helped.....and THAT'S how I roll!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Roy's Love Affair....

"Honey, I have to know! It's a matter of a bitter divorce or a long and happy life together....but who did you call first? Which one us did you call to tell about the Buck first? Me or HIM????"

"You, Baby! Always you!! You come first! He doesn't mean a thing to me!"

My husband's huntin' buddy can not go huntin' without Roy! I think he has issues.
Well, I know he does but that's not the point here.
The point is he's always callin'!!
Sunday, he called 5 times!! Those two have spent the last 4 days together!!
All day Saturday they were the woods....AT MY HOUSE!!!
He and his wife are OSU fans so they came over to watch the Bedlam game....he and Roy sat on the loveseat for 3 hours talkin' about guns and huntin'!!!
There's a football game on!!!
Shut the Fuck up!!!

I'll be so happy when huntin' season is over!!

Friday, November 23, 2007

The Trail of Deers.....

OH! LORD! HELP!! ME!!!!!

My dear, sweet hubby is totally and genuinely......fanatically a deer hunter!! He is really good at it. He normally tags out first of opening season. 3 years in a row...since we've been married. For all forms of huntin'...archery, black powder, and rifle. He would either shoot both a buck and a doe opening mornin' or one in the mornin' hunt and the other in the evenin' hunt.....and he was done!
6 deer every year for 3 years.....and then he quit.

I'm can't remember why. But he quit for 2 years.....he started again last year. 6 deer like normal. It caused a big stink between the land owner....which is a very good friend of ours and his brother......which is not a good friend! The brother said, "I don't want Roy to hunt! He shoots EVERYTHING!!"

He shot 6 deer! That was the limit....he shot 2 on opening powder....rifle....and he was done!

This year it was different. He didn't want to go thru the drama of the brother so he didn't even think about huntin'. And when I scheduled our cruise for the entire week of black powder he just cancelled the whole season in his mind.

I don't really know what happened....whether it was GuyTalk or the huntin' shows but he decided he wanted to hunt when we returned from the cruise......that rabid hunter inside him wanted go hunting!
So for days that is all he's done.....prep for huntin'. No trashed has been handled, the tator peelin's haven't been handled....I haven't been handled! I am a Huntin' Widow!!

You've heard it before....and I shake my every time I say it, but....."Huntin' is better than sex!"

So here we are, several days into rifle season and no's driving him crazy!! He called his mother to postpone Thanksgiving Dinner for the ENTIRE FAMILY one hour so he could hunt Thanksgiving morning!!!!

He's a nut about huntin'!!!

He called at 7:30 to say he got his buck!!

And I had to go to the HunterCheckStation to take pictures to save it with me, class...roll yours eyes!!!

All the way to OKC, it was tellin' and retellin' and tellin' and retellin' of the deer.....the shot....the final run.....and the fall.....the tumble......and the final drop!

There were phone calls to all his friends.

ALL! THE WAY!! TO OKC!!!!!! 200 MILES!!!! The Trail of Deers!!!!

Then after we arrived all of those people had to hear the story.

And as we get on the Turner Turnpike to come home he said, "I'm just Thrilled about this deer!But apparently, I'm not speechless!!!"


And he talked about it all the 200 miles back home!!!

Nice Buck!
He wants to duct tape my video camera to his rifle to film the shot....roll your eyes!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Easy as Fallin' Off a Log.....

The Last Day:

I gathered my things and stood in the hallway.....The boss had his back to me looking thru the fridge....I said, "It's been fun."
He said without looking, "Thanks for working for us."
"No problem."
"We'll see you down the road."
"Yep! Down the road."

And Out the Door I went......One Bourbon, One Shot and One Beer!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

This Might as Well be Monday!!

Or any other day for that's just me!

After grooming two dogs....Fifi and Toto must be cleaned up for Thanksgiving....I am wet and hairy. I really want to change my smock.
I took glasses off and laid them on the everything is blurry.....the last two pair of glasses I have had, CORRECTED the problem.....this is blurry without them!! UGH!!
Anyway, as I walk thru the clinic, I'm thinkin' about takin' the smock off.
Now I can't do that!
I would walkin' around shirtless....I don't want to get caught....again!
But now I need to pee.....and I damn sure don't want to get caught on the pot without my shirt...again!
And I don't like to use the toilet with a hairy smock.....that hair gets everywhere...and I can't see all that well so who knows how much freakin' dog hair is in my underwear......again!!!
So I hold it while I go thru the laundry room lookin' for a clean smock.....that one's too big....that one has a hole....why is that people want to put their finger in the holes in other people's clothes???
Crap! I need to do some laundry.
Shit! There's clothes in the machine.
Please....Oh Please!
Do not let there be towels in the dryer......Woo Hoo....something goes right!
So let's sum this we are all on the same page....I need to pee and need a clean smock but instead I'm doing laundry....and I have NO IDEA where a clean smock is.....but water is runnin' in the now I have to pee REALLY BAD!!!!
So I settle for a smock that is too big.....becuz I don't really want to have someone put their finger in the hole in the other......again!

Monday, November 19, 2007

My Last Muckin' Fonday!!!!

Woo Hoo!!!

"Honey, look at what you bought me for my birthday."

He looks befuddled. "Your birthday isn't for a couple more weeks. Right?"


Still he's a bit fuzzy about what's happening, "Didn't I buy you something for your birthday already? Back in the summer?"

His memory is gettin' better....or.....I'm slippin'!!!

"I'm not sure."

"So you aren't gonna be disappointed when the day gets here and there's no gift?", he quizzes.

"No! Are you gonna look or not? Do you not want to share in the joy of my birthday gift you bought or not??"
He's such a buzz-kill!!!

"Show me!" as he rolls his eyes.

The larger one is the one he bought back in the summer for my birthday! And the smaller one is the lastest birthday gift!
Yes, Those are my toes!

I wonder what else I will get????

A girl only turns 35 as much as she wants to!!!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Smell That Smell???

When Roy came in Saturday night from hunting, I waited patiently for him in the kitchen. I listened to the hunting report. I thought he looked better than he did the night before.....He was sick!! He had acquired a nasty cold but was determined to go hunting anyway. He took some Nyquil and went to bed at 7!

I just listened and smiled.
Then it struck him oddly that I hadn't said anything.

"What?" Looking at me like some little kid that broke a window or nearly burnt the house down!
"Smell me." I could still smell smoke in my hair!
"I can't smell anything! Why?"


"Well I had a bit of trouble."
"What did you do?!?!"
"Can you smell smoke?"

"Yeah, I can smell that! I noticed it right off!!"

And then I confessed....and gave all the sorted details.....which lead to being chastised about why there was water in the stove.....Why there was logs on the front porch....Brother!!
I can't see that I did anything wrong and that I did what I thought was the best thing at the time! The same thing would have happened to him!!!
I tried to sidetrack him by telling him that the smoke detectors didn't go off at all.....He sets them off every time he cooks eggs!!
So I know that they work!
He cleaned out the damper......which had all kinds crap on it which clogged it up so there was no draw and the house filled with smoke!!! The chimney had draw....he tested that!
He's my only chimney sweep...and he doesn't do that unless I'm home. The last thing I need is for him to fall off the roof!

His last words to me before he went to bed last night was, "Do not put any wood in the fire!"


My "retirement" is going to fun...I can already see that!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Let's See....

Smoke On The Water??

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes???

Burnin' Down the House????

They Call Me the Fireman......hhhmmm......firemen???

Saturday after work, I was cold.....and didn't feel too swift.....and I was hungry. So I thought I would go home make a fire, eat the leftover chili, and cuddle up on the couch with the cats.

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions.....None of that ever happened!!

I opened up the woodstove and crumpled up all the newspaper needed to get it started....I'm amazed at how much it takes....and then went to get the dead wood. I stacked it in there just perfect for best fire ever!! I lite the paper and sat back to watch it.....and that is where it all went to shit!

Smoked started rollin' out!! Shit!
I shut the doors and checked the's right! Shit!!
I opened the doors again.....more smoke.....shut the doors.
Open the front door of the house.....NO WIND!!!!!!!


Don't panic!!
Roy is in the woods!! Hunting!!!

Turn on the the kitchen window.....the house is gettin' really smokey now!!!
I have got to take the fire apart!!! I get a bucket of water and open the wood stove doors again.....NO FIRE!!!


You don't just take smoke out the front door and throw water on it!!!!
Shut the doors again and rethink this....go out back for fresh air!!
It's gettin serious!!!


Big Deep Breath....Back to the doors....grab the first's not hot, but does have red embers on it....close the woodstove doors......and toss the log out the front door.
Thank God it didn't roll off the porch and into the dry grass!!!

Deep breath of fresh air and go back in for the 2nd log!!

This time I threw water on the paper and toss the log out the door!

This whole process took about 5 minutes!!!
It took about 30 minutes for the house to clear!!!
I'm still chilly!!
I'm dizzy from lack of food and high tension!!

And to top it all off.....the smoke detector thingy NEVER WENT OFF!!!!!!!

All is good...cold but good!! Roy is gonna hafta get on the roof and clean out the chimney!!

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Last Days...

of work have been Okay.....Like I never mentioned it! But there's only 5 workin' days left!

I haven't told the clients that I'm quittin''ll get mushy!

I think it's better to fade away than to go out in a blaze of glory....Isn't that part of Def Leppard song.....or maybe it's "better to burn out than to fade away"...hhhmmmm.....

I like my idea better.

I don't want to get all teary eyed about it. I have done it for 12 years. And I have gotten to know some really great people....And so really mean assholes! We have had 3 dogs here since August...and not one dime has changed hands or a request to visit them.....he just left them. Granted, he has had job.....and then the lies start. I'm ready to walk away. I don't really want to be here when they get put down becuz he can't pay his bill. Several really great cats were put to sleep when I was on's so sad.

This is what I want to do......quit. I have been so much happier since I told the BossMan that I was quitting....less stressed! I sleep like a log and I wake up very happy instead of feeling dread.

The BossMan hasn't mentioned another word about it. I haven't talked to the BossLady either. So I'm not sure what the RedHead's tone will be.

I didn't tell my RealWorld friends anything about it becuz it's a small town and things would get back around to the BossMan. My Bloggin' Buddies knew first....that's what bloggin' is all about...gettin' all that shit out of my head and worked out so it plays out the way it should without any blood shed.

When I told my RealWorld friends, they had mixed reactions. From those that wished they could do the same thing to those that wanted to cry!

I'm not dying! I'm just not groomin' your dog anymore.

One of my closest friends was freaked out that Roy and I were movin'!! I'm not sure how those two things go together but I told her that if I moved, I would take her with me.

The BossMan does this thing every year where he gets all the employees to write their own personal work evaluation....3 things to was worth .50 a year per hour raise!

Why isn't there a cent symbol on the key board????

I'll have to post them so you can see what that man has had to deal with....later! After Thanksgiving, I'll have loads of time!!

NOTE TO Vickie: We took the SamHouston Tollway and love it......That bridge is AWESOME!! But when we exited the tollway, it turned into stop lights and what felt like residential neighborhoods.....we sat at a Redlight 3 times before we made it thru that one intersection. It will be the best loop when it's get finished and back to 45.
I will keep the 610 in mind next time......woo hoo....NEXT TIME!!!

Rifle Season starts tomorrow.....Roy is so excited. WE will see what happens there....they haven't seen too many deer over the last couple of months. They think the flood may have altered their feeding patterns.

I have got to get to work........5 days to go.........Have a great weekend!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Slug Bug!!

Outta boredom...being stuck in the car for 11 hours is no fun....I sat up and stretched. I notice the car behind us!

"Honey! You have a bug up your ass!!!"

"I know and it's startin' irrate me!"

Why do people feel the need to tailgate??

Do you really think I'll drive faster???

I'm so bull-headed that I'm apt to drive slower! You can't bully a bully!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Road Trip To Galveston!

"Speed On Brother! Hell Ain't Half-Full"

That was the theme of the Road Trip!

I thought that was an actual quote that someone famous said that Roy had latched onto, but apparently it's just a bumper sticker!

Let's start with Dallas.

Roy and I are firm believers in takin' the LOOP around whatever city or town we are travelin' thru....around....becuz if you don't you wind up on some Historical Tour and you are stuck in that city for an extra 30 minutes. And 30 minutes drivin' around in some oddball town on vacation takes away from the fun....especially with Roy bitchin' about it!!

"Honest, Honey, it shows it goin' straight thru town. And I don't know why it's turned 6 times?"

WE always take the LOOP. Every city has one...even Paris, Texas! I strongly suggest takin' it!! Kansas City...A MUST!!!

So when we mapped out this last trip thru Dallas, Roy decided to take the LOOP....635. Though I am the Navigator, he wanted to take the LOOP....I suggested that we stay on 45 as it goes straight thru...several people suggested it but NO!!

I successfully got us onto 635E....which is tricky.....but no problem...You just read the signs.

But now we were drivin' into the sunrise!!

He couldn't see a thing!! And then the road took a little jog...just enough to make him exclaim, "Shit!"

Not once, not twice but 3 times!!

And it's wouldn't have been any big deal but the other lanes do the same thing and when you are drivin' 3 abreast at 75 and a car is suddenly in your lane..."Shit!" just comes out!

But the real kick in the head was the sign that read, "635 Ends"!!!!

"635 ENDS???!!! What do you mean 635 ENDS?!?!?!?"

"Do I look like I work for the Texas DOT?!!??!"

I didn't pick this route!!!

I just read the signs and the map!

It's not like we're goin' to drive off a cliff!!!

It just turns easily into 45!

All the way down to Galveston on 45. It's fast and easy. Easy enough to take a jog over to the Statue of Sam Houston....which isn't really as simple as it should be....Roy drove right past it despite me tellin' him to turn!

"Turn there!"


"Duh!! But now you're past it!"

"Why are we doin' this?"

"Becuz I have to pee and you need to stretch your legs!!"

"Who is Sam Houston anyway?"

"He's that guy that defeated that Mexican Dude. You know! Remember the Alamo!"

"OOOOOOOh.....It's just a place to stop and pee!!"

Then there's Houston!

There is a loop around the downtown area but we stayed with 45 and there were no problems....except for the HighSpeeders....90 or better! WE were pushed up to 75 and 80 and those HighSpeeders passed up like we were standing still!!

"Speed On Brother! Hell Ain't Half-Full!"

The other couple from HERE was about 30 minutes behind us and it took them 3 hours to go from Houston to Galveston becuz of a wreck caused by the HighSpeeders!!! We made it to Galveston at Noon and they didn't make until almost 4!!!

WE mapped out the loop for the trip by pass those Houston HighSpeeders!!

I Love My Country Life!!

Roy said, "Next time, we're drivin' thru Dallas at night!"


Saturday, November 10, 2007

I Have Been Tagged!!

I love Tags!!! Thank You ITCatholicMom!

Here are the rules:
(1) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
(2) People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
(3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. (4) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Okay, so what to do....
8 Favorite Movies?
8 Favorite Songs?
8 Favorite Bloggers?
8 Bloggers I miss?
8 Cars I've Owned?
8 Things that Piss me off?
8 Things to blog about in my Tag?

And then as I was goin' out the gate this mornin' it came to me....

8 Ways that Roy and I are different:

1) He is Tall and I am Short. He's 6'1" and I am 4' 11 and half.
He tells me that the half doesn't count becuz it's not on my driver's license...whatever dude!! You haven't been 4'11 and half since the 3rd grade!!!!!

2) He is George Strait and I am AC/DC.

That sounds all wrong!!!

He is Johnny Cash and I am Metallic...that's better!!
He prefers country but will listen to rock.

3) He is a staunch Republican and I'm not!
I had to register as a democrat to be able to vote. The independent hardly ever get to vote...only slightly less than the republicans. Roy has not got to vote for the sheriff or DA of this county since we moved here!

4) I am a habitual traffic law offender and Roy is not.
Driving with him is like takin' the DL exam over and over and over.....I gave up drivin' with him as my passenger years ago. It's so not worth the fight.

5) Roy is Anal-Retentive and I'm a slob....that's what he says.
There is a method to my madness. I have a system and I know where everything is. If he comes along and cleans, it takes days to find things. I normally just give up go by another one!!!
Which honestly, folks, is what he does...even though he has everything neatly tucked away! He can't find it!

6) Roy is Passionate about his hobbies and I couldn't care less about them. He loves guns, motorcycles, hunting, and fishing.
Now I own guns and ride a motorcycle but It does not rule my world.
I don't ask him to know about shoes and purses so I think it's only fair that I don't orgasm over the thought of sittin' in a deer stand in the freakin' cold!!!

7) Roy is an Outdoor Person and I am not. I used to be a tomboy and would spend all my time out playin' in the creek or up trees or with friends ridin' horses but now.....NO!
Roy makes me go on "Nature Walks".
It's like the Marines rushin' the beach at Iwo Jima.
What part of Chest Pains do you not understand???

8) He is a cranky bastard and I am happy go lucky.
He has his moments of being friendly. But it's rare.
I smile, wave, or wink at people.
But him, no.
"Whose the Hell is that?"
"I don't know?"
"Then why did you smile at him?"
"He waved!"

I think that this can attest to the fact that...Opposites Attract!

8 Bloggers Tagged:


Friday, November 09, 2007

Woo Hoo....It's Official!!

No More Charlotte at Hooters Paws and Claws!!

I told the BossMan Wednesday that I would leaving by Thanksgiving.

One of these days......I will figure out who Charlotte is??
But in the mean time, I will live the life of leisure.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Just the Jist....

The Tropical storm Noel screwed up most of our trip but we made the best of it. We didn't actually get in it, but it stirred up the whole Gulf!!
Rough seas and high winds caused many shore excursions to be cancelled.
Roy was soooo "upset" that he didn't get to go parasailing...."I'm so mad about that! Aren't you pissed off? "
I told him to stop doing the Happy Dance!!
"Do you realize how high 400 feet is?!!?!!?" He had been trying to talk me outta that ever since I mentioned it!
We went to Jamaica....we can cross that off the list! Not too thrilled by it.
We both were frisked by Customs to get back on the ship. I had to turn my pockets out to reveal my sea shells.
Roy was....what's the best way of putting this....hhmm....let me describe it.
As we both stood there spread eagle side by side, I was watching his CustomsChick pat him down. She reached out and grabbed his manhood!!
He blushed!!
He looked at me like, "Did you see that?"
I looked at him like, "What the Hell?"
And then she did it again!!!
She honked his goose again!!!!
I wonder what she looking for! Maybe Elvis needed to be frisked too?????
I have to turn out my pockets and he gets groped!!!
We laughed all the way back to the ship.
We were totally screwed at Grand Cayman because the ship didn't weigh anchor in the right port!
And I didn't get to parasail!
And NO shopping!!!!!!!! I was sitted in the back of the van and nobody else wanted to go shopping.....everyone would have had to unass the van to let me out!!
I was very pissed when I saw all those women with their fake Louis Vuittons bags....That tote should have been mine!!!
The ship had Fendi and Gucci advertised on their marque but only had Guess in the store!!
I can get that at Stage!!!
I would really love to go back! The water was beautiful!
I did go to know me. I sent a postcard to the clinic but I have yet to see it.
Then we went to Cozumel....the best for last!!!
I found Tequila Heaven!!!
And they gave out free samples!!!
The great fun of Cozumel was the OpenBar on PassionIsland!
I had 4 shots of tequila and 4 coronas.
Roy had 1 Margarita, 4 shots of Tequila and I think...but I'm not sure.....7 Tequila Sunrises!!!!!!!!!
He was so trashed!
It was all I could do to get him on the ferry......and he just kept talking.
He sorta floated over the dock to the bus and that's where his memory of the whole thing gets fuzzy.
We both had to pee after the bus I pointed him in the right direction and went my own way....he was waiting for me in the hallway so all was good. I really didn't want to have to go in after him!
We staggered our way past a statue of Poncho Villa...that was actually a man.....that toyed with the drunk man!!!
I wanted a souvenir so I sat Roy down at a table and took his nobody else would and laid his head on his bag.....and that's how I found him!!!
But he wouldn't get up!!
Poncho Villa came to the rescue and helped me get him up!!!
And the whole time Roy was just laughing his ass off!!!
So we head back to the ship and across the pier....we were weaving so badly...he was heavy....that a couple of women came up behind me and locked arms with me.
I was so relieved!!
I said, "Thank you so much! If you would get on the other side of him and counter balance us, we can get him back to the ship."

She just stayed with me!!!!!

She just chattered away with me like I was the problem person here!!! "No, it's not me!! Grab him!"
The more I pleaded my case the less she believed he was the problem....I just cracked up!!
I couldn't help but laugh!!!
When I sent him up the gangway.....they realized that HE WAS ONE!!!
It took all three of us to get him to the elevator and I just pushed him up against the wall and held him he wouldn't fall over...all the while he was laughing like a fool!!!!
Oh and let's not forget that we were on AGayPrideCruise!!!
In my tiny little world, I don't see that sorta thing!!
It was said more than once, "Holy Shit, Roy!!! Did you see that?"
Nothing stops my DumbOkieAss in it's tracks faster than two men dress as butterflies....complete with purple velvet thong and high heels!!

I only wish I had had my camera for that.....okay maybe not!!

And now to get ready for Hawaii!!
It will be a no booze and no cussing cruise!!
Holy Shit! I need a drink!!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Woo Hoo!!!

And she slides into!!

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!!!

That was fun!!!

When I get my ducks in a row I will be 'round to tell you all about it!!!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Cat Rodeo...

It's a lot like CatNascar but the cats involved are freaked smooth out!!!

Roy was left alone to gather everyone up to bring over to CatCamp....he will never be left alone to do it again. The older cats.....HIS CATS....Scooter, Monster, and George went right in the cage for transport. But the kittens....MY CATS.....Manny, Jax, and Woobie were no where to be found!! He found them hidin' under the bathtub....we have a claw footed tub.....he couldn't coax them out with canned cat food either!!
He kept callin' me to give me blow by blow details of the Rodeo.
He had to move a couch.
He had to shuffle pillows.
He had to get on the floor with the flyswatter to scare them out.
He had to shut the bathroom door.
He had to chase them around the kitchen.
He had to dig them out from under the desk.
He had to wrassle them to get them in the cage.
By this time, HIS CATS were freaked smooth out!! He had let them go to maybe plead the others out from under the tub but forgot to put them up before the Rodeo started so......they all were freaked smooth out!!!
Well, George wasn't!
George walked out of one cage and into a carrier as if to say "GET ME OUTTA THIS NUTHOUSE!!"

Roy walks into the clinic and states,"I don't think ANY of us will EVER be calm again!"

Day 1 of CatCamp.....Every one is back there just as quiet and calm as can be!!

Well, George isn't....He's makin' squirrel noises....he likes CatCamp!

Take it easy and I'll be back around the 7th!!

Trip to the ER


The MerryWidow calls me at work. She's all fired there's lots of cussin'.....and it's all LennyC's fault!!
He ran his three wheeler into a post takin' her some steak and eggs and cut his foot.

"Can we take him to the ER?"
I'm not gonna say no!

"That idiot made an appointment for 1:30! Can you believe that shit? He needs to go the ER."
I can't say no!

"He made an appoitment to see the doctor and doesn't have a ride. He injured himself yesterday and made an appointment! That JagOff!"

Okay now I can say no!!

He did it yesterday!!
You don't take someone into the ER for something they did the day before!!
I can just see it all so vividly in my head! WE take him in and she pitches a fit becuz it takes so long to get him seen.
Is it any wonder why the ER is so slow....When people like that take old wounds to the ER???
People do that with their dogs....they come rushin' in at 4:55 and all excited becuz the dog is on his last breath becuz he was hit by a car only to find out that he was run over 4 days ago.....UGH!!!!
So by the time I get off work and out to pick THEM up to take him to his doctor's appointment she has changed her mind about what we are doin'.
"Tell LennyC that we are not goin' to the casino before his appointment."

I didn't know we were goin' to the Casino....I thought we were runnin' his ass to the ER!!!
And why do I have to tell him???

When we drive past the casino he starts to pout!!
"I thought we were goin' to the casino?"
I wanted to tell him, "Remember you broke you leg and need a cane to walk, we aren't gamblin'!"
That's right he limped out to the van with a cane!!! A Freakin' Cane!!!

I dumped his ass at the doctor's office and drove off!!
She and I had a pleasant lunch and ran errands. She called him becuz we were ready to go home.
He had better be done! Becuz come Hell or High Water or The MerryWidow, LennyC was goin' home!!
So I pull into the parkin' lot and he's not out front...he's had plenty of time to be out front waitin' on me...but no!
She said, "I'll go in and get him. He's in there runnin' his fuckin' mouth!"

I'll go!!
I'm younger and faster and can do it without cussin' at everyone in the building!!
I saw him gettin' off the elevator....he was showin' everyone that was there his cast!! He's like that....whether it be his cast, or kittens, ducks, or fresh surgery....he shows it off....I know from first hand experience!!
I holler at him, "Lenny!! Let's go! Now!!" and motion with my hand for him to get a move on...I have things to do....I am leavin' for Texas tomorrow!!
I have a blog to write!!
Shit....let's move it!!!

Now this where it all gets funny.....In the first block from the doctor's office LennyC starts braggin' about the cast. That it wasn't broken but a fracture!!Yep! They x-rayed it!! And that he was lucky! If he had waited any longer he might have lost his foot!!! I managed to keep my mouth shut!

In the second block, he announced that he was to return next Friday for a recheck. That didn't jive with The MerryWidow's the fight started...they are to be workin' cattle! "How the fuck are you going to work cattle with your leg in a cast?" I just kept my mouth's not my fight!

"I can do it! The doctor said it was just bruised. I can work cattle."

Well by the 8th block....this was a long fight......and that anouncement, my gasket finally blew!!!

"Lenny, Let me get this straight. You cut your foot yesterday and need to be rushed to the ER today. They x-ray it and it was only a fracture.....and now it's a a which is it?? a Fracture or bruise??"

And yes my friends OUR TAX DOLLARS are paying for all of this!!!
So I want to be clear on what I'm paying for!!!

He was not happy with when I passed the casino on the way back to the farm!!
And I don't care!!

Carnival Cruises, Take Me Away!!!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

To Do List....

Before the Cruise....I have to make lists....or I will forget to make Roy do it!
And it is not just our vacation that is happening but the HouseCats are goin' to CatCamp!!

1. Get out the cat cages.
They have been in the shed for a year now and will have dirt and cobwebs in them. They are needed for transportion and housin' for the next 10 days. They are big cages and with all the strays that needs home, we are running short of space at CatCamp!
Scooter will hate it!! He always does!!
He hisses and spits at EVERYTHING!! Everyone else just takes it in stride.

2. Put flea prevention on the cats.
They don't have fleas but that doesn't mean they will not pick one up at CatCamp. One would think we just put fire on their backs as they run thru the house at top speed. CatNascar with six is awesome!!!
Then there's foamin' at the mouth becuz someone had to lick the spot!!!

3. Pack the suitcases....the human suitcases!
I thought I could get away with only taking one....the big one....but when I had it pack and I didn't have all my shoes....I had to break out the other big one!!
Scooter noticed the suitcases right off and went and hid under the bathtub!!

4. Buy a covered litter box.
Monster has unique quirk.....he stands in the litter box to do his business. Well, his last stay at CatCamp was hard on CampCounselor as it looked like he sprayed!!
My cat doesn't spray!! In the cat lover's world it is huge deal if your cat sprays!!
His CatCampLitterBox was a short one and when he stood up on the edge...he over shot it!! Honest mistake!! His winky must not be pointed right or something.
So I bought him a covered litter box so he can still stand......and it will all be trapped inside his box......and not on the wall......and the floor!!

I think that's it!!
I'm sure I will forget something.....I always do!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Perfect Match??

Roy feelin' his oats!
As I walked to the kitchen he started gigglin''s cute....he doesn't do it it got my attention!
"What's so funny?"
There was commercial for Match.Com on the TV.....he spent the day at home....alone....with my computer!!
That's not a good thing!! The last time he was alone with my PC I received a frantic phone call, "What the Hell does Fatal Error mean??? Why is the screen blue?????"
Dude!!!! Drop the Mouse and back away!!!!

So he is gigglin'.
"Honey, did you sign up for Match.Com to find your true love?"

He grinned real big, "No, but wouldn't be fun to do that to see if it puts the two of us together?"

I told him about the Jung Marriage test. I could take it for him, I know him inside and out! Could you do that with your partner??
But I didn't!!
"Honey, I was afraid that I would find out we were incompatible and I would have to divorce you!"

"You! I'm Senior Partner Here!! I'm filing!!"

His test scores....the one I took for him: You are: 33 12 25 67
moderately expressed introvert
slightly expressed sensing personality
moderately expressed thinking personality
distinctively expressed judging personality.....he's an Inspector!! Go Figure!!!

And I'm a Guardian....we are totally I guess he's stuck with me!!!

I'm curious to know what it will be when he takes it.....Stay Tuned!

Go Get Your Ghoul On...Be Childish!!

Make a Meez for Halloween!!

Use this or cut and paste. Tell them Velvettush sent you.

PaperDolls for the CyberWorld!!

Leave a link so I can see it!!

Busy busy today.....29 days!!!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Family Reunions are a Bummer!

I don't normally go to them either!

All the old aunts that gave me spit baths in SundaySchool tell me I have gained too much weight and tell me I need to cut my hair.

Food is always good though. Homemade noodles you just can't beat! And homemade desserts are to die for!!

But on Thursay morning, my Aunt run my grandpa to the ER and he spent a couple of days in the hospital so I felt compelled to go.....alone....Roy went to a gun show!

Lucky Dog!!

I didn't get there until after all the food had been picked over and was cold. The younger cousins had cooked most of the food so there were things there like chicken enchiladas and something made of spinach....right next to the homemade noodles and green bean casserole! And there were store bought cookies and cakes with the Cherry Delight that my granny makes from scratch.

How things change!

And every one is always so polite.....when they are diggin' for dirt.

Everyone always asked what I do they don't know anything about do realize that people talk about you when you are not there.

And they say "oh that's a shame she was always such a nice girl."

Or "I can't believe she would do that she was so shy!"

Gossip parties that's what they should be called.

And then the torture went an after dark weiney roast....on the property that I grew up on. Which it seems all my cousins grew up there too. The CityKids were sent to TheFarm every summer. We were a tight group until my dad died. Things changed a great deal after that.

Their memories about my family farm is not much different than mine but was unnerving.....and I still can't put my finger on it but it just didn't set right with me.....Like there was gonna be a power struggle over the ownership or something. People get greedy when the OldFolks die!

When I was a kid, these used to be great! WE would stay all day long, fishin' and ridin' horses all over, and there would be a huge bonfire after dark and hayride to the cementary that is just off the property. It was so creepy and just so much fun. Snipe can't beat a good snipe hunt with the little kids....hehehehehe....We would walk them in circles and end up at the cementary and leave them there....Oh the screams!!!

But it all changed....It was like Daddy was the center of all this. Cousins would come from all over just to spend the day on the farm with us.

But THIS wasn't fun! No scarin' the shit out of the little kids, no fishing, no horses, no nothing! Only talk about the TallGrassPrairie and Buffalo....I don't remember buffalo....I think they made that shit up!!

Roy showed up and followed me was all pretty uneventful.

And I just can't put a cute spin on it. Plus I just went 'round and 'round with the BossMan. It's an Icky Monday!!

So I'm not feelin' too cutsey! And after havin' lunch with Roy.....maybe only 30 days!!
Hold my hand, ITCMom....Oooohmmmmm.....30 days!!!

The Family Reunion....It was just weird.

I looked up the news story....It was actually on section H on the Sunday paper.
It was a big deal. Those cousins still talk about it.

And Granny said, "You know OilMen never paid us a dime!"

Friday, October 19, 2007

Get Ready, Get Set, Vent!!!

I have this machine.....a spins and separates whatever you have in the tubeythingys...I deal mostly with blood. This machine is very old.....which means it works. I'm not sure if you have noticed this or not but new modern machinery doesn't hold up as well as the old stuff made in the 60's or 70's. Remember that old washer your mom had and she still had it when you left home?? I have had 3 in last 10 years!!!!
But anyway, my centrifuge sounded like it was about to take flight but it did the job. TheOtherOffice's centrifuge....a 4 year old machine.....crapped out on them. I have been handling their real big deal.
Well, you know me there was foul ups.
But nothing to get fired over.....yeah okay ,that one time was bad....You must put the blood sample in the box to be shipped.
Image the lab openin' the box and there's nothing in it!!
In the meantime the BossMan was wheelin' and dealin' for a new centrifuge. It arrived just before he left for Idaho. He took it out of the box and sat it on the cabinet. It's huge!! It takes up about as much space as a microwave! The old one is the size of a toaster!!! The SalesRep has to come show us how to work has settings and it will not run if you have the door open. The BossMan scoops up my old one, tucks it under his arm and starts to walk out with it!!
"What are you doing?" That's mine!!
"I'm takin' it to TheOtherOffice."
"But I don't want that other one. It's...It's....Huge!!!"

He just smiled.
And walked out with my centrifuge!!!

So the day he comes home from Idaho, the SalesRep calls to set up a time to show us how to use it. She tempted us with lunch!!
What we got was cookies!
At 3:30 in the afternoon!! I won't even start on SalesReps....we could be here all freakin' day!!

She shows up with cookies in hand and is ready to get started when tells us she needs samples....fecal samples!!
For my new centrifuge????
She's gonna put dogshit in my new centrifuge!!!!
Then she says that the company will pay for me to do samples.....I'm not thrilled to be paid to that.....not for $1!!!
The struck some sorta nerve in the BossMan. He was real cool about it. But at the end of the day as we're walkin' out he says, "That is just their way of under the table dealin'!! And I don't like it. I don't care that they will pay you. It's not the money. But they are being deceitful!"

First off, I don't understand how that is dealin' under the table?

Secondly, What do they get outta of it to pay me to do samples?

Thirdly, Why is the BossMan mad if it's not about money?

Fourth and most importantly, Do you know how many fecal samples I have set up and looked at under the microscope???? I have worked here for 12 1/2years!!!

I thought about this on the way home....countin' up all the times....for about all of 3 miles!!!!

I did one the day the SalesRep showed us how to work the new machine. I have done two for the current doctor and 1 for the previous kids.....I have an IQ of 114 and I think I can figure this one out!!!


That's right......4!!!! In 12 1/2 years. So Keep Your Shorts On Doc!!!

Whoop-de-fuckin'-doo....I am gonna get $4!!! I sure hope that doesn't send anyone to the poorhouse!!

And I am still have one question left.....How do I work this new fangled machine for blood?

75 days!!!! Ooooohhhhmmmmm........75 days!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Memory Lane...

When I scheduled this last cruise, I just picked out the best price for what I wanted. I did not think about Deer Season. I thought about the BossMan's huntin' trip. Roy had said he didn't really want to hunt this year.

Yep! He said that!!

I was shocked!!!

He loves to hunt!! The Spirit of the Wild runs deep in him.

Remember "Hunting is better than sex!".....Yep! He said that too!!

I added all the hunting adventures for you to read if you want....I had to laugh.

It was fun.
Torture at the was fun!

I'll work on the film....maybe add later.

Have a great day!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


You're not supposed to drink the bong water!!!!

Have you ever met someone that made you think that??

The guy next door at the car soooooo like that!!
I am sure about 20 years ago he was a fox.....he's not bad lookin' now....but the fact that he is so totally a space cadet takes away from his foxiness!!
That and his time spent in prison.
He came over one day to give me a box....if UPS comes when I'm not here, the package goes next door.....and the StonerDude says "Hey, when can you groom my dog?"
Before I can answer he's off on how bad the dog's a's always bad....and it bites. "yeah, I'm real sorry my dog bit you."
How does he know that.....I don't tell people that.....and I didn't say that outloud!!!
His mind wonders.
And he won't look at me....weird!!
"So what have you heard...." and he goes off on a tangent about this, that, and other thing and I'm still lookin' at my groom schedule!!
He is off rebuildin' highways and sellin' his business which is tankin' becuz of casinos becuz the people won't make car payments becuz Indians are takin' all the money so he can't wait for the road to go thru but he is real concerned about what to do next......and he goes on and on....and on.

Realize that I have only said maybe three words...."Thank you" and "Let's see"....that's four! I mostly just nod my head and smile or look concerned.

And then out of the blue he says, "I'll call you next week."

Oh....My heart awaits with anticipation!!!

And that was 3 weeks ago.....If I'm lucky, he won't call until Spring!!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Personality Tests....

I was bored, so I took one yesterday......The ColorCodeTest.
And apparently I'm Yellow.
"YELLOWS are motivated by FUN. They are inviting and embrace life as a party that they're hosting. They love playful interaction and can be extremely sociable. They are highly persuasive and seek instant gratification. YELLOWS need to be adored and praised. While YELLOWS are carefree, they are sensitive and highly alert to others' agendas to control them. YELLOWS typically carry within themselves the gift of a good heart."

I can live with that!! There was a whole more but you get the idea.

Awhile back I took one of those IQTests.....I didn't fair so well. It's all I could do to sign into Yahoo today....It can't be a high number!!
First, it was timed...I'm at work! Either the phone rings or someone comes in!! And there is no pause button!! And if there was I didn't see no my IQTest wasn't so great!!
Secondly, the online people had some sort of I really don't know what the number was...I guess I should take it again.
Thirdly, why do IQTest have to be based on Math??? That is my downfall....and my slight dyslexia problem....I don't always see the numbers right.
I have on my school records where I took one in kindergarten but I don't remember the number.

Do you know you can take all sorts of Personality tests???
Career Tests, Compatability tests, Personality Disorders...I don't think I want to know the answer to that one!
And some sort Jung test....I'll get back to you on that one.....I'm not sure what it's about but if it has anything to do with findin' out I have a Personality disorder....I'm pullin' the plug!

TheJungTest: "You are: ESFJ"...A guardian...NO said that!!!
slightly expressed extravert
moderately expressed sensing personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
moderately expressed judging personality

So I will go look for an IQTest.....people you should blog more....I'm bored!

I have been gone from here forever!!!
But my IQ is 114!
That wasn't easy!! At least is wasn't timed so interruptions weren't a factor!!

What ever!! The BossMan will be back tomorrow and life will be back to normal!

Monday, October 15, 2007

My Mini Vacation....

Has been durin' the last week. The BossMan has been off huntin' there's nothin' to do but a few grooms. And I'm in control of that so there's nothin' to do!!
I currently, have a massive headache!!
I have finished all the fashion magazines and so here I am....with nothin' to do.
Sure, I could come up wth something to do but why? It will be there to do tomorrow and maybe my headache won't! My stomache feels gross or I would take something for the headache!
I am so lookin' forward to my real vacation. The cruise.....The major theme on it will be DO NOTHIN'!!!
I think I still have Roy talked into the Parasailin'!! Woo Hoo!!
I haven't even started to pack. I have 14 days to go!!
And I'm not freaked out about it. I guess, I gettin' good at this cruise thing. Our first cruise was very nerve wrackin' for me. I had to completely resuit Roy!!
We were goin' with some of my friends and there was a huge deal to lose lots of weight so all the ladies would look great on the topless it turned out.....I was the only one on the topless deck!!
Oh, the others lost lots of weight...but again...I'm the only one that continues to be indecent!
But also all the ladies wanted to surprise the men with sexy dresses to show off the new bods....on Formal Night! I had a pretty black halter dress. All the ladies looked nice!
But what to do with Roy???
Formal night was loomin' on me....the man strickly wears Harley shirts!!! Dressin' up for him is his best Harley shirt.....something with a pretty bike on it and his best Levi's. I may have on a cute skirt and sweater with mink cuffs on the sleeves with my black boots but he's in jeans and tshirt!!
But this time, on this cruise, we have done the formal thing....I don't care to do it again. I will pack his good khakis and a nice shirt just in case I decide to dress up that's it. No ties! No Suits!!

And there was the search for him a second swimsuit. He didn't see the reason he needed a second one....When you live in a swimsuit on a cruise, you need two......One gets kinda funky!
But the hunt for one.....It was like pullin' eyeteeth without the aid of modern tools and the good drugs!!!
This time around, he didn't say boo about the second swimsuit....He has out grown his other this time, he just picked it out and that was that.....I don't know if he is maturin' as a traveler or a husband or what???
All I know is, he was very pleasant!
The Second cruise was just about as bad....I had to get him on a plane!!
And we were goin' to be around people he knew....he was edgy....more than normal....that whole formal thing again!!
This time, his is drivin' to Galveston and that's that!!
I can't wait!!

Thanks to all the people that have posted a message on the guestbook. A couple of people added their names....I don't who they are.....they read my silly blog. New friends!! So cool!!

There was mention of glue'n the goose....but it's not worth it....he and his head have jumped a couple of times since the first life ending jump!!
And Yes, MzGina, Goose always dies. I cry everytime....I know it's comin' but I still cry. When I'm rich and famous and I redo Top Gun....Goose is gonna live!! He may get mangled but he will live!!!
My headache is no better and in fact, I'm dizzy! I think I'll end this....Can I go home now???