Thursday, November 09, 2006

How Do You Know....

You Have Been At Your Job Too Long??
Think about it.

How do you know you have done your job way too long?
I know I have been at this for way, WaaaaaY too long.
The upside....I have learned how to type.
As a sophmore in high school I attempted to learn to type....but that was when Queen put out "Another One Bites the Dust"....Imagine that beat....I really wish I could figure how to add music....whole other story......and a room full of typists and one freakin' idiot that is trying to type to that song!!
I only managed 27 words per minute.....IN THE HOLE!!! -27!!!!!
But since I spend lots of time on the PC...bloggin or emailing or chattin' friends.....I have managed to learn to type much faster....I don't want to be timed!!! I don't test well!
Anyway.....back to the sophmore year.....there is more......as I COULD NOT TYPE....I didn't do the work....I fell Way behind.....there when my GPA down the tubes.....clear to 3.3.......If my friends had not stolen the grade book I would have flunk typing!! Honest!!!

The downside......and there quite a few:

1. I have lost all patience with certain people.....Teenagers....Stupid People and Smelly People....and I am not just talkin' about those that reek of sweat, beer and ciggies but those that still smell of sex!!! You know that smell......So you see the connection to Teenagers!

2. I have started to talk to the animals....Nothing new really...have done it at home for years but I have started to do when I am not alone....the BossMan is here! He looks at me like I am crazy.

3. I have started to sound like a salesman....salewoman....saleperson...fuck it...I don't care...salesman! I have the SaleFleaStuffPitch down Pat!
SEE NO PATIENCE!!

4. The BossMan feels comfortable enough to talk to me about condoms....this is new ground!!! Boob jobs, Tattoo placement, and BulldogSex are one thing but condoms.....That's just different.

5. EVERYONE KNOWS ME.....I can't go into town and not run into at least one client.....I don't mind the women so much.....it's that man that's overly friendly in front of Roy that causes me grief......I just smile and move along.....And it never fails....Roy has a sixth sense about this....his ESPN is finely tuned to HornDawgs....."Who is that?"
"Just another client....I can't even think of his name."
JoeSmith with the Pekingese that has leg problems and he comes in monthly to get meds.....his wife works at the one of the local schools and they have blue FordPickUp and 3 kids....3, 6,and 8.....all girls.

6. I feel comfortable enough with TheBossLady....who is very Churchy.....to tell her that we are not very busy by saying, "We are just standin' around here with our thumbs up our asses."
There was a long pause........She was trying to envison that.
And I was thinking about my next job!!

7. I know the clients by their checks.....MrH has blue ones....MrsBullMoose's are blue too.....Buck has Harley Davidson....and they are different from mine....what does he know??? hhhhmmmmm.........
Do you know that NOBODY ever changes the style of their checks??? NEVER! Not in 11 years!!!
Okay....so there is an upside that EVERYONE KNOWS ME.....They remember me at Christmas time and respect my vacation time and ask about the girls....maybe I should have listed that better and not put Christmas first.....Nevermind!

So what is your's.....How do you know?

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I Will Survive....

I'm a fighter!! I will survive! Even it kills me!!! Hhhhhmmm.....
I really had a horrible time yesterday. I posted yesterday about 9ish....and that was just the start!
I hit my head on a cage....right in the crown of my head....and it really smarts!!
Not as bad as the time I turned at full trot into the Xray machine....with the whole side of my head!!!
I think it's call Blunt Force Trauma....That HURT like a FotherMucker!!!
I could see CSI doing that thing that they do...takin' imprints off my skull to determine what killed me....."We can trace back these two tiny screws to a GE Xray Machine Model number XJ72 made in 1943"
A mere mortal might have been knocked out but I only cussed....In front of the Vet's "Pure as the driven Snow" Daughter......and I don't think she has EVER heard such words judging by the look on her face!!! A sort of cross between "Oh My! That Poor Woman" and that "Was too funny, Do it again!"
But back to yesterday.......
I choked on my own spit...Gum can be deadly if chewing and answering a little girls question....don't try it alone.
You know how sometimes a bit of spit goes down your windpipe.....I was not very good at coverin' up the fact that I was near death by spit.
Seriously??!!
What do you do??!!
Like I can perform the Hind-Reach Manuever on myself....MY CHAIR ROLLS!!!!
And cats....what is it with cats and urinary problems??!!??
Cat Number 1......No problem.....Let's treat conservately...no matter how many times I type it...9....it doesn't look right....you get the jist!
Cat Number 2......Here is a problem.....Let's get urine to test.....Male cat.....do you know that they pee straight out when helped? I didn't!! And it squirted straight at me and all over my arm. LOVERLY!!
Cat Number 3..... Female cat....I wasn't takin' any chances and stood to the side and closed my eyes!
Seriously!!
I didn't know I actually collected the urine!!!
I thought it was on the table!! And The BossMan said, "We got it!" I was shocked!!
The beans and ham....brown beans....pinto....turned out well!
The key to beans is soakin' over night in salt water. Add ham, onions, and some garlic....go easy on the garlic otherwise you defeat the purpose of the beans and ham. I didn't add extra salt as the ham steak is always salty. The best meal for 5 people for under $4!!
And for those of you that wanted some.....you would Shit and Fall back in it if you got a FedEx package from me!! But alas, they are gone.
And MzKaty....Have you ever watched "Apollo 13"? When the shit hits the fans and that wicked shimmy starts while in space....Tom Hanks says, "Houston, We have a problem."....Houston is the command center for NASA....And being the resident SpaceCadet of in the world of Hightower.....it fits me like a glove! Which are red leather, by the way!!
"Lunatic Fringe....we know you are out there. But in these new dark ages, There will see be light."
I hope so!!