Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Shoppin' With Roy....

I read in Shop Etc that women spend 101.7 minutes in one month shopping for clothes.
And Men shop 58.9.
Not a shock to me.
We, women, look for the bargain. We go from store to store for the best price. We try EVERYTHING on. Some things look great on the hanger but after you get it on…..NOPE! Why waste time buying it and it not work out???
Men…..socks, underwear, Harley shirts and Levi’s….what else is there???
Okay, some men are not that simple….And then there is Roy Hightower.
The last time I prepared him for a cruise, it got ugly!
I knew better than to suit him up in a tux so I opted for a nice pair of dress pants and a shirt….NO TIE!
We agreed, NO TIE!
When He and I shop, there isn’t anybody else in the Mall. There may be hundreds of people but we don’t see them.
WE are in our own little world.
We don’t ask for help unless it is to referee an argument.
And Lord, Help the One that is brave enough to ask, “Can I help you?”
We both look at this poor person like, “take one more step and your death in certain”…..I politely say no and Roy announces that we are beyond help and that it is best if we are given a wide berth.
After 3 stores and 6 KnockDown DragOuts later, we came up with a two pair of khaki pants , one pair black!
Once when we went shopping for boots, it was 2 states , 6 towns, and 8 stores before we came up with the right pair.
The man drives me nuts in more ways than one!!!
This last time, I went with Mrs BullMoose and we suited his ass without him and he will be as stunning as I am…..whether he likes it or not!
Less than 2 weeks left…..I am so stoked!!!!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Oldest Car I Drove....

Mz Magick said she drove an Old Buick that she had to "Lumberjack" the steering wheel.....well Let me tell you about The Beast.
It was a 1959 Oldsmobile Dynamic 88. It had a mind of its own. I had to grip the steering wheel with both hands or I would be thrown all over the road. It wasn't one of those cars that you could be cool and drive with One hand!! So we called it the Beast. I had a tire blow out as I was driving in the lefthand lane on a four lane road and that damn thing pulled itself over to the shoulder.......clear over on the right side of the road....I didn't!!
Scared me to death!!
It had been in a fender bender with a semi and needed some body work. Earl Lee, My ex-hubby thought he was going to fix it up and have a car to travel to car shows and, well, he had big dreams.
The headliner was in good shape and the seats had already been redone so all that was left was some engine work and the body. He took over the engine and I took over the body of the Beast! I did a pretty good job on the smooth parts but that one spot where it had rolled into someone's house and dented its front quarter panel, I never got that straighted out.
I drove the hell outta that car! Rhinestone CatEye sunglasses and all!!
It was like a tank. A tree in our driveway fell on it and I just got in and drove it out.....no damage!!
I was sideswiped by some old man in a pickup. No damage!! He had the nerve to say I was in his blind spot!!!
That had to be a hella of big blindspot!!!!
This is the car that you sneak all your friends into the Drive-in Movies with!!!
This is the car that babies are made... in the front seat....without the steering wheel getting in the way........come to think of it......I never did it in the Beast...huh??
Becuz Earl Lee was in charge of the engine, it had it's secret to starting.
It just took a screw driver.
Placed between the starter and the cylinoid (sp).....It's one of those "use it or lose it" things....stop driving junk, lose all the terminology....anyways......then after the screw driver is in place you just connect the two and the Beast started...simple!
Until the day Earl Lee caused an arc that connected with his wedding band...."burnt" or melted the ring to his finger...when he pulled that frickin' hot thing off, it pulled the skin with it....so gross!!! But he fixed it and I never had to use the screw driver any more!!!
It had fins but not like a Cadillac......they were more pointed out towards the back not up like a Cadillac.
And they hurt! One night Earl Lee and my brother were out and the Beast lost a hub cap. Bub got out to go get it and Earl Lee thought he would just back up to pickup Bub, when he hit Bub with the car!
3 sutures!!!
He can say he was finned by a '59 Olds!!
All that fun for only $150....not counting the repairs or trips to the emergency room!!
I wish I could find a pix of it....but I am not sure where to start looking. That was way back in 1988 and Earl Lee is gone and Roy's thing are in place.......You will just have to google it!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

If The Shoe Fits.....

And I Wear It So Stylishly!
Do most women pack for their men?
As I think about this ......all the women that I know, do.
I think it is for the best.
Otherwise, I would end up with 15 Black Harley TShirts and 2 pair of Levi's in my suitcase that he packed and one pair of boots.
Which brings me to the big question which was raised to me, "how many pairs of shoes are you taking?"
I took a quick count in my head and said 6.
He looked at me like wasn't plugged in right!
The Nerve!!!
"All you need is one pair!"
And I looked at him like he was a stranger. "Can I see your ID? Becuz you are not the person I married.....one pair of shoes???? Have you lost your mind!?"
When it is all said and done I will have 5.......do you think I need an extra pair for clubbing???
Yep you are right.....I throw those in too!
And after packin' him, he has 3 pair!!
What is he thinking???
and what about airport security???
Can I take my purse?
My camera?? My Cellphone??
I have read that I can take a lip balm.......Thank you AirPort Gods!!! Geez, a girl needs at least chapstick!!!
"What is the deal with you and chapstick?"
Some days I just want to shake the pee waddlin' out of him!
"A lady's lips need be to soft and kissable. And you just never know when you might need to use them for other purposes." And smile ever so sweetly and bat my eyelashes at him.
"You wouldn't want to have rough lips now, would you??"
"Oh by all means, use the chapstick!"
And then he says, "And I don't want you to have a fit if something goes wrong."
What???
I almost cried once when I thought my trip to see the Mouse was in jeopardy....he told me to just leave my ID at home and then I needed it to board the frickin' plane!!!! That was his fault. That was pre-9 11 and they let me get by on a insurance card.
I had to think about that for a bit......I don't think I have ever had a fit in public or in his presence!
I have set off numerous alarms.....Airport security in Tulsa on my way to see the Mouse.....Walmart almost every other time I buy a CD or DVD....the metal detector at Six Flags over Texas........I still to this day have no clue as to why I did that......But I didn't have a tizzy over it.
Hey Frisk Me!!! Must be written on my head that only bar code readers can see!!!
So I ask, "Just exactly when was it that I had this fit or numerous fits that you scold me about every time we go do something together??"
Seriously every time we go some where, before we get out of the car he says, "Do not have a fit. And do not embarrass me."
I can think of numerous times I have embarrassed him but have a fit.....NO!!!
"Well there was the time you yelled at the very nice man from the DA's office while he sat in our kitchen. He was just doing his job. And you apparently yelled profanities at the young ladies at the Tag Office."
Oh yeah...............I did do that.
He shouldn't be able to count the Tag Office incident, he was not there. They were shitty to me!! And I didn't yell at them......I said it as I walked out the door.......what bunch of Buckin' Fitches!!
And he continued, "I could come up with more if you want but I'll have to think about it for awhile but those two come mind, instantly."
He is out mowing......thinking of more incidents. I can not help it if I am a spitfire!!