Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I'm A Cooler!!

Gloom despair and agony on me
Deep dark depression
Excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck
I'd have no luck at all
Gloom despair and agony on me..........From Hee Haw....Do you remember that song?
I have bad luck......Born under a bad sign......I have a bad aura.....The PooPoo Bird sits on my shoulder....That is bad Juju, Bwhana!!!
There is this movie where this guy is a cooler and is hired by a casino to go stand by the person that is having a lucky streak to "cool" it down. William H Macy is the Cooler.
I am a cooler.
Seriously!! I am jinx'd!
I was a cheerleader in the 7th and 8th grade and my team never won. When I quit they started winning...True!! Football, basketball it didn't matter.....they lost!
If I say the word F-L-A-T, I will have one on the car on the way home.
I joked about some snotty girl in high school gettin' knocked up.....and it happened to me! My senior year!
I can wait all week long to get gas in hopes that the price will go down. Runnin' on fumes, I give up and get gas. They change the price the very next day!!!
I can lay in a clover patch and spend hours lookin' for that four leaf clover and never find one.
Roy on the other hand is one lucky Bon of a Sitch!!!
He has survived being electrocuted.
He has walked away from SEVERAL, car crashes that should have killed him.
Trees have fallen on him and he laughed about it.
Roy can be hittin' it big in the casino and then I walk up and stand beside him.....the run is over!! He cashes out and we go home!!! I am a cooler.
But him, HE IS LUCKY!!!!
He came in one day and tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up at him and he had a four leaf clover in his teeth!!
"Do you wanna get lucky?"
He can find them with out even lookin' for them...... One day he found 5!!!
He had to pee after a road trip.....he jumped out of the truck and whipped out Elvis and as he looked down to see what he was peein' on.....there was a four-leaf clover!!! Just like that!!!
He was born on Friday the 13th!! and he has all the luck!!!
I have carried a four leaf clover in my purse since the day I met him to counteract my bad luck. He gave me a rabbit's foot for my key chain. The clovers seem to work better.
So Far So Good.....No F-L-A-T-S!!! I'm not pregnant!! But the Cowboys still stink....my clovers only goes so far!

Monday, June 12, 2006

There Ought To Be a Law!!!

I think there should be a law about people not fartin' in the pool!!!
Roy is the world's most gassiest....is that a word........person that I have ever met!!!!
He farts in the bath water and then asks if I want the water!!??
Gross!!! NO!!!
You know there has to be a little fecal matter that comes out!
And I want to bathe in that!!??
I think not!!!
So last night he got in the pool and I don't know, maybe the coolness of the water hittin' his balls set him off, but good Lord, he started fartin'!!
And HE is PROUD of this!!!!!
Then he goes around checkin' it for leaks. It is a blow up pool from Walmart.....he has this theory that if he pushes the rim down and splashes water on it he will find the leak.
THERE IS NO LEAK!!!! ONLY IN HIS ASS!!!!!
I heard the bubbles breakin' the surface and so I made a comment that he did indeed find a leak, only for him to say...."Call the fire department......I think it's methane!!"

If I Were QUEEN Of the World.......There Would be NO FARTIN' IN THE POOL!!!!!!!
I'm gonna consult with my pool lady on that one!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Born To Be Wild!!!

Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Lookin' for adventure
And whatever comes our way
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space ....

Can you hear the rumble?
I can hear it.
It is the Call of The Wild!
It is a low rumble from about 2 miles away.
It is a group of motorcycles comin'.......Most likely Harleys.
There are some NON-American bikes that have a rumble but I sometimes don't hear them until they are past the window......Harleys and other American bikes are the ones that have that rumble.
I will always stop what I am doin' and look up to see the bike go by when I hear those loud pipes. And when there is a large group of them, It is awesome.....almost like an aphordisiac......loud pipes.....diesel.....and Big block V8!!

I like smoke and lightning
Heavy metal thunder
Racin' with the wind
And the feelin' that I'm under
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space......
Have you ever seen those motorcycles that have the V8 motors....car engines??
They are awesome!!
One of Roy's friends has one.... The Boss Hoss!
Lil Stevie started it up and it sat there idlin', purrin' so sweetly. Then he cranked the throttle....OH MY....the torque was wicked powerful and the sound just so tantilizin'.....My brain was screamin', "Do me now!!!"
I just stood there with Roy and smiled.
Any good BikerChick knows the sound of her old man's bike.....I can hear Roy comin' for 2 miles. One time I needed something from home and I knew Roy was there. He had just had his cast taken off his ankle the day before. I picked up the phone to call him when I heard it......the Indian.......it was comin'.....I knew it was Roy....No doubt in my mind.....those stainless steel Sampson Shorties are unique......and there he went by the window!!! I still had the phone in my hand as He did his high speed pass.....the Buzz the Tower Move......and turned around where all the cops hang out and came back to me.
He had his 'possum eatin' shit grin on as I laid into him!! He wanted to prove to himself and the WORLD he could still ride after breakin' his ankle....he wanted to do it just as soon as possible.

The Bikers are comin'.......I love that sound!

They are gatherin' for a Poker Run at the Casino. That is where the biker rides to designated stops and chooses a card and tries to make the best poker hand to win prizes. The prize this year is a V-Rod....a slick Harley. There will be a bike show and some stunt riders.
And later the Big and Rich Concert. Woo Hoo!!

Like a true nature's child
We were born,
born to be wild
We can climb so high
I never wanna die
Born to be wild
Born to be wild