Sunday, May 21, 2006

Phone Calls and HeadAches

Some of my favorites:

"Hello, Critters and Hooters Clinic, This is Nadine."
"Do you fix dogs?"
Holding back my SmartAss and being professional, "Yes we are a full service Veterinary Hospital."
I mean seriously, I wanted to say, "Is your dog broke?"
And come on!!! The phone number is listed up Veterinary Hospital!!!
"So you fix dogs?"
"Yes, we spay and neuter dogs." I have to know my audience.
"How much?"
"It goes by weight. What does your dog weigh?"
"It is a medium size dog."
"How much does it weigh?"
"It is a cocker spaniel."
"How much do you think it weighs?"
"It is about 5 months old."
You know my patience is wearing thin by this point....deep breath...."How much do you think the dog weighs?"
"About 30 pounds."
"That is $88. Is your dog in heat?"
"No, he is a male."
Now when they told me all that other stuff about it's breed and age they failed to mention that it was male!!!!
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"Hello, Critters and Hooters Clinic, This is Nadine."
"Yes, Hi Charlotte, I was wondering....blah blah blah....."
They lost me at Charlotte!!
And that happens to me a lot!!! So much so I am thinkin' about changin it! Yes, I have a high pitched voice and I can speak clearly....years of working the DriveThru at Braum's helped greatly!
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"Hello, Critters and Hooters Clinic, This is Nadine."
"Do you sell shots? My dog has pro-vo.....blah blah blah...."
It's Parvo! Not Pro-Vo or Pray-Vo!!
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"Hello, Critters and Hooters Clinic, This is Nadine."
"Yes, Charlotte, I need to set up an appointment for my dog to have a Dis-Temperament Shot. He has a bad attitude and I am hoping it will change it."
And in best professional Non-Laughing voice, "The Distemper shot is not for his behavior. That is something you should consult with DrBossMan about for tips on curbing his bad habits."
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"Hello, Critters and Hooters Clinic, This is Nadine."
"I think my dog has worms. He is scooting on his butt and he needs a wormer."
Let's think about this....Is he wanting to get rid of the worms or give him more?
Most people ask for a wormer.....it should be dewormer.
And let's talk about scootin'. Why do people think that is only reason that a dog scoots? 99% of my phones are from people that have problems with their critters bowels movements or content or color.
The last man was very upset that his dog was pooping yellow turds.
Yea, I know try to keep a straight face and talk about dog poop!!
These people are dead serious!!
Most of the time...mostly women apologize about it up front....that the subject is brought up. I ease their minds, "It's okay. I am used to it. We deal with poop."
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And My All Time Favorite Call:

"Hello, Critters and Hooters Clinic, This is Nadine."
"Hi this is Mrs. BlueHair. I am out in the parking lot. Could you come out and get Fluffy for me." She was calling with her cell phone.
"Sure, No problem."
I hang up the phone and walk thru the office and out to the parking lot....EMPTY!!!
I don't know where Mrs BlueHair is or how she got my number.

"Hello, Critters and Hooters Clinic, This is Nadine."
"This is Mrs BlueHair! Where are you, Charlotte? I'm waiting!!"
If it wasn't so funny, I would be pissed!!

"I am at Critters and Hooters. Where are you?"
"Sitting out in the parking lot right out front!"
"No, Mrs BlueHair, my parking lot is empty. Are you sure you have the right number for the office that you are sitting in front of?"
"No. Are you in a white building?"
"No. My office is brown."

I really miss that click buzz noise that you get with land line phones when people hang up.....
"Paws and Claws Hospital, This is Mitsy."
"Mitsy, this is Nadine with Critters and Hooters. There is an irate woman in your parking lot wanting someone to go out and get her dog. Just thought I should warn you!"