Wednesday, August 02, 2006

If The Shoe Fits.....

And I Wear It So Stylishly!
Do most women pack for their men?
As I think about this ......all the women that I know, do.
I think it is for the best.
Otherwise, I would end up with 15 Black Harley TShirts and 2 pair of Levi's in my suitcase that he packed and one pair of boots.
Which brings me to the big question which was raised to me, "how many pairs of shoes are you taking?"
I took a quick count in my head and said 6.
He looked at me like wasn't plugged in right!
The Nerve!!!
"All you need is one pair!"
And I looked at him like he was a stranger. "Can I see your ID? Becuz you are not the person I married.....one pair of shoes???? Have you lost your mind!?"
When it is all said and done I will have 5.......do you think I need an extra pair for clubbing???
Yep you are right.....I throw those in too!
And after packin' him, he has 3 pair!!
What is he thinking???
and what about airport security???
Can I take my purse?
My camera?? My Cellphone??
I have read that I can take a lip balm.......Thank you AirPort Gods!!! Geez, a girl needs at least chapstick!!!
"What is the deal with you and chapstick?"
Some days I just want to shake the pee waddlin' out of him!
"A lady's lips need be to soft and kissable. And you just never know when you might need to use them for other purposes." And smile ever so sweetly and bat my eyelashes at him.
"You wouldn't want to have rough lips now, would you??"
"Oh by all means, use the chapstick!"
And then he says, "And I don't want you to have a fit if something goes wrong."
What???
I almost cried once when I thought my trip to see the Mouse was in jeopardy....he told me to just leave my ID at home and then I needed it to board the frickin' plane!!!! That was his fault. That was pre-9 11 and they let me get by on a insurance card.
I had to think about that for a bit......I don't think I have ever had a fit in public or in his presence!
I have set off numerous alarms.....Airport security in Tulsa on my way to see the Mouse.....Walmart almost every other time I buy a CD or DVD....the metal detector at Six Flags over Texas........I still to this day have no clue as to why I did that......But I didn't have a tizzy over it.
Hey Frisk Me!!! Must be written on my head that only bar code readers can see!!!
So I ask, "Just exactly when was it that I had this fit or numerous fits that you scold me about every time we go do something together??"
Seriously every time we go some where, before we get out of the car he says, "Do not have a fit. And do not embarrass me."
I can think of numerous times I have embarrassed him but have a fit.....NO!!!
"Well there was the time you yelled at the very nice man from the DA's office while he sat in our kitchen. He was just doing his job. And you apparently yelled profanities at the young ladies at the Tag Office."
Oh yeah...............I did do that.
He shouldn't be able to count the Tag Office incident, he was not there. They were shitty to me!! And I didn't yell at them......I said it as I walked out the door.......what bunch of Buckin' Fitches!!
And he continued, "I could come up with more if you want but I'll have to think about it for awhile but those two come mind, instantly."
He is out mowing......thinking of more incidents. I can not help it if I am a spitfire!!

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