Monday, April 10, 2006

Yard Work is Best Left to the Experts!!

Growing up, I was a tomboy. I would scrap with the neighbor boy, I gave him a kung fu kick to the mouth. Oh, I loved him!!!
I played tackle football with boys. It was more like Keepaway but I tackled 'em! I had their respect to some degree. I knocked the wind out of one them and he was going to kick my ass! Three others step between us, "Hey man, she does that to all of us, just let it go!" Those sissy girly girls would just stand there giggling and let those boys have the ball............but that is not the point today.
I am no longer a tomboy. I do not to manly things.
I am not sure of when it happened but it did.
I think it was when I said, "I Do." to Roy Hightower.
I do not mow the yard with the riding lawn mower.
I run over things that screw up the blades. It is not my fault that our yard has rocks poking up. You would think it was a Harley or something.......GEEZ!!!
I do not use the push mower, either.
It is too complicated............trust me!!
I mean really, Remember the days where the mower had two speeds, fast as a bunny or slow like the turtle??? With NO SAFETY FEATURES!!?
This new one is self propelled and your hands have to be on the handle for it to run. So if you have to stop and move something, you have to restart it again! That means I have to yank that pull thingy.
And you have to have your hands just right or you look like the flying nun behind the mower. There is not Bunny or Turtle. It is all in how you grip it.
Roy said, "Here, try this."
So the first words out of my mouth are, "DO NOT HURT ME!"
Only to have him running across the yard yelling at me, "Let it go! Let it go!"
GEEZ!! I did EXACTLY what he said to do!!! "Hold it down to go..........."
I do not use the weed eater.
I have picked up rocks and cut my legs. Watching me bleed, Roy banded me from using it ever again.
I do not run the tiller.
I have never even tried. Roy has NEVER said, "Here, Try this." with the tiller. Why take any chances?
But Sunday he was pissin' n' moanin' about ALL he has to do in the yard.
He has to spray weed killer on the weeds.
Spread the poison to kill the ticks.
He has to weed eat.
He has to plant some veggies in the garden.
So I took pity on him and gathered up my gloves to help him. I was going out to pull weeds in the front flower bed. They are so easy to pull after a rain. I could do that without a whole lot of effort on my part.
Our front flower bed is along a rock wall that Roy built to level up the yard. So I was walking along the bed when I heard something moving in the grass. I looked down and saw this snake! He went slithering alone the rocks. I am sure he was freakin' too. Human!! HUUUMAN!!!!
I was squealing like a girl frozen to the spot. Snake! SNAAAKE!!
Then it hit me!
What if there were more down in here with me?!!?
I managed to jump from where I stood to about 12 feet into the yard. I did it in like 3 steps....... and up 2 foot over the rock wall. Still squealing like a girl!
My chilly bumps had chilly bumps!!
I stop the squealing only briefly, thinking, "Where is Roy!??".
Just about that time, he came running around the corner of the house......I started squealing again!!
I do not weed out the flower beds..............any longer.

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