Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Cane Tale.....

Before I get into the Cane Tale, let set up some backgrounds of the people in the story.
Roy's parents are in their 80's. Very Good People......quirky but aren't we all. My Glamour Shot photos are condsidered porn............Very Stanch Nazarenes.
As a child Roy was forced into church and all that goes with it. He knows just about every verse in the Bible. And takes an oath on it very seriously. He is my go to guy for those time when idiots make references to the Bible.
He never cussed a lick until going off to the Marine Corps....I think it is one of the General Orders....As A Good Marine you will Cuss Loud and Vigorously.
He never saw any movies until he in the Marine Corps. I am not sure of why the Nazarenes boycott films..........He never even saw a Disney movie!!!!
He never went to dance or party.....that was not a church function. It is all I can do to get him to dance with me nekked in the yard by the moonlight!!
Roy's sister was brought up the same way, of course. And to stay married to a gay man to me is just unbelievable but that would be against the church........to divorce! The two of them cope with it and that is their life. The upside is they are great at decorating.
I didn't not inherit any type of Martha Stewart gene. So I left my home decore to Her and My Mother inlaw. They created a shrine to Roy on one wall........it has all his pix and plaques he has been awarded over the years and not one pix of any one else.
Over the years Roy and I have gotten tidbits from farm sales and auctions. Not great stuff but odd things, hats, canes, and a paddle. Those women put all this stuff on one wall of my home. The canes were spread over the wall and they thought it would be nice to add to the collection. Roy's Sister and Brother Inlaw came up with a great buy of cane for a quarter. It was long and white, sort of rawhide looking thing. They were so proud of their find. They told the story behind it, that the last owner had made it. But that they were not sure what it was made of and apparently neither did anyone else.
I looked at Roy.
He looked at me.
"You know what this is don't you?"
Roy's face got all red, "Yes!!"
The others gathered around were quite interested becuz by this point I am laughing. Roy's dad was looking it over real close and I just could not control myself. It was just one of those pee your pants funny things.
Roy had to be the one to tell that it was part of a bull becuz I just couldn't find the right words. If I had said that it was cane made from a bull's penis I would have been banded from the family.
Roy's mother got flustered and turn about 6 shades of red and left the room.
His sister and brother inlaw didn't say a word.
His father just kept looking it over and over, saying that it just couldn't be a penis. It was just too long and wrong color.....that is was some sort of root...........now I had to leave the room to go pee.
It is proudly mounted on our wall at home with the other canes.
I can not hear the phrase "a real wall hanger" without out laughing.
They stopped buying canes and started buying me little shoes...........they can't be mistaken for a bull penis!!

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