Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Has This Happened To You...

Or is it just me????
3 weeks ago I was had a bladder infection.....NO big deal.
Today, when I go back to the Doctor to be "Cleared", I had to have another urinalysis done. I told the nurse that is okay, "I have to go as it is!"
Now my doctor is hot!!
He is young and thinks I am a loon.......He told me that I needed to have the female PA do my female physical.......what???
I so wanted to show him my business, in a professional manner!!
Totally!!
Off the bathroom I go with my pee cup.....it is across the clinic lobby and everybody watches everything that goes on.
There isn't much else to look at....No Magazines or newpapers.
Just the people coming and going.....this will make sense later......... I choose the stall I wanted.....I like a certain one.....like a lucky stall.
It is a bit narrow but I have had success in this stall before.
I take off my jacket and hang up purse and my jacket on the hook.
That out the wipey things and unscrew the jar and prep myself.....you know that there is a procedure to catch urine......dogs or cats you just squeeze and hold the cup under right spot and Viola!!
Or the method that I used just last week....walk alone with clothes hanger bent to hold a paper cup.....And hope like Hell I don't trip and lose it.
Once it gone...........It's gone!!
I am peeing the cup and think that has to be enough.......so I stop to move the cup around to put the cap back on..........ONLY TO KNOCK IT AGAINST THE TOILET PAPER HOLDER!!!
Holy O'Shit!
I have urine on my leg, a few drops on my shirt, and on floor...........survey the situation and determine that it isn't so bad.......I have enough in the cup......extra wipey thingies.....All is okay.
I can wash my shirt and I will be good.......one last check in the mirror......the front is good and........ HOOOOOLY OOOOOO'SHIT!!!!!
The back not so good.........I have this wet spot on the backside too far down that my jacket will not cover it............This where the info about the lobby area comes into play!!!!!
What to do, what to do!!!!!????????
Fuck it!!
Throw on my Jacket, put my Purse over my arm, and newpaper under that arm and trot my happy WET ass across the lobby with my urine sample in my free hand dangling for all the lobby to see......Now I ask you........have you had a good week or not??
That ranks right up there with the incident at the car wash and the day my pocket rocket went off at Walmart!!

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